Chapter 2: Holding On, Holding Out

There is no point in knocking.

Blaine is drugged up and alone.

He is probably half-asleep too if the painkillers help, which Kurt is desperate to believe they do, with Blaine's screams echoing in the empty structure of the parking garage dominating his thoughts again.

When, breathing shaky, he pushes the handle down, the door slowly open, it takes a moment for Kurt to actually dare to lift his eyes form where they are trailing the floor of the foreign room.

He finds Blaine more lying than sitting in one of two hospital beds.

Blaine is propped up a little on two pillows.

One eye is covered with a white eye pad and a large patch of transparent band-aid. Kurt suspects it to be there so that new bleeding can be detected, should it occur - to be able to check without having to repeatedly remove the band-aid and irritate the cuts and general redness over and over, prominent especially on the right side of Blaine's face.

His left eye, his whole expression marked by exhaustion, he looks tired more than anything.

Kurt feels his stomach twist at the relief racing through him. Something about feeling relief at finding your boyfriend hurt in a hospital bed feels so wrong, but the last time he had seen Blaine the boy's whole body had been stiff with fear and pain. Kurt hopes deeply it is not just the drugs that have taken that away.

He has heard all the gory details by now, about the torturously slow recovery Blaine had to fight through after he had been so badly bashed years ago at that school dance. Neither of them likes to think about or mention it.

A distinct dislike of hospitals is something they have shared ever since they learned about those unwanted parts of their pasts, those unwanted and traumatic memories, impossible to erase.

Kurt always thinks he got off easy with his second hand pain of someone else dying, but then again so does Blaine when he thinks about his for the biggest part having been wounds that can heal, Kurt has lost so much with the death of his mother.

Seeing past themselves, seeing each other, acknowledging each other's pain as important, potentially bigger than their own, another reason they work.

It takes only a quick glance over for Kurt to register that the second bed seems empty, for now. Kurt hopes it will stay that way, I can't handle any more looks and sneers tonight. He had gotten enough of those just sitting and waiting, talking frankly to his dad about what has been going on.

Too exhausted, too upset to even attempt to be vague.

There had been looks from people he just wanted to snap at, scream at until they saw sense.

Kurt wonders if he will ever stop feeling that way. He doubts it.

A guy sitting there, waiting, clutching his arm, by the looks of it broken, had somehow found the energy to glare at him for several minutes after he must have heard the word boyfriend and I need to be with him Dad.

But what always scares Kurt most is seeing mothers with children glaring at him like he is a pervert only looking for the opportunity to snatch one of them away.

Unfounded hate, fueled by ungrounded fears.

What is scary again about saying I love him, he needs to be okay, I can't lose him ?

Kurt, now in this room with Blaine Finally, finally, wants to focus on Blaine, so pushes everything else, every thought that is not Blaine, determinedly out of the way as soon as their gazes meet fully, "Blaine, Love."

Kurt is shocked how much desperation sounds in these, his words. It is mostly need finding a voice.

The desperate need to say these words and know Blaine can actually hear them, no longer that wall of pain between them one Sebastian Smythe had put there thoughtlessly, ignorant, uncaring.

It takes only a smile to bring it crashing down.

It is enough, it is so much, it is hard.

Blaine never knew a smile so small could be so hard to achieve.

But Blaine hearing Kurt's voice could not help brighten instantly if he tried.

The way the corners of Kurt's mouth, too, turn up within a split second is a sweet reminder to him too of the love the other boy carries for Blaine. Blaine is soaking it up, the love resounding between the two of them.

Seeing Blaine out of the clothes so terrifyingly blood-like stained is to Kurt an actual relief in itself, much more so than Kurt had dared to hope just moments ago.

Blaine's gaze briefly flickers past Kurt, and the fingertips of Blaine's left hand are weakly half raised from where both his hands are resting on the covers over Blaine's stomach.

Right, dad is in the room too, it is the last time Kurt thinks about that though.

Blaine does not have to ask Kurt to come closer, Kurt is already there, taking Blaine's left hand in both of his even before he sits down on the bed.

There is no one and nothing between them anymore as fingertips touch, palms meet, and fingers take hold however, wherever they can.

Kurt carefully sits down to Blaine's left on the bed.

Blaine instantly moves to try and sit up, tries with all he has to get closer to his boyfriend.

It is nothing more than a moment or two, but to Blaine it is a struggle far too long.

He only stops his efforts when he finds Kurt's eyes again and understands how scared Kurt is he will hurt him if he gets too close.

Blaine takes a deep breath, settles his weight, what little he had managed to move of it, back into the pillows and then settles for words to reach his goal. Kurt.

Blaine has never been a quitter, so he makes himself find the strength to still reach out for Kurt with his right arm, no matter how heavy it feels as soon as it leaves the covers.

As he begins to try and coax Kurt into his arms with words, his left hand is still resting in Kurt's hands, "'urt, c'mer bleaz."

Blaine's words sound twisted, hacked and slurred. The sound, all it reminds Kurt of, all he knows it must remind Blaine, his Blaine, of, has tears pooling in Kurt's eyes, ready to fall with one more stab to Kurt's core.

Blaine does not miss it, "A' ye' kay, Kqurt?"

It is a simple enough question. In theory.

Kurt scoots a little closer, but Blaine knows what he wants, knows they both need more.

It is with a tug of his left hand that he tries to make Kurt understand it is okay to come closer, that Oh gosh Kurt, I want you so much closer, I need you. But the words get lost over and over, unwilling to roll right over the tip of a tongue that feels so heavy and a brain that feels slightly numb and useless tonight.

Blaine tries to make the so far gentle tug on Kurt's hands more forceful. Clearly he is not the best judge of his own strength right now.

Kurt's eyes widen in horror as he falls forward right onto Blaine, hands losing contact. Kurt's palms instinctively find the covers, Kurt leaning on to them, trying to keep his weight of Blaine's to Kurt tonight so fragile looking form.

Kurt half expects a pain filled outcry, fears it fully,...but there is not so much as a hiss, no whimper.

As Kurt tries to push himself back into a sitting position he finds Blaine's arms have already closed around his neck and shoulders, and Blaine shaking his head slowly in answer to Kurt's attempt to move away again, "Not 'xatly ma pann..."

"Plan?" Kurt asks, head slightly tilted upwards from where he is, chests close, still half-hovering over Blaine, eyes locked on Blaine's face, still fearing to find, any second now, a sign he is causing Blaine discomfort of any kind.

"Wan' yu clos'e. Did' n mean to pfull'ike tha'. Stay. Bleaz."

Kurt has to smile a little at this, "I am glad you still have your strength."

Blaine not easing his hold on Kurt, Kurt kicks of his shoes and careful and slow lowers himself onto Blaine's chest, right ear coming to rest over Blaine's heart.

It takes a couple of minutes, and falling into a rhythm of shared, relaxed, deep breathing, then they can feel a tranquility wash over them that they both had thought, feared, lost in the chaos, fear and pain of the hours just passed.

Blaine still wants to know, needs to hear Kurt actually say it, so he sets out to find the words once again tonight. Not fearing the answer as much anymore as he had before, the words come easier, clearer this time.

"You' kay, Lo'fe?"

Kurt is whispering at first, "Blaine Anderson, you are unbelievable!"

Blaine's right hand comes to rest on Kurt's head, a moment later it is running a little unsteady and clumsy, yet decidedly lovingly, through the hair no one else ever has been allowed, invited, sometimes even begged to thread their fingers in, to run them through.

For several minutes Kurt simply enjoys the, to him, so intimate touch, the touch that is so uniquely Blaine. Then he tilts his head up once more to connect their eyes. All three of them.

Kurt is smiling softly, adoringly, at Blaine, his chin propped up on his left hand on Blaine's chest.

"Wha' di' I duu?" Blaine asks expression questioning in a childlike way that has Kurt's smile widen.

"Am I okay? Love, I think you are slightly out of it." Seeing Blaine's expression darken with more confusion Kurt is quick to add, "Painkillers."

"I sill wan' tno' you a o'kay. Say id," Blaine insists with a pout Kurt before tonight did not know could be made to look that serious.

Blaine hates how sad Kurt's expression turns all of a sudden. "Lof? 'urt?"

"Are you hurting very badly?"

"'m o'kay iv you a'," Blaine insists, trying hard to not slur his words. Failing.

Kurt can tell by the concentrated look on Blaine's face that it must be getting harder to keep talking at all, maybe even to stay awake.

As he sees Blaine's left eye-lid flutter shut and Blaine instantly forcing it open again Kurt can feel time running through his fingers all too fast. Now is the time to answer, to assure Blaine they both will be truly okay again in a couple of days, to make sure Blaine falls asleep with the knowledge that they are both safe and both not only know it but feel that way too.

Kurt still hesitates to open his mouth, desperately wanting to say the right thing, the right thing only. But even thinking the words Blaine originally asked for just now feels like a lie, I can't just say I am okay, when I know I am not, we are both not. I won't lie to you Blaine, I can't just say it. Kurt is convinced Blaine would easily detect the difference even in his current state, Worse, he would feel it. I would hurt him more.

So Kurt stays quiet, searching inside still.

He finds himself wishing, briefly, to have some of those painkillers in his own system too, they could really help fighting through that haze he finds heavily occupying seemingly every corner of his mind.

Blaine can see his boyfriend's mind working away under that beautiful head of hair, still threaded between his fingers, soft and so beautiful, that sandy brown.

When Kurt stays silent Blaine gets an idea.

He closes his eye in concentration, the one not currently swollen shut anyway, and tries to relax his tongue to force it, command it to form nothing but the right sounds. He cannot mess this up. This is far too important.

When he reopens his eyes, he gently traces his right hand, now no longer running through Kurt's hair down his left cheek then along Kurt's jaw line, to get his undivided attention for this one moment, because it is this moment that counts, counts for so much like it had back when Kurt first had said these exact words to him. Blaine remembers it still so clear, it is what he thinks about when he wakes up alone in his bed after a nightmare. The feeling of pride to have Kurt love him, more though the feeling of safety by Kurt's side, in his arms, a feeling so much bigger still since that night on the floor of the McKinley hallways, holding each other close, kissing softly.

Before tonight he had always expected that to be the place he would have to deal with an attack like this. Sebastian has made sure it is so much worse.

Blaine will never think of Dalton, of the Warblers, the people he only hours ago had been sure were his friends, Kurt's friends too, he will never think of them in the same fond way. Sebastian has taken that away. But there are things no one can take form Kurt and him. And in the end what more could matter, truly matter.

"They cn't touch...", Blaine's voice breaks a moment, "...us." Blaine stops, a little proud of himself for only that one little slur in there, a voice breaking with the strain of wanting, pushing to not speak with hesitation.

Blaine knows exactly the last time he has seen so much emotion in Kurt's expression. Two days ago, like every time they make love, so close to each other, close to coming to, both, together, unable to tear their eyes away from each other. Blaine had not known panting could be such a loving sound before they had started having sex.

Blaine briefly wonders as he waits to hear Kurt's voice, how long it will be until he will be, they will be able to do that again have sex, make love, in three dimensions. I would really miss that, Kurt in three dimensions.

He does not have to wait long for Kurt to speak. The words feel so warm still, even after all these months lying unuttered, stored safely away as more than just a memory but a truth they both share, both know, both are so certain of that there is nothing more to it than what they know, because they, the two of them, know it so completely, "...or what we have."

"'iss me?" Blaine asks, not wanting the moment to pass but too aware he won't be able to lean down quick enough himself for it not to slip away.

It is not the words more Blaine's look that has Kurt instantly understand how much Blaine wants this, needs to feel this special connection to him right now, "You sure it won't hurt you too bad, My Love?"

"Ma 'ead'z sill srobin'. So...sof' 'n' slo'," Blaine says with the sweetest one-eyed sleepy smile.

Kurt pushes himself up Blaine's form gently, slowly.

His weight is resting completely on his hands, once again tonight placed on either side of Blaine's head, when Kurt leans in and their lips meet.

He is not sure they have ever kissed like this before. Even their first kiss had so much urgency in it.

Many others since then have been slow, yes, but this is so different.

It is sweet and soft and tender, and lingering, most of all lingering, making it feel all new somehow.

Neither boy wanting to let go any time soon at all, lips gently dance on the surface, tips of tongues only touching in the lightest of ways, as lips part. But the feelings...the feelings rise and grow, drift and flowing warm so deep.

A little while later - Kurt's head resting somewhere between Blaine's left shoulder and in the crook of Blaine's neck, and Kurt having spend a good portion of that while gently tracing patterns with his left hand into Blaine's chest, to give him something else to focus on than that portion of the pain even the painkillers cannot completely take - Blaine sinks into sleep.

As Kurt lifts himself up of Blaine and comes to kneel beside him on the bed, Kurt takes a couple of minutes more to simply watch his boyfriend sleep, already missing the warmth of Blaine's body still in reach yet feeling so much too far away already.

Blaine stirs, apparently missing Kurt already as well.

Kurt is quick to act, pulling the covers that had slipped when Blaine had first pulled Kurt on him higher. They cover Blaine's upper body again fully now, keep the boy warm, residues of Kurt's own body heat close to Blaine. A small comfort knowing, fearing he will have to leave for the night all too soon. What if Blaine wakes up, with a nightmare? Kurt does not want to think about it. Can't think of anything else. It hurts.

Kurt keeps his hands resting over Blaine's heart for a moment, knowing how it is one of Blaine's favorite things to sleep with Kurt resting on his chest. Calming to Blaine for a reason he has not been able to communicate to Kurt so far. Kurt has told him he would love to know, but really does not have to. Has told him how mindblowingly happy it makes him to be able to make Blaine feel that way.

There is a warmth to the sound of a beating heart, Blaine's heart beating, that Kurt misses every night they are apart.

When Kurt eventually looks up and his eyes meet the blank wall above the headboard of Blaine's bed, he is reminded that Burt should there too.

Looking around Kurt quickly finds that he is no longer anywhere in the room, and notices for the first time that the door has been closed.

Getting of the bed and slipping back into his shoes Kurt reluctantly takes his first steps to open the door to a world so uncertain, so void of Blaine the thought of having to be in it hurts.

When he steps out into the hall he finds his dad leaning against the wall to his right.

"Dad?"

"Hey. I did not mean to, you know,....You looked like you got along fine. The two of you. Anything I can do?"

"I don't want to leave him alone," Kurt whispers, head hanging, fearing it is too much to ask.

Pushing himself of the wall and turning to fully face his son Burt takes Kurt's right hand in both of his, silently asking Kurt to look at him.

When Kurt looks up he sees a gentle expression on Burt's face that is nothing but reassuring, "I figured. So I already send Finn and all your friends home, and then I talked to the nurse on nightshift and she said the second bed in there is not occupied at the moment, and for sure won't be for the night. They have a lot of empty beds right now. So no one will be disturbed."

"Does that mean..?" Kurt can hardly believe it, especially with the frightening way in which the hospital visit had started in the emergency room.

Burt is relieved to see his son smiling again, "Yes, you are free to stay with him until he gets discharged some time tomorrow. Well," Burt adds with a look at his watch, 01:32 am, "I guess technically some time today. The nurse said the treatment in cases like his is usually ambulant. His parents are out of town?"

"It's the last I had heard, but to be honest we did not talk about that right now. He was very exhausted."

Burt nods understanding, "Well, we can see about that tomorrow. He can always come home with us."

In the next second Burt has his arms full of Kurt.

"Thank you Dad! For everything. I could not imagine leaving him alone. Especially tonight, in a hospital."

Burt knows this is what Kurt wants, he does not doubt either that it is what Blaine needs, knowing a big chunk from his history too. But holding Kurt like this uncovers something in Burt too, old memories stirring doubt like dust, and he feels the need to make sure Kurt will not hurt himself doing this for Blaine. That would do no one any good. Kurt needs his strength too now, for both of them.

Burt, holding Kurt as a newborn in his arms in this very hospital, some floors up, had then hoped to protect his son well into at least Kurt's twenties, maybe thirties, from having to learn that very lesson. It is a harsh, unforgiving realization after all, that relationships are not only about love and fun but in a big part about caring for and carrying each other when one of the two is fragile, hurt, in pain.

Burt knows too that it has been a long time already since Kurt has learned that lesson, watching his father grief his mother's death. Seeing him stumble with no one to hold him, help him up when he fell, for so long.

Kurt had tried to be the one to catch him, every time. But there is only so much a kid can do.

And then Kurt had been the one hurting, falling, and Burt will never forgive himself for those lost years in which he had allowed things to just go on. Allowed for Kurt to stumble through life, feeling alone, lost.

No, Burt will never forgive himself for that, knows there is no making up for it.

There is only being a better father now, to Kurt. To Blaine too, as much as he allows it. The kid is proud, it is not the first time Burt has that thought, strong too. Much stronger than most people I know. He never just held him, he helped Kurt figure out how to stand on his own again, despite the hurt and pain, even with it still there. Burt knows that too all too well, Some pain never leaves.

All this in mind, Burt is sure he has to ask, as much as he hates to bring it up at all. Ask maybe simply to allow for Kurt to unload some of the angst buried in him right now under the worry for Blaine's well-being.

It is what kills relationships every day, pushing your own fears and pain away, because people think they have to do so in order to be there for others. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Burt is not sure Kurt is completely aware of that yet, so young. So it is up to him to allow Kurt to let go, to make room for the love he needs, the strength he needs to be there for Blaine's recovery.

Burt finds himself dreading what emotions stirred might do to his boys, more so than the physical scars that might be left. It will be so much easier to help out with those. Those he can see.

As Kurt pulls out of the hug and their eyes meet, Burt knows it has to be now or never, never clearly being a really stupid idea, Burt is absolutely certain.

"Kurt, are you sure it won't drain you too much? Blaine will be in pain for quite some time. I won't do either of you good for you to lose all your strength tonight."

Kurt seeing the concern on his father's face moves right back into the hug, "I am sure, Dad. I will get more rest here, knowing I am here for him should something happen, than I could alone at home tonight."

"I could stay with him," Burt offers.

And Kurt hugs him tighter at that, "I love you so much. It's okay. I think I might be not as afraid of hospitals anymore as I used to be. It is where you got better. It is where Blaine got help tonight."

It takes them a while to say goodbye, Kurt promising to try for at least a couple of hours of real sleep, "You can always snuggle up with Blaine in his bed if it helps, no one else is there, no one will care."

Burt's suggestion is met with a blush that makes it all to clear to Burt that Blaine's bed, Blaine's side has been Kurt's plan all along.

"Okay," Burt replies to Kurt's reaction with a warm smile, pulling Kurt in for another hug, placing a kiss to Kurt's hair.

Kurt tries to talk Burt out of coming back in only a couple of hours from now, but only half-heartedly, because really he wants both of them there, Burt and Carole. And his dad insists anyway, and Kurt knows Carole will too as soon as she has heard all the details.

And Kurt has never been more grateful his dad will be by his side, for himself and Blaine.

"We'll make sure Blaine knows we are right here in the hospital if we cannot get the doctors to allow us to be with him for his final tests," Burt says before letting go of his son and watching him disappear back into Blaine's room a soft "Goodnight," slipping form Kurt's lips, Burt quick to echo it in an even softer tone.

As Burt turns to walk away the first thought is, I need to tell Carole, followed closely by, And then we should get some sleep too. Tomorrow will be a long day.

xxxx

It had been an unexpected phone call that now already lies hours in the past, but what Wes got to hear is still very fresh on his mind.

"They did what? You are joking right?"

There had been silence on the other end, filled with only shame.

"How on earth did that guy get the council to sign off on throwing a slushy in someone's face? Blaine, of all people."

Jeff's voice had been small, "It was meant for Kurt."

A statement that had shocked Wes only more, "Jeff? How? He was bullied so badly at his old school before his stay with us at Dalton last year. You knew that. You know that. Trent, David and Nick at least do too. And I know I don't have to remind you of what Blaine has been through. He is our friend damn it. Everyone knew and no one tried to stop that idiot? How is that possible? The slushy being meant for Kurt" Wes had paused and let out a deep sigh, shaking his head at the ignorance he had had to learn about, stupidity really Wes had thought before talking on "...I take it you know that makes things only worse if anything."

"Yeah, I know. And I feel horrible about it, not just because it hit Blaine. I used to be close to Kurt too," Jeff had choked out, sniffling on the other end of the receiver.

"We both know at least a handful of guys in the Warblers who have been victims of bullying. How could they allow that? Jeff?"

"Yes?"

Wes suddenly had realized in the middle of the call that something else must be fishy there. At least in his time they used to vote on everything, no matter how insignificant, "How did that Smythe guy convince the council to even propose such a thing?"

The answer Wes got had not only been a smack in his face considering all the hard work he had put into keeping up high standards in the group while he was one of them, but went against all tradition too.

The moment he got his answer was the one he had known he will have to go and see for himself what the heck is going on at Dalton, as soon as possible, "We don't have a council anymore."

The conversation had gone on a while longer after that, Wes still hoping there was some sense to be made out of this somewhere.

But even now, spending most of the last three hours lying on his bed, thinking about what exactly will be the best move, Wes still comes up pretty much blank.

He is all too aware how late it is in Lima, and after all, from what Jeff said it seems to have simply been a slushy.

Blaine will have recovered from the shock by tomorrow. Well, the physical part of it. That level of betrayal will be much harder to get over.

But Wes still has the hope he will be able to help with that part, so Yes, calling Blaine tomorrow seems like the only right thing to do. I can go from there. Maybe then I will know, too, what it is that is really going on. There must be more to it than a stupid attempt at psyching out the competition. Especially if Kurt alone was the target.

Jeff had been wildly unhelpful in that respect. Which is strange, Wes only comes to think now, unable to shake the feeling that Jeff for some reason had held out on him.

Calling Blaine. Yes. Only right thing to do, Wes has himself convinced as he turns onto his side, coming to stare at the white wall of his dorm room.

He is completely unaware that still hundreds of miles away, Kurt having crawled into a hospital bed and snuggled into Blaine's side, only moments ago, is doing the exact same thing, staring at a whitewashed wall, thinking of Blaine.

The boy having an uneasy sleep right now, heart beating too fast under Kurt's fingertips, so much so that Kurt briefly considers waking him up.

But Kurt knows something else to try first, he can always still wake him.

Moving his head to rest right over Blaine's heart again, left hand running tenderly up and down Blaine's side, Kurt humming softly into his boyfriend's chest, there is finally calm and sleep, for both of them, while Wes still lies awake, still staring at a blank wall.