"Me I never had the chance to say, well, I'm going to do something I want to do. I always did if for my family, for my children, for my father, for my mother." – Thomas Gambino

There’s distance between them for the next several days.  Kurt is both thankful and wary, his mind supplying elaborate reasons for the change.  Blaine is always gone when Kurt wakes up in the morning.  There aren’t any more notes on the bedside table.  Thad arrives promptly at noon every day to take Kurt to visit his father and then he’s always sure to be back at the apartment before dinner.  Only Blaine doesn’t come home until late – usually after Kurt has gone to sleep.  There’s no sexual advances, no dates, not even a conversation.

Kurt gets anxious with all of the silence.  He’s going to go mad in this apartment and what would happen to his father then?

The second the door opens, he regrets staying up - waiting and determined to talk.

He doesn’t realize the mistake he’s made until it’s Cooper that walks into the living room instead of Blaine.

When their eyes meet, Cooper grins like the Cheshire Cat.

“Hey plaything.  You’re up late.”

Kurt opens his mouth to respond, but ends up just gaping like a fish, unsure what he wants to say.

Cooper starts to walk towards him and Kurt immediately gets up and heads for the bedroom.

“Oh plaything, come here.”  Cooper throws an arm around his shoulder and swings him back around, knocking him off balance so he has no choice but to grab the taller man to steady himself.  “You were obviously waiting up for a reason.”

He ruffles Kurt’s hair in mock playfulness.  The smell of alcohol combined with the tight embrace scares Kurt more than he wants to admit.

“I was waiting for Blaine.”

“Of course you were, but Blaine’s not going to be back any time soon because unlike you, he has work he has to do.”

“I’m not—“

“Oh, I’m sure being my brother’s whore is hard work, but you’re really just a distraction and frankly – we don’t need any distractions right now.”

“He’s making me stay.  I don’t want to be here.”

“Yah, you look like a real prisoner here.  You can leave at any time.”

“I don’t know what I’ve done to make you dislike me, but I assure you I’ll be out of your life once my arrangement with Blaine is over.”

“I like you just fine.  And don’t act like a victim here.”

“You don’t understand—“

“I understand perfectly.  Blaine saw you looking all pretty with a price tag on your head and he couldn’t resist the temptation.  But that’s just it.  He’s paying you for your services.”

Kurt starts to interrupt, but Cooper just pats him on the head.

“But he’s going to get tired of you soon and then he’ll be one hundred percent focused back on work and you’re going to end up fuck if I know where.  Blaine and I are carrying on what our father started.  And unfortunately Blaine has a little too much of our mother in him, so he takes in little kittens like you.  He’ll learn eventually.”

Cooper slaps him hard on the back and walks down the hallway, leaving Kurt speechless.

He crawls into bed that night hoping he’ll never be alone with Cooper again.

***

It’s two days later when the loud noises wake him up.  The clock on his phone is too bright in the dark room.  3:18am.

He hears arguing and his immediate reaction is to lock himself in the bathroom.  The voices are muffled and he can only make out some of what’s being said.   Names he doesn’t recognize, threats, retaliation, death.  Kurt doesn’t want to even let himself put it all together.  Suddenly, the front door slams and it’s eerily quiet.  He waits a few minutes before opening the bathroom door.  He listens – nothing.

When he walks down the hallway, he sees Blaine sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees and face in his hands.

“Blaine?”

The face that greets Kurt looks tired, guarded, and a bit annoyed.

“What are you doing up?”

“I heard…  the door slamming woke me up.”

Blaine’s stare is unnerving.  “Come here.”

Kurt complies, slowly making his way over to sit next to Blaine.  He hugs his knees against his chest in a defensive position.  The move doesn’t go unnoticed.

Sitting in the silence, it’s hard to tell if Blaine is still angry after the argument he had with who Kurt can only assume was Cooper.

“Did something happen?”  Kurt’s not sure he wants to know, but the question escapes him regardless.

Blaine laughs, but it’s humorless.  “Yah, something happened.”

He looks like he wants to say something else, but then Blaine schools his expression back to one of indifference.

Kurt watches him for a long time, not knowing what to say or do, but still wanting to just be there for some reason.

After being quiet for so long, Blaine’s words take him by surprise.  “Did you know I started this when I was eighteen?  Barely out of high school and suddenly able to wield a lot of power.  I didn’t choose it—not really.  It chose me.  I thought I’d have more time to figure my life out, evaluate my career choices just like a good boy should.”

Kurt thought back to the night of the party when he’d tried to tell Blaine there were other options.

“But things happen.  People die and other people have to stand up and take responsibility.  And then more people die and others threaten what you’ve built and you have to do what’s necessary to keep things going.  And there’s so much bad shit going down right now.”

He sighs and lays his head against the back of the couch.

“Sometimes I think about my 14-year-old self and remember how naïve and trusting I was.  Things could’ve turned out completely different – like another life.  Maybe I would have turned out more like my mother wanted.  Run away from the hard times to a new school, new friends.  Maybe I would’ve kept some of that innocence.”

Blaine’s eyes are closed like he’s imagining it.  Kurt tries to think of a different version of Blaine.  Maybe they would’ve been friends. 

“Andersons don’t run though, so I turned into what my father wanted instead.  I wouldn’t change a thing because I never regret my decisions.”

Kurt’s not sure what to make of Blaine’s rant, but the moment has passed and whatever brought it on has been pushed back down.

Blaine shakes his head and rubs a hand over his face.  “Go back to bed, Kurt.”

“I—“  His voice cracks, but then he feigns courage he doesn’t have to continue.  “Can I go back to my home tomorrow?”

Blaine looks at him like he’s lost his mind.  “Last I heard today, your father was still in a coma and unless you’re breaking our deal then you’re staying right here where you belong.”

“I’m not breaking our deal, but you’re never here.  There’s no point in me staying here.”

“You stay here because it’s what I want.  You will continue to stay here until I say otherwise.”

Kurt sighs and stands up.  “Fine, I’ll stare at your walls and continue to be locked in this extravagant prison while you’re off robbing and killing and doing whatever else it is you’ve convinced yourself is okay in this life.  And I will stay here until my father gets better and then our agreement will be over.  ”

He turns to walk away, but Blaine catches him by the wrist and pushes him face down on the arm of the couch.

“I don’t think I quite understand the complaint here.  Are you purposely trying to piss me off?”  Blaine’s voice is even, but the pressure on Kurt’s back is heavy.  “Do you miss me?  Is that what it is?”

“I miss my life.  I miss my friends.  I miss being able to do whatever I want.”  He doesn’t struggle in this position, but his words are filled with spite.

“You’re a brat.”

“You’re an ass.”

“I get it now.”  Blaine leans over Kurt, molding their bodies together to whisper in his ear.  “You’re lonely.  You need a little attention.”

Kurt tries to move his head away, but he’s effectively pinned.  “I just want to go home.”

“This is home.”

Kurt shakes his head.

“And you say I’m never here.  So, I’m not giving you enough attention.  Is that right?”

“That’s not what I meant by it.”

“Oh, I think it is.”  He stood up, keeping his lower half flush with Kurt’s and a hand on the back of his neck.  “You want me to spend some quality time with you?”

Blaine’s hips begin to rock forward. 

This is not how Kurt envisioned the conversation going.  He was lonely, but not because of the lack of sexual acts between them.  The only conversation Kurt got now was from his father’s nurse when she came to check on him.  Thad never spoke no matter how much Kurt antagonized him.  His father was unable to speak and Kurt was forbidden from contacting anyone else.  He’d always been a very social person and he missed simple human interaction.  And though he would never admit it out loud, maybe he did miss talking to Blaine.

“Tell me, baby.  Is this what you need?”

Blaine pulls Kurt’s pajama pants and underwear down just below his ass.  Kurt closes his eyes and tries to steady his breathing.  A shiver runs down his back as he remembers the soreness that is now gone from his body.

The hand is removed from his neck and Kurt can feel Blaine unbuttoning his pants where he still has Kurt’s legs pinned.  Now no longer fully restrained, he moves to stand up.

Blaine grabs both of his arms and twists them behind his back, pushing him back down onto the arm of the couch.  His wrists are held together by one of Blaine’s hands, the other hand continuing to work on his pants.

Kurt immediately tenses when he feels Blaine hard and hot against his ass.  He’s taken by surprise when Blaine spits and then slowly rubs his cock up and down the cleft of his ass spreading the wetness.  Blaine starts to move his hips faster, letting go of Kurt’s wrists to press his cheeks tighter around his thrusting dick.  There’s another bit of spit, but it’s still too dry and the friction burns a little.  Kurt just holds onto the couch, letting Blaine move against him, thankful for not being penetrated.  Blaine comes with a groan all over Kurt’s lower back where his shirt has ridden up.

“Is this what you wanted?  Me coming home just to use you however I want?”

He can feel Blaine rubbing the come into his skin and it makes Kurt cringe, but he doesn’t move.  When it starts dripping down his ass, Blaine rubs the wetness over Kurt’s hole eliciting a gasp.

Blaine wipes his hand on Kurt’s hip and then moves to the other end of the couch.

With slightly shaky hands, Kurt pulls his underwear and pajamas back up, trying to ignore the disgusting feeling of the now moist fabric stuck to his skin.  He stands and just stares again.

“Blaine…”

“Go the fuck to bed, Kurt.”

He doesn’t hesitate in leaving the room, quickly changing his clothes, and then crawling under the covers.  He watches the minutes pass on his phone and doesn’t let himself drift off until he hears the front door close again.

***

Neither Blaine nor Cooper come home for the next two days.  Kurt is sure he’s messed everything up though he can’t pinpoint exactly what it was.  He knows that he’s talked back and pulled away and been less than enthusiastic.

All you have to do is keep me happy.

Kurt wasn’t keeping up his end of this bargain.  When he visits his father, he questions every nurse he sees to make sure that nothing is changing with his treatment and that he’ll continue to stay.

He expects Blaine to end their arrangement at any time.

When Blaine comes home late on the second night looking exhausted, Kurt decides then and there that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep Blaine happy.

There’s a little half smile on his face when they make eye contact and Kurt can’t help but genuinely smile back.  Blaine being here means that Kurt still has a chance to do what he needs to in order for his father to continue getting the help he needs.

Kurt walks to him unprompted and lets Blaine pull him in for a brief kiss.

“I’m glad you came home.”

Blaine looks at him curiously, but only smiles again.  “I had work, but things are fixed for now.  I’ll come home more.”

Kurt doesn’t push for more info and Blaine doesn’t say anything else.

They get ready for bed in silence and Kurt lets Blaine hold him close as they fall asleep.

***

God, he feels good.  His body is thrumming with pleasure and Kurt is just reveling in it.  He hasn’t felt this good in so long.

There’s a noise and he slowly starts to wake up.  He groans, unsure if it’s because he’s being forced awake or because his body is still tingling.  There are wet lips on his neck and a hand on his cock.  His eyes immediately open and he reaches out for Blaine’s arm, stopping him from his ministrations.

“Morning, baby.  I was beginning to think I was going to make you come in your sleep.”

Kurt blushes and ducks his head. 

“Don’t get shy now.”

He meets Blaine’s gaze, nervous and embarrassed at how turned on he was.

“God, you look so innocent sometimes.  I want to see what you look like when you come.  I want to watch.”

Blaine pulls away and Kurt is both relieved and confused.  “Blaine?”

“Gonna watch you make yourself come.”  His grin is almost maniacal.

It might’ve been the cloudiness of sleep still lingering, but Kurt didn’t understand.

Blaine settles at the far corner of the bed.  “Finger yourself for me, baby.”

Kurt blinks owlishly until the words fully settle in his brain.  He looks down to where he’s still half hard and then pushes his underwear and pants down from where they are bunched at his knees.  He pulls his t-shirt over his head and drops it to the side.

The blush still lingers on his chest and he feels so awkwardly exposed.  This is the first time Blaine has seen him naked when they’ve been sober.  Kurt doesn’t count that morning in the bathroom since he likely had puke on his face and there is absolutely no way Blaine was turned on then.  But now the man sits just feet away, comfortable in his nudity, just watching and waiting.

Kurt takes a deep breath and as he exhales there is a small sense of relief.  He’s done this before, knows what he likes, and how his body feels.  Part of him worries that the hurt that has already healed will somehow still be there.

He grabs the bottle of lube from the drawer and then lies back against the pillow, spreading his legs slightly.  Kurt’s never done this in front of anyone, but he knows how to put on a show (albeit normally clothed and completely willingly).  His hands rub along his chest and circle the already hard nipples.  A small tweak and he closes his eyes to try and get lost in a fantasy.  There was that guy from last semester’s design class – Robert or Richard or something.  His name doesn’t matter, just his image.  Kurt imagines they’re in design guy’s bed instead of Blaine’s.  His hand moves from his nipple down across his stomach and he can already feel the blood rushing south.  He gives himself a few firm strokes until he’s hard again and then brushes a finger against his hole.  He opens his eyes just long enough to grab the lube and generously coat his fingers.  Eyes closed and he imagines he’s doing this for his lover, someone he trusts and cares for.  He rubs around his hole lightly and then presses in the tiniest bit with one finger.  It doesn’t hurt.  Rationally he knew it wouldn’t, but he still moves slowly.  He pushes in further, knees up and spread, body hunching forward to get a better angle.  The slow drag in and out is not enough to get him off, but he hesitates longer than he normally would before he adds the second finger.  With two, he can feel the stretch and he savors it because he loves this feeling.  After a minute, he pulls them out to add more lube.  Blaine has relaxed more, laying on his side, hand gripping his cock but not stroking.  He doesn’t look up at Kurt, too focused on where three fingers are now pushing in slowly.  Kurt’s eyes roll back and his mouth opens slightly.  He bites his lip and rolls his balls in his free hand.  The fingers move with more confidence as he imagines they are his lover’s instead of his own.

His hand wraps around his cock and he can feel the heat building within him.  He’s sweating and writhing and so, so close.

“Fuck…”

The voice draws him from his fantasy, but he’s already over the edge, coming all over his stomach as his fingers slip out and his back arches.

He strokes himself through it, somehow unable to look away from Blaine who is staring back at him with complete unadulterated lust.  Kurt can see how hard Blaine still is, but his hand is still not moving.

Blaine crawls up the bed towards him and Kurt’s breathing too hard to say anything to stop him.

“That was even hotter than I thought it would be.”  And then he’s pressing Kurt into the mattress with a deep and dirty kiss.  Kurt can feel Blaine rutting against his hip and starts kissing back enthusiastically in hopes of getting a few minutes recovery time before Blaine wants his own release.

Blaine pulls back slightly, breathing just as hard as Kurt.  “Let’s take a shower.”

He’s up and off the bed before he can even see Kurt’s look of confusion.

Kurt hears the water turn on and slowly makes his way to the bathroom.  Blaine is already in the shower, but he’s left the glass door open for Kurt, water splashing out onto the tile.

Kurt closes the door behind him and Blaine quickly grabs him and presses his chest against the shower wall

“You have no idea what you do to me.”

Kurt wants to make a joke that he knows fairly well what he does to him and can feel it hard against his ass.  Blaine ruts into the cleft of his ass and then rubs the head of his dick against Kurt’s still slick hole.  Kurt tenses and waits for him to push in, but he just continues rubbing against him.

“So close just from watching.”

Blaine’s breathing hot and heavy into Kurt’s ear and then there’s come covering the back of Kurt’s thighs.  Blaine is holding him tightly, thrusting through the last waves of his orgasm.  He places a kiss between Kurt’s shoulder blades and then pulls Kurt fully under the water.  They wash pretty quickly, Blaine smiling the entire time.

They don’t talk again until they’re clean and dry and eating a fruit salad that Kurt threw together.

“I thought I’d go see your dad with you today and then we could do a little shopping.”

This takes Kurt by surprise.  His time with his dad, though one-sided in conversation, is private.  He can’t deny Blaine though so he nods.

“Whatever you want.”

***

His dad’s nurse, Gail, is there as always and greets them with a smile.

Kurt has developed a sort of routine for his time with his dad.  He checks the pillows to make sure they’re supporting him enough.  He straightens the sheet and blanket pulled up over his dad’s waist.  He massages a little lotion into each of his dad’s hands.  And then he sits in the same chair, the same spot every day, and talks to his dad like they’re catching up from the previous day.

Kurt tries to pretend like Blaine isn’t there, but it’s a little uncomfortable since he often talks to his dad about the situation he is in.  He keeps today’s topics neutral and then just tries to enjoy the silence between them.  Blaine gets a call from Cooper and walks to the far end of the room to talk.  It’s hard to make out what they’re discussing, but Kurt hears the irritation in Blaine’s voice.  When the call ends, Blaine mumbles some choice words about his brother and then takes a seat near the window.

The beeping on one of his father’s monitors is normally calming, but Kurt can’t seem to relax.

Blaine seems restless since his conversation with Cooper and it’s a distraction for Kurt.  He can’t exactly tell Blaine to leave.

“We should probably go for the day.  Nothing’s changed and I know they’ll call me if anything does.”

“Are you sure?  You normally spend hours here.”

Kurt’s not surprised that Blaine knows how long his visits are, but he’s still annoyed.  He fakes a smile and pushes the frustration down. 

“It’s fine.  Really.”

Blaine grabs his hand and smiles sweetly.

“Is everything okay with Cooper?”

“Other than him being an idiot – yes.  He can’t do anything on his own.  He couldn’t do any of this without me.  For years, I’ve been stepping up and saving his ass when things need to be done.”  It’s like Blaine physically tries to shake off the negative feelings, never letting go of Kurt’s hand in the process.

After leaving the hospital, they stop at what Kurt assumes is another high-end clothing store.  Based on Blaine’s wardrobe, he has no qualms about spending his money on fine clothing.

When they walk in, a young woman greets them and then leads them to a backroom.

“They don’t put the best stuff out on the floor,” Blaine whispers.

“Jenny will be with you in just a minute.”  And with that, the young woman is gone.  Blaine pulls Kurt along by the hand, thumbing through a few racks distractedly.

“What are you shopping for today?”

“I’m buying you a coat.  You don’t have anything suitable for the cold.”

“Blaine, it’s October, I don’t think I’ll freeze anytime soon.”

“You’ll need it next month and I’d rather get it now.”

“I have a perfectly good coat at home.”

“It’s probably cheap.  You need something nice.”

“I don’t need an overpriced coat when I can just—“

“God, Kurt, it’s a coat!  Don’t be so fucking unappreciative!”  Blaine’s hands are gripping his arms and Kurt wonders when they got so close.

Kurt’s eyes widen and he tries to pull away, but Blaine’s grip just tightens.  “I-I’m sorry.  I thought… I just didn’t want you to waste your money.”

“I have plenty of money.  When I say I want to buy you something, let me.”

“O-Okay.”

Blaine’s aggravation fades from his face, voice taking on a much more pleasant tone.  “Now what kind of coat do you think you’d like?  I think you’d look good in a peacoat.”

“Yah, that would be nice.”

Just then, a middle-aged blonde woman comes out of another back room.  “Mr. Anderson.  I’m so happy you could stop by.  I understand you’re looking for a winter coat, correct?”

“Yes, for my boyfriend here.”

Kurt hopes the look on his face is more schooled than he’s feeling inside.  Boyfriend?  He figures it probably wouldn’t be appropriate to be introduced as ‘the guy I fuck while his father lies in a coma.’

“Kurt?”

He looks to the woman and back to Blaine, both of them staring at him expectantly.  “I’m sorry, what?”

“Do you have any particulars that you’re looking for in a coat other than the overall style?  A specific designer or material or color?”

“No.”

“Kurt, don’t lie.  You know enough about fashion to tell her what you want.”

Kurt looks at Blaine who seems to still have some residual anger in his expression.

“Something dark, but not black.  And I’ve always liked McQueen.”  What he liked and what he could afford were two different things.  At least in the past.

“I believe we have two.  Let me pull them.”

She returns with the two coats – one charcoal and the other navy.  The navy one fits him like a glove and before he even says anything, Blaine is completing the sale.  Kurt has only owned a few McQueen pieces – out of season and heavily discounted.  And here he stood in front of a mirror wearing the latest style that no doubt cost at least a couple thousand dollars.  The material felt amazing under his fingers and he closes his eyes imagining being able to afford this on his own.

“Plan on wearing it home?”

Kurt’s eyes shoot open and meet Blaine’s in the mirror. 

“No.”  He quickly takes it off and hands it to the woman to hang and put into a garment bag.  Before they are even out of the store, Kurt feels guilty for how happy getting that coat made him.

In the car, Blaine is quiet and Kurt can’t read his mood.  Things will only get worse if Blaine is still angry.

Kurt reaches over and intertwines his fingers with Blaine’s.

Blaine looks down at their hands and then up at Kurt with a neutral expression on his face.  Kurt smiles.  “Thank you for the coat.”

Blaine smiles back and just nods.  The tension seemed to be gone then, but Kurt knows the smallest thing could set him off again, as evidenced by their exchange in the store.  Kurt shifts closer and lays his head on Blaine’s shoulder.

If Kurt is going to survive the remainder of their time together, he’s going to have to lose what little pride he has left and just give in to this man.

He hopes there will still be a part of the real him left when this is over.

***