CHAPTER 4

When Kurt came to the kitchen five minutes later, he looked upset, but collected. He sat down across the table from Blaine, reached for his coffee cup and started without preamble.

“I have a problem.”

Blaine nodded. He’d taken that time to get into his role too. What Kurt was about to say could hurt him or cause an emotional reaction if he took it personally, and he couldn’t allow it, not now, or the conversation would lead them nowhere. He was Kurt’s friend now. Only his friend, nothing more. Distancing himself from his newfound love was more difficult that he expected, but he believed he’d done fine.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. Can I try?”

“Of course. You know you can trust me.”

“I know.”

Kurt seemed to get stuck then, unsure how to start, so Blaine hinted.

“Does it have anything to do with your marriage?”

Kurt’s face fell for a second, but he got back in his role immediately.

“As a matter of fact, it does. See, I’ve never told anyone, but I… I don’t want to have sex. I’d be happy if I could live my whole life without it. But things are complicated and it seems like I have no choice. I can either have sex with my husband or our marriage will get annulled and I’ll be forced to marry someone who won’t care about my views at all.”

Blaine shook his head like it was new information.

“Sounds awful! I guess you’d prefer… no, I won’t guess. Which would you prefer?”

Kurt was staring into his coffee cup as if there was something very interesting in the milk foam.

“Well, considering I’ve been in love with my husband since the day we met, I’d really rather stay with him.”

Blaine felt his heart lose a beat.

“You have? I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, I’ve never told you. Or him. Didn’t want to make a fool of myself because I was sure he didn’t feel the same. But apparently he does, so…”

“So you don’t want your marriage annulled.”

“No.”

Blaine nodded. He’d been shaken out of his role for a moment, but he needed to concentrate, needed all his wits about him, now more than ever. He could kiss Kurt senseless later. Going back into his analytical mindset, he ventured.

“So it seems like consummating the marriage is the only solution?”

“Yes. And it will ruin everything between us.”

Blaine frowned.

“Why would you think so?”

“Blaine, isn’t it obvious?” Kurt shook his head, his expression incredulous. “I don’t want this. So even when I agree – and I will, because I have no choice – it will still feel like rape, because I don’t want this.”

Suddenly, Blaine had trouble breathing. He shot to his feet and stumbled away from the table. Panic flared on Kurt’s face, so he managed to choke out.

“Give me five minutes. Please,” before fleeing out of the kitchen.

Blaine stood on the balcony, gulping huge breaths of air. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t, not if it felt like that to Kurt. Not if it would hurt him. He’d never, ever… His mind was on fire, it felt like it was squirming away from the mere thought. Rape. No. Just… no.

He settled for just breathing, a calming sequence of in out in out in out, until he felt his thoughts clear somewhat and started to calm down. Thinking. He needed thinking, not feelings right now. Because while he felt sick even hearing the r-word, he knew that Karofsky wouldn’t have such a problem, not in the slightest. Blaine needed to go back in there, back into the best friend role, and try to find a way around this. They still had two weeks before Kurt’s birthday. They would figure it out. They had to. Because there was no way in hell Blaine would do anything against Kurt’s will, and he would rather die than let Karofsky touch him.

There had to be another way, something they hadn’t thought about yet. He needed to consider all the facts before he could continue their conversation. He’d had a chance to learn a bit about the consummation policy several months ago, when his parents and their friends discussed it over dinner as an example of the law being overly invasive. It was an interesting conversation, so Blaine listened to every word, never thinking that this knowledge would prove useful one day.

Forcing himself back into an analytical mindset now, he set out to remember and gather everything he knew for certain, attempting to find an angle they hadn’t explored yet.

Fact one: According to law, marriage needed to be consummated in order to be valid.

At least that was the theory; it was hardly ever actually controlled in any way, nowadays – unless someone challenged  a validity of a particular relationship, the way Karofsky planned to do. In such cases, inquiry was ordered, and if it was really the case, the marriage was annulled and both partners were free for claiming immediately. The person who challenged the marriage had priority in claiming either of them.

Fact two: There was supposedly no way to cheat during the inquiry.

Both partners were interviewed in detail, separately, and there were some honesty-enhancing substances involved. One of their guests said something about actual medical examination, too, but he wasn’t certain about this part.

Fact three: There was no actual definition of consummation when it came to gay marriages.

It could be – and was – interpreted in several ways. These days, most judges accepted any type of sexual activity – manual, oral or penetrative, but apparently there were still some traditionalists who believed in a heteronormative model that could be summarized by a slogan “there’s no consummation without penetration”.

Fact four: Kurt didn’t want to have sex.

That was certain. But what did he mean, specifically? Because he’d been fine, enthusiastic even, and so very responsive with kissing, making out… Where was the boundary? At nudity? Orgasms? And why was it, anyway?

There. That was where the solution might hide. That was what they needed to talk about. Completely calm now, Blaine went back inside.

Kurt was pacing the kitchen, visibly anxious; he stopped when Blaine entered, with an expression so scared it hurt.

“Blaine, I’m so sorry. I should never have dumped it on you like that, I should have kept it to myself. Is there any chance you could try to forget I said anything?”

Blaine shook his head earnestly.

“No, I’m glad you told me, I needed to know. We’ve always been honest with each other and this should be no different. Come on, I want to continue our talk.”

“You… what?”

Kurt’s eyes were huge, disbelieving. Blaine came up to embrace him and stroke his cheek.

“I refuse to do anything as barbaric as forcing you to have sex with me. And we’re not getting an annulment. So we need to think of another solution. Come on, back in your role.”

With a soft kiss on the forehead, he released Kurt and set out to make more coffee.

By the time he was done, Kurt was sitting by the table, looking much calmer. Blaine joined him and took a sip of his coffee before asking conversationally.

“So why don’t you want to have sex?” Kurt spluttered, and Blaine shrugged with a smile. “What? I’m just curious. Are you asexual? Don’t you like to be touched? Any particular reason at all?”

“I’m not asexual, thank you very much! And I do like to be touched. Actually, I really, really like to be touched. And kissed. Mm…”

Kurt’s expression turned dreamy and Blaine snorted a fond laugh.

“What, it’s that good?”

“You have no idea. I-” Kurt’s eyes snapped open and he blushed. “Blaine!”

“What? I thought you wanted to share.”

“I’ve shared enough already.” Kurt tried to pout, but he was visibly amused, so it didn’t quite work.

“And you wanted my reasons anyway. It’s just… sex is humiliating, and disgusting, and just plain animalistic, and I can’t see how it can have anything to do with love. I don’t know how people can look at each other after doing something like that.” The expression on Blaine’s face must have showed how dumbfounded he felt, because Kurt added quickly. “And it’s supposed to be unbearably painful. Greg from the swim team said that he-“

Something started dawning on Blaine. Was it possible…? He interrupted Kurt mid-sentence.

“Kurt. I need to know. Where did you learn about sex?”

“In sex-ed class, of course, where else?”

“Just there?”

“Um, yeah?”

Oh, that explained so much.

The so called sex-ed class was a joke, a single hour in their junior year, separate for straight kids, gay boys and gay girls, where the mechanics of sex were explained – in dry, scientific words and photographs that made even the most horny guys go ewww. And for whatever reason, the ministry-sent teacher limited the lecture to the topic of anal sex – talking in great detail about anatomy and physiology, preparation, hygiene and pain management.

Sure, Blaine understood that other sexual activities were much easier to figure out by yourself, but even a short mention that sex didn’t only mean penetration would be good; saying one sentence about manual stimulation, about oral sex. And including emotional aspects of sex would be a dream come true. Because while Blaine was lucky enough to have liberal, progressive parents who listened to their gay friends’ advice and got him a book about gay sexuality that explained all those things tastefully and in detail, most guys didn’t get that. Including Kurt. Which meant…

“Kurt, can I ask you a blunt question?”

“Sure.”

Blaine took a deep breath.

“When you say you don’t want to have sex… do you just mean you’re not interested in having anything shoved up your ass?”

Kurt gasped and blushed red at his straightforwardness, but nodded. Blaine felt something very heavy lift from his chest and he let his head drop to the table with a dull thump, trying to suppress a hysterical giggle. They would be fine. They would be just fine.

Kurt was watching him with a mixture of confusion and horror when he stopped laughing. Blaine shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Sorry, it’s just… Miscommunication is a bitch. Pardon my French.”

Kurt frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… Maybe you should talk about sex with your husband? I mean, did you even ask him if he expects you to bottom?”

Kurt’s eyes widened almost comically.

“No, but I… I mean… I assumed…”

“Why would you assume?”

“Well, I’ve been called a lady or feminine all my life, and Karofsky said… I’ve never even thought about it, I just…” He looked at Blaine almost shyly. “So what do you expect?”

“Wait, are we talking as husbands now?”

“Yes.”

Blaine felt himself color a little. It felt strangely different to talk about it from this position now.

“Actually, I hoped it would be the other way round, at least the first time. But that’s not even the issue, Kurt. Sex is not necessarily penetration, you know?” Kurt’s face was a picture of confusion and Blaine felt an idea stir to life in his head. “No, right, you don’t know. Tell you what. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

“No, I mean really trust me? Like, you know for sure that I would never hurt you?”

Thankfully, Kurt didn’t hesitate.

“I do.”

The idea was growing fast, and Blaine grabbed onto it, speaking fervently.

“Good. Then here’s an offer. Give me 24 hours. Not right now – I’ll tell you when, but before your birthday. I need 24 hours and your trust, nothing more. I want to show you that sex can be loving, beautiful and romantic, and nothing like you imagined. You say you like being touched and kissed – let me show you it can be even better. This way I’ll have a chance to give you something I think you may like and we’ll solve the problem of consummation. And if you don’t like it – I promise, after those 24 hours we can never do it again. Ever. But I need you to honestly trust me – because you want to, not because you feel pressured.”

Kurt hesitated for a moment.

“If I say I don’t want something or ask you to stop…”

“I will stop immediately, I swear.”

Kurt nodded.

“Okay then.”

Blaine’s heart felt so light he was sure he could fly if he tried.