The beginning of the year was hectic. Kurt and Blaine agreed not to spend every free minute of their day together and earned the appreciation of their friends. Kurt started to work for his boss’s company full time and Blaine got two new students to teach music to so they spent a few weeks getting used to the new arrangements in their jobs. Life was…Well, life was life. They found a routine and were pretty satisfied with how things were going.

Valentine’s day was interesting. Kurt was looking forward to a nice, quiet night at Blaine’s apartment but Blaine had a gig so he and Rachel went to a jazz club where Blaine was performing to support him. They ended up in a loud, overcrowded club full of single people that were drinking away their loneliness or trying to find the one among the crowd. Blaine decided not to be overly couple-ish – It’s like throwing their loneliness right to their faces, Kurt. Have some sympathy. – So Kurt didn’t hold his hand nor kiss him. They were talking and dancing but without any physical contact and Kurt couldn’t wait to get out of there. Rachel had a great time though, flirting with the guys only to turn them down after they asked for her number. It was fun. Even Kurt admitted it. Everything changed when he left Blaine alone by the bar for a few minutes because he needed to use a toilet. When he came back a handsome guy was flirting with Blaine and although he saw how Blaine let him know he wasn’t interested at all, Kurt’s possessiveness took the best of him. He grabbed Blaine by the shoulder and kissed him hard, melting as Blaine wrapped his arms around him and returned the kiss with the same amount of fierceness. They pulled away and Kurt glared at the guy with the best bitch face he could manage.

“Back off. He is mine.” He said and entwined their fingers. He found Rachel and told her they were going home, she could either join them or stay but he wasn’t about to watch how someone shamelessly flirted with his boyfriend on Valentine’s day. Rachel concluded that she’d had enough and went with them. The three of them spent the rest of the night on Kurt’s bed with wine and popcorn, watching the worst rom-coms they could come up with.

Kurt thought everything went well. He was finally happy with his life and he did his best not to screw things up with his boyfriend, friends or his work. The days passed one by one, the winter was gone and the spring weather allowed them much more opportunities for spending the time outside their apartments. Kurt loved walks in the parks with Blaine. He felt like a lovesick teenager again and besides all the responsibilities and adult stuff he needed to deal with, it was really refreshing not to care for a while, to just be and enjoy the moment. And did Blaine know how to enjoy the moment. Sometimes Kurt laughed at him and asked him how old he was. Blaine would just shrug his shoulders and smile at Kurt or kiss him, giving him the sign he was happy and it was all Kurt needed to know. Making Blaine happy was his favorite activity and he was proud of himself when he accomplished that.

It was in the middle of May now. Kurt and Blaine were spending a lazy Saturday afternoon at Kurt’s apartment because it was raining outside. They were lying on the couch, cuddling and watching TV, enjoying each other’s company because the previous week was tough and they hadn’t had much time to be together. Rachel was getting ready for work. She had been awfully quiet the whole week and Kurt hoped she would tell him what was wrong soon.

“Okay, I’m leaving guys. See you tomorrow.” She shouted from the hall thirty minutes before she was supposed to leave.

“Rach?” Kurt abruptly got up from couch and rushed to her. “Where are you going? You have time, why don’t you just join us for a while?”

“I don’t want to interrupt.”

“We’re watching TV, Rachel. What the hell is wrong with you?” Kurt lost his patience. Rachel’s behavior was ridiculous.

“I’ll talk to you later.” She grabbed her sweater and headed towards the door but Kurt stopped her and led her to the living room.

“No, we are talking right now, young lady. Sit down.” Kurt said firmly and defeated, Rachel throw herself on the armchair. Blaine turned off the TV and focused his attention to them.

“I’m waiting.” Kurt snapped at her.

“I don’t want to be the third wheel.”

“What?!”

“I know I had sort of a break down on New Year but it doesn’t mean you have to take me in to consideration. I won’t be mad or upset if you decide to move out, Kurt. I lived here alone before, I’ll survive. Yes, it’s great to have a roommate, but you are in relationship and it’s natural that you want to be together. Your work keeps you busy, everything would be easier if you two moved in together. I appreciate you don’t want to hurt my feelings or whatever but it’s not necessary. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I know we won’t stop hanging out just because you won’t be living here anymore. I love you both. Forget about me when you are making decisions that have nothing to do with me, okay? I really have to go. I’m meeting Melisa and I’m already late. See you.” She disappeared quickly. Kurt didn’t even have the time to process all the information given and she was out of the door.

“Blaine!” Blaine looked at him confused.

“What?”

“What did you say to her?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, it clearly looks like that. Where the hell did she get that we are not living together because of her? It’s not something she could come up with alone. She needed a hint. I didn’t say anything. What the hell did you do?” Kurt was yelling at him and Blaine was just sitting there with his mouth opened. He had no idea why all of a sudden he was to blame.

“Nothing. Why are you yelling at me?”

“Because my best friend is probably feeling like crap right now.”

“It’s not my fault. I didn’t say anything to her.”

“Then who? Why was she talking about us moving in together?!”

“Nick probably told her something!” Blaine shouted, frustrated and annoyed.                 

“Nick?! Are you kidding me? You were talking about us moving in together with Nick? Don’t you think you should have talked to me about it first? Or don’t I have any say in this matter?”

“Stop yelling at me! I haven’t done anything wrong! Nick asked me whether we were planning to live together and all I said was that I didn’t want to rush things and that I didn’t want to take you away from her so soon. I wouldn’t have said anything. He asked and I answered. He is my best friend. You would tell Rachel as well if it was the other way around. I have no idea what he told her nor why he told her. But it wasn’t me!” Kurt shut up. The last time Blaine had yelled at him was at the bar almost a year ago. And he still looked sexy when he was angry. Kurt took two big steps, fisted his hand in Blaine’s curls and crashed their lips together. He immediately demanded the access to Blaine’s mouth by licking his lower lip, simultaneously tugging Blaine’s shirt from his pants. He wanted Blaine, no, he needed him, right then and there.

“Kurt!” Blaine shoved him away. “What are you doing?” Kurt tried to come closer again, but Blaine held him on an arm’s length.

“God, Blaine. You’re so hot. Come on! I want you so bad.”

“Are you serious? Not five minutes ago you were screaming at me and now you are expecting me to jump in bed with you? Without any explanation? Without talking about the obvious problem we have? You blamed something on me without knowing the situation. It’s not okay. I need you to trust me. You can’t just suppose something is my fault without having proof.”

“I’m sorry. I overreacted.”                                                     

“But why? You had no reason for yelling and accusing…”

“I know. I am sorry, Blaine. I freaked out.” Kurt sat on the couch and dropped his head. Blaine sat next to him and put is arms around his shoulders.

“Why? Why did you freak out? You know I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize your relationship with Rachel.”

“I was thinking about moving in together lately…I was scared Rachel would find out so I didn’t talk about it. It hurt when you say you told Nick.”

“Kurt, I wouldn’t have told him by myself. I don’t want to hurry. I would love you to live with me but you’re not ready. I’m not making you do something you don’t want to do.”

“I am. I’m ready. I want to.”

“No, you don’t. You freaked out. And it wasn’t because of Rachel. She was just an excuse. I know you, Kurt. There is something behind this argument. You don’t have to tell me. Just take your time and think about it, okay? I’m going home. See you tomorrow.” Blaine stood up but Kurt’s hand wouldn’t let him go.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. But you need to be alone to resolve your issues.” Blaine kissed him on the cheek and was ready to leave once again.

“You are not mad but all I get is a kiss on the cheek?” Kurt asked sadly, with glassy eyes. Blaine brought him up by the hand that was holding his wrist and connected their lips in a sweet, lingering, reassuring kiss.

“I love you, Kurt. I’m not mad at you. I need you to think about what you really want. In my wildest dreams I wouldn’t assume our move in together conversation would be like this. I’ll come here tomorrow or you can come to my apartment. But today I’ve had enough and I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to swept it under the carpet either. That’s why we need to be alone. Please, Kurt. Don’t make me stay…”

“Okay.” Kurt nodded. He went with him to the door and kissed him one more time before Blaine left for the rest of the day. Kurt closed the door behind him and let the tears fall from his eyes. He curled himself on his bed and stayed like that until the sleep took over him.

He woke up later in the evening with a bad feeling he couldn’t put the name on. He was thinking about calling Blaine but then he remembered how he had treated him earlier and changed his mind. Blaine probably wouldn’t want to talk to him but he was too nice to tell him so he would stay on the phone nonetheless. 

He opted to call Lucas. He wished he had his best friend with him in New York. No matter how much he loved Rachel, she wasn’t helpful sometimes. And although he considered Blaine his best friend as well, Blaine was also his boyfriend. His partner, his lover and his soul mate and there were things he needed to talk about with just a friend.

“You know you are stupid, right?” Lucas asked when Kurt told him what had happened.

“Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but okay…”

“Oh, come on, Kurt. You throw a fit because of hurting Rachel’s feelings? You know it wasn’t about her. Why don’t you admit what it was about?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Luke.”

“Blaine is not Mathew.”

“What?! Of course he is not!”

“Then stop acting like you are waiting for something to go wrong!”

“What?!”

“What is not going to get you anywhere, Kurt. You know very well what I’m talking about. You are afraid to move in with Blaine because when you and Mathew started to live together, your relationship went downhill. But you two had problems before you rented the apartment. It’s not the case between you and Blaine.”

“No, Luke. It’s not about that…”

“You are unconsciously waiting for something to go wrong. You and Blaine are great now so you don’t want to take a risk. That’s the reason you freaked out. Because you were thinking about moving out from Rachel but you didn’t want anyone to know until you are one hundred percent sure. You can’t handle if you are not in control. Snapping at Blaine because of Rachel? It’s bullshit and you know it! You snapped at him because you were worried. You snapped because you needed to have someone to blame your insecurities on. Stop comparing them!”

“I’m not comparing them!”

“Yes, you are. Blaine is perfect for you. Don’t let your past demons get in the way. I’m not telling you to move in with him tomorrow. I’m just telling you not to cross something off because you are scared.”

“You aren’t helpful at all right now…”

“Well, I have to disagree. You called because you know I always tell you what I think not what you want to hear.”     

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“Tell him. He needs to know what it was about.”

“Okay. I miss you, Luke. “

“I miss you, too. Pittsburgh is not the same without you.”

“Any chances you’ll come to live to New York?”

“Any chances you’ll come back to Pittsburgh?”

“Blaine! What’s wrong?”

“Hi, Nick. Nothing. Why?”

“Because you never call me on Saturday night unless something is out of order?”

“Kurt was weird today…”

“Wait, you’re not with him now?”

“No. I’m at home.”

“What happened?”

“He yelled at me because Rachel told us she didn’t want to be the reason we were holding back.”

“Okay, I don’t think I understand.” Blaine gave him a colorful image of the events from a few hours ago and Nick immediately felt responsible.

“Oh my god, Blaine. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know she would tell.”

“Well, it’s Rachel. Of course, she would tell. But I’m not mad at you. Or at Kurt. I just don’t understand why he acted like that. I mean, we talk through everything and today he simply made the conclusion without any specific information and blamed everything on me.”

“He is a diva sometimes…”

“Yeah, thanks a lot Nick. That really helps.”

“You should talk to him. I have no idea why he did what he did. Maybe there is something behind it. Maybe it wasn’t about Rachel at all.”

“That’s what I think…”

“What exactly do you think?”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to move in with me at all. Not because he is not ready or because of Rachel but because he thinks we won’t work…Maybe he wants to break up with me.”

“That’s ridiculous, Blaine. You are basically living together but in two apartments. He is crazy about you. He loves you the way no one ever did and you know it. Stop freaking out.”

“I wanted him to be the one that would bring up the topic. So I wouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable or pressured. Now it’s out and I’m afraid it will cause a lot of problems…”

“Talk to him. Nothing is as bad as it seems at the first sight. You are Kurt and Blaine. Definition of a perfect couple. You’ll get through this. Don’t worry.”

“I really miss you here, Nick.”

“I miss you, too. We were together in the one place since we were fifteen. It’s been six months and I’m still getting used to not having you near me.”

“Any chances you’ll come to live to New York?”

“Any chances you’ll come back to Pittsburgh?”

There was a knock on the door that surprised Blaine. It was a little after eight in the morning and he wasn’t expecting anyone. It was too early for Kurt.

“Hi.”

“Kurt.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Blaine let him in and ushered him to the living room.

“I’ve just made French toast for breakfast. Do you want some? I’ll be right back with coffee…” Kurt watched Blaine going to the kitchen. He didn’t want anything but Blaine really didn’t give him an opportunity to answer.

Blaine came back in after a few minutes and put a plate with the toast on his coffee table. Then he went back to the kitchen again and returned with two cups of coffee.

“Thank you.” Kurt took the cup from Blaine’s hands and smiled at him.

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m sorry for yesterday.”

“It’s okay, Kurt.”

“No, it’s not. I overreacted. You were right. It wasn’t about Rachel. It was about me being scared.” Kurt admitted and Blaine was the scared one now.

“Why?” He dared to ask.

“I can’t lose you.”

“I don’t understand…”

“What if something goes wrong and we break up? I can’t lose you. We’re doing so well right now…I’m afraid to change things.”

“Something can go wrong without us living together…” Blaine noted. 

“I know. I realize that.”

“So it wasn’t because you think we won’t work? You don’t want to break up with me any time soon, do you?” Kurt was shocked. He put the cup on the table and grabbed Blaine’s hands.

“No! Blaine, no! Did I behave that way? What makes you think that? I’m happy with you. Was I giving you reason to think there was something wrong between us?”

“No. I thought everything was great. But then you yelled at me yesterday and I could tell something was going on with the moving out issue and I kind of felt insecure…” Kurt shook his head and leaned in to kiss him. He put one of his arms around Blaine’s waist; the fingers of the other hand tangled in Blaine’s curls and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. It was slow and tender. Kurt needed Blaine to understand how much he meant to him. If it wasn’t for the necessity of breathing, he would have gladly continued in the kiss for hours but unfortunately their lungs stopped them.

“I love you, Blaine. If I ever make you doubt that, please tell me so I can assure you it’s not the truth. I know it’s hard to get along with me sometimes but no matter what I love you. You believe me, right?”

“I love you, too.” Blaine said simply and caressed Kurt’s cheek.

“So, we need to do something about your closet. I can’t move in without having a decent place for my clothes.”

“Kurt, I don’t want you to do something you are not ready for yet.”

“I am ready.”

“You are scared.”

“I refuse to let my fear get in my way. I want to take this step in our relationship. I am sure. I swear. As soon as all of my outfits have their place in your apartment, I’m here with you.”

“Okay. We’ll figure something out.” Blaine went for one more kiss before they would start their breakfast but then he changed his mind. Who needs breakfast when kissing and whispering the words of love and adoration is so much important.