EasonVille
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EasonVille: Very Far From Sexy


T - Words: 993 - Last Updated: Sep 08, 2015
Story: Closed - Chapters: 5/? - Created: Apr 02, 2015 - Updated: Apr 02, 2015
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It was the sound of a loud beep that finally woke Blaine, pulsating in his head three concise times. He blinked, his eyes focusing on a glass bottle, this time filled with water instead of milk. He blinked again, focus shifting from the cup to the room behind it. The walls were burgundy and well decorated with picture frames and pieces of art. Where was he, Blaine wondered.


He rolled over, his face smushing into a whole lot of cushion. So, he was on a couch and swaddled deeply in very soft blankets.


"Thats the seventh time this hour." A voice chuckled softly to itself. Blaine nearly suffocated in the cushions. Like a walrus trying to attack, he flopped over quickly, his legs tangling in the blankets. "Oh!" Kurt bit his lip to hold back a laugh. "Youre awake." His voice was stunningly melodic and piercingly loud all at the same time. Blaine blinked at him. "Im sorry, did the oven wake you up? Im making casserole."


Who makes a casserole so early in the morning, Blaine wondered. Then it dawned on him that he had no clue as to what time it was. If hes late to his second day of work, he would be so dead. "What time is it?"


"Uhm..." Kurt slips his hands into the back pockets of his pants, leaning his body to check the clock in the next room. "Six." Blaine relaxes. Hed have to cut it close, but he wouldnt be late. "In the afternoon." At Blaines sudden panic, tearing the blankets madly away from his body, Kurt cringes.


He is so dead. Blaine realizes that, hopping to his feet. This fresh wave of nausea hit him square in the face and he collapsed back onto the couch. "Tinas gonna fire me." He groaned. Disdainfully, his gaze lifted to Kurt who appeared very far from afflicted. Of course, hes not the one getting run out of town by Tina.


"Dont worry," Kurt soothed. Blaine wanted to kick him as he perched pleasantly on the edge of the coffee table. "I already called Tina and told her you were sick." A hand placed on Blaines shoulder, Kurt gently ushered him onto his back.


"Oh, thank you." Kurt nodded a silent response. "I dont think Ive ever slept in this late...or been this drunk." Blaine chuckled, allowing for Kurt to cover him in blankets.


"Youre not drunk." The nurturing man stated very matter of factly.


Blaine rolled his eyes, which made the room seem to spin a little. "Hungover. Same thing." Running a hand over his face, he sighed. "I dont even remember last night."


"All I can tell you is you got your key stuck in my lock and then you threw up on me." Blaines face went slack as color flooded his cheeks. "Its fine." Kurt dismissed before he could begin to apologize. "It was the laxatives. They really started to kick in when you got here." Kurt blushed. "I had to change you. Twice."


Blaine lifted the blankets to observe his lower half. Certainly he hadnt been wearing sweatpants before. Thats because he was now in Kurts pants. Then, because he was curious, with a quick glance to Kurt, he lifted the band of the pants. Those were not his boxers.


"You changed my underwear?" Blaine asked. He wanted to be creeped out, but he was still pretty mortified at the fact that he pooped his pants in front of Kurt. Twice.


"I didnt look. Or, I tried not to." Kurts slight blush bled from his cheeks all across his face and even to his chest, darkening to a deeper red. "Trust me, it was all very far from sexy. Everything smelled like poop and vomit and we were both covered in it and I was kinda freaking out and...Just think of it as bros helping bros." Quickly, he cast his eyes down to his hands, seeing as his commentary only made things worse.


Blaine cleared his throat. "Where are my pants and, uhm, briefs?"


"All clean and ready for you." He grinned only slightly, then returned to his guilty slump.


"So, can I take my pants and go then?" Blaine asked, feelingly only incredibly uncomfortable.


"No." Kurt stated, causing Blaine to raise an eyebrow at him. "I mean, its not that I want you here. Like, please go. Get out. Oh, that sounded rude. I dont mean...I just," he sighed, getting flustered. "When Finn first had Sues Ruse he was down for a whole weekend. And Finn is a pretty big guy. You kind of strike me as a lightweight." Kurt had tried to phrase that nicely.


Blaine squinted at him, defending his liquor holding abilities. "It was only a few shots. Im sure Im fine."


"No, Blaine. Do you even know whats in a Sues Ruse?"


The man on the couch scoffed. "Uh, duh."


Kurt rolled his eyes, pursing his lips. "Really? Because Im the only one Sues ever told. Not even Becky knows." Blaine gazed skeptically at Kurt. "Its true. I shanghaied her into an exclusive interview by locking us together in her office and singing Run Joey Run until she relented. Its 1/4 teaspoon of wine, a lot of hallucinogens, some laxatives to keep you running, and just a bit of hydrogen peroxide to thin the blood and disinfect any emotional wounds. She claims her parents used it to hunt the nazis." Kurt looked off. "Its a shame I never got to publish that article. It wouldve been smashing. Of course, Sue revoked freedom of the press within the town so everything goes through her."


"Is that legal?"


"Oh yeah." Kurt nodded. "Shes mayor and shes also blackmailing the president. So she can do whatever she wants with the laws."


"I mean the drink."


"Oh," this time he shook his head. "No, its most certainly not. Aspirin?" Kurt asked, extending the pill ambivalently to Blaine. 


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