Struggling
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Struggling: Chapter 23


T - Words: 9,022 - Last Updated: May 13, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 27/? - Created: Apr 12, 2012 - Updated: May 13, 2012
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Author's Notes: To those who are reading this chapter, please, please please review this chapter. I worked really hard on it only to have three people review on ff . net. I would like more feedback if only on this chapter. So, please, leave your thoughts in a review in regards to his chapter. Thank you.Warning: please have a full box of tissues nearby, ample time, and Do You Hear What I Hear loaded up on YouTube or iTunes.

Friday, three in the afternoon

Joey and Kurt were down in the living room watching CNN with their schoolbooks in front of them. The media had finally stopped showing the four of them after the police didn't release any more information ontheir case. Unfortunately, the news trucks still lingered around the three houses like vultures searching for carnage. They had to stay at Rachel's house while Sarah brought Mairead and Joey their school work and one of the Warblers, usually Jeff, brought Kurt and Blaine their two tons of homework every day.

"Kurt?" Joey asked timidly from his place on the floor with his leg under the coffee table, his brace off of his leg to let it air out.

"Hmm?" Kurt responded, not looking up from his Latin textbook.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kurt looked up and put his pen down on his notebook. "Yeah, Joey?"

"… What was it like when you lost your mom?" He said, barely audible. The funeral for Miranda was tomorrow. Lauren was coming back to Ohio later that night and was staying for the weekend before heading back to her school in California.

Kurt sighed, thinking of what to say. "It was hard at first. You're always thinking she'll come in the door at any moment and then you remember she's not here anymore. I still think that sometimes, even though my mom died a long time ago."

Joey stayed silent, absorbing it all in. "So, this is really it, isn't it? The last time I'll see her?"

Kurt carefully scooted off the couch and onto the ground, being careful of his similarly unbraced leg. He hugged Joey around the shoulders as the younger boy tried to keep his tears from falling. "No, Joey. It's not the last time you'll see her. It might be the last time you see her physically, but no; this is not the last time you'll see her. You'll see her in the things you do, whether you realize it or not. I see my mom every time I bake her sugar cookie recipe for glee club or whenever I sit at her vanity doing my daily morning routine." He told him gently. "I see her right now."

Joey whispered "Where?"

"Right here." Kurt looked directly at Blaine's younger brother. "I see her right in front of me."

Joey whipped his head around, thinking he saw her ghost or something around him. "I don't see anyone. Are you playing with me?" He demanded, an angry tear slipping down his face.

Kurt took his iPhone out of his pocket and snapped a quick picture. "There. Now do you see her?" He showed him the image.

What Joey saw was just a picture of himself but then realization dawned on his face. His tears now flowing freely down his pale face and dripping from his chin as he sobbed. "Oh my God." He cried.

Kurt threw his iPhone none too gently on the couch and wrapped his arms around the hurting boy, tucking him into his side. "You see, she's here. She's in you. She's here, Joey, and she's not going away anytime soon." He said softly, letting him release his emotions. "I don't need to see her to know that she's here to stay with you forever even if she isn't here physically."

Joey nodded into Kurt's gray t-shirt; he hadn't bothered with dressing up in his usual clothes today. Kurt heard someone clear their throat behind him. He lifted his head and saw Blaine looking at the two of them with deadened eyes, the black bags faintly appearing under his eyes.

Blaine nodded at Kurt, limping past them and into the kitchen with one crutch under his arm and other along the wall. Kurt could see that his eyes were wet.

"Joey?" Kurt asked softly, "I'm just going to get you a glass of water, okay? I'll be right back."

The younger boy nodded, tears coming down his face in trickles.

Kurt put his brace back on and covered it with his jean pant. Considering he wasn't in much pain right now, he took his cane instead of a crutch and walked slowly on both feet, keeping his balance while walking with the brace. He opened the door and saw his boyfriend staring out of the window with the same deadened look in his eyes. "Hey." Kurt greeted him with a smile.

Blaine smiled back while still looking out the window. The smile didn't reach his eyes as he continued staring a particular spot in the backyard of the Berry household.

"How was PT?" Kurt asked as he pulled a glass out from a cabinet. "I can see you got your IV out, too. Did Mari get hers out?"

Blaine shrugged and with his right hand, he pulled up the pant of his leg slightly through the open space in his crutch, showing Kurt his new brace on his leg.

Kurt smiled back gently. "At least we all got out of the damn casts. Feel good to be out of that?"

Blaine shrugged again, not looking at Kurt. He could hear him opening the refrigerator door and pulling out a bottle of water before pouring in the glass.

"Blaine?" Kurt inquired softly.

Blaine tilted his head slightly, still staring out the window.

Kurt walked over to the counter and leaned against it, looking at the Warbler from the side. "What's wrong? You got your casts off today and you're almost fully healed."

Blaine turned his head, his eyes emotionless as he said "Tomorrow."

Kurt nodded, giving him a look telling him to go on.

"I should be the one there for Joey, not you." He whispered. "This is my fault, not his or any of your faults. I should be there for him, not you."

"But-"

"Why don't you see this, Kurt?" Blaine yelled suddenly. "This. Is. My. Fault. All of this is my fault. Us being kidnapped and shot. Us having to hide out here until he's caught. Us even being at Dalton. This is my damn FAULT!" He slammed his fist into the metal edge of the sink.

Kurt backed up; he could feel the vibrations of Blaine's fist into the sink and out to the counter he was leaning on. "Blaine, it's not your fault! Why can't you see that?" He said as calmly as he could, his heart pounding in his chest.

Blaine turned and took one step forward. He put his hand on Kurt's chest, right where Matthew cut him. "This." He said quietly, his anger still boiling inside him. "This is my fault."

Kurt winced as he pressed down a little hard on his still healing stitches. "Blaine," he said carefully. He moved Blaine's hand from his chest to the place over his heart. "Are you saying that this is your fault too?"

He looked away, taking a step back but his hand still on Kurt's heart. He could feel the strong, steady, beating rhythm of the other boy's heart. "Yes, it's still my fault that he would have taken this away from the both of us. And he nearly did." Blaine whispered angrily.

"And you're the reason why I'm still here." Kurt said softly. "Do you remember the first time I met you, Blaine Anderson? The first time I met you on that staircase?"

Blaine stared at his feet, not answering his question.

"You sang me that song. Teenage Dream. And you know what you are, Blaine Anderson? You are my teenage dream. That lyric, 'No regrets, just love'? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I couldn't care less that I have these scars on my body because I. Love. You." Kurt said firmly. He tried to kiss him on the cheek, but Blaine lurched away and exited through the door that led to the dining room.

As soon as the door closed, it opened a minute later with Mairead looking concerned. She took in the sight of Kurt looking at the door with a distant look. "Kurt?" She asked as she walked in with a cane like Kurt's by her side instead of crutches. "What the bloody hell happened? Blaine's… I've never seen him this distraught before."

Kurt sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We had a little fight. Blaine keeps blaming himself for all of this. Don't you dare start that with me about that crap, Mari." Kurt warned when she opened her mouth. "You and I both know it's Matthew's fault and not any of our faults."

Mari smiled quite grimly. "I was just about to say you're the best thing he needs right now. He and I are more alike than you think, Kurt. Lauren is like you to me. He needs time to think, but just stay away from him for the rest of the day. Blaine'll come to you when he wants to."

Kurt nodded, releasing a breath. "Speaking of Lauren, what time is she coming tonight?"

"My dad's going to pick up her up around nine; flight gets in at eight thirty but with this rainy weather and all…" She motioned out the window. It was quite cloudy and raining lightly with dark storm clouds on the horizon. "Where's Joey?"

"He's in the living room, we were both doing homework while watching CNN. He… let's just say both he and Blaine are sinking in a sea of grief right now. You might want to be prepared when Lauren comes tonight." Kurt said, taking the glass of water with his free hand and started walking towards the living room.

Mairead nodded as she quickened her pace and walked ahead of Kurt, holding the door open for him. Joey had gone back to doing his math homework, the television still on.


Dinner had been a somewhat quiet affair that night; both Kurt and Joey were at the hospital doing their PT session with Burt, Rachel and Finn were at an extra glee club practice, Sarah and Carole doing the last minute arrangements for Miranda's funeral, Jason was waiting at the airport for Lauren, and it was only Mairead, Nick, Hiram, Leroy, and Blaine at the table.

Blaine ate quietly, having calmed down after a talk with Leroy when he stormed out on Kurt. His face grew paler and paler as the time passed, however. He barely ate much of anything before excusing himself to go and lie down, his stomach hurting him. Hiram and Nick kept up a conversation of the pros and cons of some computer stuff they were talking about.

"I'm guessing you're as bored as I am?" Leroy nudged Mari's good leg under the table.

Mairead smiled and laughed a little, putting a piece of the delicious meatball in her mouth. Unlike Rachel, only Leroy was the non-vegetarian in the Berry household and cooked meatballs that night for the three of them while Hiram had his spaghetti noodles with only the sauce. "A little. I'm used to this, though. He and Dad would talk for hours on end about the newest computers coming out. My mom and I would only be interested if it had something to with the medical world or video games."

"I know how you feel, Rachel only talks to her Daddy about new fashions coming out the next season or something." Leroy laughed at himself. "I don't know why she doesn't come to me."

Mairead looked at his beige and blue striped t-shirt and smiled wryly. "I don't know why either."

Suddenly, there was a loud thump that sounded and vibrated through the air in the dining room. Mairead's breath caught in her throat as her fork clattered onto the plate and her body froze up. Her eyes and mind traveled back to a dark place in her brain as she struggled to calm her suddenly racing heart. She could dimly hear Leroy telling Hiram that he would see what happened and Nick calling her name but she couldn't do anything, her eyes seeing the small white room again and the thumping sound echoing in her ears. Mari tried to move, but she couldn't even twitch her eyelids close to black out the image.

Nick quickly stood up, his chair knocked backwards as he reached his sister. He gently rubbed her arms and murmured in her ear, his lips moving rapidly. Not now, Nick thought. Of all the times she needs a flashback, of course it had to be right now. "Mairead, it's okay. Relax your legs first. Good." He said as he saw her toes move from its curled up position. "Now the rest of your legs." Nick continued like that until he saw her shoulders slump down from her tensed posture.

"N-Nick?" She whispered, blinking rapidly to keep her tears from falling. Mairead started to breathe in and out fast, as if she just ran a marathon. Hiram had gone into the kitchen to fetch her a glass of orange juice, as Nick asked him. "W-What happened? Where am I?" She babbled in heavily accented English before reverting to Vietnamese, her body tensing up again.

"Mari! You're okay, I'm here. You're in Rachel's house, remember? Blaine, Joey, and Kurt are here. Lauren's coming a little bit later. Come on, Mari. Come back here." Nick urged her, putting his hand in her still frozen hand.

Mairead whipped her head up at him, looking at him with unseeing wide eyes. Nick put her face in between his hands. "It's me, Nick, your brother." Slowly but surely, her eyes cleared up and a tear rolled down her face.

"Nick." She breathed out, her whole body finally relaxing. Her voice returned to normal as she took a few deep breaths. Nick had put his hand back into hers and she squeezed it tightly.

"Here, sweetie." Hiram said as he placed a tall glass of orange juice in front of her, a straw stuck in the yellow liquid.

Mairead gave him a watery smile as Nick held the glass for her. She took the straw between the fingers of her shaking hand and guided the thin white tube to her mouth. Sighing at the taste, she gulped down half of it before she took a breath.

"Better?" Nick asked, smiling.

She nodded. "Thanks, Nick." Mari said as she slumped into her chair, Nick still holding the glass for her. "What was that? Is Blaine okay?"

"I don't know, sis." Nick admitted looking towards the living room door. "Leroy's in there with him."

Mari nodded again as she took the glass from him, her hands steady enough to grip the glass.

"That's the first flashback you've had in weeks. Are you okay?" Nick asked her in a low voice.

Shrugging, she finished the rest of the juice. "I'm fine. I think." Mairead said skeptically. "At least, I think I'm fine. I'll know more in a little bit probably." She looked at her nearly finished plate of spaghetti and meatballs. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore."

"Nope, you're finishing it." Nick said as he righted his upturned chair in a hurry to get to her. "Mari, you're almost done. Just finish the plate."

"Oh, fine." She huffed.

"You okay there, Mairead?" Hiram asked as he picked up his fork again.

Mari gave him a hesitant smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The three of them just finished eating as Leroy came in with the smallest of frowns on his face. Hiram kissed him as he sat down across Mairead and finished his own plate.

Nick and Hiram were cleaning up the table and left the two of them alone as they went in and out, cleaning the dishes off the table.

"Leroy," Mairead said in a hushed tone. "That was Blaine, wasn't it?"

He grimaced as he drank from his wine glass. "He's hurting. It wasn't as bad as this afternoon, but he's hurting."

Mairead nodded, knowing that her best friend wasn't hurting from physical pain. "Should I…?" She let the question hang.

The older man shook his head. "No. I have him lying down on the couch for right now until Kurt comes home."

She nodded and stood up, using the table for support as she grabbed her cane from the wall behind her. "If he needs me, tell him I'm sitting on the staircase." Leroy nodded as she spoke.

Mairead walked slowly with her brace and cane to the bottom steps of the staircase in front of the front doors. She checked her watch, it was only eight o'clock. But she sat there anyway, getting herself lost in her thoughts. She nearly didn't notice when the doors opened a blond girl came in with Jason holding a duffle bag over his shoulder.

Lauren gave her best friend a small smile as Mairead slowly stood up and hobbled over to her. She gave the Asian girl a tight hug.

Mairead stood back after they broke apart. Lauren looked like Blaine, her blue eyes with heavy bags underneath them. She had definitely lost weight the last she saw her. Her position was more slumped than before. "Come on, let's go downstairs. I have Brotherhood set up already, you can help me on the fifth sequence and the damn synchronization for those memories."

Lauren nodded listlessly and followed her down to the basement with her duffle bag in hand. Jason had given it to her after the two of them hugged. They played for a bit before Mari noticed what was wrong with the quiet around them. Lauren wasn't talking at all.

She gently took the Xbox controller out of her hand and paused the game. Lauren let it slip from her fingers. "Let me guess, tomorrow?" Mairead asked her softly.

The blond girl nodded and slumped even more against the back of the couch. "I never realized this day would come so soon. I always thought I had to wait until way after college for tomorrow." She whispered, playing with the bracelet on her wrist. "Why did it come so soon?" Lauren looked up at Mari. "What did you do when your mom died, Mari?"

"I did the same thing you're doing, Lavren." She smiled sadly, using her nickname for her best friend. "It far too soon for the both of us. But just know this," Mari put her fingers under her trembling chin and lifted her face up. "I'll never leave you like this. I swear on my life. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way."

Lauren nodded and leaned against her best friend's shoulder, watching her pick up the controller and resumed the game. She watched as Mairead killed a big crowd of Borgia guards, letting her imagination think that each one of them was her father Ezio was stabbing and killing. Lauren couldn't help but notice Mairead wincing when the pistol fired whenever she executed a kill streak.


Saturday, three in the morning

Blaine woke with a start, his heart racing. He glanced blurrily at the neon green numbers on the clock on the desk across the room. It was only thirteen more hours until his mother's funeral. Looking next to him, Kurt was sleeping peacefully on his stomach, his arm draped across Blaine's waist. He got up, carefully lifting up his arm and kissed him lightly on the forehead before slowly getting off the bed.

Getting his new crutches where they he left them leaning against the wall, Blaine lurched himself to his feet. His braced foot still throbbing painfully from where he banged it against the ground earlier when he was alone after dinner. Leroy managed to get him to calm down before he led him upstairs to his room. Kurt had come in later, having returned from his PT session and dinner. Blaine could remember his warm arms around his body as he sat there, trying to cry. Carole had come in and given them their meds before they both fell asleep.

Blaine slowly jumped his way to the kitchen, not accustomed to using the crutches yet. Opening the door, he noticed someone else already in there. "Lauren?" He said softly, his hand still holding the door open.

She turned around, her usually bright blue eyes were dull. "Hey, Blaine." Lauren said quietly, stirring a cup of hot chocolate.

"Couldn't sleep either?" He asked as he hobbled over the cabinet and reached to take out a mug like hers.

She nodded as she got the mug for him. "You want the same thing?" Lauren asked as she lifted the hot water kettle from counter and poured the correct amount.

"I can do it. You go and sit down, I'll join you in a bit when I'm done here." Blaine moved to take the hot chocolate packet from her.

"And how are you going to hold the cup and your crutches while walking?" Lauren snapped wearily. Blaine stopped himself from ripping the paper pouch open. Lauren sighed. "Sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't have…"

He set the packet down and gave her a sad smile. "I'll be in the living room on the couch when you're finished." Blaine resettled his arms on his crutches and hopped out of the kitchen.

Lauren watched and then when the door swung shut, she let out an exasperated sight; getting mad at herself, she tore open Blaine's hot chocolate and stirred it for him. Some of the brown mixture slopped out as she stirred, her anger getting the better of her. She finished thoroughly mixing in the powder and picked up both cups before walking out to the living room.

Blaine had his leg up on the coffee table and was flipping through the infomercials on the flat screen television. His eyes had a glazed look in them as Lauren set his cup on the table in front of them as she sat down. They both stared at the television, not really paying attention to anything in particular.

"Blaine," Lauren said, taking a sip from her mug. "What do you think Mom's thinking right now?"

He stayed silent, thinking. "She's probably thinking of us. How we've made her proud the whole time we've had her with us." Blaine said, thinking of his encounter with Miranda during his surgery. He hadn't told anyone about his dream yet, not even Kurt. "And she's probably watching down on us right this very minute."

Lauren nodded, tears very slowly dripping off her chin and into her hot chocolate. Her hands trembled as she brought the cup up to her mouth. "I can't believe she's gone, Blaine." She whispered, her voice shaking. "What are we going to do? Da- I mean… the bastard's still out there."

"Come here." Blaine set down his mug and the remote on the table. He opened his arms and Lauren scooted over and into his side. "We're going to keep living the way we've always have. It'll just be a little… different. Sarah and Jason'll treat us like their own children; they already have."

"Yeah, but it's n-not M-Mom," she sobbed into his t-shirt. "And D-Dad." Lauren said in a smaller voice.

"I know, Lauren." Blaine murmured into her blond hair. "I know."

The two of them stayed like that, the brother comforting his younger sister. It wasn't until Lauren had fallen asleep out of sheer exhaustion from the day did Blaine reach with his left braced hand, Lauren had fallen asleep holding his right arm to herself, to grab a pillow from the end of the sofa. He gently laid her head down on the pillow in his lap and covered her body up to her shoulders with the soft fleece blanket that was hanging over the back of sofa. Blaine kissed his sister's cheek as he tucked the blanket more warmly around her. Turning off the TV, he tried to get into a comfortable position as he laid his head back on the back of the sofa and gradually fell asleep himself.


Nine in the morning

Kurt woke up and flopped over on his back, expecting to feel the warm heat of Blaine next to him. He reached a hand out and felt nothing next to him. Opening his eyes, no one was there. Kurt's eyes widened as he sat up, looking for his boyfriend. He blinked a couple of times to clear his eyes. Blaine's crutches were gone and the door was closed. Getting his cane from where it was leaning on the nightstand, Kurt stood up and walked out of his room.

Making a pit stop to the bathroom on the way, he entered into the kitchen and saw no one was there. His heart started to beat faster as he quickly hobbled to the dining room, noting one was there either. Kurt nearly slammed open the door to the living room before Sarah stopped him.

"Stop, Kurt!" She whispered urgently. "It's okay, Blaine's in there." Sarah jerked her head towards the door.

Kurt looked taken back. "Why is he in there?" He whispered back.

Sarah sighed, looking worn. "I found Lauren and him sleeping on the couch in there this morning."

Kurt cautiously opened the door and poked his head in. True to Sarah's words, Blaine was snoring lightly with his legs on the coffee table and Lauren's head in his lap. The coffee table itself was littered with two cups half full of cold hot chocolate. They were holding each other's hand as they slept. Kurt slowly closed the door, being careful of the noise.

"I was thinking of waking them up in another hour or so. Those two need the sleep." Sarah said as she led him back into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Please." Kurt answered as he leaned against the counter. He had finally calmed his heart enough to accept the hot ceramic mug. "Today's going to be a battle for those three, isn't it? I remember when it was my mom's funeral."

Sarah nodded grimly. "Funerals always are. I remember when Jason and I first met Mairead in Vietnam. She had taken us to her mother's gravesite and cried. Her mother's funeral was a month before we came."

Kurt looked down at his cup. "I'm sorry."

"I'm also sorry, for you, Kurt." Sarah responded in kind. "It always breaks my heart whenever I see someone so young such as all five of you to witness death so early. I sometimes have to deal with it a lot of the time when I'm at the hospital when a brother or sister of a patient of mine comes up to me and asks if their sibling is going to be okay." She set her cup down on the counter. "How's your chest? Did anybody clean out the cuts last night after you showered?"

Kurt shook his head as he sipped the black concoction. "No, everybody was busy with something and I didn't want to bother anyone. I kept it dry, though."

"Finish your coffee. I'll clean them for you; they need a new dressing anyway since there aren't any more stitches." Sarah said as she chewed on a bit of toast. "Your parents have the suits for both you and Blaine with them. I think they'll be coming after lunch and then we'll all go to the cemetery after everyone's dressed."

Kurt nodded and drank his coffee. Sarah bustled around while he did. She gave him a small cup with his morning pills while she put some bread in the toaster, hearing someone come towards the kitchen door.

Mairead came in the door with her cane in hand, looking haggard with bags under her eyes. She gave him a small smile as Sarah walked towards and gave her a hug and a kiss.

"Hey, Mari." Kurt said quietly, finishing his cup.

"Hey." She answered back, coming towards him. Kurt hugged her, feeling her arms tighten around his rib cage as she hugged him back. "You okay?"

Mari slowly nodded, fighting back a yawn. "As well as anyone can be on the day of a funeral. I just didn't sleep too well. Where's Lauren?"

"Out in the living room with Blaine. Don't open the door; both of them are asleep on the couch together." Kurt warned as he limped over the dishwasher.

She nodded as the toaster popped up with the bread nicely browned.

"I'll be in my room, Sarah. Just come in whenever you're ready." Kurt told Mairead's mom. She nodded as she put away the milk in the refrigerator.

Kurt walked slowly upstairs. Rachel's door was still closed and he could hear Barbra Streisand singing through the crack at the bottom of the thick wood. He walked to the window and opened them partially. It had rained yesterday night so there were clouds covering the whole of the blue sky. It was as if the world knew today was a sad day and it conveyed everyone's emotions. He sighed, remembering the cheery sunny day of his mom's funeral.

A soft knock alerted Kurt to someone coming in. It was Sarah with various supplies in her arms. He smiled as she walked over to the desk and set everything down. Sitting down on the edge of the bed he unbuttoned his dark blue pajama shirt and lay down. Kurt looked away as Sarah bent over him and slowly peeled the adhesive tape and gauze off of his chest.

Sarah was the only one besides Mairead who could clean his cuts with wincing or crying out. Carole had run out crying the first time he asked her to clean out the stitches. Burt couldn't do because his calloused fingers would press too hard when he cleaned them. Kurt suspected it was out of anger and not carelessness.

He slowly turned his head towards his chest and looked down. In angry red lines was the word he would never say carved into his chest. It didn't look as bad as it did when he had the stitches in. Kurt winced reflexively as the cold disinfectant touched his skin, feeling nothing but the cold liquid. He looked back up at the ceiling while Sarah cleaned out the healing cuts and put a new gauze covering and taped it down.

"All set, Kurt. Like always, just don't get it wet or pick at it." Sarah said as she snapped off her latex-free rubber gloves.

Kurt gave her a smile as he sat up, buttoning up his shirt halfway. "Thank you, Sarah." He told her sincerely. She smiled back and walked out.

He lay back, putting his hands under his head. Kurt stared at the bumpy ceiling until Rachel came in, looking a little subdued.

"Hey, I need your advice for today. Care to help?" She asked him in her pink and red heart pajamas and her hair in messy pigtails.

He smiled. "Sure."

The two of them went through Rachel's giant walk-in closet, going through every piece of clothes Rachel thought was appropriate for a funeral. From pink and white polka dotted dress to a neck to foot black dress, the two finally decided on a cocktail length navy dress with black flower designs. They were laughing at something Rachel said when Kurt saw Blaine leaning against the doorway, looking tired.

"Hey, Blaine." Rachel said, giving him a gentle smile.

Blaine smiled back, the light not reaching his eyes. "Hey. Kurt, Carole's here with the suits. Can you get them?" He limped into the room he shared with Kurt.

Kurt moved to go downstairs, but Rachel's hand his arm stopped him. "Don't. I'll get them. You go with him." She said quietly.

He nodded as she walked past him. Walking back into his room, he discovered Blaine sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. "Hey, what's wrong?" Kurt asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Today." Blaine said, not looking up.

"I know. Blaine, I know. We'll get through it. I won't leave your side unless you tell me to, okay?" Kurt told him softly.

He nodded, leaning into Kurt as he closed his eyes briefly. Kurt rubbed his shoulder as they sat there, listening to the bustle of everyone in the house.

Rachel came up and handed the two black bags to Kurt, who stood up stiffly and smiled his thanks to her. He laid the bags down and walked over to close the door, leaving it open a tiny bit. Kurt helped Blaine into his suit first, helping him take off his shirt. Kurt turned away to take the white dress shirt, tie, and black blazer out of the bag.

"Kurt."

He turned back to see Blaine looking at his chest and his scar. Blaine turned his eyes up with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, glancing down again, thinking Kurt's scars.

Kurt tilted Blaine's head up with his fingertips. "Blaine, it's okay. I'm okay." He murmured gently, wiping away the stray tear that rolled down his cheek. Blaine nodded as he allowed Kurt to slip his shirt over his shoulders and button up the pearl colored buttons. He stopped him at the tie, insisting he could do it himself. Kurt helped him gel his hair down to his usual part of his hair on his head.

They both finished dressing and went downstairs where everyone was waiting. The adults gave the two of them small smiles. Blaine didn't say anything, focusing on trying to pull his pant length down to cover the more obvious signs of his brace. He grunted quietly, the pain getting to him from both his leg and stomach. Everyone walked out to the garage where the numerous cars were waiting.

Blaine stumbled through the door, his crutches getting caught on the bump that separated the garage from the house. Burt caught him before he fell on his face, the crutches clattering on the cement. "Whoa there, kiddo. You okay?" Burt asked, concerned.

Kurt walked back over to his boyfriend, noting the signs of pain on his face. "You didn't take the pain meds yet, haven't you?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting up.

Blaine looked up, the pain clearly evident in his eyes. "No. I don't want to be groggy for this, Kurt. I don't want to sleep through my own mother's funeral."

"But kiddo-"

"He said no, Dad." Kurt said firmly, understanding him. "Blaine, I think it might be better for you to be in the wheelchair instead of your crutches. You've barely had them for a day. I don't want you to fall and the grass is a little slippery after last night's rainfall." He told him reasonably.

Blaine nodded, sighing at himself. Kurt helped him keep his balance as his father picked up the crutches and gave them to Blaine. He let them help him into Nick's CR-V as Jason opened the back of his son's car and loaded the collapsible wheelchair in the trunk. Once the door slammed, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Kurt was calling him instead of his usual way of texting. "Hello?" He answered dully.

"Hey. I thought if you ever needed to talk, we could just keep our phones on until we get there."

Blaine paused, getting a little teary at the love Kurt was giving him. "I-" his voice caught in his throat. "I love you. So much."

Almost if he could see him, Blaine could hear the smile in his voice. "I love you too, Blaine Anderson, and I will never stop loving you."

Blaine fell asleep, the phone call still on during the two hour drive to his mom's final resting place. Jason and Nick helped him from the car and into the wheelchair, being careful of his leg. He could see Kurt walking with his black cane towards him. The two held hands as they waited for everyone to park the cars before walking into the quiet grassy field, dotted with stone grave markers. Mairead, Lauren, and Joey joined them as they got out of their cars.

Hearing a loud noise coming up from behind the cars, Blaine looked up and saw a bus rolling towards them. The five of them looked surprised as Kurt and Blaine's fellow Warblers trooped off of the coach bus, wearing suits not unlike the ones Kurt, Joey, and Blaine were wearing. Mairead watched a specific blond haired boy step off the bus, stumbling a little bit and then laughing at himself.

"Guys, what…?" Blaine said as they all came towards him.

"Blaine, you'd really think we wouldn't come?" David said as he straightened his tie. "We're Warblers, Blaine. We support each other, no matter what we do."

"And plus, it gave us an excuse to get off campus for a little bit." Jeff quipped.

"Jeff!" Mairead said, swatting him on the head. Everyone smiled as he combed his hair with his fingers, blushing.

"Let me guess," Kurt said wryly. "Mairead told you guys to come?"

"Well… kind of?" Wes said, grinning. "Jeff told us that the funeral was today a couple of days ago so we went to the headmaster and he let us go."

"Anyway, we're here, Blaine. And we'll always be here for another Warbler." David said, rolling his eyes at his friends.

Blaine smiled sadly. "Thanks, guys. Really."

They all returned his smile, some giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze as they walked over to the back rows of the chairs in front of a white and silver edged coffin.

All the adults returned and started to guide them towards the chairs. Kurt heard his name being called and turned around, laying a hand on his father's arm. Burt was pushing Blaine and stopped.

The New Directions were hurrying towards him, all of them dressed in mismatched colors. "I'll be okay, Kurt." Blaine said quietly, letting go of his hand.

Kurt nodded, kissing him on his cheek before turning to greet his old glee club.


Kurt joined Blaine, Joey, Lauren, and Mairead in the front row of the chairs. Sitting down, Blaine took his hand again, gripping it tightly. Mairead and Lauren doing the same thing. Both of the girls were dressed alike, black button up dress shirts with black dress pants. Kurt, Mairead, and Joey hid their canes and crutches beneath their chairs. All the parents and Nick were sitting directly behind them. Finn, Rachel, and the New Directions, along with Mr. Schuester, Ms. Pillsbury, Coach Beiste, and surprisingly, Coach Sylvester, were sitting in the back rows with the Warblers.

There had been news trucks about to enter the cemetery parking lot but luckily, police were there to combat them. Some of them still got through and to the rows of chairs. Kurt looked on, a little impressed, as Coaches Beiste and Sylvester sought them out and yelled insults at them until they went away. By the time Coach Sylvester, in her dark blue track suit with orange stripes, was yelling at a male camera man telling him to go and record Barney's acts of coitus with a donkey, Tyler, Aaron, Jim, and Julia had arrived with police officers and had him escorted off the grounds. The four SWAT officers smiled at the five teenagers before taking their seats towards the middle of the chairs, behind the parents but in front of the two show choirs.

Miranda's beautiful white and silver edged coffin was sitting in front of them. The pile of dirt had been covered with green turf to camouflage it into the background. It was sunny afternoon with a few clouds in the sky. The three Anderson children were wearing sunglasses to hide the tears threatening to spill over the entire day. Blaine's hands were shaking as he stared at the coffin, not bothering to listen to the eulogies about his mom. All of three of them had elected not to speak, they had all decided privately to say what they need to when it was time to actually bury her. What they wanted to say was not for everyone to hear but for themselves and their mother.

The ceremony started promptly at four and ran without a hitch. Some of the speakers included some funny moments but the three of them never laughed, only looked at them through the sunglasses. It was only when it was time to get up and stand by her coffin did Blaine's lower lip started to tremble. Granted, he was still in a wheelchair, but he wasn't ready to go up there with his sister and brother.

"Kurt." He breathed; grateful he sat next to him throughout the whole ceremony.

Kurt looked at him through a pair of his own dark sunglasses. "Yes, love?" He whispered.

"I-I… I can't." He whispered, holding back tears. "I can't go up there."

"Shh, Blaine. It's okay. It's okay. I'm here." Kurt reached over the arm rest and took one of his trembling hands in his own and rubbed circles onto the back of his hand. "Joey and Lauren understood this might happen. They told me before that it's okay if you didn't go up there. If people want to talk to you, they'll come here. It's okay. You're okay, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He told him under his breath.

They both watched as row after row of people went up to Lauren and Joey to offer their condolences, a few coming to Blaine to give him sad smiles, clap him on the shoulder, or to say how proud Miranda would have been. Blaine did nothing but nod, Kurt was speaking for him.

Soon, everyone had tapered off to their cars having given their respects to the Anderson family. Only the New Directions, Rachel's dads, the Warblers, Mr. Schuester, Ms. Pillsbury, Coach Sylvester, Coach Beiste, Burt, Carole, the Stryka family, and the three Anderson children were left. The two choirs had retreated to a distance but didn't leave. Jason, Sarah, Burt, Carole, Nick, and Mairead were at coffin, helping Blaine and Joey stand so they could touch their mother's coffin before it was buried. Kurt also had to be helped so he could stand to support Blaine. Nick was helping his sister so she could hold onto Lauren's hand.

Blaine grunted as Jason helped him up on his good left leg, being careful that his pant covered right braced leg didn't hit anything. A small wave of nausea rolled over him from the pain in his stomach but he forced it down, determined to be strong for his two younger siblings.

Kurt was standing with Burt's hands on his shoulders while his free hand had his cane firmly planted on the ground. He tightened his hand around Blaine's as he was staring at Miranda's coffin.

"Mom," Lauren began, quite softly. "Words can't describe how much we're all going to… miss y-you. I mean, you have been nearly everything to u-us a-and I-I'll miss you so m-much." She sobbed into Sarah's shoulder. Her hand clutching Mairead's as her other hand refused to budge from where she was touching the coffin.

Joey had tear streaks coming down his face, his nose already red from sniffing. "Mom, I love you. We all love you so much. I promise we'll make you proud in whatever we do, wherever we go. I know you always wanted to go to Florida with us, and I promise, when we all go together one day, you'll be with us every step inside Disney World.

A round of small smiles and quite chuckles sounded around Miranda.

It was Blaine's turn to speak. Kurt murmured into his ear, "It's okay, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

Blaine shook his head and took a deep, gasping breath. "Mom…" he began, a sob creeping into his voice. "I-I… love… you." That was all he could manage before completely breaking down into sobs. He barely listened as Jason, Sarah, Mairead, and Nick gave their little speeches to her as he quietly cried into Kurt's shoulder.

All of the adults gently guided the three Anderson children away from the coffin, Blaine refused to take his hand off until Carole and Sarah whispered soothingly to him, and back to the seats they sat before.

All of the New Directions and the Warblers made their way over to the side of the coffin. Rachel stepped forward with Wes with the rest of them standing behind the two of them. "Joey, Lauren, Blaine. I know this is a very trying time for the three of you. We wanted to show you our support by singing a song that Sarah told us Miranda often enjoyed. It was Miranda's favorite.

Blaine's hand tightened around Kurt as all of them started to sing, with the Warblers and New Directions singing acapella in the background. David started to sing, but stayed where he was.

Said the night when to the little lamb

Do you see what I see?

Way up in the sky, little lamb

Do you see what I see?

Thad took over the next verse, taking over from where David left off.

A star, a star, dancing in the night

With a tail as big as a kite

With a tail as big as a kite

Tina opened her mouth and her beautiful voice rang out over the grassy cemetery as she sang. The rest of the New Directions girls joined her in the background, their voices adding an ethereal echo.

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy

Do you hear what I hear? (Do you hear what I hear?)

Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy

Do you hear what I hear? (Do you hear what I hear?)

Quinn, like Thad, took over for Tina on the next verse, this time with the girls and some of the Warblers accompanying her.

A song, a song, high above the trees

With a voice as big as the sea (A voice as big as the sea)

With a voice as big as the sea (A voice as big as the sea)

Santana sang the next lines with such emotion, everyone started tearing up. The girls provided the background this time.

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king

Do you know what I know? (Do you know what I know?)

Wes' voice rang out over everyone when it was his turn, all of the girls helping him in his verse.

In your palace warm, mighty king

Do you know what I know? (Do you know what I know?)

Santana joined Wes, their voices melding nicely with each other.

A child, a child, shivers in the cold

Let us bring him silver and gold

Let us bring him silver and gold

David came back out of the background to sing his last line.

Let us bring him

Thad and Quinn sang together, their notes blending into a chord.

Silver and gold

Tina finished up her lines in the song.

Do you know what I know?

Wes looked at Blaine with tears shining in his eyes.

Do you see what I see?

Everyone looked towards Quinn and Thad, who were in the center of the front row; they started to sing the last line together when they took in a deep breath. And from there, all the Warblers and New Directions sang,

Do you hear what I hear?

There wasn't a dry eye after the last note faded poignantly into the fresh spring air. Even Coach Sylvester was fighting back tears.

"Miranda," Wes began, his voice wavering. "We might not have known you, but if Blaine, Joey, and Lauren are any indication, you are a pretty awesome mother."

Blaine looked at the group of his classmates and New Directions through his dark sunglasses. "Thank you." He mouthed more than whispered.

Sarah and Carole disappeared for a moment only to reappear with a bouquet of white calla lilies and white roses. They both handed the flowers to Lauren, who stared at them for little bit before gingerly laying them on top of her mother's casket.

"C-Can," Lauren's voice caught in her throat. "Can we have a moment alone?"

The adults looked at each other while all the teenagers nodded, retreating back to the line of cars to give them space. Following suit, the parents followed the New Directions and Warblers.

Kurt bent down slowly to give Blaine a kiss on the cheek while Mairead half-hugged and squeezed Lauren. Both of them hobbled back to their parents and peers. Burt enveloped Kurt in a hug while his son cried silently into his chest, Mairead doing the same thing to her dad.

Almost all of the New Directions and Warblers said their good-byes to Kurt and Mairead and left the cemetery in their cars and the coach bus. Only the Strykas, Burt, Carole and Finn, Rachel, and her dads stayed behind.

Kurt had been leaning into his father's chest when his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from Blaine, reading, Can u 2 come back here? Alone?

"Mari," He said softly.

She nodded, getting the same text from Blaine.

Kurt took the crutches from Finn, who fetched them from Kurt's SUV at his mom's command, and handed his cane to his father. The both of them slowly made their way over to their hurting friends.

Blaine felt Kurt's hand on his shoulder behind him and reached a hand up to hold it. Lauren was leaning her head on Mairead's stomach while also clutching Mari's hand.

Joey looked over to the men in green work clothes who were watching them from a far, waiting for the ceremony to be over. He waved a hand and nodded. The men climbed into the machines, a small crane and a small bulldozer.

All four of them watched as the men carefully hung straps around their mother's coffin and lifted her up slightly, taking the metal cart out from beneath her. But before they lowered her into the hole in the ground, three yellow butterflies flew in and landed on top of their mother's coffin. They stayed there for a moment before a jerk of the coffin sent them flying again. Blaine cried silently as he followed one of the butterflies with his head, watching fly up into the setting sun and finally out of sight.

The watched as she was slowly lowered down into the earth, the gleaming white and silver edged casket disappearing into the ground.

"Now's the time to drop whatever else in before we pour the dirt over her." One of the men said in a gentle tone, despite his rough voice.

Blaine looked up at Kurt, who nodded and reached into his breast pocket of his black blazer. He pulled out a vial of white-ish brown powder and handed it to his boyfriend with a small kiss.

"Lauren," he asked quietly. "Can you drop this in on top of the flowers with Mom?"

She nodded, tears in her eyes when she realized what he was holding. Standing up and walking, by herself, she knelt down and gently tossed the vial on top of the bed of flowers. "Mom, I love you."

Joey called out from where he was sitting, "I love you, Mommy."

Blaine's lip quivered again as he tightened his grip around Kurt's hand. "I'll miss you and love you forever, Mom."

Lauren scooped a handful of dirt and brought it over to her brothers. They both touched it briefly before she gently sprinkled it over their mother, all of them hearing the soft sound of the dirt scattering on the casket. She looked over to the men and nodded, telling them they were done.

Mairead looked over at their parents and waved them to come over. They had hung back to allow the Andersons, and their friends, space to say their real good-byes.

Blaine whispered "Bye, Mom." as Burt wheeled him around and away from the gravesite and back to the cars. Kurt hopped on his crutches along side with the wheelchair. "Kurt?" he quietly asked.

Kurt didn't look at Blaine, concentrating on not falling on his face, but said "Yeah?"

"Can I ride in the car with you? I know it might be a little cramped with our legs…" He trailed off.

"Sure, kiddo. We'll all ride together." Burt answered when Kurt stopped to look at him. "Finn can ride with Nick back to Rachel's house. We'll put the chair in Nick's car, too."

They waited by the black SUV for everyone else to catch up. Blaine and Kurt, figuratively, stood off by the side while everyone figured out carpool arrangements. Blaine barely heard them as he leaned his head into Kurt's hip. Kurt ran a hand through Blaine's gelled hair as he listened to everyone. Burt was going to take Blaine and Kurt home in Kurt's SUV, giving Blaine's wheelchair to Nick. Sarah was going to drive Mairead but Mari insisted, quietly arguing, that she take Lauren in her tiny Honda Fit. Instead, Mari would go with Carole in her Corolla. Joey was going to ride with Jason in the Pilot and Finn would ride with Nick in his CR-V.

After Burt got his son into the SUV, both he and Finn had to help Blaine settle beside Kurt on the very back seat of the car; they had folded down the middle seats to make room for their legs to rest on.

Blaine finally took off his sunglasses, revealing quite red and blood shot eyes. Kurt wrapped his arms around him as Burt slowly drove, following the car in front to Rachel's house. Blaine buried his head in Kurt's chest the whole ride over, crying softly. Kurt just held him, stroked his back, and massaged his scalp until they came to a stop on the road in front of Rachel's house.

"Blaine?" He asked, looking down at him. "Let's go inside; we'll take the meds and go to sleep, okay?" Blaine nodded, sniffling.

And they did just that. Blaine, Burt, Kurt, and Finn were the first go inside after Leroy Berry opened the garage door to the house. Kurt helped Blaine undress from his midnight black suit, throwing them lazily on the floor by the closet, and got him into his pajamas pants, t-shirt, and sweatshirt, Blaine was shivering after he took his black blazer off. Kurt got himself in his dark blue silk pajamas, and made sure the door was open as he sat down a little heavily on the bed. He propped his crutches up against the nightstand and slipped beneath the covers. Blaine curled into Kurt's chest and quietly sobbed again. They stayed like that until Sarah knocked on the door softly, alerting the two of them to her presence. She had in her hands two cups of milk and two little cups of brightly colored medications. Both of them sat up and automatically swallowed the pills along with the milk. The medications took effect immediately; both of the boys were sleepy before they could finish their cups of milk.

"I'm here, I love you, Blaine." Kurt slurred as he laid his head next to his. They were out like a light the next minute.

Sarah sadly smiled at her new son and his boyfriend as she pulled up and tucked the blanket around the two of them. She kissed Blaine on his forehead before brushing Kurt's bangs out of his eyes. Sarah closed the blinds and propped open the door, making sure the door stop was firmly grounded. Taking one last look at the two sleeping boys curled around each other, she went downstairs.

Outside the window, a yellow butterfly landed on a branch closest to the glass. Soon it was joined by a delicate white butterfly. It was as if they were standing vigil for the two boys sleeping, finally at peace, inside the bedroom.

End Notes: Please, just leave a word or two in a review. That's all I ask of you. Thank you.

Comments

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Well done. Your hard work paid off with this chapter. I felt like I was there feeling what they were with hearts breaking but good things ahead. Thanks for writing.

That was SOOOOOSAD bu SOOOO SWEET