12. CHANGES

That weekend didn’t really change anything in their lives, but somehow Blaine couldn’t help but think that it had changed them a little. Having all this time to themselves, alone, free to do whatever they wanted to – sleep, cook and eat together, kiss and touch whenever and wherever they wanted to, sing aloud just because they felt like it, and exhaust themselves with sex – it gave them a taste of what it would be like to live together in New York. They couldn’t wait.

Crossing the next barrier meant a lot, too. Blaine realized that somehow, somewhere along the way recently he’d changed the way he thought about sex.

Before he had any actual experience with it at all and only based his ideas on theory and some questionable sources like porn and slash Harry Potter fanfiction, he’d been certain there was one, simple way his future sexual relations would progress. Starting with kissing and making out, of course, through handjobs and blowjobs, to fingering and penetrative sex. Blaine had never questioned it; this was the way things worked with gay guys. There were some other things he may want to try, like frottage or even rimming, but the basic path was always clear in his mind.

When he’d thought about it, all these stages of intimacy felt tempting. None of them evoked an immediate protest in his mind. He knew that there were gay men who opted out of certain sexual activities, like penetrative sex, but he wanted to try it all. He’d been curious about what other man’s hand would feel like on his cock (different in the most amazing way, he knew now), and what it was like to jerk someone else off (a heady mix of power and tenderness he’d never felt before). He wanted a boy to suck him off (which turned out to be such a perfect mixture of hot, wet and tight that his brain still had trouble processing it without giving him an immediate hard-on) and to feel another’s dick fill his mouth, in more ways than one (and once he’d tried that, he would never let another drop be wasted again). As for anything penetrative, be it fingering or anal sex, he’d wanted to try, both ways. It used to give him exciting shivers, just thinking about it; the kind of dark, forbidden fruit feeling. But he’d never touched himself that way.

And then the rape happened. It was sudden and invasive to the extreme, and with Blaine having no prior sexual experience at all, it was even more devastating that it might have been otherwise. Now, if he ever thought about penetrative sex, any kind of penetration really, he felt sick. It spelled violence for him, and humiliation, and most of all, pain. A lot of pain. He knew that with consensual sex it would be different, but he couldn’t imagine ever letting anyone do this to him again. It would be like willingly opening himself up to torture. And a thought of doing that to Kurt… it was almost as bad. He never, ever, wanted to hurt his boyfriend like that.

And even though his rational mind knew that it would be nothing like what Eric had done to him, that with Kurt it would be for pleasure instead, it didn’t matter. Blaine wouldn’t, couldn’t take him, even if Kurt wanted to – and he’d admitted he thought he would, during one of their middle-of-the-night talks – unless he was certain it would not be the sea of pain and helplessness that he remembered. And to be certain, he’d have to first let Kurt in. And he couldn’t.

All these thoughts and realizations had left Blaine feeling… incomplete. Faulty. Like he would never be able to have proper sex. But now, when they’d had their special night and a whole weekend afterwards, and the sheer number of orgasms per boy left them exhausted and happy and amazed at their stamina, Blaine realized there was nothing incomplete or faulty about his sex life. It may be different from what he’d considered the norm, but it was his, and as long as he and Kurt were happy about it, everything was perfect.

It felt like he’d finally left behind a huge boulder of worry that he’d been carrying around for a whole year. Instantly, life was brighter and every little thing made him smile. He realized, astonished, that he became more comfortable with touch, and just felt braver in general. Kurt also seemed changed after their first time – because they agreed that’s what it was, and they officially didn’t consider themselves virgins anymore afterwards. Even though it wasn’t anything immediately noticeable, Kurt had become softer somehow, warmer, more open. In private, they couldn’t take their hands off each other; in all truth, it was hard in public, too. Even Santana noticed in the choir room one afternoon and looked at them with that knowing smirk of hers.

The thing was, they finally felt like normal teenagers – horny, hormonal, in love and acting on it. It felt amazing.

Everyone at McKinley had had a whole school year to get used to the idea that Blaine and Kurt were together. While they didn’t kiss or even hold hands in public, they’d never pretended that they weren’t a couple. It was noticeable in the way they looked at each other, talked, moved in and out of each other’s private space constantly, automatically, without even noticing. It took some time and many unfriendly stares, but by the time prom rolled around, almost everyone in school had gotten bored of the novelty of having an openly gay couple among them and moved on to more interesting things. Most of the students, if asked who that guy talking with Hummel was, would just answer his boyfriend, without giving it any thought.

And while the fact that they’d somehow helped raise the tolerance and openness levels of people at their school felt nice, the actual consequences of this fact were better. Because it meant that when they entered their prom together, both in tuxes with just enough flare to counter the monotony of their understated elegance, hardly anyone gave them a second glance. They were just another high school couple that came to their last school dance together. They were able to have immense fun with the rest of New Directions and dance together much more than once before the prom ended and they went on to Santana’s post-prom party.

The actual shock of the evening was when Stanley Dell – a quiet, studious senior who’d never seemed to talk much to anyone during all their years at school – approached Kurt and asked him to dance. And where even a year ago everyone would stare with wide eyes, point fingers and throw snide remarks at this evident coming out, all he got now was some raised eyebrows and a couple of comments about how Hummel was turning people gay left and right. Standing nearby, proud and just a tiny bit jealous, Blaine almost choked on his punch when he saw two younger girls eyeing his boyfriend almost hungrily and heard one of them say no wonder, I’d turn gay for him too. Kurt laughed so much after Blaine repeated this for him that he got a fit of hiccoughs.

Nationals were in Boston, and for Blaine it was extra special, because Warblers had won their Regionals and were there too. This year the New Directions were uncharacteristically prepared weeks ahead, with perfectly rehearsed songs and impressive choreography thanks to Mike and Brittany, so they had plenty of time between rehearsals to socialize and have fun. Getting to meet all their friends from Dalton and spend time with them was a wonderful bonus for both Blaine and Kurt. They were competition, but it didn’t feel that way at all. Even though Rachel huffed and forbade the boys to talk about their set list, it had nothing to do with Glee, to be honest. This was probably their last opportunity to meet all of the Warblers – minus the ones who’d graduated last year – together, and especially for Blaine, it meant the world.

The actual competition went well, although not perfectly so. The New Directions came second, the Warblers fifth. And while Rachel considered this a failure, everyone else was pretty satisfied. Getting to sing together at Nationals for the last time in a way that made them proud of themselves was a great memory to save for after they’d said goodbye. Especially since their song selection gave every single senior in the club a chance for a solo, even if it was just a part of a song. They returned from Boston with a sense of achievement, feeling like they’d succeeded in one last thing before graduating.

And that was it. There was a final bout of pre-graduation parties, and then it was time to say goodbye. Most of them would still meet during the summer, of course, before scattering all over the country, but they all knew it wouldn’t be the same. They were closing an important chapter of their lives and starting on new roads – roads that they got to choose for themselves and that would lead them who knows where. There could be successes or failures there, happiness or misery; they may get to end up with families or stay alone; do what they dreamed about or drown in bitterness. They could end up anywhere in between. But one destination was certain: adulthood. 

The graduation ceremony was long and strangely moving – Blaine could see that even Kurt teared up a couple of times, though he’d dreamed of this day for years. Finally, after the speeches, the diplomas, the traditional cap-tossing and teary goodbyes, it was time to leave McKinley for the very last time. They looked back once, remembering all the good times, as well as – especially in Kurt’s case – the bad ones, and then turned away, set their shoulders and moved on, towards their futures. Or, more precisely, towards the parking lot where their parents were waiting.

Almost everyone celebrated graduation with their families, going out for dinner somewhere. And with few decent restaurants around, every year they were all crowded and loud – not really a place to feel good at. The week before, Blaine’s mom had come up with a plan for their own celebration. When she called Carole, it quickly snowballed out of control.

The weather was beautiful – fortunately, because they were having a garden party at the Andersons’ house. Beside Kurt and Blaine, and their families, there were also Rachel with her dads and, because Rachel really wanted her biological mom to be there for her, Ms. Corcoran with Beth. Blaine’s mom employed the team they always used for company parties, so everything was prepared and served professionally. It all seemed a little daunting, even to Blaine – like being in a private, outdoor restaurant.

But soon enough, over the excellent meal, the weirdness wore off and they had a great time, reminiscing over the last four years – after a while even the adults pitched in with stories about their own high school lives. Rachel started to sing with Finn at some point, excerpts of songs they’d done in Glee over the years, and soon both Kurt and Blaine joined in, and so did, surprisingly, Ms. Corcoran. It turned into quite a performance, which the others watched with big smiles and rewarded with a standing ovation afterwards.

Then, over desserts and coffee, the discussion turned to the plans, dreams and expectations of the four graduates. Finn was the only one of them to stay in Ohio – he would be studying at the Columbus University. Rachel, just like Kurt and Blaine, had chosen New York and had been accepted at NYADA, which Kurt had initially considered too. Both she and Finn would live in dorms, at least for their freshman year. Blaine and Kurt stood by their plan to live together, of course.

The afternoon slowly turned into a warm summer evening. Beth, who had been running around the garden barefooted in her summer dress, started to yawn widely and everyone seemed to take it as a signal to go home. Rachel and her group departed first, and as soon as they did, Blaine’s dad stood with an earnest expression, drawing everyone’s attention.

“Burt, Carole, if you don’t mind… There’s one more thing we’d like to say today, and since it involves Kurt, I’d love for you to stay a bit longer.”

Kurt’s parents looked at each other, surprised, but sat back down. Blaine had no idea what this was about as he looked at his dad’s unreadable face from his place by Kurt’s side.

“Blaine, we want you to know that we’re very proud of you. Despite having every possible difficulty thrown in your face in the last four years, you managed to not only survive, but to succeed academically and artistically, and you’ve proven to be an exceptional young man. We’d like to give you this little thing. We trust that you’re mature enough to use it wisely.”

Blaine felt himself tear up. These words - it was something he’d dreamed of for so many years, never actually believing he would ever hear them. He stood up to hug both his parents - his dad’s embrace curt and stiff, but tight, his mom’s warm and heartfelt.

Once he dried his eyes and sat back down, his father went to the cabinet standing on the patio and took a simple black folder lying there. He slipped it across the table to Blaine, who opened it, confused. There was a small map of New York there, with some signs and routes added in different colored markers. Under the map, on some papers, was a picture of a door. Just door, midnight blue, with a number 7 painted on in silver. Blaine looked at his parents, trying to understand. His mom laughed.

“Look underneath, silly.”

So he took out the boring looking papers and looked through them, understanding slowly making its way into his shocked mind. It wasn’t… Surely it couldn’t be…? It all fit – his name, all the data, his dad’s signature... But it was impossible, there had to be some mistake. Blaine couldn’t wrap his mind around what he was seeing; he looked up at his parents, eyes wide.

“You… you bought me… an apartment.”

His father smiled and pulled something out of his jacket pocket.

“Yes. And since you two have already said today that you still intend to live together, here’s something for both of you.”

With this, he placed the objects he held in his hand before Kurt, who looked about as shocked as Blaine felt.

Two identical sets of keys with beautiful silver keychains, one featuring a decorative K, the other B, gleamed in the setting sun.