Struggling
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Struggling: Jar of Hearts


T - Words: 3,933 - Last Updated: May 13, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 27/? - Created: Apr 12, 2012 - Updated: May 13, 2012
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Kurt climbed up on Blaine's queen mattress to help Carole with cleaning out the angry gash on his forehead. What kind of sick father would do this to their own son? He asked himself mentally. Blaine had mentioned to him that Matthew had sent him camps to straighten him out every summer when they weren't in school. In the camps, he said, the "counselors" made him and all the other "campers" memorize two important quotes and made him repeat it five times every day; both quotes are from Leviticus.

Blaine's Nightmare

"Say it Anderson, you know it's true. SAY IT AND GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU. God is great and forgiving, He will forgive you for this grievous sin!" The man yelled as he smacked the cane down on the ground besides the kneeling Blaine.

Blaine was crying out of anger and pain, the man had laid down rocks on the ground on which he kneeled. "No."

The man raised his cane to hit Blaine across his back. Blaine already had stripes across his ravaged back where he had been hit earlier that day and week. Some of the stripes were already healed, some were fresh. But the counselors were careful, they always hit gentler than they should as to not scar their backs.

Blaine braced himself for the incoming blow, he was getting used to the pain. The blow came and he nearly blacked out from it; it had hit on one of the cuts that was still fresh.

"Fine." Blaine whispered, "Anything to stop the pain." He lifted his head and looked at the man straight in the face.

"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." He took a shaky breath. "If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Blaine then blacked out.

He woke up in an unfamiliar room filled crosses, pictures of Jesus, and Bible verses written across the walls.

"Honey, can you and me the thermometer? I want to check his body temperature. He really does seem too hot for his own good." Kurt took the thermometer out of the bag still slung on his shoulder. Carole gently lifted Blaine's arm and inserted it in the crook between his body and arm and closed his arm, resting it at his side. A few seconds later, it beeped.

"Hm… 102.3 degrees. That's higher than what Mairead told me when she took it last." Carole looked at him worriedly. "He might be developing a fever or infection. I'll need to get an IV in him now…" She muttered to herself. "Kurt, can you stay here for a few minutes? I need to get more supplies from the car." Carole had made sure that all the cars in the Hudmel household had emergency supplies stashed in the trunks. She had also taught the boys how to insert an IV in an arm for fluids.

Kurt nodded. He was still on the bed with Blaine and was covering him up with a blanket when Carole stopped him.

"If he's running a fever, don't cover him up. Take his shirt off as gentle as you can and then cover him with a light blanket." She told him as she walked out the door with car keys in hand.

Taking off Blaine's shirt, his hand accidently rubbed against his chest and something came off and onto his hand. What…? Kurt finished taking off his shirt and gently ran his fingers over the place where his hand touched. More of the substance came off. To Kurt it looked like a flesh-colored powder, make-up. He went to the bathroom and took a face cloth, wetted it with ice cold water, and went back to Blaine. He had started muttering about someone named Lance. Kurt ignored this and started wiping Blaine's chest down. More of the powder came off on the cloth and Kurt started feeling bumps under the washcloth. He was even more surprised when a line he was washing off took a sharp turn to the right while continuing up.

"F" Kurt muttered to himself. He then realized with a horrified expression. Oh no, no, no, no. Please, gaga, don't let this be what I think it is. He quickly, but gently, washed off the rest of his left chest muscle and saw the discovery he never wanted to make. Written across Blaine Anderson's chest in scar tissue was "FAGGOT". Kurt dropped the washcloth and cried out in sorrow.

Back with Joey and Mairead

"Hey, buddy. Wake up, we're home." Mairead told Joey as she put her car in park in the driveway of her house. Joey yawned and looked around before dropping his eyes, remembering what had just happened. "Why don't we take the next forty-five minutes and gather our stuff, okay? I think we're going to want to stay with Blaine for more than a night. So, get your stuff that you'll need for, let's say three days, and meet me IN my house by one." She told him as she grabbed her cell phone. Joey didn't move; he was scared of what would happen if he went into his house by himself. "Hey, what's wrong?" She asked with concern.

His lip trembled. "I-I don't want to go into there. Not without you." Joey looked at her with tear-filled eyes. Mairead saw and looked out of her windshield with her eyes closed, trying to formulate a plan.

"Why don't you come with me for right now and I'll come with you when I'm done, okay? Maybe Nick'll want to play some CoD with you." She smiled. "C'mon, you little bugger."

Once she was out of the car, Mairead quickly sent a text to Nick saying Code orange, play CoD with Joey. Code orange was her way of saying quickly, "Blaine's in trouble". She opened the door leading from her garage to the house. Nick suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Hey Joey!" Nick called cheerfully. "I got Black Ops set up in my room with root beer and chips stocked up! Wanna play?" Taking his hand and nearly dragging Joey up the stairs. Nick shared a brief glance with Mairead out of the corner of his light blue eyes. She nodded once as she walked towards the kitchen where her parents where.

Her mother and father were at the kitchen reading the newspaper and sipping coffee when she walked in. "Mairead! Where have you been?" Her mother shouted as she ran to hug her adopted daughter. Sarah, her mother, smothered her in a hug as Mairead broke down into sobs. "What's wrong, honey? Hm?" Sarah asked.

Mairead whispered, "Upstairs." Sarah understood and followed her daughter upstairs to her daughter's huge bedroom. "What happened? You can say it, honey. I'm not going to judge, okay?" She told her as they both plopped down on Mairead's cool neon green and pink blanket covering her queen bed. Sarah hugged her daughter tightly and lovingly as she recounted her tale of what happened to Blaine. Her heart broke as she told of how Blaine was now at Dalton and in pain.

"Tell you what, why don't you go and take a long hot shower, and I'll get your stuff ready, okay?" Mairead didn't respond, her eyes still closed. Sarah shook her gently and was nearly shocked as her daughter nearly punched her, she got her hands up in time to stop the punch. "Oh, honey." She whispered, knowing that she was in one of her flashbacks. Sarah muttered soothing words to her as she was struggling to come back to the present.

Flashback to Mairead's memories

"Hey Ugly, come back here! I'm not finished talking with you, you fat Asian!" Mairead heard as she ran in the opposite direction of the white, popular girl who was taunting her.

Mairead shouted as she was running, "What's your problem? Leave me alone!" She kept running until someone tripped her as she was nearly to the door that was leading into the school she once thought was heaven but was turning into hell. She skidded across the hot, black pavement; knees and hands scraped and bleeding, she had tried to get up but was forced back down by a girl's sandal on her back.

"Where do you think you're going?" Where did she come from? Mairead thought as she saw her bully running towards her. Oh, crap. Her twin. She had tried to get up again. Someone had grabbed a chunk of her hair and she heard a snipping noise. The next second came with a shower of black strands coming down her face. Thankfully, a teacher had saw in the window what was happening and came to her defense, saying to the girls in a thunderous voice "GET BACK TO RECESS!" and tried to help her up, but she didn't need any. Mairead was furious, about her hair and her hands. She punched one of the girls in the neck, missing the back of her head.

"That's for what you've done to me, Nicole!" She continued throwing punches until –

"MAIREAD, STOP. YOU'RE HERE NOW." Mairead "woke up" standing on her feet and her fists in Sarah's hands to stop her from punching her further. Sarah had managed to evade all of her punches.

"Where, where am I?" She asked the woman next to her sobbingly. She was so disoriented and confused.

Sarah didn't let go of her balled up hands in case she relapsed into another flashback. "Honey, it's me, Mom. It's April 2011. You're at home. With me, Dad, and Nick. Joey's here, too. Blaine is at Dalton with Kurt and Carole. He needs you." She let her daughter's fists go slowly as Mairead started to sway back and forth from exhaustion of the memory, it always drained her when she flashed back to a memory.

"Mom?" Mairead whispered. "I- I… What happened? I'm sorry. I'm so SORRY!" She ran to her mother, sobbing.

"Shh, it's okay. It wasn't real, you're here, now. You're here." Sarah guided her back to the bed and rocked her until her tears dried up. "Feel better?" She asked. Mairead nodded. "Why don't you go take a shower, okay sweetie? I'll grab something for you to eat when you get out." She kissed the top of her head.

"C-can you t-tell Dad? About Blaine? I want to talk to the two of you when I'm done with m-my shower." Mairead sniffled.

Sarah's heart filled with so much sorrow of what her daughter had to go through. "Okay, honey. I'll get him up here. Don't worry, I think Nick has Joey occupied. I can hear their shouting matches from hear about weapons and such." Sarah and Mairead smiled. "Go, and take that shower, okay?" She kissed her one last time.

Mairead gathered up fresh clothes and went into her own bathroom that was connected to her room. One look at her palms and knees confirmed that she was indeed back in the present as she could see the scars on her knees but not feel the pain. She got into the shower and let the warm rain flow over her as she calmed down. Mairead got out and looked at her back in the mirror, particularly at two scars on her shoulder blades. The first two self-inflicted wounds out of the many on her back. She had used one of her old belts and taken off the buckle until the little stick remained and hit herself on her back, telling herself that the girls were right and she was the one who deserved the consequences.

Mairead dressed and briefly dried her thick, black, Vietnamese hair until was just a little damp; the air would dry it on her way back to Dalton. She walked out into her room and her parents were talking softly on her bed. Jason, her father saw her walking towards him and he stood up, smothering her in a hug. Mairead did not cry as all her tears were dried up. He walked with her to the bed where Sarah gave her a bowl of white ice cream. "Coconut, your favorite, and I put a little bit of Nutella at the bottom. Just like you love." Sarah smiled.

"Honey," Jason started. "If you're going to be at Dalton for a couple of days, I want you to know that we support you, okay? The only thing is… I want you to call home at the end of each day to let us know how Blaine's doing." She nodded, still eating the creamy desert. " Do you need to have your car with you? Yes? I'll let the gas stations near Dalton know that you need gas, okay?" She nodded again, grateful that her dad was the CEO of the Shell Gas Stations in Ohio. "I'll load up your debit card with money, for both food and whatever else you need. Don't even think of trying to repay me, honey. I don't have all this money for nothing." Jason countered as she started to speak. "Joey doesn't have to go back to his house. I had Nick pack some of his clothes for him. Their close to the same height anyway, plus he already has too much clothing." Jason made a face at the idea of his son's closet. Mairead grinned; her brother had a bigger closet than she did.

She handed the bowl back to Sarah. "Thanks, Mom, Dad. I'll call everyday I'm there. And please, don't talk to the Andersons about this. I don't want Matthew to know where Blaine and Joey are. I'll take Joey back here on Monday when school starts up again after break." All three of Joey's, Blaine's, and Mairead's schools had the same schedule; she was thankful that all of them were on spring break right now.

Both of her parents looked at each other, conflicted in whether or not to respect her wish. "Only if he gets better by tomorrow and is talking to us on the phone, okay? Does he need a doctor? I can contact one of my friends to swing by Dalton to check on him." Sarah worked as a pediatric oncology doctor in one of the various hospitals around Dalton. Mairead shook her head as she helped her mom get some of her stuff into a big duffle bag of hers.

"I'll call if I need him, Kurt's mom is an ER nurse." Sarah and Jason looked relieved.

Jason hugged his beloved daughter close, "I'm proud of you. You know that, right? I'm so glad I adopted you from that orphanage all those years ago." He kissed her on the top of the head.

Sarah zipped up the bag and walked quickly from Mairead's room to their master bedroom and retrieved Mairead's debit card and her own Costco card. "Nick, Joey, come down stairs! And Nick, carry that bag down will you?" She yelled at her son as she jogged back into Mairead's room.

"Here, you go sweetie. Your debit card and my Costco card. Buy whatever you need for all… five? Of you at Dalton okay?" Jason shouldered Mairead's duffle bag as they went down the stairs to the garage. Joey and Nick were trying to play ninja, where you try to slap the other person's hands while evading them. She rolled her eyes.

"Hey, ready to go, Joe?" She smiled at Joey's face, the happiest she's seen him in the past few days. He nodded.

Each of her parents gave her and Joey a hug before they went inside. Nick stayed outside and hugged them last. He gave Joey, a bone crushing hug. As he was hugging his sister, she whispered into his ear, "Ask Mom and Dad what happened. They'll tell you, and I'll call you tonight." She gripped him tightly.

Nick said quietly into her ear, "Love you Mari." Her nickname from when she was younger. He let go and she went into the car, revved up the engine and left the garage. Nick stayed until he could no longer see her orange car. He turned and saw Matthew Anderson looking the same way from his window in his house, with an angry expression on his face.

Back at Dalton

Carole was just coming back from the car with her hands full of medical supplies when she saw Kurt sitting in a chair near Blaine, tears coming down his face.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Carole became alarmed.

Kurt shook his head, instead standing up and turning down the blanket he had placed on Blaine so Carol could clearly see his chest. Her eyes opened wide, she didn't expect to see the word "FAGGOT" carved into her son's boyfriend's chest. She teared up but didn't cry.

"Oh, honey." She looked at Kurt as she spoke. He was crying silently as Carole put down the supplies and hugged him.

After a few minutes, he spoke. "Let's get his wounds clean. I want him to wake up soon." She nodded.

"Okay, I need you to get behind him on the bed. We need to elevate his head so I can stitch him up. But first, the IV; Blaine looks dehydrated and the saline and IV ibuprofen is going to help with the fever." She took his left arm out of the blanket and inserted a thin needle into the back of his hand after cleaning it with alcohol and numbing it with novicane, taping it down with clear adhesive medical tape. Carole then found a coat pole near his door and dragged it over to the bed so she could hang the two bags of fluids.

Kurt looked on silently until Carole called him over. "Get behind him and elevate his head? It's time to stitch him up." He nodded and climbed on the bed. Blaine looked so fragile, with bags under his eyes and the gash across his forehead. His nose was starting to look better, not as black and blue as before. Kurt shifted Blaine's body so that his head was resting on his lap. Carole started to take off the covering she had put on before she went to the car; it was nearly clean with minimal bloodstains on it.

The silence was killing Kurt, so he decided to lean over to Blaine's bedside table and plug in his iPod. He turned the volume down via remote as to not move so much and not to disturb Blaine or Carole. He sang along softly to Sam Tsui's over of Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts.

Who do you think you are?

Runnin' round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms.

Just as he finished the lyrics, he heard a click of the door. There in the door way stood Joey and Mairead with dufflebags, sleeping bags, and food in hand. Kurt smiled; he was beginning to wonder where they were.

Mairead smiled. "Hey, how's he doing?" She asked putting the food on his desk and her duffle bag down.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but Carole interrupted him. "All finished stitching him up, now just to clean and bandage his other cuts." She said with noticing Mairead and Joey there. "You can put his head down now, Kurt. If you want to." Carole finally noticed the two of them standing behind her. "Oh, you're back already! That's perfect." She told them. "Kurt, why don't you go and eat, and Mairead can help. You look exhausted, honey." He nodded and Mairead took his place from behind Blaine's head.

"Thank you, Carole. For doing this, for everything." Mairead said to her in a grateful tone. She nodded and motioned for her to lean in close. Carole turned down the blanket so that she could clean Blaine's cuts on his collar bone and so Mairead could see his chest. "What do you know about his?" She pointed to the scar tissue.

Mairead shook her head; she knew but didn't want to tell either Kurt or Carole. "It's not my place to tell. You have to ask him when he wakes up." She nodded. Carole finished up quickly, the cuts were already very clean; all she needed to do was to place some of the clear and small butterfly strips across the cuts to keep them from separating as they heal or as Blaine moves. "There's some food over there on his desk, Carole. I got you a chicken sandwich with a fruit salad on the side." Carole nodded, snapping her gloves off and rubbing her hands with hand sanitizer. Mairead took the blanket Carole forgot to turn back up and tucked around her and Blaine. He looked peaceful at this point, even with the big white bandage covering his forehead and black and blue nose. She asked Kurt as he was eating his vegetarian spaghetti, "How long has been out for now?"

"About three hours, the sedative should last for another two hours or so." He answered with his mouth partially full of food.

"Do you need a break, Kurt? I'll stay here over night with him while you go home get your stuff to come back for the week." She asked him. He looked at her in relief.

"Yeah, I should probably go home. I need to take my step-mom with me, too." He looked at Joey and Mairead. "Call me if he wakes up?" The both nodded as he threw away the empty container.

Carole finished her sandwich and wrote down her cell phone number, the house number, and Burt's cell phone number on a Post-It note and gave it to Joey. "Call me if anything changes. Okay, Joey?" He nodded. She looked at Mairead on the bed. "Take his temperature every twenty minutes and record them. If his temperature reaches over 103.5 degrees, I want you to call me right away. The thermometer is an armpit meter, shouldn't be too hard for you, right Mairead?" She winked as she gathered up her supplies.

"Carole, we should go. It's getting late." Kurt told her grudgingly, he didn't want to leave Blaine.

"I won't leave his side for one second. Go, Kurt. Me and Joey got this." Mairead told him softly.

He nodded, going to Blaine one last time and kissing him. Blaine moved a bit in response to the kiss. Mairead smiled.

Once they were out the door, Mairead asked Joey "I can take care of him right now, why don't you get some sleep and I'll wake you up when I'm tired, okay?" He nodded , unrolling his sleeping near the bed. He was fast asleep within seconds.

Mairead stroked Blaine's curly hair as she was singing along to the song Kurt left on repeat.

And I learned to live, half-alive

And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?

Runnin round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

Blaine moved around a bit when he heard her singing. She took his hand and he squeezed it. "Hey," She said quietly as he was waking up and Joey was sleeping.

Blaine opened his eyes slowly, still drowsy from the sedative. He tried to speak but found out that it took too much energy to try and speak a full sentence; instead he whispered one word: "Kurt?"

"He went home; he'll be back in the morning. Go back to sleep, Blaine. You're safe here." Mairead whispered soothingly into his ear. Blaine obliged, again plunging himself in his world of nightmares.

Mairead sighed, she wished she could keep him awake and out of that world, but he needed the rest and hoped that he would fall into a dreamless sleep.


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