1:16 AM

The three knocks on the door matched Kurt's heartbeat, loud and quick. He was scared. Incredibly so, andwhy did you do this? Why?

It's not that he wanted pity from Blaine. He didn't want Blaine to suddenly become his best friend again, to hang around him all the time just because he felt bad for Kurt. He wasn't going to pressure Blaine to stay at all, honestly. Knowing Kurt, he'd end up pushing Blaine away again within five minutes of his arrival.

Kurt's used to being alone, now. He's accustomed to it. He'd called Blaine because hebroke, tonight. He broke in half and he needed someone to fix him, to care. He didn't know if Blaine could do any of those things, but.. that's what he needed. It's worth a try, isn't it?

Knock, knock, knock.

Shit, Kurt thinks. Blaine is here. Athisdoor.

With a trembling hand, he moves to the door. There was no turning back now. He opens it slowly, carefully, and suddenly...

Beautiful. Blaine is beautiful.

He hasn't changed much, honestly. He's still short, that won't ever change, and his hair is still gelled to his head (not as much, thankfully).

His eyes are bright, and his smile is reaching them, radiant.

Kurt knows he shouldn't be staring. Knows that he should say something.

A silent tear falls, and Blaine steps forward.

"Kurt," Blaine breathes, though he doesn't dare touch. He goes to do so, but he flinches back immediately. They're not allowed to do such things, anymore.

"C-Come in," Kurt says shakily, trying a smile on his own lips as he gestures for Blaine to move inside. He closes the door, and just like that, Blaine is in his apartment.

Blaine looks around first, of course. Kurt can't tell if he's pleased or disgusted - probably the latter. There's nothing appealing about this place, anymore. Nothing's been new in ages, and the last time Blaine was here.. well, Kurt doesn't like to think about that day.

He watches as Blaine moves to the couch, letting his fingers brush over the material. His eyes are soft, but his smile is fading, and Kurt just wants to kiss it back butno, no, you can't.

"Doesn't look very different," Blaine tries to laugh, but it doesn't work. The mood in general is sad, it's dark. There's not much light in the place to begin with.

Kurt doesn't respond, at first. He watches Blaine curiously, trying to figure out the emotion there - the feelings. He knows there aren't any.

"Do you want something to drink, or - or something else?" Kurt asks, and god, this doesn't feel right at all. It's almost one-thirty. This isn't how their reunion should have been like.

"No, I'm.. I'm fine," Blaine says slowly, and finally, he looks up. Their eyes meet, and Kurt wants to fall. He wants to fall andkeepfalling, until he just.. can't fall anymore.

Blaine knows something is wrong, that's very clear. Kurt'smadeit very clear, and he isn't trying very hard to show otherwise. He wants Blaine to notice simply because nobody else ever does.

"Maybe you should go," Kurt blurts, and no,no.

"What?" Blaine asks, and Kurt knows he's angry. Because Kurt's already pushing him away, and they've hardly said two words to each other. Suddenly, Blaine is in front of Kurt, and Kurt can't even remember seeing him walk.

"This is stupid," Kurt starts so shake his head, violently so, and he's averting his eyes from Blaine because he simply can't do this. "This is wrong and - and you need to leave, Blaine. You have to - you can't - please, just go."

Kurt's stuttering, and he sounds ridiculous, and god, this is all wrong.

"Why did you tell me that you needed me?" Blaine questions, taking another step forward, and now they're that much closer. "Why did you say that?" He sounds angry, but he still manages to be so gentle with his words.

"Ilied, okay?" Kurt says bitterly, and his eyes finally flicker up to meet Blaine's, filled with rage. "I just wanted to see if you'd come. I don'tneedyou here."

"You still want me here, then. The fact that you'd even ask is a dead giveaway of that," Blaine fires. "Don't act like there's nothing wrong here. Don't act like you're okay because three years or not, Iknowyou. And this isn't you."

Kurt lets out a bitter laugh, and it hurts his own ears. "You think youknowme, Blaine?" He rolls his eyes and turns to walk towards the kitchen, determined to get away because he doesn't want this anymore. He didn't think this through, and he needs to get away, he needs Blaine to leave.

He'stoxicto Blaine. If Blaine manages to get close, he'll only get hurt in the end.

Suddenly, a hand catches on his wrist and on instinct, Kurt tries to pull away. It doesn't work.

His cuts itch, and Blaine isnothelping.

Cuts.

Fuck.

"Blaine, let go," Kurt says, eyes watering as he looks down at the fabric-covered wrist, just a bit of skin and a red line exposed. "Letgoof me."

He feels Blaine's thumb run over the patch of skin, and Kurt wrenches his arm away, bringing his hand to his chest and holding his wrist in his opposite hand. "You don't get to touch me.Don't touch me."

"Your.. your.." Blaine stutters, and he swears he can see tears forming in the whiskey-colored eyes, too. "Kurt, you.."

"Iwhat, Blaine?" Why is Kurt getting so angry? Why is he doing this?

Blaine gulps. "What's happened to you, Kurt? What have you done to yourself?"

That's not what he'd expected to hear, and he blanches visibly.

"I'm sorry if I haven't lived up toyourexpectations, Blaine," Kurt feels a tear run to his cheek and he feels pathetic, vulnerable. He probably doesn't even sound angry in the slightest, just.. sad.

"You don't have to talk to me," Blaine said, and his voice is gentler, now. Soft. "You don't have to say anything, but you.. you wanted me here for a reason, Kurt. You did. And I.. I want to.." He steps forward, and they're close again. Too close.

Blaine brings his hand up to cup Kurt's neck ever-so-gently, his thumb brushing against his jaw.

"Let me hold you tonight," Blaine whispers, and it's like a secret between them.

Kurt starts to shake his head. He wants to tell Blaine everything. He wants to tell him that he's wrong, he's screwed up.

And now, Blaine's lips are brushing against his cheek - the touch is so light, Kurt can barely feel it.

"Let me," His breath is so hot, and Kurt practically melts into his arms, there and then. He hasn't felt this. Not in so long.

Kurt can't do this to him, he can't hurt him like this. So, he pulls away, and Blaine's hand falls limp at his side.

"Blaine," He says, and his own voice is gentle, too. "It's not that I don't want you here, I do. I - I want you here so bad, sometimes, but we've changed. We're different people and if you.. if you knew me, now, you wouldn't like me very much. I want you to - to remember me from before, from how I was. You can't do this," A tear falls. "You have to go."

"We won't talk," Blaine whispers, shaking his head. "We won't say anything, we.. I'll just hold you, Kurt, only for tonight. I can tell that you're not feeling particularly well, and you can't be alone. Youtoldme that you can't be alone."

Silence, and finally, Kurt speaks.

"Just once?" Kurt asks, and Blaine nods.

"Just once."