When Kurt wakes up the next morning it's eerily quiet in the house, even for a Saturday morning. The door to Blaine's room is open, but there is no trace of Blaine, neither in his room or in the living room, until Kurt sees the note on the kitchen table.

Meeting a couple of friends, back by lunch. B xx

Kurt frowns - he doesn't remember Blaine saying anything about meeting friends earlier. But their fight the night before had once again made it painfully obvious that, even though Blaine had clearly been trying to be more open towards Kurt lately, he still had his own idea of what Kurt should or shouldn't know. Kurt tries to shrug it off, however, telling himself Blaine probably just forgot to mention it and hadn't wanted to wake him up. In any case, at least he'd left a note, and Kurt could ask him about it when he got home.

He spends the morning cleaning and doing some laundry to distract himself, and when Mercedes texts to move their shopping date to next weekend, he decides to make himself comfortable in the couch with a book instead. He's not even two chapters in when he hears the familiar sound of a key turning in a lock, and he turns around to see Blaine enter the apartment, his shoulders hanging low and not looking at all as if he'd just had a fun drink with friends.

"Hey baby, where have you been?"

Blaine startles visibly at Kurt's voice, looking at him in confusion as if he hadn't expected Kurt to be there.

"I thought you were gone shopping with Mercedes," he finally says flatly, hanging his coat over a kitchen chair and moving to the coffee machine.

"She wasn't feeling well," Kurt explains, "we've moved it to next weekend. What did you do this morning?"

"Out with friends," Blaine says, still in the same, flat tone. "I left a note."

"Yeah, I saw," Kurt says, trying to push down his disappointment at the lack of information, if not exactly who Blaine had met up with then at least what they did. But Blaine offers no further comments and instead starts preparing himself a cup of coffee in silence as Kurt watches him, studying Blaine's back while he works. Blaine is allowed his privacy, Kurt knows that - he's allowed to have things he'd rather not discuss, he's allowed to have his own little secrets. But with Blaine there's a very thin line between the things he keeps to himself simply because they're private, and the things he doesn't tell anyone because he doesn't want to burden them, and while it's clear something has happened to Blaine this morning, Kurt has no idea in which of the two categories it falls.

Still, the night before Blaine had told Kurt to talk to him if there was anything bothering him, and so when Blaine makes for his room, coffee cup in hand, clearly not intent on spending any more time in the living room than necessary, Kurt just blurts it out.

"Are you alright?" he asks just as Blaine passes him, and when Blaine stops to look at him Kurt can see his eyes are slightly red. It only increases his worry. "Did something happen?"

Blaine pauses for a moment, eyes darting around the room, seemingly conflicted about what to say.

"It's ok," he finally says, taking a deep breath. "It's not-... I'm ok, I promise. I just need some time for myself, now."

He starts walking again and Kurt scrambles up, turning around to watch him. There's something in the way Blaine's shoulders are slumping, in the way he's holding on to that cup of coffee, that sets something off in Kurt, and even if he knows rationally it's unlikely Blaine would have gotten more bad news about his test on a Sunday, his imagination is already coming up with at least five possible near-death scenario's.

"Blaine?" he asks cautiously, a little relieved when Blaine stops and glances over his shoulder. "You know you can talk to me, right? We said... yesterday we said we would talk. If- if you want. Of course."

Blaine closes his eyes for a moment, his smile somehow simultaneously grateful and sad when he looks back up.

"I know. I just... I don't think that's a good idea right now," he says softly, but firmly. "But thank you."

There's a hesitant undertone in his voice, though, that makes it clear to Kurt that, once again, he's trying to protect Kurt, and it sets off every alarm bell in Kurt's mind.

"Blaine," he pleads. "Don't shut me out. Please? I need to... I need to know I don't have to worry. I can take it - I can. I promise."

The look on Blaine's face makes it clear he's not sure he shares Kurt's conviction, but Kurt stands his ground as they stare at each other. Because he wants to learn -needs to learn- how to cope with all of this, and he'll never do that if Blaine keeps protecting him. And he knows that, if Blaine is struggling with something, there's no doubt that Kurt will be struggling even harder, but he hopes maybe the struggle will be easier for both of them if they can tackle it together.

"Kurt... ," Blaine starts, but he doesn't finish the sentence, and Kurt tilts his head, eyes pleading.

"Blaine... please?"

Blaine bites his lip, taking a deep breath as he looks around the room, eyes darting everywhere before they finally settle on Kurt.

"I missed a call yesterday during dinner," he says slowly, deliberately, holding Kurts gaze as if he's registering every minute reaction, ready to stop talking at the slightest hint of panic or discomfort. "From Mark. He's... he's our group leader. Support group leader."

He takes another breath, looking down at his cup of coffee, and Kurt can see his knuckles are almost white from how tightly he's holding on to the cup.

"One of... one of our guys, his- his wife. Died."

Kurt can feel his heart skip a beat - even if Blaine doesn't specify what she died from, his reluctance to talk about it and the obvious link with the support group makes it all too clear. Still, none of that matters when Kurt sees the defeat Blaine's slumped shoulders speak of, and within seconds he's out of the couch, wrapping his arms around Blaine who hugs him back a little awkwardly, coffee cup still in hand.

"Oh god, Blaine, I'm sorry," Kurt mutters, one hand stroking through Blaine's hair, "I'm so, so sorry."

He tries not to think too much about the woman who passed away, tries not to think about the how and the why and that one thing she had in common with Blaine; and he tells himself to focus on Blaine instead, because he can't even begin to imagine how it must be for Blaine to lose his friends, people he knows and loves, knowing that what killed them lives inside him, too.

He feels a warmth where Blaine's eyelashes brush over his skin, but it isn't until Blaine draws in a shuddering breath that Kurt realizes he's crying. He immediately pulls Blaine in just a little closer, and minutes pass as they simply stand there, holding each other, until Blaine gives Kurt a little squeeze to let him go, and he steps back.

"Come on," Kurt says softly, taking Blaine's hand, "let's sit down."

They walk over to the couch, and Blaine sets down his coffee before he curls himself up in one corner of the couch.

"I'm sorry," he huffs thickly, wiping at his cheeks with his free hand. "I don't even know why I'm crying - I only ever met her once."

"Hey, no," Kurt says as he places his hand on Blaine's knee, "you don't have to know someone to grieve for them."

He rubs his thumb over Blaine's thigh and Blaine gives him a grateful smile, taking out a handkerchief to wipe his nose. For a while they sit in silence, and as Kurt watches Blaine trying to pull himself together the reality of the situation slowly sinks in - at least, if Kurt understood correctly.

"Did she... was it... ?" he asks tentatively, and despite his best intentions his heart clenches when Blaine nods.

"Well, pneumonia, technically, but she had AIDS, yeah..."

He sniffles, and Kurt takes a breath.

"How old was she?"

"56," Blaine replies, and Kurt swallows thickly.

'A normal life span' almost all websites had told him. Given proper medical care, HIV patients could have a normal life span. But that required the meds to work, and at only 21 Blaine already wasn't reacting well to his. He'd already developed resistance once before. What if one day there wouldn't be any back up cocktail left? What if one day the doctors would tell them to just suck it up and deal with it, that there was nothing more they could do if Blaine's body would not cooperate?

"Kurt - NO!"

Blaine must have somehow guessed which direction Kurt's thoughts had been taking because he has scooted closer to Kurt, taking his head in his hands so that Kurt has no choice but to look at him.

"Dianne and George were diagnosed only a couple of months back," Blaine says firmly, not once tearing his gaze away from Kurt, "after she ended up in hospital with pneumonia three times in a row. They must have been positive for years but they didn't know, never got treatment, so by the time diagnosis came her immune system was virtually non-existent. George was stronger, he's back at 4-500 CD4s now, but she... It's not... it's not how it'll go for me, all right?"

The words come rushing out of Blaine's mouth so fast Kurt barely has the time to process any of it, but he nods slowly, shaking a little and taking Blaine's hand because he needs something to hold on to right now. Rationally Blaine's words make sense, he knows, but the way he had once again immediately jumped to the worst conclusion unsettles him. If this is how he'll react every time something like this happens...

"See," Blaine starts again, sounding a little upset, "I shouldn't hav-"

"No!" Kurt interrupts him, looking back up with wide eyes, because even if he doesn't know what to do with the whirlwind of feelings that's currently coursing through him, he doesn't regret for even a second his decision of asking Blaine what had happened. "No - no, this is good. I mean, it's not... but it's good. We... talk? I... I ask, and you talk, and I don't... I don't assume. Things."

Blaine turns his hands so that he's holding Kurt's now, and he squeezes softly, looking up at Kurt with a doubtful look on his face.

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" he says, but Kurt shakes his head vehemently.

"I do," he says determinedly. "I want to. I need to."

He wants to say more but the words escape him, and it's upsetting him almost more than what they're talking about because words have always been his strength. But all he has now are feelings, swirling and burning and confusing because how can he be scared and relieved and curious and angry all at the same time?

He's glad when Blaine doesn't press the subject and gives him some time to order his thoughts. It's not quite right, he thinks, since really he should be the one comforting Blaine, but it's kinda hard to do so when he's not even sure how Blaine feels about it all.

"Are you... scared?" he finally dares to ask the question. He doesn't elaborate, but Blaine seems to understand what he means nonetheless.

"Sometimes." It comes out a lot calmer than Kurt had expected, but from the way Blaine has started fiddling with his fingers in his lap, Kurt can see he is at least a little ill at ease.

"As I said - things are different for me. I was on meds almost from day one, there's no reason why I would..." Blaine lets the words trail, apparently just as reluctant to say it out loud as Kurt was. "I should have a normal life. I mean... you never know, of course. There's always a risk of resistance. And the meds... they work, but nobody knows what they will do in the long term. A bit like what might be happening with my kidneys now."

He takes a deep breath, as if he has to force the words to come out - and he probably does.

"I'm not so much afraid of dying as I am that I'll get actually sick," he says. "I mean, everybody dies. It's just the how that's... scary."

Kurt nods, because strange as it sounds, this he understands. It's not so different from his own fear, after all - he doesn't think anybody would get excited at the prospect of developing Parkinson's, or Alzheimer's, or any of the other diseases of old age that caused a person to wither away slowly. Still, the fear has to be more real, more tangible for Blaine - between his daily dose of pills and the regular doctor visits, he hardly has the luxury to forget about it all. It makes Kurt realize once more how lucky he is, how selfish he's been by letting Blaine deal with all of this by himself, and even what Blaine had meant when he'd claimed he didn't want to burden Kurt with all the details. It hardly even matters whether or not they'll be able to make things work romantically - Blaine is his best friend, and Kurt should be there to support him. But for that to happen he needs to not only learn how to deal with the whole HIV thing himself, but also to understand how Blaine sees things - because he can't be there for Blaine if he doesn't know what Blaine is struggling with.

And suddenly, Kurt knows exactly what he needs to do, and there's not a shred of doubt in his voice when he looks up at Blaine.

"I want to go to the support group with you."

-o0o-

"Hey dude, how's it going?"

"Fine, fine. Got a B+ on that report on inclusion I told you about, so at least I got rid of that."

"Awesome! So, what's up? Will I see you Thursday?"

"That's eh... that's actually why I'm calling. I really don't like asking you this but... could you... could you maybe skip this week?"

"Is he coming?"

"Yeah. Yeah, he is."

"Really? Blaine, that's so great! I can skip the week, no problem."

"Sure? Cause I don't... I mean, I'd understand if you don't... it's just, I don't know how he'd react to you being there and-"

"...it's gonna be a lot to take in already. No problem, man, I get it - I know he's not my biggest fan."

"I'll make it up to you, promise."

"I'll remember that. Have fun Thursday, let me know how it went."

"Will do. See you."

"Bye."