"Oh god I thought they'd never leave!"

Blaine throws himself back in the couch, folding his arms over his face as if he wants nothing more than to shut out the rest of the world for a while.

"They weren't that bad," Kurt tries to soothe him, smiling, as he puts away the dishes of their dinner in the dishwasher. He secretly agrees with Blaine, but he feels obliged to at least pretend to defend his friends. "A bit... vocal, maybe, but not that bad."

"A bit vocal? A bit. vocal?" Blaine lifts his arms just enough to glare at Kurt. "Kurt, I boarded with the Warblers and they weren't even half as much to handle!"

"Then you must have boarded somewhere else than I did because in my memory those boys were a whole different league of vocal," Kurt grins, putting a tablet in the dishwasher and kicking it closed.

"At least they didn't squeal," Blaine retorts, still indignant. "I'm pretty sure my ears have suffered permanent damage."

He doesn't move when Kurt sits down next to him and takes his left ear between two fingers, pulling it up and sideways to inspect it.

"Looks still functional to me," he says. "A bit out of proportion, maybe, bu-"

He has to duck when Blaine hurls a pillow at him.

"Hey!" he shouts, his indignation only partly faked. "Would you watch the hair? I work a long time on my hair, and you just hit it!"

"Oh no - don't you dare quote Saturday Night Fever at me, Hummel!"

Blaine yelps when his own pillow hits him straight back in his stomach, but even though he's quick to grab it, Kurt is faster. And meaner, because as soon as the pillow is gone, he attacks Blaine's sides, tickling him mercilessly while he ignores the occasional swat against his head. The struggle is over quickly, and before long Kurt has Blaine pinned down against the couch, panting over him.

"Not. quoting," he breathes. "You were ruining my hair."

But even in his less than advantageous position, Blaine isn't one to give in easily.

"Santana already ruffled your hair when she said goodbye," he says mischievously, voice low as he lifts his head as far as he can. "Quoting."

It isn't until now that Kurt realizes exactly what position they're in: Blaine stretched out under him, his face mere inches from his own, and he quickly pushes himself off of Blaine, rearranging his clothes while Blaine scrambles up, seemingly oblivious to Kurt's sudden uneasiness.

"Movie?" he asks, clearly taking Kurt's sudden silence as an admission of guilt, if the triumphant grin on his face is anything to go by.

Kurt just nods. Right now he doesn't care so much about a silly yes/no game over a Saturday Night Fever quote -which, admittedly, it had been-, what he needs is distraction of how easily his body had betrayed him after his little epiphany earlier that day. Even if the distance he had put between him and Blaine was obviously superfluous now, that didn't mean he could just abandon any boundaries altogether.

"You pick something," Blaine interrupts his thoughts, "I'm too exhausted to even consider leaving the couch right now."

He demonstrates his words by stretching himself out on the couch, causing his t-shirt to ride up a little, and it's all Kurt can do to get up and not keep staring at the sliver of tan skin that is exposed.

Not tan, he reminds himself, yellow. Yellow because of the drugs Blaine is taking.

He distracts himself by flipping through their DVD collection, not really paying attention as the familiar titles flash in front of him. The Sound of Music, Evita, The Godfather trilogy, ... - they've seen them all a million times and he doesn't feel particularly drawn to any of them. The DVD of RENT catches his eye and he hesitates for a moment - he hasn't seen it in ages, and for good reason too: somehow he doesn't think that watching a musical in which somebody dies of AIDS is a good idea. He finally settles for a nondescript romcom, sliding the disc into the DVD player, and he groans a little when he straightens himself and he feels his knees pop.

Blaine is still lying outstretched on the couch, head on the armrest, his arms crossed over his face and his feet only barely reaching the other end. He looks positively adorable, and Kurt forcibly pushes down the urge to lie down next to him.

Then again...

Deal with it, Santana had said. Kurt doubts she meant cuddling up on the couch together to watch a movie, but still - there doesn't seem to be any reason to avoid physical contact with Blaine anymore. Blaine certainly hadn't seemed to mind during their tickle fight earlier. And so after a split moment's hesitation, Kurt walks over to Blaine, tapping his side with his hand.

"Scoot over, lazy, you're not the only one who's tired."

Blaine startles, lifting his arms to look at Kurt in confusion, but when he sees Kurt is actually serious he scrambles up, folding himself up in the corner. Kurt settles down next to him, ignoring the curious glances sent his way as he grabs Blaine's wrist.

"This ok?" he asks, pulling Blaine's arm over him and wrapping it around his shoulders, cuddling up against his flatmate.

For a few long seconds, Blaine doesn't react, but just when Kurt's convinced he's been too forward, Blaine shifts.

"Sure," he says, his voice still a little breathy with surprise. He pulls the blanket that always hangs over the back of the couch towards him, draping it carefully over the both of them before settling back, allowing them to sit together a little more comfortably.

They sit in silence, and not even five minutes into the movie Kurt can already feel his eyes start to droop. He can't bring himself to care, though. It's been so long since he's allowed himself to cuddle with Blaine -or with anyone else for that matter- and so before long he gives up on trying to keep his eyes open, simply enjoying the moment: the fake cheerful voices on screen, the soft ticking of the clock behind them, and most of all the feeling of Blaine next to him - warm and solid and just there. Tomorrow he'll start dealing with it for real, tomorrow he'll start looking up things and educate himself, as he already promised himself he would weeks ago, so that he knows what he's talking about and he can talk to Blaine properly. But just for now everything is the way it should be: no lies, no secrets, no virus - just them. And that, Kurt thinks as he drifts off to sleep, may be all they need.

-o0o-

David climbs on stage with a big smile on his face, winking towards their table as they cheer him on. Karaoke on Fridays has become somewhat of a tradition, and even though there is only a small group of them today, they'd already had a lot of fun. Still, when the first notes of David's song fill the room, Kurt can't help but roll his eyes and wish Blaine would hurry up and join them already.

She's blood, flesh and bone
no tucks or silicone

David sings, his eyes trained on Mercedes, and when Kurt sees how she bashfully returns David's smile, he stomps her in the side with his elbow.

"Don't lead him on like that," he hisses. "You know he's already head over heels for you, you're only going to break his heart more."

"I'm not leading him on," Mercedes snaps back indignantly, even though she seems unable not to sneak another look at David before she turns back to Kurt. "He knows I'm dating Sam, he's not coming in between us."

"I hope so," Kurt says, gritting his teeth, because there's no denying something has shifted between Mercedes and David over the last couple of weeks. Where Mercedes used to deflect David's flirty comments and remarks easily, now she usually accepts them with a nod or a smile - not exactly encouraging him, but definitely not d�scouraging him either.

"Say, Rachel and I are going to the shelter tomorrow to pick a cat for her, do you wanna come?"

It's a deflection if he ever heard one, but before Kurt can call Mercedes out on it, Rachel has already risen to the bait.

"Yes!" she squeals. "I asked my landlord and he said it was ok so now I'm getting a cat! You should come help pick! I was thinking a tabby kitten, female, of course, tom cats are too messy. Ooh! Maybe you could take one in yourself? Rescuing animals is so important, don't you think, and I'm sure Blaine wouldn't mind."

But Kurt shakes his head, suddenly feeling much less cheerful.

"I can't," he says, "Blaine's brother and his boyfriend are coming over for dinner tomorrow and I still need to go shopping. And besides, I don't think we can have a cat. I mean... you know..."

It's not like they wouldn't get permission from the landlord - the apartment is owned by Blaine's parents, after all, and it is unlikely they would deny their son to keep a pet if he absolutely wanted one. No - what Kurt is worried about is Blaine, or rather, his immune system. A cat, or really any pet, would inevitably bring a lot of germs with it, and he's not sure whether that would be a good idea, seeing as the I in HIV still stands for immunodeficiency.

It seems the others have picked up on the unspoken reasoning too, because the table turns suddenly silent, and David's falsetto sounds shrill in Kurt's ears.

"How are things with Blaine, actually?" Nick finally dares to break the silence. "And with you? The two of you, I mean?"

Kurt shrugs, not sure how to answer that question.

"Blaine's fine. Like always, I guess. As for us..." He sighs and bites his lip before he continues, looking up a little insecurely. "I... I think I want to try. T-to get back together, I mean."

Rachel immediately starts squealing and clapping her hands, and Nick just grins and raises his glass at him. Mercedes, on the other hand, has a doubtful look on her face.

"Kurt... are you sure about that?" she asks carefully. "You do know that's not a decision you should take light-heartedly."

It hurts, for her to have so little confidence in him, but Kurt tries to ignore it, straightening his shoulders.

"And what makes you think I took the decision light-heartedly?" he asks sharply, with just a tad bit more conviction than he feels. "I've been thinking about it a lot and I mean... I don't know. I just... I have to try. I can't imagine my life without Blaine."

"I for one think Kurt is right," Rachel interrupts him haughtily. "True love always triumphs, everybody knows that. Look at me and Finn - I am an upcoming Broadway star and he is going to be a U.S. Army Captain, but despite our differences we are making things work. Because our love is strong enough to help us through any rough patches we may come across."

Mercedes lifts an eyebrow in amused apprehension.

"A U.S. Army Captain? Rachel, Finn's not even going the officer route, how would he be a Captain?"

"He's studying really hard to retake his ASVAB," Rachel says stubbornly with a tilt of her head, "and then they will see he has more potential than they initially gave him credit for and he will go for officer. Besides, that wasn't the point. The point was that we will always be together, no matter where life takes us. Like Kurt and Blaine."

"I don't know," Mercedes says hesitantly, although now at least she has the decency to shoot an apologetic look at Kurt. "Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?"

Kurt winces.

"I've been looking up things online," he says defensively, "and there are loads of people who are in the same situation Blaine and I are in. Well... not the same the same, obviously, but... you know, where one of them..."

He can feel the confidence leak out of him as he lets his words trail, because the lump in his throat that appears every time he thinks about Blaine and the virus gets even bigger when he tries to talk about it.

It had been hard, even just opening up his computer and typing in the search terms, but Santana was right: he has to deal with it, and he can't do that by running in circles in his own head.

He had always thought he was the kind of person who would want to know everything about the condition he had or could have, would be looking up everything online, studying, trying to find out as much as he could, wanting to be informed about every step of the way. His actual reaction had been quite different, however. True, he had conducted a brief but thorough internet search that first day after they came home from the hospital, but the positivity he'd found had been in such sharp contrast with the harshness of the reality he had been faced with at the time that it had all just sounded fake to him.

After that he'd stayed away from any and all medical websites, had zoned out every time Linda had tried to talk to him about it, as if not knowing about what might be happening to him would somehow make it all go away, make it less real. And when it had turned out not to be real, he'd been all too happy to leave it all behind him and never think about it again.

But he has been deluding himself, he knows now, thinking he didn't need any background info, because half of the reason why he was -and is- so scared when it comes to Blaine's medical issues is that he simply doesn't know anything about them. Knowledge is power, after all.

The realization hasn't made it any less scary, though, and it had been quite frankly nerve wrecking, but it had been worth it, too. The amount of information had been overwhelming, but this time the optimism that most articles and websites advocated had felt encouraging rather than made him bitter, and it has only strengthened him in his hope that what he wants isn't impossible, that he and Blaine can be together, if they are willing to give it a chance.

And Kurt, at least, is willing to give it a chance. And he is going to start by calling things by their names.

"... where one of them has HIV," he finally finishes his sentence. "There's a lot of couples where one of the two is HIV positive. And they make it work."

Nobody seems to have noticed his little hiccup, even though Nick sends him a little encouraging smile.

"Kurt is right," Rachel takes over the conversation once more. "It's perfectly possible. In fact, friends of my dad were in that situation and they were together for over twenty years."

"Really?" Kurt asks, surprised, turning around to face her. "You never told me that."

"Yes, well, I didn't really know about it myself until recently," she says, looking strangely let down. "My dads only told me after I told them about Blaine. I was rather disappointed they thought I would have treated them any differently if I had known. I never would have, of course, but it would have been such a wonderful opportunity to showcase my empathy and concern for the sick and disabled."

Kurt gasps -and not just because Rachel really didn't have the right to tell her dads about Blaine- but before he can even think of voicing some kind of protest, Nick is already talking.

"So you know them well?" he asks, placing his hand on Kurt's knee in an attempt to calm him down.

"Oh yes, absolutely," Rachel replies enthusiastically, oblivious to Kurt's barely contained anger. "I mean, I don't really remember Robert, he died a couple of years back, but I know Paul - he always celebrates Hanukkah with us."

She yelps when Mercedes pokes her in the side with her elbow and hisses a laden 'Rachel!' at her, while Kurt feels all the blood drain from his face - he was honestly willing to try, but an afternoon spent on the internet wasn't quite enough to make him ready to deal with this particular reality. He doesn't really get to dwell on it though, because next to him Nick draws in a sharp breath.

"Holy mother of George Michael that is one fine piece of man," he whistles, and Kurt looks up, his stomach dropping when he sees an all too familiar head of blond curls at the other end of the room.

"Oh god..." he groans, the previous topic of conversation immediately forgotten, and Mercedes casts him a sideway glance.

"You know him?" she asks curiously. "Because if you do I am very disappointed you have kept him to yourself - Nick is right: he is very, very cute."

"He is also very, very HIV positive," he counters poisonously, partly because he hasn't quite forgiven her for her lack of support, and partly because another familiar head of hair has popped up next to the first, this one darker and just a little more gelled back. His remark has caused all blood to draw from Mercedes' face, and it gives him a strange sense of satisfaction.

"Besides - Sam," he adds some salt to the wound.

"Yeah... Sam. Of course - Sam," Mercedes mumbles, quickly snapping her head down when the two men finally catch sight of them and start making their way towards their table.

"Hi guys!" Blaine waves as soon as they get there, moving his arm behind him to push the other man a little forward. "This is Brad, a friend of mine - I bumped into him on my way here, thought it would be okay if he tagged along?"

He asks the rhetorical question to all of them, but his eyes linger on Kurt just a little longer, as if he's aware Brad's presence would be most problematic for him. But Brad's already there, and Kurt can hardly say he wants him out now, so he nods a little stiffly, commenting on Blaine's rather poor choice of jacket instead ("It's november, Blaine, you can't wear a summer jacket in november, no matter how windproof you say it is. And where is your scarf anyway?").

They quickly go round the table with introductions. Nick blushes furiously when Brad looks him over with a lewd smile, holding on to his hand just a little longer than strictly necessary, and as soon as Brad turns to compliment David who has just returned from the stage, Nick leans over to Kurt.

"Blaine scored th�t when he was sixteen?" he asks, a little out of breath. "Talk about losing your virginity in style - god, he's gorgeous."

"Yeah, well, don't forget what he did to Blaine," Kurt says grittily. "Or how he made him stay out all night a few weeks back. He's a manipulative bastard and he means trouble, okay?"

"Sure," Nick says, his eyes now fixed on Brad, but it sounds more dismissive than compliant and Kurt grabs him by the arm to turn him around because he knows that look.

"Please Nick, please promise me you won't go out with him?" he pleads, but Nick just looks back at him, a little dumbfounded.

"I'm not sure why I shouldn't?" he says, glancing over at Brad and then back at Kurt. "I mean, apart from the fact he doesn't look like the type to do second dates - it's not like people are waiting in line for me and he seemed to like me... seriously, Kurt, you can't tell me you wouldn't want a shot at that."

But Kurt lets out an exasperated huff, shaking his head in disbelief.

"This isn't about wanting a shot - you can't just... like... sleep with him!"

"Why not?" Nick asks, and Kurt is baffled to see that he's genuinely curious, seems to have no idea of why hooking up with Brad would be a bad idea.

"I told you, he's trouble!" he grits between his teeth, throwing up his arms to support his compelling argument. "Besides..."

"Besides... it would be weird if I slept with one of Blaine's friends?" Nick supplies, eyebrows raised in confusion, and it isn't until Kurt rolls his eyes that he seems to finally catch on.

"Oh..."

"Yes," Kurt bites, "oh."

But Nick just looks even more confused, and even slightly annoyed.

"Kurt, how is this even a problem? Just ten minutes ago you were still gushing about how you wanted to get back together with Blaine."

"Yeah, well, I'm kinda still working on the details of that part of the deal," Kurt mutters uneasily, not quite meeting Nick's eyes, and Nick seems to deflate a little at that.

"Kurt..." he says, "Kurt, look at me."

It takes a couple of seconds, but when Kurt finally complies Nick points at a man sitting across from the bar, head bobbing along with the music. He's not particularly handsome, but he has a certain charm over him that Kurt knows Nick appreciates.

"What would you say if I were to try to pick up that guy?" he asks.

"I would tell you to be safe," Kurt shrugs, and then smiles a little. "And to have fun."

"So you would trust me to be able to be safe with a guy you don't know, who might have something way worse than HIV, but not with a friend of Blaine's who I know for a fact gets regular medical check-ups?"

Nick's voice is calm, his face open and honest, and Kurt hates it - hates how Nick always seems to be able to break everything down to reasonable tidbits that don't match Kurt's feelings at all.

"It's not the same," he says stubbornly, but Nick just tilts his head, shooting him a look that tells him exactly how silly his non-argument is.

"No, you're right," Nick says, sounding just a little impatient. "Because obviously condoms stop working once you know you actually need them."

Kurt sends him a pointed glare, and Nick rolls his eyes.

"You know when we were together?" he asks, leaning towards Kurt to keep anyone from overhearing. "Short from swallowing there is n�thing we did you couldn't do with Blaine. And we had fun, right? I get how sex may be an issue between the two of you - but it's not nearly as big of one as you're making it out to be. I know the rules, I know what I'm doing, so just - don't project your insecurities on me, okay?"

He gets up abruptly, making a point of stopping for a second when he passes Brad, softly touching his hip as he whispers something in the other man's ear that makes him laugh, and when Brad leans forward to say something back Nick laughs in return, patting Brad's hip just once before he continues his way to the bar - but not before he shoots Kurt a challenging look.

For the rest of the night, Kurt is quiet, not even trying to get a spot on stage until Brad proves that his protests of 'I really can't sing' had more truth in them than even Kurt had suspected, and he feels slightly better after his For Good duet with Rachel, savoring the admiring smile Blaine sends his way, even if the seemingly genuine awe on Brad's face puts him off just a little. But it isn't until he notices he's been stuck in a dead conversation with Mercedes and David for over half an hour, while Rachel, Nick, Blaine, and Brad are laughing and having fun on the other end of the table, that he decides that maybe -just maybe- he's being ridiculous.

The truth is, Nick's words have left him angry, and the fact that Nick hasn't left Brad's side for a moment -was actually the one to convince him to go on stage to sing with him- hasn't done much to diminish that anger. Kurt's sure Nick's only doing it to spite him but it still feels wrong to let him flirt with Brad like that. But there is nothing he can do - Nick is nothing if not stubborn, and in either case Kurt doesn't have any actual argument against it. Which probably means the real problem is the way he feels about sex, and not the sex itself.

He's slowly growing used to the idea of kissing Blaine. Even less than a week after he's let go of his self-imposed cuddling-ban he finds himself longing for more, has caught himself looking at Blaine's lips and imagining what it would be like to kiss them again. They've done it before, after all, with no consequences, and it feels safe, somehow. But any time he lets his mind wander further, he remembers th�t night, and suddenly he'll find himself stuck in a nightmare where there are no condoms or -even worse- where the condom breaks. And he knows there are plenty of couples who don't have anal sex, knows that there's hand jobs, and frottage, there's kissing and cuddling and stroking, but he wonders if it will be enough - for him, and for Blaine. And that's assuming he'll manage to be comfortable with even that, first.

Then again - he is actually considering kissing Blaine now, something which had seemed an insurmountable obstacle just six weeks ago. And now, unlike then, he knows he wants to be with Blaine.

He'll worry about it later, he decides, adding it to his ever-growing mental list of things to look up before he weasels himself out of the conversation with Mercedes and David and turns the other side, laying his head on Nick's shoulder. Immediately, he can feel Nick's arm snake around him, pulling him a bit closer, and he relaxes, his smile only growing wider when he sees Blaine look at him from across the table. There's a question in his eyes, and Kurt nods to let him know that, yes, he is all right. Because even if tonight has proven he's not quite where he wants and needs to be yet, he's actually starting to feel like he's a little more on top of things at least - confident that, given some more time, he'll get there, that maybe, in a few months or even weeks he could be leaning against Blaine, reach over to kiss him, take him home and wake up next to him.

Soon, he promises himself. Soon.