CHAPTER 3

Sectionals come and go the next week. New Directions (and really, who came up with this name?) end up in a tie with Dalton Academy Warblers, which is incidentally Blaine’s old school. Kurt watches the uniform-clad group welcome their ex-member with warmth and enthusiasm that leaves little doubt how well liked and popular Blaine was there. McKinley must seem like a special kind of hell after that.

He can’t help but wonder why Blaine would leave such a safe haven. It’s not like he can ask – he’s never actually talked with the other boy. And even if he did, Kurt can’t exactly reveal that he’s interested in anything connected with the gleek, much less in such private matters.

Though he is interested, or at least intrigued. Blaine seems so open and uncomplicated: always genuinely nice and helpful, studying hard, eager to sing and dance in Glee. But now that Kurt has a chance to watch him closely, see him interact with other people, he can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to the boy than meets the eye. There are layers upon layers under this nerdy exterior, he’s sure of it, and a core that is probably stronger than anything he’d ever seen. There are moments when Kurt muses what it would be like to get closer to Blaine; to finally have someone to talk to about things he’s never – ever – told anyone. Would Blaine understand? Or does Kurt simply idealize him, giving him qualities he’d like to see in a friend?

Because frankly, Kurt’s never had a true, close friend, one he could open up to, talk to about everything. No matter how well-liked he seems to be, the truth is that Quinn, after being his girlfriend for two years, is the closest he has to a real friend. They are similar in many ways – smart, ambitious, determined – but for obvious reasons, she doesn’t know the real Kurt all that well. It’s not that he’s stringing her along as his beard. If anything, they’re probably both using each other in one way or another, and they both know it even though they’ve never talked about it. There’s not much chemistry between them – if any – but they’re good together and they like each other.

When they became a couple in freshman year, Kurt already knew that he was gay, and Quinn seemed to be much more interested in her academic and cheerleading goals than in boys, no matter how many tried to get her. They met on the squad and it soon became apparent that they had similar ambitions – to be the best in everything they did, be popular, graduate with honors and get away from this town. Somewhere along the way, they simply decided they fit together; without any great romantic gestures or explosions of feelings. Within a year, they were co-captains of the squad and the most popular couple at school. So they continue to play their roles for everyone to see, and for each other too, Kurt’s pretty sure. Neither of them is too interested in developing the physical side of their relationship – kissing and making out is nice, pleasant, but there’s no real thrill in it. Kurt’s certain that they’ll stay together until graduation and then break up on friendly terms to go their separate ways.

At least that’s the plan.

The first time Kurt really hears Blaine sing, alone and undisturbed, is after Sectionals, over two weeks since the four cheerios joined Glee club. It’s not until that solo that Kurt becomes a little obsessed with Blaine; to the point where he knows he has to do something about it.

Mr. Schue gives them an assignment that week, writing it on the whiteboard in the choir room on Monday afternoon: SELF-EXPRESSION. They are supposed to find a song that fits who they are, helps them express themselves somehow, and then sing it in front of the group. Some people take the assignment seriously, some not quite. Mercedes sings Beautiful and damn, her voice is amazing. Puck comes up with an interesting version of Loser and Santana surprises everyone with a brilliant rendition of I’m a Bitch, I’m a Lover. Kurt finds the task stupid and his self-imposed rules make it quite difficult to find an appropriate song, so he flatly refuses to sing anything. Blaine is the last to perform on Friday and suddenly, Kurt finds himself gaping in astonishment – at least until he manages to remind himself to stop being so damn transparent. But really, it’s not easy to hide just how floored he is.

Music and voices are Kurt’s hidden weakness, so Blaine’s voice by itself would probably be enough to astound and enchant him – it’s warm and smooth, like honey and dark hot chocolate. But then Kurt actually listens to the lyrics and he’s so gone. Light on his feet and graceful, that amazing voice strong and sure, Blaine sings I Gotta Be Me with such raw honesty that it seems like a window into his mind, like an invitation: this is who I am; take it or leave it. And Kurt can’t say no; not to Blaine – to himself. He needs to get to know this guy; he wants to learn more about him.

He just has to find a way to do it without raising suspicions. After all, one of the most popular guys at school can hardly strike a friendly conversation with a resident loser all of a sudden. Not without repercussions. And Blaine is as much of a loser as possible, by general consensus; even though Kurt is almost certain it’s a completely wrong view.

He’s a straight-A student, always active in all his classes. He’s in Glee. He’s gay, of course, capital offence in McKinley and the whole Lima, apparently. His appearance doesn’t help either – his dark hair is always so heavily coated in gel that it looks glued on; he wears glasses in frames that are too large for his face and keep sliding down his nose, and his clothes? Kurt swears they burn his eyes sometimes with the crazy combinations of styles, colors and textures. 

So no, he can’t just go up to Blaine by his locker or even in the choir room and ask him to meet for coffee. But he’ll find a way. Kurt Hummel always finds a way to things he really wants. And right now, he really wants to have an opportunity to talk with Blaine Anderson outside of school.