June 5, 2012, 4:41 p.m.
The Will of Fire: My Own Monster
E - Words: 4,257 - Last Updated: Jun 05, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Feb 09, 2012 - Updated: Jun 05, 2012 244 0 0 0 0
“Um, an hour past four,” Blaine added helpfully.
Kurt looked around the large classroom. They were expected to meet their teacher at one o’ clock, but now five hours later they were still waiting for their oh so honorable sensei. Kurt took in the smell of chalk and dust. He desperately wanted to clean up, but had no supplies. He sighed and stood up from the desk he was occupying and crossed over to his teammates.
“Where do you think he is?” Kurt asked brushing a finger over a desk and grimacing at the dust that lay on his once porcelain finger.
Blaine shrugged. Kurt still couldn’t pinpoint what was so alluring about him. He decided it was anticipation to see one of the last members of the Uchiha clan in battle. He looked over to Quinn, her ever-present beauty queen looks plastered to her face. Kurt new better, he knew the heart that lay underneath all the glamour.
Kurt was tired of the tension in the room; you could cut it with a knife. Blaine was nice to him at Burt’s ramen shop, and even Quinn had thanked Kurt for the meal, but now they were both back to their silent ways. He saw that Quinn kept glancing over to him, the second time Kurt caught her gaze and she flung her face away, her high pony bouncing over her shoulder.
“What is your problem with me?” Kurt stood, walking over to Quinn, arms crossed.
Quinn stood, elegantly he must say, and looked up to him.
“I will not be talked down to, demon,” Quinn hissed, “and my problem is that they let someone as disgusting as you in the Ninja Academy. I mean come on, you obviously have no control over your emotions if you keep trying to pick a fight with me, it’s sad really.”
Kurt was fuming; she was the one who kept looking at him, she was the one who lost her temper when Kurt merely tried to apologize. And Kurt was about to voice it when a softer voice cut in.
“Guys, I don’t think our chemistry will work out on the battlefield if you two become enemies.” Blaine reasoned, hands raised as a sign of surrender.
Kurt calmed down a little. He knew Blaine was right, though he didn’t admit it.
“Fine, truce you little clich� of a blonde girlfriend?” Kurt smiled sarcastically.
Quinn smiled, scarily he might add. “Funny you’re talking about clich�s when you’re the most stereotypical gay guy I’ve ever met.”
Kurt’s voice caught in his throat and he saw Blaine raise an eyebrow out of the corner of his eye. He’d never met Quinn, much less spilled his secrets to her. I mean granted, it was no secret that he was, but her knowing put a knot in his stomach.
Quinn gave an arrogant flourish, and turned on her heel making her way back to the desk.
Kurt’s gay? Blaine raised an eyebrow at how quickly he shut up after Quinn’s insult. She obviously struck a nerve. All of a sudden Blaine was seeing Kurt in a different light. He saw the wispy curl in his perfectly styled hair, the brightness of his blue eyes, and the way he licked his lips absently when he was nervous, and Blaine thought it was oh, so hot.
“What?” Blaine said aloud, gaining Quinn and Kurt’s attention respectively. He shrugged and walked towards the window. It felt nice to have the cool air on his face, but those same thoughts would not leave his mind.
Get a grip Blaine, He thought curtly. He had no idea why his mind went there; he’s never really been attracted to anyone, he was always too busy planning on destroying his brother. But now with Kurt he wasn’t so sure.
Blaine laughed sweetly under his breath, “Maybe I have a thing for demons.”
He shrugged off the thought and walked back towards the others. Kurt was looking at his nails, and Quinn was fixing her hair. Blaine wondered not for the first time today where their sensei was. It’s not like He has anywhere to be, but he wanted to know. The anticipation was killing him.
As if on cue there was a knock on the door, and all three of their heads shot up, obviously startled. After what seemed like years someone strolled in. He had horribly gelled hair, Blaine thought. After a moment the irony sunk in, He uses an insane amount of product every day to calm his own jet black curls. His brother always liked them, so in turn led Blaine to hate them. He wore the standard Leaf Jonin uniform that was mandatory.
The unknown elite ninja walked to the front of the room, hands in his pockets. He finally turned in front of the chalkboard, warm green-blue eyes searching them.
“So this is my team?” He said rubbing his hands together. “This is going to be great!”
Blaine stared, and after a while Quinn and Kurt stood, the only sound in the room the rustling of metal against wood, and stared as well. Their apparent sensei looked at them like they were crazy, but smiled after a while.
“Is there a problem, guys?” Blaine knew there was total innocence behind those eyes, but he couldn’t believe that he didn’t notice how he was almost five hours late.
“Actually there is a problem,” Kurt started, and as much as Blaine loved hearing his voice, he wished he would just shut up and let himself do the talking.
“What he means is,” Blaine added apologetically, “Is that you’re five hours late, and we were all very worried.” Blaine gave his best charming smile to Kurt, but to his disappointment, it didn’t work.
“That’s an understatement,” Kurt began, “We’ve all been sitting here doing nothing but wondering whether if you’re dead or if this is all just some cruel joke made to crush me because I never get true happiness in my life.”
Oh.
Well that shocked Blaine. He came to the realization that Kurt was a demon, and that it was most likely he rarely got treated to kindness.
I’m goanna have to change that. Blaine thought.
He came back to reality and realized Kurt was still talking.
“And you come waltzing in here with your mountain of hair, and smile and act like nothing’s wrong? Aren’t sensei supposed to understand their students feelings? Do you understand mine?” Kurt finally stopped talking. Quinn and the unknown sensei were in a daze. Blaine felt his own mouth hanging open and clamped it shut immediately.
“I-I’m so sorry Kurt.”
He saw Kurt’s surprise at the sensei knowing his name.
“I had a really important thing to do. Can you trust me?”
Kurt nodded and Blaine let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
“My names Will Schuester,” He said finally, “but you can call me Schue if you’d like.”
Kurt, Quinn, and Blaine nodded.
Schue walked over to the door.
“I have a plan for our first day as a team, do you mind following me?”
All three of them shook their heads, and followed Schue Sensei out of the classroom.
Blaine left last and even through everything they’ve encountered he felt a spark in his stomach when Kurt looked at him with those, blue, blue eyes.
~
Quinn’s feet sounded quiet against the cold stone steps. She sighed, how long could this walk be? She glanced around at the architecture. The Hidden Leaf Village always had a weird design. The handrails of the stone steps were embossed with numerous red beads with the kanji for seal on them. The steps had many intricate swirls carved into each of them, and they looked to Quinn like flames. Numerous leaves swirled around them, the summery breeze perking her up a bit. After Kurt’s little eruption at Schue Sensei, she began seeing him differently. She could definitely relate to not being able to trust people, to not have people understand her feelings. All of this thinking eventually led her to how rude she’s been to him. Granted he did bump into her and bruised her side, but he had tried to apologize and Quinn basically called him a worthless demon, twice. Quinn decided to apologize to Kurt as soon as they were done with whatever Schue had planned.
Schue eventually led them to the top of a building. Quinn looked down to the middle of the space and carved into the stone floor was a sun pentagram. She looked back to the stairs and saw that the swirls that were snaking their way up to the top, slowly intertwined with the sun carving.
It was flames.
She realized with adoration they were on top of the Hokage mansion. Quinn had spent many a summer here at the Hokage mansion. Their families were close, which eventually led to Quinn’s tutoring in Medical ninjustu. The current Hokage, Lady Sue, had tutored her for a year. Sue was a harsh teacher, but she would do anything to protect her village. Quinn thought it was the biggest honor to be personally trained by not only one of the Three Legendary Sannin, but the Hokage, the strongest kunoichi in the village. Lady Sue taught Quinn many techniques in Medical ninjustu and taijutsu. Quinn smiled. She would get to show everyone what she could do soon enough.
Schue sensei led them to the edge of the building, Schue turned around and leaned on the red railing, elbows perched behind him. Quinn wondered how their so called ‘Sensei’ could be so relaxed and care free.
“Alright guys,” Schue started looking to them. He had a huge smile plastered on his face. “Orientation for me is a little different than the other Jonin.”
Quinn looked over to Blaine who had a raised eyebrow. He was beautiful, she thought. His warm honey eyes shifted over to her and he smiled. Quinn smiled back and looked back towards Schue.
“Before we introduce ourselves I want you… to sing.” Schue said after a pause.
The look on Kurt’s face was priceless. His blue eyes shifted around before starting.
“I’m sorry what?”
Quinn couldn’t agree more. Singing? At this time and place? It was the last thing on her mind.
“I agree with Kurt,” Quinn found herself saying, “Singing won’t help our ninjustu abilities, that’s a fact.” She said matter-of-factly. She gained a small smile from Kurt and to her own surprise smiled back. He wasn’t as bad as she thought; she’d have to give him a chance.
“Music,” Schue started, “Is the gateway to the soul; it gets you more in tune with your emotions than talking ever could.”
“Ninja’s aren’t supposed to show emotion.” Kurt added sharply.
“True,” Blaine sounded tired, “But friends can.”
Kurt blinked and turned to Blaine.
“We’re not friends.” He said harsher than he meant. Kurt was positive that all of this was going to come crashing down on him. He’d been denied almost every chance of happiness in life, why should it change now. He saw Blaine flinch and stare to the ground. Kurt felt guilty that he caused that kind of reaction, but he wasn’t going to let anyone else into his heart to destroy it.
“Alright, enough.” Schue Sensei said with a force Kurt never heard him use. He jumped back a bit, but quickly recomposed himself.
“Each of you is going to sing a song that represents who you are.”
Kurt heard Quinn gasp when Schue Sensei pulled out a single kunai knife and struck the hilt into the top of his ungloved hand, allowing a slow stream of red blood to flow out.
Blaine stared in shock, while Quinn had a hand over her mouth. Kurt simply watched; he felt nothing for this ninja he barely knew. Still, that didn’t stop his curiosity from peaking.
“Now,” Schue said with a menacing smile, “I’m going to show you the power of Sound Style ninjustu.”
At a blinding fast speed Schue Sensei preformed a series of hand seals at a rate only a Jonin could do. After what seemed like hours of different hand seals, and signs Schue Sensei slammed his bloodied hand onto the concrete.
“Summoning Jutsu!”
Fast black scrawls of kanji covered the ground, and immediately after the whole area were covered in a cloud of intense white smoke.
After the smoke cleared and some light coughing, Schue materialized with an object in his hand.
“W-what was that?” Quinn exclaimed while brushing off her skirt.
“That,” Schue Sensei started, “Was a Summoning Jutsu. Long story short you make a pact in blood to an item or animal, and you can summon it from an alternate dimension whenever you wish. It’s an advanced technique but that’s not the point.”
Blaine gasped when he saw what Schue was holding. It was a honey colored acoustic guitar with talismans scrawled with ‘sealing’ kanji pasted all over it. In the middle where the chords intersect was an orb glowing with blue energy.
Schue noticed him staring and tapped at it. “This is my chakra, you know, the energy every Shinobi has in their body that allows them to preform jutsu and techniques?” Blaine nodded and Schue continued, “When you sing for me the guitar will respond to your chakra, letting me know a little more about you.”
Kurt, Quinn, and Blaine nodded. Schue smiled, “Who wants to go first?”
Kurt felt his stomach tighten. Singing was a secret passion of his, Kurt had never even heard of Sound Style until a few moments ago.
“I’ll go.” Kurt found himself saying. Everyone’s eyes were on him, judgmental, not cold, but they still shook him. He found Blaine staring at him, those brown eyes burning into his. Kurt felt a stabbing heat in his neck and adjusted his collar. Surely he was just nervous about singing.
“I-I have a song that’s really been helping me through my damaged life,” He stopped to let out a shaky breath, “I hope you like it.”
Kurt walked to the middle of the space, so he was directly in the center of the sun pentagram, the flame carvings swirling out from underneath him. Kurt took this as a universal metaphor, he was going to shine, whether people helped him or not.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Schue Sensei nodded with a smile.
Kurt took a breath to relieve him of the nerves, feelings, and pain, to let it all out in this one song. He nodded at Schue and opened his mouth, feeling his voice lift from his throat into a low alto.
Blaine didn’t know what he was expecting, but he wasn’t expecting this. Kurt’s voice was beautiful, and he trapped him as he sang the soulful first verse:
“I turn my head
There's nothing there
All I own is my thoughts
For my fears
I close the door
To keep out the bad
I plug my ears
To keep out these fears”
Kurt stayed strong, the first verse wasn’t as vocally challenging as the rest of the song, and he was just getting started. As he finished the last line he took a breath to start the next verse-
“And I cry
So hold me close
For I'm so tired
Of holding myself
So very tired
And tired
Tired and tired
Just hold me”
Kurt repeated this line again and gained stares from Quinn and Blaine. Schue Sensei was smiling, obviously not trying to keep the happiness off his own face. Kurt gained determination and started the last verse before the chorus-
“I listen to these voices
Or is it this house
That's giving me chills,
As I lie upon
This little girl’s bed
Who's at the door?
Who's walking near?
Or has
My imagination spilled?
This little girl
All grown up still fears
Oh and I cry”
Kurt took a deep breath and willed back tears before starting the heart wrenching chorus. This song spoke to him like no other; he pushed all of his pain and suffering into the final refrain-
“Where can I go
Where can I hide
From these evil sufferings?
Oh these images
Painted on my walls
They say there's a place
That I can hide
In the shadow of your wings
Oh Lord, bring me
To this place of refuge
No more tears.”
Blaine watched as Kurt brushed away a tear from his face, and his heart sunk. Seeing Kurt cry just broke him for some reason. The song was beautiful but Kurt’s voice enchanted him. Blaine glanced around and saw Quinn watching teary eyed, and Schue awe-struck.
“That was beautiful Kurt.” Blaine found himself saying before he could stop himself.
Kurt blushed and mouthed a thank you. Blaine smiled at the fact that he could do that to someone like Kurt, he wanted to wrap Kurt up in his arms and lay there forever, but it wasn’t long before Schue chimed in, interrupting his reverie.
“Kurt, that was amazing.” Schue held out his guitar and showed Kurt the chakra inside. It was blazing red, and the talismans around the guitar were glowing and eerie yellow.
“I did that?” Kurt asked incredulously.
Schue smiled and nodded, “I’ve never seen my Muse react this wildly.”
“Muse?” Kurt asked confused.
Schue slapped his head, “Right, this is Muse,” he held out the guitar, “It’s kind of my main weapon.” Kurt nodded and walked back to his place in between himself and Quinn.
Quinn quickly turned to Kurt.
“Kurt I’m so sorry.” Quinn knew she was tearing up, but she couldn’t help it. That song was beautiful, Kurt’s voice was beautiful. She’s never seen a song convey so much emotion. She could feel every bit of pain, suffering, and neglect in that song, and it killed her that she was part of some of it.
Kurt gave a sad smile, “It’s alright, and I know I’m a monster. I can’t help it, I don’t mean to be.”
Quinn took Kurt’s hand much to his surprise and shook her head.
“You’re not, I-I was wrong to yell at you, after all you were just apologizing.” Quinn bit her lip searching for the right words. “If anything I’m more of a monster than you, you’re a perfect human being Kurt. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
Kurt was awestruck. Nobody’s ever apologized for being cruel to him, and he’d be dammed if he didn’t accept the first one.
“I forgive you Quinn, thank you.”
She squeezed his hand and let go, they didn’t notice that Will turned around after Quinn’s apology to wipe his eyes; they didn’t notice the smile that was plastered to Blaine’s face. But they all felt more in tune with Kurt, which was certain.
Quinn feeling redeemed stood up to the front. Daintily, she walked up to the middle of the sun pentagram that Kurt was singing at moments ago.
“I know I’ve made mistakes already.” She eyed Kurt. “But… I feel happy that I don’t half to act like a perfect little princess around you guys, even if it did mean tearing you down, Kurt.”
He let out a dry laugh, “It’s alright nothing I haven’t heard before.”
Quinn frowned. “Anyway,” she started, “This song is kind of close to my heart, no one’s ever seen this side of me, and I hope you can forgive me Kurt.”
Kurt nodded and Quinn turned her back on the boys. She smiled and shook her hips rhythmically to the beat inside her head. She turned back around and stepped gracefully back up to the sun carving. She opened her mouth and started to sing the first verse-
“The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you”
Quinn remembered the exact dance steps she used when she sang this song to get into cheerleading as a child. Although it was more provocative now, and she had backup dancers, she still used the dainty flair she always used when singing.
Quinn brought her hands to her chest as she sang the next line-
“Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
Forever, Together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.”
Quinn did a little twirl, her high pony resting on her shoulder; her voice was gaining a little more power, although it was still soft, the way Quinn liked it-
“I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.”
Although Quinn didn’t feel that close to Kurt yet, she felt something. She sung the last chorus with courage hoping Kurt could get what she was trying to convey-
“Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Forever, Together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me”
Quinn finished belting out the last note and smiled. She was taken by suprise when Kurt ran up to her and tackled her into a hug.
“K-Kurt are you alright?” She asked voice full of concern.
She felt Kurt crying into her shoulder, and after a while he looked down at her, a sad smile on his lips.
“Yeah, thank you nobody’s ever sung a song for me. Your voice was beautiful and I loved the flair your brought.”
Quinn gave smiled back and let go slowly. “Thank you.”
Schue smiled and walked over to them. “Look Quinn.”
She turned her head and looked to the Muse. The orb was glowing pink, as were the talismans.
“Kurt’s chakra was full of sadness, mixed In with strong determination. Yours was full of love. I’m proud of you Quinn.”
She nodded and walked back to her place beside Blaine.
“Well,” Schue started, “I guess your last.”
Blaine looked up and realized Schue was talking to him. It’s not as if he didn’t like singing, loved it actually, but it was him and his brothers favorite pastime. It brought back memories he’s pushed into the dark recesses of his mind.
“I really don’t”- He started but was cut off by Kurt.
“Please Blaine?” Kurt begged, hands clasped and an adorable smile on his face. He couldn’t say no to that. With a sigh and lots of mental preparation he walked towards the sun pentagram. His hands were sweaty and his face felt warm. He decided to just get it over with already and started singing-
“She was giving the world
So much that she couldn't see
And she needed someone to show her,
who she could be.
And she tried to survive
Wearing her heart on her sleeve
but I needed you to believe”
Blaine hated that he only sung this song to secretly vent about his brother. He hated that after all these years his brother still had influence over him. He hated that after everything, even the murder of his whole family; he couldn’t find it in his heart to hate him.
“You had your dreams, I have mine.
You had your fears, I was fine.
You showed me what I couldn't find,
When two different worlds collide.
La dee da dee da”
He kept singing, and Kurt and Quinn were watching with awe. Blaine was on the verge of tears. He hadn’t cried in forever, the tears were just turned into hate. Hate for himself for not being strong enough to stop his brother.
“She was scared of it all, watching from far away.
She was given a role, never knew just when to play.
And she tried to survive
Living her life on her own
Always afraid of the throne
But you've given me strength to find home.”
The last line hit close to home and Blaine let go of the tears that built up over the years of loneliness and pain. He tried to stop them, he really did but they kept coming.
He repeated the chorus again before starting the bridge-
“She was scared
Unprepared.
Lost in the dark.
Falling Apart,
I can't survive,
With you by my side.
We're gonna be alright.
This is what happens when two worlds collide.”
Blaine didn’t know who was goanna be by his side, and that ultimately made the whole thing worse. This song ends happily, my life doesn’t.
“You had your dreams, I have mine.
You had your fears, I was fine.
You show me what I couldn't find,
When two different worlds collide.
La dee da dee da
You had your dreams, I have mine.
You had your fears, I was fine.
You showed me what I couldn't find,
When two different worlds collide.
When two different worlds collide.”
Blaine wiped his eyes and slumped down to the floor, cross legged, crying his eyes out. He didn’t notice when Kurt came from behind to hold him. Under another circumstance he would’ve denied it, but there was something about Kurt that he just couldn’t push away. Blaine gripped the front of Kurt’s silver vest and cried into it. Quinn quickly ran over to Blaine’s other side and placed a hand on his shoulder. Blaine didn’t know why but there was something comforting about Kurt, something that lit a fire in his heart. He didn’t know what it was but he was scared. But right now he couldn’t care less.
Nobody noticed Will release the Muse. Nobody noticed the dark purple chakra full of hate and vengeance that emitted from it. Will didn’t know what it was about these kids, but he couldn’t walk away.
Will noticed Blaine stopped crying and was standing in between a protective looking Kurt and Quinn. He smiled and rubbed his hands together.
“Alright guys, that part is done,” He waited until his student’s eyes were on him, “Now comes the fun part.”