CHAPTER 14

Kurt was careful not to let himself think.

Thinking was a very bad idea during this way too short, perfect week. If he let himself think, Kurt wouldn't be able to enjoy the quiet domesticity that filled him with a calm he hadn't thought he'd feel again since James moved out. He wouldn't simply appreciate each of the breathtaking moments of intimacy or take as much as he could from them while they lasted.

But even as he burned in Blaine's hands or melted under his lips, a quiet voice in his head was always telling him not to forget that it wouldn't last. It couldn't. Not in their situation, not like this – something would crash, sooner or later.

Kurt did his best to ignore that voice.

He was a fairly light sleeper, which was why he usually preferred to sleep alone, but Blaine turned out to be comfortably cuddly, yet not clingy enough to hog too much space. Kurt didn't mind sleeping with him, not in the slightest. Even though he talked in his sleep.

Usually it was just barely comprehensive mumbling that sometimes turned into random words and phrases. But twice during that week, Kurt heard things that caused him to wake up fully, and made him lay awake for long hours afterwards thinking, even when Blaine was peacefully asleep in his arms again.

The first time, it was because Blaine cried in his sleep, apologizing over and over again for some unknown mistakes and pleading for forgiveness. It nearly broke Kurt's heart when he heard who Blaine was talking to.

No one should feel that much anguish and pain when thinking of their own father.

The second time, Blaine only said one sentence, with a bright smile on his face, but Kurt's heart clenched just as much.

"I love you so much, Kurt – so much."

Kurt didn't get back to sleep until dawn. It was impossible not to think then, and thinking hurt.

Overall, their week was sort of perfect. There was only one hitch.

On Wednesday, they had just finished a hot, desperate round of morning sex (okay, it was noon. A nooner then. And god, Blaine took to the toys so beautifully, Kurt wanted to throw them aside and take their place, but not yet. Not yet) when there was a knock on the door. Blaine was dead to the world at this point, having fallen asleep right after his second orgasm, so Kurt covered him tenderly, grabbed his yoga pants and went to see about the unexpected visitor, quietly closing the door behind him. When he saw who was at the door, he regretted not pretending he wasn't home.

"Hi Kurrrrt. Looking good today." Sebastian grinned, handing him a big brown bag with a Starbucks logo. "I have a long lunch hour today so I decided to visit you. We are in serious need of catching up, my dear." He leaned in and stole a quick kiss from Kurt's lips, the way he usually did; except this time it suddenly felt like too much, too forward, unwelcome.

"Seb, it's not a good moment. I'm... busy."

Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows and grinned lecherously. "Ooh, another hookup? And he's still here? Wow, must be a good one if he held your attention long enough to stay the night."

Kurt should have foreseen his friend's next move, he'd known him long enough, but he was still slow from too little sleep and amazing amounts of excellent sex.

Sebastian ducked under Kurt's arm and went right for the bedroom door, opening it before Kurt had a chance to do anything. He got pushed away and smacked up the head the next instant, but the damage was done. He'd have to be blind not to recognize the dark curls on Kurt's pillow; and Sebastian was far from blind. In fact, he was one of the most sharp-eyed people Kurt had ever met.

Kurt closed the bedroom door again and pulled Seb away, not even trying to think of explanations or cover the truth. It wouldn't work anyway, Sebastian could see right through him when he wanted. At this point Kurt only prayed for Blaine not to wake up before he did damage control. Adding him to the mix would be too much for his not-yet-caffeinated self.

When they got to the kitchen, Kurt busied himself washing the two wine glasses left in the sink last night. Seb was silent behind him, waiting for him to speak first. All too soon, the glasses were clean and dry, and Kurt turned to face his friend.

"Whatever you want to say, I've already said it to myself. So don't waste your breath."

Sebastian shook his head, incredulous. "Oh man. You're asking for trouble, you know that?"

Kurt shrugged. Of course he knew. He'd known all along. It still didn't stop him.

Sebastian opened the Starbucks' bag forgotten on the counter and took out coffee cups and salad containers. Without a word, they settled at the table to eat.  Five minutes passed before Sebastian spoke again, his voice softer and more serious than Kurt had heard it in a very long time.

"Kurt... Is he worth it? Breaking Cooper's trust, losing his friendship?"

Kurt didn't answer, just kept on digging in the barely touched salad with his fork. It was unfair to ask him that. How could he compare the worth of his long-time friendship versus what he'd found in Blaine? Why did he have to compare? Or choose? Why did Sebastian come here today, bringing the reality Kurt had been trying so hard to ignore in the idyll of the previous weeks?

He didn't look in Seb's eyes when he asked. "Will you –"

Sebastian didn't let him finish. "I won't tell him, obviously, don't even ask. But he will learn sooner or later. You two aren't exactly subtle, you know. I've suspected for some time there's something brewing there. And I won't lie for you, Kurt, if Coop asks. I think it's stupid, what you're doing – and just for a piece of hot young ass. I'd say you should break it off as soon as you can, before anyone gets hurt, but it's your life and your choices. I just hope it doesn't ruin the best two relationships I've had in my life since my nanny died." He paused and sighed. "I really hope you know what you're doing, Kurt."

There wasn't much to say after that. Any attempt to change the topic fell flat, and soon Sebastian looked at his watch and got up.

"Okay, I'll be going. But Kurt... think about it, okay?"

Kurt nodded, even if thinking was the last thing he wanted to do. When the door closed behind Sebastian he washed his face with cold water to hold in the tears that were trying to escape, and promised himself he'd think later. After Cooper came back. Just a few more carefree days with Blaine's bright eyes and his joyful laughter.

He would be an adult, he would think and plan and decide then. But not yet.

On Friday afternoon Blaine moved back home. It didn't even take the whole evening for Kurt to realize what the discomfort he felt building under his skin was. He paused over the stir-fry he was making, astonished, when he recognized it: he felt lonely. Well that was new...

He liked living alone. He enjoyed the freedom of not having to take another person's needs and plans into account, of eating, sleeping and working whenever he felt like it. He was a lone wolf, as he always joked whenever anyone asked him about serious relationships.

Which didn't really mean anything, if he was honest.

True, he had a strong independent streak and the need to adjust to someone else's lifestyle or rhythm put him on edge. But there were so many things he loved about sharing space with a person he... cared about. The light, silly conversations while doing everyday things; brushing against each other in passing; the wordless smiles across the room just because; preparing and eating meals together. The warmth of another person close by, when he needed it; someone to care for, who cared back. Someone to remind him each and every day that he mattered; that he was needed.

The first twenty four hours after Blaine had left were full of reminders – words that fell into the silence of the apartment because Kurt had forgotten there was no one to talk to; two cups of coffee poured in his distraction; a good morning smile towards an empty pillow. Every time, he caught himself with a sudden squeeze in his chest, shook his head and went on with his day. On Saturday afternoon, he finally gave up pretending. It was time to think about this mess. He curled in the window seat with a glass of wine, watching raindrops blurring the lights of the city, and let his mind go there at last.

Blaine was, without a doubt, important to him; someone Kurt sincerely cared about. Merely thinking the boy's name was enough to cause a warm wave of affection to run through his body, and not just because of the sexual experiences they'd shared.

But Blaine was also just a boy; not even eighteen yet, and the baby brother of Kurt's best friend. Both of these facts should be enough to ban even thinking about him that way from Kurt's mind.

Well, he'd never been good at the should game.

But the uncomfortable truth was that his relationship with Blaine, whatever he'd call it, had a potential to be a disaster. It wouldn't last, not with the distance and the age difference. He couldn't let himself get too invested. He'd had his heart broken too many times to let it happen again – and it would happen. For Blaine, it was just a phase he'd outgrow soon enough, and Kurt would be left behind – which was fine, really. If he didn't let himself fall too deep.

And then, there was Cooper. Sebastian was right, secrets like this were nearly impossible to keep forever and even if it didn't come out before Blaine left, it would most likely slip out at some point, one way or another. But what did it change if they broke it off now? The relationship happened; it had been happening. The secret was already there.

What would it do to their friendship if (more like when) Coop learned about Kurt and Blaine? What would it do to Blaine if Kurt told him they were over? How bad would it all be for Kurt himself?

The last one was easy: definitely not good. No matter the outcome, he'd always be the one in the middle, and there was no way he'd come out of this unharmed. But he started this, and he'd take it like a man. He'd survive Blaine pulling away eventually; he'd endure Cooper's reaction when he found out about them.

What he couldn't do was break Blaine's heart.

Calmer now that he knew where he stood, Kurt drank the rest of his wine and stretched just as his phone blared, announcing an incoming call from Cooper.

Kurt should have known that accepting an invitation to have drinks at Cooper's was a bad idea tonight. All the thinking about his relationship with Blaine made his lips tingle at the memory of their kisses. He was acutely aware of the bruises blossoming on his shoulders where just yesterday Blaine gripped him hard while coming deep down his throat – pushed against the front door, all ready to leave. With the sounds of Blaine's delight still alive in Kurt's ears and the memory of his smooth skin so fresh on his fingertips, he shouldn't have gone anywhere near Cooper.

Really, what had he been thinking?

He was a good actor, and so was Blaine, but their bodies... well, they were still drugged stupid on endorphins. And sitting next to Blaine on the sofa – close, but not too close – felt good and natural and nice. Too nice, in fact. Over wine and chatting, with Blaine's smile so close and the world feeling all friendly and wonderful, Kurt let the lull of the evening get him into the feeling of false safety.

So when Cooper and Sebastian started talking financial crimes, a topic that quickly bored both him and Blaine, they tuned them out and focused on their own conversation – about Kurt's designs, and the new show the theater would be preparing soon, and ideas for improving Blaine's setlist. Blaine was joking about some suggestive songs he could put in there, and they were laughing. Blaine's cheeks were flushed from the wine, his pupils blown, and he was so freaking beautiful with a few loose curls escaping and tickling his smooth forehead, and Kurt didn't think. He reached out and carded his fingers through Blaine's hair, smoothing it back into place, and Blaine, clearly just as oblivious about where they were, pressed his cheek into Kurt's hand, his eyes closing in pleasure.

Sudden silence in the background was like explosion.

Cooper sounded merely confused at first, but as his brain was quickly connecting the pieces, shock and anger started to bleed in.

"Um, Kurt, what the hell was that? Blaine?" They were both silent, roughly shaken from their nice little world only to belatedly realize what happened. "What the fuck are you... Are you guys sleeping together?"

Neither of them said anything, and it was answer enough. Their guilt was probably written all over their faces too, if the color rising rapidly in Cooper's cheeks was any indication. In a passing thought, Kurt wondered if this shade of red would look better if Cooper's t-shirt wasn't army green.

Coop seemed lost for words for a moment, but shook out of it soon enough, his voice coming out sharp and snappy, slightly hysterical.

"Blaine, go to your room."

"I'm not a child!" Blaine's voice trembled slightly, but he jutted his bottom lip out just-so, a stubborn teenager peeking through the mask of the composed young man.

"Go to your room, now!"

"No." Blaine was shaking. Kurt took his hand in a silent reminder that he wasn't alone, not this time.

That seemed to push Cooper even more. Hands fisted in his hair as if he was trying to pull it out in tufts, he faced Kurt now.

"How could you, Kurt? I trusted you! I don't care how many fuck toys you have, you can whore yourself out all you want, but this is my brother for fuck's sake! And Blaine? You really thought it was a good idea?"

Blaine let out an indignant "Hey!", but Kurt squeezed his hand to shush him. He looked Cooper square in the eyes.

"Leave him out of this. You want to blame somebody, blame me." The calm was mostly fake, and Kurt was glad to see that his skills were still there despite the lack of practice.

"Of course I blame you!" Coop nearly spluttered. "Have you forgotten what it means to care? Is every man just a cheap fuck for you now?"

"No. Blaine, for one, isn't."

Cooper didn't look convinced.

"Oh really. So what is he, exactly? A lover? A fling?"

"Try a boyfriend."

Blaine inhaled sharply by his side and Kurt realized this was the first time he had named what was between them. He didn't have a chance to look at him, however, because the word only seemed to make Coop more furious. His voice was like ice.

"Riiiight. Kurt, it's one thing to seduce the kid, and quite another to lead him on."

"You think I'm leading him on?" Fine. Kurt could be cold too.

"I think you're playing with his heart and I won't let you do this to him."

Blaine's voice was back now, stronger than before as he protested. "Hey! Will anyone listen to me, maybe?"

Cooper wouldn't have it though. "Quiet, Blaine. I'll talk to you later."

"No. I'm right here. Talk to me now."

"Fine." Coop stared down at him. "You're grounded. You can go to the gym and to your performances, that's all. If you try to meet with Kurt behind my back, you're off to Ohio on the next plane."

Blaine's face went white. "You're not serious."

"I am deadly serious. I'm your guardian while you're here, and you've seriously broken my trust. Now go to your room. Kurt is leaving."

So that was it. Cooper was too angry to reason with him now; there was nothing more that could be done tonight. Kurt turned to hug Blaine, pretending not to hear the way Coop hissed in anger. He kissed Blaine's temple and whispered in his ear. "He'll come to his senses. It'll be fine. Text me."

Then he got up and looked at his friend. "You're blowing this out of proportion, but I understand and I'm sorry. No, not for my relationship with Blaine – for the fact that I didn't tell you. But I guess you can see why I didn't. Call me when you're ready to talk sensibly, okay?"

Before turning to go, Kurt shot Sebastian a pleading glance, and was rewarded with a small nod. I've got him, it meant, and it was just what he hoped for. He knew Coop wouldn't hurt Blaine, but he was a little drunk and very angry, and it was a combination that always made him prone to saying vicious things that cut deep and cruel, even if he never really meant them. Seb's level-headed influence would keep him in check.

The gravity of their situation hit Kurt on his way home, when the rest of the adrenaline rush left him. What if they never recovered from this? What if Cooper stood by his decision and sent Blaine home? What if –

No, no use worrying about it now, unless he wanted to drive himself crazy. He'd just text Blaine and hope for the best.

***

As soon as the door closed behind Kurt, Blaine jumped from the sofa. His face was screwed up in anger and his eyes tear-filled as he glared at Cooper.

"You don't even care that I love him, do you?"

Cooper spluttered. "You don't love him! What do you even know about love? You're just a kid!"

Blaine marched to his room and slammed the door, yelling "Fuck you! You're just like father!". Before Cooper could yell back something suitably cutting – because that was hitting below the belt, mister! – he heard a deep sigh behind his back and turned, surprised. He'd completely forgotten that Sebastian was still there, sitting calmly in an armchair, playing with his tumbler of Scotch.

"He's not, though, you know." He said conversationally, and Cooper shook his head, losing his momentum.

"What?"

"He's not a kid anymore. You may see him like one, but he's almost eighteen. That's not childhood. It's only natural for him to fall in love and have sex."

Cooper bristled. "Not with older guys!"

Sebastian shrugged. "Older, younger... what's the difference? If he wants to go out and have sex, he will. Don't you think it's better than if he went to a random bar and hooked up, like plenty of people his age? Younger, even?"

"But Kurt –" God, even Kurt's name tasted bitter on his tongue now. How could he?

Seb didn't seem to share his sentiment.

"Kurt's a good guy, Cooper. You can't say you don't know that. Sure, he's had his share of men, but he's always careful. I'd say if Blaine wanted to try sex, Kurt was one of the safest choices."

Great. All of his friends were dicks.

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not. I'm just saying that it already happened, you can't change that. You can only deal with it, one way or another. And personally, I'd say the way you've chosen is one of the worst. You'll only alienate them, and then you'll regret it. You know how you get, all marshmallowy after exploding all over people."

Cooper gritted his teeth. "Not this time."

"Uh-huh. Give it a day."

Cooper shook his head defiantly, but deep down, he knew Seb was right. His anger always burnt fast, intense, but short. More often than not, he ended up apologizing for things he said or did in a rage. He'd even had to pay for a few destroyed possessions (and one window) when he was younger. He sat down on the edge of the sofa now, suddenly tired.

"I just don't want him to get hurt..."

Sebastian hummed, understanding. "But he will, time and again. There's always hurt, that's part of growing up. It hurts many times before you get it right, you know that. You can't protect him from this. Let him make his choices, even if they're mistakes."

They sat in silence for a while, until Cooper hazarded a guess.

"You knew about them, didn't you?"

"Just for a few days."

It should make him mad at Seb, too, but he had no energy left.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not your mole, Coop. But let me tell you something: Kurt really does care. I know how he acts with a hookup, and that's not what this is. I'm not saying they're gonna marry and have babies, but he wouldn't hurt your brother. He cares about him too much."

Another long moment of silence followed, and all Cooper wanted now was sleep. His head hurt.

"Okay, go away. I've had enough."

Sebastian sipped his whiskey. He didn't look like he was going to move anytime soon.

"Feel free to go to bed. I'll just sit here and enjoy this fine liquor before I go. Don't worry, I'll let myself out."

Really, why did he insist to be friends with such dicks?

Cooper shook his head, exhausted, and slumped to his bedroom. He'd have to think about what it said about him. Just, tomorrow. Yes. Definitely tomorrow.