5. AWAY

Italy was breathtaking. It was everything Blaine imagined and more. The cities, the scenery, the food, atmosphere and people. He really enjoyed himself, and spending all days with his mom, doing things they both loved, was something he realized he’d needed for a very long time. But wherever Blaine went, whatever he did, Kurt was always on his mind; more or less consciously, but always there.

He imagined Kurt’s reactions to the monuments and tourist attractions in Rome; the narrow, twisted streets and canals of Venice. He thought how much he wanted to take Kurt for a gondola ride and kiss him on the Bridge of Sighs. He saw things Kurt would enjoy, but he could share them only by taking pictures to send in his next email. Walking through garishly colorful crowd, in his head Blaine could clearly hear Kurt’s witty comments about the way some people dressed. Every now and then he couldn’t help himself and bought things he knew Kurt would love – a beautiful silver brooch, a unique silk scarf, Venetian half-mask, all blue and silver, that would look perfect with Kurt’s eyes – if only so that he could imagine his boyfriend’s brightest smile as he unpacks each of them; the smile which he would finally see in two weeks… ten days… seven…

They were in contact, of course – otherwise Blaine was sure he would go crazy despite all the amazing aspects of this vacation. International calls and texts were expensive, so they restricted themselves, but Blaine had his laptop with him and virtually every hotel they stayed at offered internet connection. They emailed compulsively, sometimes as many as a dozen messages a day, and Skyped every evening, even if it was only to say goodnight when Blaine was too exhausted after all the walking and sightseeing and long car rides to keep his eyes properly open. These minutes (or, well, hours occasionally) were what he was always looking forward to all day.

He could see it was difficult for Kurt too – probably even more so since he didn’t have all the distractions of having fun, seeing new things and planning routes and destinations every day. Kurt’s eyes were so sad every time they said goodnight, but he was trying very hard not to let it show. He couldn’t fool Blaine though. And last night, six days before Blaine’s return, Kurt just about broke down into desperate sobbing after Blaine told him a funny story about a young Italian man trying to flirt with him shamelessly on the beach, in broken English.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, don’t mind me,” Kurt choked out, seeing Blaine’s shocked expression. “Yes, I understand you didn’t flirt back or encourage him, I get it. I just keep having this dream where you leave me for some statuesque Italian surfer or a model and it all just seems so real, and you’re so far away it feels like another planet, and… Oh god I miss you so much!”

Blaine could feel his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. His eyes stung.

“I miss you too, baby. More than you can imagine. I think about you all the time, every single thing reminds me of you. When this guy was trying to impress me today, I almost laughed out loud, because I could just see what you would do if you were here. How you would make your famous bitch face and stake a claim by kissing me or hugging -”

His voice broke a little. He wanted it so much right now.

“Six more days, Kurt. Six days and I’m all yours for the last week before school starts.”

“I know. But it feels like eternity, you know?”

“I know. Believe me, I do.”

That was last night, and Blaine had tossed and turned afterwards, unable to get comfortable in a bed that suddenly felt cold and empty. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of stormy eyes, beautifully curved lips and silvery voice, and woke up aching with longing. They were spending the last week of their vacation lazing on a beach, just relaxing, but today Blaine found no pleasure in it at all. Swimming, sitting in the sun with a book he was really engaged in just yesterday, playing beach ball, waterskiing, eating ice cream in a charming little café they found – nothing felt like fun all day. He just wanted Kurt. He needed him like air. More, possibly. He felt like he was dying with every minute more they spent apart; like he’d reached the limit of time he could survive without being close to the boy he loved. Five more days loomed over him like an impossible weight, threatening to crush him at any moment.

At dinner his mom finally asked, concerned.

“Blaine, honey, what’s eating you? You’ve been morose all day. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just… I miss Kurt, mom. I really, really miss him.” He was ashamed to realize the sting in his eyes suddenly became hot tracks of tears on his cheeks, but he couldn’t help it. It was just… too much. “We’d never been apart for so long, you know? And it just hurts now. I know it’s only five more days, I just… I’m having a hard time with this today, sorry. I’ll be fine.”

He forced a little laugh and shook his head; spoiling the last days of his mom’s first vacation in years would be a terrible thing to do. He’d survive. It wasn’t the end of the world. Even if it felt like it.

His mom’s face softened and she squeezed his hand.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” His voice broke a little. Suddenly, he needed to share. “Can I… can I show you something?”

“Of course.”

Blaine hesitated for just a moment more, before pulling out the little black velvet pouch he carried in his pocket ever since his visit in the tiny shop back in Verona. He hoped his mom would understand.

His hand shook as the contents of the pouch were carefully placed on it. Two identical shapes gleamed in the sun streaming through high windows. He looked up, a mixture of anxiety and hope in his eyes, but one glance told him he had no reason to worry. His mom didn’t frown; she took in the simple silver bands, carefully etched sign on each like a horizontal 8, and asked, surprised.

“Eternity? Blaine, are you going to… to propose?”

He blushed.

“No, we’re a bit young for that. I thought about these more like… promise rings? Because I know that one day I will propose to Kurt, Mom. I know I want to marry him, years from now. It sounds silly when we’re seventeen and have been together for less than six months, but I just… I know. It’s like he completes me, like he’s my soulmate. We’re mostly okay when on our own, each of us, but only together we’re perfect. It’s just… right, you know?”

He really wanted his mom to understand this, and it seemed she did, her eyes turning a little teary even as she smiled.

“So… when do you plan to give the ring to Kurt?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t planned it yet. I just saw them in a window of this little shop and they seemed perfect. And when they turned out to be the right size, well. It felt like fate; I had to get them, you know? I’ll probably wait, maybe for our first anniversary? I don’t know. Just… I really love him, mom.”

She nodded. “I know.”

Blaine couldn’t get to sleep that night. He hoped a long Skype session with Kurt in the evening would relieve a bit of the longing, but it made it worse instead. Seeing Kurt and being unable to reach out and pull him close, experience him with all his senses, was like physical pain that didn’t lessen even after they said goodnight and Blaine went to bed.

It was midnight; 6 p.m. in Ohio. Blaine lay in bed, imagining what Kurt may be doing. Eating dinner with his family, maybe watching something together afterwards. Or he could be in his room, working on that sewing project they’d talked about, listening to the music, maybe singing along? Blaine just wanted to know, so that he could close his eyes and imagine Kurt, at this very minute, doing something familiar – to feel closer to him at least this way.

At three a.m. he gave up trying to sleep. Nothing helped. Maybe if he went for a walk – breathe some salty night air, get tired – he would be able to rest? Grabbing some clothes, his phone, and leaving a short note in case his mom came in and found him absent, Blaine went out.

The hotel stood right by the beach, but the hundred or so yards to the water edge made a world of difference. It was much darker here, dozens of lights from all the hotels seemed distant and soft, like beacons. It was quiet, the silence broken just by the sea and a drum playing rhythmically, hypnotically, somewhere far away. The beach looked completely deserted and it felt so good after the daily crowds here. Blaine started walking slowly, further away from the invisible drummer; not thinking, not planning on where, how far or how long. He just lost himself in the silence and the waves, and the stars shining brightly above.

Even the stars over Kurt’s head are different, he thought sadly. Only the moon is the same, only that connects us now. He sat on the sand in a small, cozy cove, then laid down to look at the sky. It was so beautiful here, so peaceful. And so lonely. Before he knew it, he was choosing Kurt’s number in his phone. Costs be damned, he needed to hear him now. To know he wasn’t alone.

“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice, surprised, a little anxious, sounded so much better on the phone than in the computer headphones. So much more like in person. “Isn’t it the middle of the night in Italy? Did something happen?”

“No, everything’s fine. Apart from you not being here with me.” He heard Kurt sigh worlds away. “Where are you right now?”

“In my bedroom, lying on the bed and staring at that picture you sent me today. The one where you’re getting out of the water. I love your camera, by the way; I can count your eyelashes, every drop of water on your chest… But believe me, I’d rather be there with you. Where are you? What is that sound?”

“The sea. I’m on the beach, lying on the sand, looking at the sky. It’s so starry tonight and the moon is painting the waves silver. Nobody’s here and it’s so quiet and peaceful. I’m in this perfect little place and I miss you so much. I wish you were here, beside me, to look at the water and count the stars, and hold hands. It would all feel complete then. With you.” Blaine realized his voice took on a slow, dreamy quality. Kurt seemed a bit breathless as he answered.

“Oh god, tell me more. I want to be able to imagine I’m there with you.”

Blaine closed his eyes, pouring all his longing into the words that could reach Kurt when he couldn’t. Frankly, he envied them.

“It’s warm here, even this late. Only the sand is a little cold, but it’s okay, I took off my shirt to lay on it. It’s so peaceful, you know? Dark and quiet, the soft sand, the stars, the sound of the waves. When I close my eyes, I can easily imagine you lying here beside me, so close that when I reach out my hand, I can touch yours. Kurt, do you know how much I miss you? It’s like a physical discomfort, like my skin misses you, my lips. I think when I’m finally back I won’t be able to stop touching you, just to make sure you’re real and there, and to check if I still remember perfectly every single inch of your skin. Or at least every inch of the skin I’ve ever touched.”

Blaine was suddenly aware of the fast, erratic breathing in the speaker, the muffled moan that sounded after his last words. A wave of heat coursed through his body, doing interesting things to certain parts of it. His voice was lower, more gravelly when he asked.

“Kurt, are you…”

There was a split second of hesitation, but then Kurt whispered, “Yes.”

Blaine could clearly imagine the blush spreading on Kurt’s face, down his neck, and his heart accelerated, his own breath becoming fast and ragged. Kurt. Was. Masturbating. To Blaine’s words. To his picture. Spontaneous combustion suddenly became a real threat.

But then Kurt moaned again, more desperately. “Tell me, Blaine. Tell me what you’ll do when you’re back.”

And words came easy, without thinking. Blaine could clearly see everything he would do, he just needed to describe the pictures behind his closed eyes.

“I’ll take your hand, to remember how perfectly it fits against mine. I’ll bring it up to my lips, to kiss the inside of your palm, the pulse point on your wrist. I love how soft your skin is, how delicate against my lips… I’ll kiss my way all the way up the inside of your arm, to your neck. I’ll need to revisit all my favorite spots there, check if I still remember how to make you shiver and moan with my tongue. Maybe I’ll suck a tiny hickey somewhere near your collarbone to remind you I’m back every time you look in the mirror.”

Kurt was moaning continuously now, the sound muffled but clearly audible in the phone pressed to Blaine’s ear. The things this was doing to him were hard to believe – he’d never thought he would want to try any kind of phone sex, yet here he was, aching for Kurt just as much as in the middle of a heavy make-out. Kurt whined Blaine’s name quietly when the silence stretched too long, shaking him out of the amazed daze.

“Sorry, you’re just so beautiful, so vocal, I love to hear you, touch you, smell you… I will want to see you, more of you, it’s my favorite view in the world, nothing else compares. So I’ll slide my hands under your shirt…”

“… it’s already off.”

Now it was Blaine who groaned at the visual in his head.

“Okay, okay, oh god yes, all of your skin, I want to just touch, let my fingers linger and trace every muscle, rediscover it all. Check if every detail in my dreams was accurate, if your reactions when I lick around your nipple are really as intense as I remember. And if I suck at it? Will you need a break immediately, to cool off, like every time before?”

Judging by Kurt’s panting and whimpers in the speaker, he would. Blaine didn’t even stop to think before continuing.

“And all the while my hands will wander across your stomach, stopping at your waistband, so hungry for the touch of your skin. And maybe, maybe if you allow it, my hand will slide lower, down over your pants, where you’re hot and hard and…” He interrupted, unsure if he didn’t say too much, but Kurt’s voice, high and completely out of breath, came in.

“Yes. Yes Blaine, yes, I want you to, please yesssssssss…” It broke roughly over the last word and then Blaine was lying on the sand, his eyes and mouth wide open, listening to his boyfriend keen and gasp as he came, thousands of miles away.

The next minute or two felt like eternity. Eternity filled with  Kurt’s shuddering breath and Blaine’s blood pounding in his ears as he processed what just happened. When Kurt spoke again, he sounded sated and sleepy, but there was a hint of tension in his voice.

“Blaine?”

“I’m here.” It came out a little breathless still. The image of Kurt, shirtless and flushed in a post-orgasmic bliss, didn’t help his raging hard-on at all.

“I… I didn’t freak you out, did I?”

“No. But you turned me on. So bad.”

“Good. I think I need to go shower now.” Another visual, a bit blurred in places that Blaine could still only imagine, and he groaned. Kurt chuckled lightly, then his voice turned earnest. “You know… what I said… I really do. Want you. To touch me. I’m ready to go further. Just so you know.”

This was too much for Blaine to endure. Something needed to be done. He shot up to his feet.

“Kurt wait, don’t go shower yet.”

“What? Why?”

“Give me ten minutes to get back to the hotel and to the shower too. I just want to… know… imagine…” He stumbled over words, the blood supply to his brain dramatically low at the moment, after all this, but Kurt caught his meaning and moaned quietly.

“Oh, I like the way you’re thinking. Okay, it’s a date then. Ten minutes. I’ll be there, thinking of you.”

Blaine was already running, but he had one more thing to say.

“Oh, and Kurt? I’m ready too.” And then he was off, one thing on his mind: shower, now.

Precisely nine minutes later Blaine shook off his shorts and stepped into the shower stall, setting the right temperature and quickly rinsing irritating grains of sand from his skin and hair. Grabbing the shower gel – for this trip he secretly bought the same brand Kurt used, only to be able to remember his smell every day – he began to soap his body, his eyes closed and his mind back in Lima, in the bathroom he knew just as well as his own at home. Surrounded by the familiar smell, his body still strung high and wanting, Blaine recalled the phone call from the beach and his breathing hitched. Fortunately, he didn’t have to worry about his mom hearing him – this hotel didn’t have studio rooms, so they took two separate ones this time.

Blaine’s soapy hand moved down his body and its slide over his hard cock made him moan loudly. Not thinking about anything but Kurt – Kurt’s naked torso, his flushed, beautiful face, his voice, oh god his voice, Blaine stroke himself, waves of pleasure flowing freely through his tense body. His body that, for the first time in months, didn’t seem to have anything against his actions.

He knew it would be over ridiculously fast. He didn’t mind. His hand speeding up, Blaine imagined his boyfriend who was standing under streams of water this very minute, naked, completely naked and gorgeous, and thinking of him. It was as if they were reaching to each other across the miles to be as close as they could. Kurt’s words came back to him, clear and surprising, but so welcome. I want you to touch me. I’m ready to go further.

One more high moan and Blaine was spilling all over his hand and the shower door, leaning heavily against the tiles as his knees buckled and he slid down to sit on the floor. It felt like eternity of flashing light and pounding heart before the last aftershocks passed and he could stand up on trembling legs and get out of the shower.

Minutes later, already dry and in his boxers, deliciously tired, Blaine got to his bed. Before he fell into deep, dreamless sleep, he sent one last text.

Oh. My. God. I love you.

He knew Kurt would understand.