A/N: No prompt this time. This is a flashback to a time before INB plot takes place – specifically, the scene that this exchange between Sebastian and Kurt alluded to:

"Just... take care of yourself, okay? I don't want to have to scrape you off a New York sidewalk one day. I really prefer you in one piece."

Kurt just nodded. They'd never talked about that one night back when, and they would continue not to. But they both knew: sometimes, love was too much.

(It's Not Babysitting, chapter 18)

PG-13. Angst. Warning: a situation and mindset that may be interpreted as suicidal

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WHEN LOVE IS TOO MUCH

There are times in life when everything is going right, every piece of the puzzle seems to fit in perfectly at last. Then, sometimes, someone pulls the rug from beneath your feet, leaving you scrambling for purchase.

And that's fine; that's life.

But when the person that makes the ground crumble and the heavens fall is the same one that first put them there and built everything that makes up your safety net... sometimes it's too much.

With nothing to hold onto, falling seems only a matter of time.

***

Sebastian was worried.

Something was up with Kurt tonight. He was supposed to be out with James, picking the cake for their New Year's wedding, wrapping up the last details – and instead, he'd called Sebastian half an hour ago, asking if he had a free evening in that brittle voice of his that Sebastian had heard only a few times before. It never meant anything good.

Something was wrong.

He'd only had a few last things to finish before he could leave the office, so he'd offered drinks if Kurt came to pick him up. His place or a bar, he'd decide once he was able to measure Kurt's mood properly. Did he and James argue about wedding-related stuff again – with barely over three weeks left, Kurt had been turning into a groomzilla at times – or was something more serious going on?

Except Kurt should have been here at least ten minutes ago, and Sebastian couldn't help but worry. He picked up his phone.

The wind was whistling in the background when Kurt answered, his voice muffled.

"Hello?"

"Cupcake, weren't you supposed to be here by now? There's only so many times I can polish the partners' name tags before I get completely bored."

Kurt sounded... dreamy? "Oh, I'm here. I just went up to the roof and lost track of time. The view here is spectacular."

Something seized in Sebastian's throat, fear plucking at the tight strings of his nerves. "The roof? Kurt, are you crazy? It's December, and... no, okay, I'm coming to get you. And then I demand explanation, because–"

There was a steady beep of a signal in his ear. Kurt had hung up.

There are moments that, once encountered, stay with you forever, tattooed into your memory in indelible ink. Seeing Kurt – literally – on the ledge was definitely one of those.

Sebastian froze in the doorway, the vast expanse of the roof spreading before him. He didn't need details to know who that dark silhouette was at the far end, outlined sharply against the steel gray of the snowy sky. For a moment, he was unable to move because Kurt was just there, standing on the fucking wall, and god, if he startled him–

But he had to get there, had to pull this fool down, what was he doing?

He made his way across the roof on weak legs, as quietly as possible with the snow crunching under his feet, in a wide arch to enter Kurt's peripheral vision first. It took forever, but then Kurt turned his head to look at him, and Sebastian let out a shuddering breath he'd held for what felt like an age.

It was only a temporary relief.

Kurt's face was all wrong, blank and empty, pale as the snow, with his eyes huge and unblinking, and if Sebastian thought he'd been scared before, it was nothing to what he felt now. He approached slowly, his hand outstretched.

"Kurt, get down from there. It's cold and dangerous and–"

"He left me." Kurt's voice was barely audible against the wind, his eyes set down on the streets below again. He seemed not to notice Sebastian's hand at all.

Oh fuck.

"Kurt. Please come down, we'll talk here." He didn't like the panic rising audibly in his voice, didn't want to trigger Kurt into any rash reaction, but god, if it was true– James was Kurt's everything, unhealthily so, and Sebastian struggled to find the right thing to say. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, you'll get it fixed in no time at all. He loves you, Kurt, come on."

"He took me to dinner and held my hand and said he's had doubts for months and he can't go through with this, that he can't see us together in five years." Kurt's voice was monotone, his face expressionless. "He called off the wedding."

He swayed suddenly, as if his knees were going to give way under the weight of his words, and Sebastian was certain his heart stopped for the few seconds it took Kurt to regain his balance on the slippery edge.

When he found his voice, it was rough, fractured.

"He's an idiot, then, not worth your time. And definitely not worth jumping off a skyscraper."

"I'm not jumping." Kurt sounded more distant by the minute. "It's just so peaceful here. I want to fall asleep and not have to think about it because everything hurts when I do. I want to slip and sink into this city. I want the world to stop."

"Kurt–" Sebastian had no idea what to say.

Kurt was clearly losing it. He'd never seen him like that, so far from okay. This was real, he was a danger to himself in this state and there was no one but them here, no one to help and fuck, what did one do when their best friend lost their mind from grief?

Sebastian had never felt so helpless before, and so keenly aware how dire the consequences of any wrong move could be. 

Cursing under his breath, trying not to think of the forty floors of nothing but freezing air below them, he climbed up to kneel on the wall by Kurt's feet, reaching up to him.

"Kurt, please. It's not the end of the world, you've got me and Cooper, and your family, we'll help you, everything will be alright again, just. Please. Get down from there." He didn't even try to suppress the fear in his voice now.

Kurt ignored him in favor of leaning a little forward to look down. "Have you ever noticed how quiet it is here?" He asked conversationally.

Well of course it was. Sebastian didn't even want to know how high they were.

Kurt's foot slipped a little and he swayed again, harder this time.

It probably spoke a lot about how important Kurt was to him that Sebastian was standing up on the wall and reaching out to support him before his mind had time to start screaming. Kurt grabbed his arm with his flailing hand and steadied himself. Then he blinked slowly and his eyes set on Sebastian's face properly, more aware at last, widening.

"What are you doing, you idiot? You're afraid of heights! Get down!"

"Well thank you for reminding me, now do me a favor and leave this strategically unwise position so that I can, too." Clearly being about to die awakened some hidden resources of coherency. Sebastian was mildly impressed with himself. Of course, he'd rather skip the dying part.

"Fine."

Without a hitch, Kurt turned smoothly on the spot and jumped down to the roof, before reaching his hand to Sebastian, who took it gratefully. Once he was safely on solid ground, Sebastian's legs started shaking so hard he had to kneel down for a moment. He felt breathless and lightheaded, as if he'd just ran a marathon.

"Oh fuck, Kurt, holy shit, don't ever do this again. Ever."

Kurt started crying.

Later that night, after Kurt's epic meltdown in the cab and the two hours he'd spent sobbing, curled tightly in the corner of Sebastian's couch, things calmed down a little. Sebastian gave Kurt an Ambien and took him to bed, wrapping up around him for comfort just as much as for fear he might have any other scary ideas overnight.

Sebastian wasn't a cuddler, he needed ample personal space in bed just like he needed it in his daily life, but that night, he knew he wouldn't budge an inch. He held Kurt tightly as the drug started to work its magic, telling him how he was going to be just fine, spectacular even, without that asshole James, and how one day, a gorgeous man, a man of his dreams, would appear in his life and be everything Kurt had ever hoped for, and more. It was only a matter of time.

Kurt muttered "Not gonna happen" before falling asleep.

***

Kurt had never actively considered suicide. Not even in the bleakest moments back in high school, when everything he could hope for was an escape from his small, homophobic town – a prospect so distant it felt like a mirage. Even then, taunted and bullied and fighting his way through every day, he hadn't once thought it might be easier to just end it all. Because it wasn't his way. He was not a quitter, and besides, that would be selfish. No matter how few, there were still people who cared about him.

So waking up and remembering that last night, he'd found himself standing on that roof, teetering on the ledge, was terrifying. He remembered it all too vividly: looking down through the darkness, at the lights and the life of the city he'd chosen as his and loved for the last seven years; snowflakes catching on his eyelashes, cold wind combing through his hair in a biting caress.

He would never kill himself. And yet, in that one night of insanity, life had not been the obvious choice.

The first thing out of Kurt's mouth once he opened his eyes and saw Sebastian watching him with a worried expression was "I swear I wasn't going to jump."

The second was "Thank you."