CHAPTER 5: The past uncovered

"Tell me your story," Blaine starts as soon as they are settled. He's taken the armchair this time, leaving the two of them on the couch.

"You need to be more specific than that, you know," Kurt says. He's calmer now than he was the last time, probably because everything that could go wrong already did.

Blaine nods.

"Okay, how did it start then? Your parents got together when you were nine, right? So did they just... announce that you were supposed to be married right then?"

"No." It's Rachel who answers. "They mentioned it for the first time just after my tenth birthday. I think they needed to see if we really fit together first."

"And you just accepted that?"

Kurt smiles. "When you are nine or ten, you don't question it too much when your parents tell you something as an indisputable fact. Especially when they present it as something to look forward to. Like, When you're twelve, you'll get a new bike. Except in our case it was, When you're seventeen, you'll have a beautiful wedding and you'll start your own family." He shrugs. "It didn't feel weird then. We even made pretend weddings and played house. Rachel made me propose at least a dozen times, each one more preposterous than the one before."

He chuckles fondly at the memories, sweet and untainted, and Rachel swats his arm and sticks her tongue out at him. Blaine shakes his head, his eyes wide.

"Did you even know each other before? From the... the Harbor or–"

Kurt shakes his head. "No. We didn't live in the community until we moved in together."

"Wait, you say, live in the community," Blaine says, frowning. "So is it like... some compound or something?"

Rachel snickers quietly. "No, it's just a normal suburban neighborhood, a few streets with identical little houses owned by the Harbor. The whole point of the group is creating a tightly-knit community, so we–" she pauses and corrects herself. "They all live close together, but it's not some fanatic camp in the woods."

Blaine blushes, chuckling self-consciously. "Okay, so how did you become a part of that community then?"

Kurt takes over. "My mom and Rachel's father met in a support group sponsored by them. They dated for a few months, as far as I know, but Rachel and I only met once before they decided to join the Harbor and move in together."

"So before that, you had normal childhoods," Blaine muses.

"More or less." Kurt shrugs. "Mine was pretty much perfect until my dad died when I was seven. He just collapsed one night when we were setting the table for dinner and that was it. Nothing was ever the same after that." His breath still hitches slightly at the memory, so vivid even after all this time. "We had to sell the house and rent a tiny apartment. My mom started working two jobs, so I was always home alone." He notices Blaine's crestfallen expression and pulls back from the painful memories. It was a long time ago. "Well, at least I had both parents for some time."

Rachel raises her eyebrow. "I don't know why you keep assuming that's better. At least I never really knew what I was missing. The way I see it, never knowing one of your parents must be easier than losing them."

Blaine's attention shifts to her now, his face still the picture of compassion. "So you never met your mom? Not once?"

Rachel has that too-bright smile on her face, her voice forcefully chipper.

"She left us when I was a month old, so it's not like I didn't meet her – I just don't remember her." She glances at Blaine and deflates a bit under his sad eyes. "She was nineteen and in college when she got pregnant. Her future was supposed to be on stage, not at home with a baby and a much older husband. So she just... cracked, I think. She simply left one day. I used to believe she must have had post-partum depression, but she's never contacted us since, so–"

She shrugs, her chin held high and face cheerful; a brave little girl determined not to let the world see how hurt she is. But she can't fool Kurt, she never could. He knows how deep that hurt runs, has known ever since that first time she cried on his shoulder in the dead of the night, a nine-year-old girl who just wanted her real mommy.

Blaine shakes his head. "So you never really had a mom until your parents got together?"

"Well, my Nana lived with us – my dad's mom. She was old, but she was like a mom to me, really, so it's not like I never had a mother figure as a child, Blaine." She huffs. "But... well, she died eventually and it got really lonely then, yes. And hard for my dad, too – he had to take care of a little girl in addition to managing a company on the verge of bankruptcy. He didn't really know how to do that alone." She shakes off the somber mood that descended on all of them. "But hey, no, don't make the sad panda face. Yes, our childhoods sucked sometimes, but we both survived, we're here and we're just fine. No lasting damage, see?"

Kurt's not so sure about that last part, but she's right, there's no use wallowing in the long-ago pain. Blaine seems to agree, too, because he's smiling now, curious.

"So what was it like when you first met? Was it love at first sight? Or friendship at least?" His eyes are soft and affectionate, as if he imagines their nine year old selves and finds it adorable. They both snort, looking at each other.

"Oh god no, it was a nightmare." Kurt declares and Rachel nods vigorously.

"He was such a pest."

"She was a drama queen already at nine."

Rachel shakes her head, her eyes wide and voice dramatic. "We secretly hated each other the first time we met, and a week later we were sharing a room, so you can imagine. I'd never had to share with anyone, much less a boy! And it's not even like there wasn't enough room for separate bedrooms, but our parents told us we needed to bond and no arguments worked. I'm telling you, those first weeks were bad."

"They were terrible." Kurt says, gravely, and then they look at each other and dissolve into giggles.

Blaine watches them, amused. "Wow. So how did you get from that to...? I mean, you clearly got closer at some point."

Rachel's eyes soften and she takes Kurt's hand.

"We did. It took a few weeks of alternating between yelling at each other and pretending the other didn't exist, but we got there. After all, the changes were hard for both of us, and at some point we realized it would be easier to face them together, as friends, not enemies."

She squeezes Kurt's hand and he squeezes back, remembering that first night of mutual comfort, so many years ago.

"Our parents argued a lot in the beginning," he says. "I think it took them a while to find dynamics that worked for each of them, after years of being alone. They never fought in front of us, but when they thought we were asleep – well. And the acoustics in that house were almost too good. You know how scary it is when your whole life gets turned on its head with a promise that it's going to be better now, and instead everything feels more unstable than ever?" Kurt looks at Blaine, whose face is sympathetic and engaged, but Kurt can tell he doesn't really know. After all, Blaine is lucky to come from a stable, happy family. Kurt shrugs. "One night, when they were particularly loud downstairs, I heard Rach crying in her bed across the room. I thought I was the only one awake, and I was on the verge of tears myself, so I just got up and went to her. I knew that she understood. That was the beginning, before we discovered how similar we were."

Rachel smiles at him and cuddles closer on the couch, laying her head on his shoulder. Blaine bites his lip, pondering his next question.

"So why exactly did they pair you up? Why the two of you, why was it decided so early? I assume that's how it works in that community of yours, but why?"

Kurt sighs. Trying to explain the crazy that used to be their life in a rational way is a challenge.

"Pairing up children to groom them into loyal future followers is part of the Harbor's philosophy," he says finally. Rachel folds her legs under herself and lets him speak. "It happens early so the kids can grow up close and aware of their connection. The optimal situation is when they can grow up together under one roof, from the moment they are paired. They encourage single parents with potentially matching children to date and eventually create a family."

"But it makes the children siblings, doesn't it? How can they get married then?"

Kurt shakes his head. "Oh, no. The parents only have a community ceremony and symbolically change their names. There's no real marriage. They don't adopt each other's kids, either, and the children are raised as future partners rather than actual siblings."

"And it works?" Blaine sounds skeptical.

"Surprisingly well. We knew half a dozen couples who had started out like us and were happily married with children of their own by the time we left LA." Kurt shrugs. "I guess it makes sense. Kids get to know each other in every way, and as they get older, they are encouraged to experiment like all teens do – it's bound to create a strong connection."

Blaine's eyebrows almost reach the curls on his forehead as they shoot up at this statement. "Wait, so you were allowed to kiss or... more?"

"Of course," Rachel pipes in, amused. "At home we were allowed to behave like any teen couple would – encouraged, even. Where do you think we learned how to kiss?" She winks, and Blaine chokes on his coffee. She grins and continues. "Our parents found us sleeping in the same bed countless times, and it was okay, too, a sign that we were getting along well. Even if we had decided to have sex with each other, it wouldn't be a problem."

"Really?" Blaine's eyes are wide as saucers.

"Really." She nods. "We'd have an appointment with a marriage educator first, for a lecture on sexuality and fidelity, and to consider birth control options, because having children before the wedding is typically not encouraged."

"Typically."

"Yes. Unless a couple decides that's what they want."

If Blaine's eyes could get any wider, they would. "Whoa. And it happens?"

Kurt shrugs. "Sometimes. Many of the couples really can't wait to start the happy married life they've been promised. And if that's what they want, they are supported by the whole community. Help with the baby, homeschooling, stable jobs or financial help if they decide to finish school first... Family is everything and children are a blessing, there's no greater good."

"It doesn't sound like such a bad thing, when you say it like that." Blaine sounds doubtful.

"It isn't." Kurt smiles sadly. "It's not a bad place to live, the Harbor. If you don't mind their rules and beliefs."

"Right. Like no homosexuality."

"No homosexuality, no questioning their choices, no independent thinking. No freedom in choosing your partner or your career beyond the narrow scope they suggest. No creativity apart from the arts and crafts classes which are only for girls and women anyway. No messing around with gender roles. No free will." Kurt shudders. Even just remembering it makes him feel claustrophobic.

"And all that for what, ultimately? If not for some god?" Blaine asks, curious.

"For a happier future." Kurt quirks a smile. "I mean, peaceful, carefree living now, too, but ultimately, the goal is to create a community that is free from the poisons of modern world."

"Like the Amish?"

"Not quite that far," Kurt says. "They claim that our world has gone too far in chasing money, entertainment and convenience. That it's too commercialized. Corporations, rat race, mass media – it all weakens the families, and without strong, traditional families, there can't be strong individuals. So they cut off these things and focus on people."

Blaine looks thoughtful, his eyebrows knit. "I'm forced to admit that it makes sense."

Kurt nods. "It does, I know. It all makes sense when you don't look too deep. It's like being a part of a big, loud family that gets together all the time because there are no TVs or computers at home to distract them. You have help and support when you need it. Everyone looks after your children. You're given a stable, decently-paid job with great benefits in one of the businesses connected to the Harbor. Overall, you're simply treated like a human being, a valuable member of society."

Blaine doesn't say anything, but Kurt can see the wheels turning in his head as he processes it with a frown. He's pretty sure he knows what Blaine is thinking.

"It sounds great, doesn't it?" Kurt says with a smile. "Especially for struggling single parents whom the support groups target. No more working three shitty jobs to make ends meet. No more leaving your kids home alone all day because sitters are too expensive. No more feeling like nobody cares. It's a dream come true." He can't quite contain the sarcastic tone by the end and Blaine looks at him, curious.

"But?"

"But." Kurt sighs. "It's a prison. Well, don't get me wrong – for many people, this is paradise. They want someone to make the decisions for them, to give them the rules and let them just follow, without thinking. They want peace, and they've struggled for so long that being able to simply adapt sounds like heaven on earth. It doesn't matter that the Council suggests who you should date, what hobbies are wholesome enough to pursue and who your children should marry. They clearly know better."

Blaine ponders this for a moment. "And your parents believed it, too?"

"Yes. They flourished in the community, there's no doubt about it. The year of exile in Lima was really hard for them."

Blaine bounces in the armchair, just once. "Right! That's what I wanted to ask about – what was the LA business? What did you do that they sent your whole family away?"

Rachel snickers. "We might have... seduced a girl. Or two. Though not at the same time, and they only knew about the second one." She grins at Blaine's shocked face. "We already knew we didn't really feel what we were supposed to feel for each other, so we wanted to see if it's any different with other people."

"But girls?" Blaine asks dubiously. Kurt can't blame him – it's not like either of them is attracted to girls, really.

Rachel shrugs. "It was easier to find adventurous girls who wanted to experiment with girl and boy kisses. And safer if we got caught, since no one could say I was considering losing my virginity outside of the approved relationship."

"And you did get caught."

Rachel nods. "One of the teachers walked in on us in the janitor's closet. Unfortunately, it was the old hag who sponsored the celibacy club, so she reported us to our parents immediately. Though in her eyes, it was Kurt fooling around while I was being the depraved sister standing watch. Thank god no one thought to ask the girl." She rolls her eyes. They can joke about it now, but back then, it wasn't funny at all.

Blaine frowns. "And that's all? Such a big deal about some kisses? That was enough to send your whole family away?"

Kurt bites his lip. "We might have not been contrite enough. We mouthed off and kept defending each other instead of groveling for forgiveness, so in the end, the Council decided that the big city was bad for our morals and that our parents weren't strict enough. The Council had just acquired a company in Lima that they wanted to use for the Harbor needs and Rachel's father had enough experience to manage it for them, so that's where we were sent. It was an opportunity for our parents to keep a closer eye on us as well as a punishment. Being away from the community is what every member fears most."

"Huh." Blaine plays with his coffee cup, his expression thoughtful. "This community of yours sounds weird, but not monstrous."

Kurt sighs. "Yeah. It mostly isn't, if you fit the mold they give you nicely, don't think too much and don't question their rules."

"But you did."

"But we did." Kurt pauses, suddenly tired and vaguely sad. Those years were hard in so many ways, and yet it was home – and he misses it. The longing comes back sometimes when he isn't prepared.

He picks up his coffee. "Okay. Can we stop here, for today? I can tell you more about our lives there if you're curious, but I think I need a break."

"Of course. Can I ask one more question?"

"Shoot."

"Is it why you don't have a TV here, or a computer? Do you still believe in some of these rules?"

Kurt looks away. He hates the words he's about to say.

"No. We just can't afford them."

He's expecting pity, but Blaine just grins. "So I can take you to the movies then? You're not against commercialized entertainment in general?"

Kurt snorts. He can't help it. "No, you silly man. I love movies."

Rachel perks up, her head rising from Kurt's shoulder where it's been resting. "Hey, what about me? I love movies too!"

"It's settled then, I'm taking you both to the movies." Blaine's smile is warm, joyous. "Just tell me when and it's a d– um. Plan."

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Chapter art: Collage of years past

Chapter songs: Family Portrait by P!nk

Pretend (Reprise) by Lights

The next chapter will be posted on Saturday 28 September.