� �As the bus turns into a rocky path, I feel my stomach nearly drop out of my pants. This is it—college. Well, sort of it. This is the first step towards it, at least. What this really is is five weeks of living in cabins with my soon-to-be classmates. Out the window, I watch the trees slowly pass, while the bus bumps along and the clamor of others grows to a buzzing excitement. A part of me wants to join the other guys in their introductions and picking bunk mates. Still, so much of me isnt ready. Since when was this my reality? Sebastian and I always talked about growing up and graduating and attending this university and this camp. But, now that its happening, Im not so sure that Im ready. I want to go home. For the first time ever, Lima, Ohio is more appealing than where I am.

���"Alright, guys quiet down!" One of the older boys at the front stood, wielding a megaphone. "My name is Wes. Im a senior art directing major and I kinda inherited the role of your leader for the upcoming weeks." A handful of applause and cheers sound mostly from older students. "So, we are just about there," more cheers follow. I glance nervously out the window, feeling Sebastian bump my shoulder excitedly. Trying to match his energy, I grin and bump my friend back. "But, before—come on guys, quiet down. Before we get off the bus, we need to go over the rules. Sorry guys." He addresses the subdued boos and awws from around the bus. But, he forges on, holding up the list in his hands. "Rule number one, absolutely no violence. If there is any, then you will be sent home and word will be given to the headmaster and, for freshmen, the dean of admissions as well, since your enrollment isnt exactly set in stone yet. Sorry, but Im not sorry at all about that actually." A nervous glance is passed around between my fellow freshmen. "Rule number two is, well...ok, so, I know the girls camp isnt far from us, but no sneaking into their cabins and shit." Wes warns, rather half heartedly. I can tell hes probably planning on doing that himself. "There will be co-Ed events, but bedtime isnt one of them."

���Sebastian leans into me to whisper, "lucky us." I shoot him a quizzical look. "You think anyone else in our cabin will be gay?" I shush him, a pink hue flooding my cheeks. Sebastian was always very comfortable with his body and, subsequently, the bodies of others. I, on the other hand, was forever his awkward, virgin sidekick. Many times, Ive worried that my entire college life will just be me helping Sebastian get laid. Admittedly, its better than the miserable times he attempted to get me laid. But, its still not preferable. Maybe, this trip will be a chance to meet some new people, put some distance between the two of us. Although, it is pretty nice being joint at Sebastians hip. He looks out for me and hes fun, plus its the only thing familiar to me out here in the woods.

���I return my attention to Wes, catching him in the middle of another rant. "I understand that some of you are 21, but not everyone is. So, lets strive to keep the cauldron dry this year. Which would be a first...a really great first!" He has no response for that. "At least dont give any alcohol to minors." It is abundantly clear in his defeated tone that even he doubts that will happen. The bus jolts to a stop and everyone begins rustling to get off. "Hang on, Im not done." Wes demands. "Just remember, be nice, have fun, make friends and welcome to Camp Brotherhood!" Everyone cheers loudly, beginning to exit the bus. "Cabin assignments are posted in the mess hall, as well as some maps." Now he is yelling into the megaphone, vying for our attention as we depart the bus. "Get settled and remember we meet in the mess hall for dinner at 7, followed by a meeting." One of his friends has to place a hand on his shoulder and reassure him that no one was listening and that it was fine. "Let me know if you need help!" He adds, allowing his friends to lead him off the bus.

�

���Trying to get our bags from the bottom of the bus is chaotic. From the dirt and gravel parking lot we ended up in and all of the shuffling around, a thick cloud of dust has accumulated, making the process hellistic. A lot of shoving is also used. So much for brotherhood. On top of that, we are not alone at the campsite, so weve found ourselves unloading in between minivans and Suburbans.

���Our next stop is the mess hall to check our cabin assignment. Unfortunately, that is a long hike away. Up hill. Schlepping my trunk and duffle bag behind me, I turn a begrudging face to Sebastian. The gallant guy just chuckles. "We havent even been here for fifteen minutes and youre already grumpy?"

���"Im pretty sure weve been on this hill for more than fifteen years, Bas." I retort. "Like, Im sweating."

���"Come on, Kurt, were almost there." He reassures me, pointing out the large wooden structure that all of the other guys are flocking to.

���At least there is air conditioning inside, although Bas and I were warned that this is the only place to find such commodity. That fact makes me want to scream. I stand with my friend in the long line before the cabin assignment list. There is so many people here and I know none of them, which is to be expected. Yet, it seems as though they all know each other, chumming it up as we wait. The two guys in front of us are gushing about acrylic paints. Some are huddled to the side, passing around their portfolios. Wait, were we supposed to bring those? An older guy is bragging to his buddies about all of the beer he managed to sneak in. But, why waste packing space on alcohol?

���When Sebastian and I reach the front, I scan the list for our names, finding my own first. 2B, okay, thats cool.�

���My friend turns to me imploringly, "3E?"�

���Shit. "2B."

���"Shit."

���"Yeah. We arent together." I state the obvious, because I have no idea what to do. What do I do without Bas? We had planned to go through this together, not three cabins apart. This is wrong, completely and totally wrong. Whats next, separate dorm rooms in college? Opposite ends of the campus? Although, thinking about it now, the first is incredibly possible. Whos to say we will have the same dorm room? We requested it, but as Wes said, nothing is set in stone.

���"Um, excuse me?" I jump at the gentle voice behind me. Sebastian and I both turn our gaze to a guy with round, rosy cheeks and a polite demeanor. "You said 2B, right?" He is gazing right at me and I nod. "Oh, thank God." His shoulders slump just slightly in relief. "I am, too. Im Trent. Freshman, antiquing."

���I take his light grasp, shaking it gently. "Kurt, freshman, fashion design."�

��"Sebastian Smythe. Freshman, art therapy."

���Trent rolls his eyes, "wow okay. You both have really impressive majors." We shrug modestly, although Im sure both of us are glowing a little in the compliment. "Like fashion and therapy? Like therapists are practically doctors."

���"Well, my parents wanted a doctor. I wanted art. This our attempt at a compromise." Bas shrugs. I know his family far too well. His dad is a lawyer and his mother is a therapist, as well. Theyre the type of people who like to read you. They knew Bas was gay and they knew exactly when he was ready to come out just from the way he butters his toast.

��Trent hums lightly, "I can understand that."

��"Technically it just means he has to go to grad school before anyone will hire him." Sebastian pouts a little at my joke, but he still chuckles along with Trent and I.

�"Yes, well, Im going to try to find this 3E or whatever. Trent, it was nice to meet you." They shake hands again. "And, Kurt, Ill catch you on the flip side." I pull him in for a quick hug, because there is no way he would leave without one. Then I wave bye as he collects his bags and wanders off.

���"Boyfriend?" Trent asks as we watch him leave.

���"Best friend." I clarify.

���"Ah, hes cute."

���I roll my eyes, "dont tell him that, itll go straight to his head."

���Trent laughs, picking up his things. "Shall we?"

�

���The cabins are thankfully closer to the mess hall than the mess hall was to the parking lot. However, theyre small and very hot with only thin screens as windows.�

���"So, um, what do we do when it rains?" Trent implores in his delicate manner. I sadly have no answer for him, except a weak shrug. "Great. So, Im not sleeping by the window." He drops his bags onto a bottom, bunk that is equally not too close to any windows and yet, not too close to the doors. "Kurt, do you want the top bunk?" He offers, gesturing above him.

���I honestly would; Trent is nice. Except, its the top bunk. At my first sleep away camp at age seven, I fell off the top bunk and never once looked back. "Thats okay, I think Ill take this bottom bunk." I took note of the way Trents face drooped just a little, as I fall back onto the bottom bunk on the other side of the door. "Im not exactly the top bunk type."

���"So, youre a bottom?" A voice chimes in from the bunk behind me. His blonde bunk mate giggles. "Because, Im a top, so..." I can feel my cheeks heat up. This is less from his innuendo and more from embarrassment.�

���Clearing my throat, I opt to take control of the situation. "Im Kurt,—"

���"The bottom." He interrupts me. I only give him an unamused stare. "Sorry. Proceed."

���"Im studying fashion design and Im a freshman."

���"Obviously." I truly want to punch him. "My name is Eli. Im majoring in-"

���"Assholery?"

���"Shut the fuck up, Jeff." He snaps at the boy in the bed below him. "Interior design, a sophomore."

���"Nice to meet you." I lie, forcing a grin at him. This is, after all, a camp for making friends. I have to try.

���The blonde boy flips his hair out of his eyes, smirking lightly. "Im Jeff. Im a sophomore ceramics student."

���"And he takes permanent residency on Nicks dick." Eli adds. It is now that I decide to stop listening to him. Possibly for the next four years of college.

���Taking cues from Trent, I decide he was wise to skip the introductions and start settling in. We dont have long until dinner and I fear that, once this has all begun, there wont be another chance to really settle in. The beds all were prepared with thin, cotton sheets, which Im sure, once upon a time, were white, instead of the odd cream they now are. Even though its hot during the day, dad had warned me that temperatures may drop during the night time, so I brought a blanket with me. Hoping Eli doesnt give me crap about it, I situate it under the cheap "comforter" the cabin offers.�

���After that, there is little settling in to be done. I slide my bags under my bed and toe off my shoes, tucking my feet up under me. Taking inventory of the room, I thankfully see what looks to be a bathroom, and I notice all of the beds have been claimed, except the one above me. From that, I feel no love. But, I also realize that the next person to enter through the rickety door will be my bunkmate, which is actually a bit exciting. That thought is what keeps my eyes trained on the door, waiting. And waiting. Until, finally, the door swings open and its Sebastian asking if Trent and I want to walk with him to the mess hall.

�

���I find it strange that in the mess hall, amidst all of us college guys, were vacationing families. And it is clear that they found it just as odd. Its like placing garden gnomes amongst hordes of plastic flamingoes. Plus, no one censors themselves around the poor summer break children.

���To further defend my example, Id like to quote Sebastian: "And his fucking ass, like god damn." As he gives us a detailed description of his bunk mate.

���"You dont actually expect to sleep with him, right? Like�sleep�with him?" Trent asks, stirring his straw around in his iced tea.

���"Why wouldnt I?" Sebastian shrugs off the question with such chalance. Trent hums, pulling a face that is part impressed and part judgemental. The two of them together are going to make for an interesting time.

���"Bas, hes a junior." I interject, routinely. This behavior is expected from him.

���"Not a problem."

���"Is he even into guys?"

���I watch my friend shrink noticeably in his seat. "To be determined." He admits. As Sebastian works through a mouthful of his sandwich, Wes rises with his megaphone.

���"Hello guys. Glad to see youve all made it to the mess hall alive." Some chuckle, others seem to believe it was a real and present danger to die on the walk to the mess hall. "Feel free to keep eating, I just wanted to remind everyone of our optional activities. Now, if youve looked over your itinerary, youll see that there are two to three activities everyday." Sebastian retrieves a crumpled itinerary from his pocket, leaning in so I can see, too. "Most�of these are optional. However, they are highly encouraged. All of this will be further discussed with your cabins tonight. But, for those who know theyre interested, the sign ups for this week are here." He gestures back at his table. "And its first come, first serve." At Wess warning, the sounds of chairs scraping the floor can be heard as people gather around his table. "Thank you." Wes signs off, seemingly accomplished.

���Sebastian glances to Trent and I with enthusiasm, but we both shoot him down. This weeks optional activities were along the lines of basketball and flag football. I can gladly do without such recreations.�

���"Anyways, theres this other guy..." Sebastian continues, while Trent and I finish our meals.

�

���After dinner, Wes announces for us to make our way down to the campfire. Having no idea where that is, we simply follow the crowd back towards the campsite. In chatty herds, we cross an open field of dry grass, the leading veterans disappearing into the trees. Trent shoots Sebastian and I a face, muttering about how this is the perfect place for them to kill us. But, Bas only shrugs, leading us into the thickets. Beyond the trees is a clearing along the lake. Theres a circle of logs, quickly being filled with people. At the focal point is a large fire.�

���Seating myself between Sebastian and Trent, I begin to observe my surroundings. Unsurprisingly, Wes is already there, overseeing a group of older guys making plates full of smores. A lot of the guys there look very old and big and intimidating, in their muscle tanks and stubbly chins. Any of them could easily take me down if they tried. Its very easy to pick out the freshmen, since most of them seem just as concerned as I feel. Weve already grouped off. Even the older students arent leading by example, sticking to their close friends. I spot Jeff off with whom I presume is Nick. The duo is helping with smores preparation, but Ive also seen them sneaking the occasional piece of chocolate to one another. Bas also points out the guy hed been telling Trent and I about, Adam, laughing with his friends. A few logs down from him, I briefly catch the gaze of Eli. The jerk has the nerve to smirk at me, but its a low and sinister smirk that sinks deep into the pit of my stomach. I dart my eyes away, my focus catching on another student. When I realize his eyes are trained towards me I nearly fall backwards off of the stiff log. Yet, his well chiseled face hints to zero recognition. So, he either spaced out in my general direction or playing brain dead is some genius self defense mechanism to use when caught staring at someone. It mustnt have been the latter, since moments later he pushes a lock of curly hair off his forehead and returns to strumming the guitar stooped on his knee. However, I find it much more challenging to simply shift my attention from him. I am a moth, he is light. Not for long, though, because Wes starts flitting around, preparing us all for the campfire to truly begin. He demands for the plates of smores to be passed around and hurries the loiterers to find seats. Powering up his megaphone, he mutters something to the boy with the guitar causing him to chuckle. As Wes begins to speak, I watch the boy place the instrument behind him and rest his elbows on his knees, looking up at Wes.

���"Although this has been said many a time today, welcome, once more, to Camp Brotherhood." More people cheer than the first time. "While these campfires are a common occurrence throughout these next few weeks, this one in particular is very special."

���"And how?" The guy on Wess right interjects.

���"Well, David, Im glad you asked." Its all so jokingly scripted that it makes Trent scoff. "Tonight is special, because it is our first night together along this beautiful lake. And tonight, we get to do introductions!" I am frightened by the reaction of others. Their mix of laughter and groans makes me aware of how unpleasant this will be. "For those of you who dont know, a brotherhood introduction involves your name, grade, major and an answer to our special question." Thats not so bad, unless this special question is something outlandish. "And everyone has to do it in rhythm." I watch as the boy retrieves his guitar and the guy who might be Nick gets out bongos. So, maybe it is pretty bad. We are artists, not musicians. "David, what is our special question?"

���The guy to his right thinks for a moment, then grins. "If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be?"

���When Nick and guitar boy start up, with what guitar boy deems as a slow groove, I start learning the names of all the others. It is confirmed that Nick is the one on the bongos and he is a senior studying book arts, who would be sweet cream. Sebastian also whispers to me that he is his cabin leader. Guitar guy states, with impeccable smooth groove rhythm, that his name is Blaine, he is a junior cartoonist and he is Dreamsicle flavored. The idea gets the crowd laughing and rolling their eyes. Blaine simply shrugs modestly.

���As we make our way around the circle, heading for me, I begin to panic. Ignoring those speaking, I begin to mentally rehearse what Im going to say.�Kurt, the freshman fashion design major, white chocolate flavored. Kurt, the freshman fashion design major, white chocolate flavored. Kurt, the freshman fashion design major, white chocolate flavored.

���Then Im briefly aware that Sebastian is going and I vaguely hear people laugh when he calls himself sexspresso. My palms are sweating and Im trying to keep my foot tapping along with Nicks bongos.�Kurt, the freshman fashion design major, white chocolate flavored. I see Blaine across the campfire as I say it. He is smiling sweetly at me, but Im pretty sure hes done that for all of us freshmen so we arent so terrified. And once Ive gone, I have no idea how to conduct myself. I still feel just as exposed as Id been when I was stumbling through the slow groove. The feeling makes me fidgety and all too aware of conforming with the group mentality— laughing when they laugh, sitting how they sit. My gaze drifts frequently back to Blaine, hoping hes looking back at me, but he never is.

���After everyone is introduced, Blaine and Nick transition seamlessly into a new song. I recognize it as the theme song from That 70s Show, but everyone else seems to know it as the Camp Brotherhood anthem, singing along with merriment. Wes, following the song, regains attention. He announces that we can either return to our cabins or stay for the next hour to "mingle or make more smores, so long as no one starts a forest fire." I want to follow the small group who opts for bed, but Bas makes me stay with him when he sees the alcohol being brought out.

���"Youre not 21." I remind him. My friend just laughs at me in a patronizing manner. Red solo cups are distributed freely amongst all grades, much to Wess dismay.

���"Guys!" he calls into his megaphone, "Please, its the first night! Can we not even make it through one night?" But, David hands him his own cup and he is quickly over it.

���While Sebastian drags me around to meet all of the guys on his "to-do list," I notice Blaine is sitting with a group who all introduced themselves as seniors, drinking happily from his plastic cup. His guitar is hung safely on his back as he cracks a joke, resulting in his friends erupting with laughter. I quietly observe him, trying to decipher what it is that keeps drawing me to him. In most cases, he wouldnt be my type. Ive always fancied the old Hollywood faces or the polite and refined wallflowers. Blaine gave off a whole different vibe. He seemed to be earthy and sociable, with an exotic face and dark, curly hair. He is built, too. Short, but built. In the past, Id always limited my crushes to boys as tall or taller than me, and they usually had more delicate figures. Stockier guys typically remind me of the Neanderthal football team at McKinley, except maybe not Finn. But, then again, Finn was taller than me.

���Catching sight of his eyes, I wonder if thats what keeps attracting me. It certainly isnt his beard. Even with the great distance between us and the darkness that has settled, I can tell his irises are a golden brown. I pour into them, realizing that this is it. This is what I see in him.

���Then, I realize he is staring back at me. I try the "I just spaced out while looking at you" method, but he just narrows his eyes at me and grins knowingly. Blushing, I turn back to Sebastian and the conversation he has struck up with a guy named Seth. I briefly consider downing the drink Bas got me, but chicken out when I catch a whiff of it.

�

���Eventually the hour ends and Wes commands that everyone make their way back to the cabins. Parting with Sebastian, Trent and I retreat to 2B. Only one person is in their already asleep on the bunk above Trents. Everyone else has yet to return. Seizing the opportunity, I hurry into the empty bathrooms with my toiletries and pajamas.

���By the time Ive finished with my routine, the cabin is at capacity. All of the boys are on their beds in various states. Trent is fast asleep with his bunkmate, as is the guy on bottom next to him. A sophomore, whod introduced himself as Asher, is reading. Eli is stretched out on his bunk in only boxers, while Jeff is curled up on his bed, still fully clothed. On top of my bunk is Blaine, all cute in a pair of chunky glasses, reading over a clipboard.

���"You must be our eighth person. Glad to know you didnt get lost in the woods. Youre Kurt, right?" He exclaims when he notices me.

���"Uhm," I comb my fingers through my shower soaked hair and try to look a little less stupid. "Yes." God, is that all I can say?

���"Great." Blaine grins as he makes a quick mark on his clipboard. "My name is Blaine, Im majoring in cartooning. Yes, Im only a junior, but Wes doesnt trust a lot of the seniors, so he made me an honorary senior so there would be enough cabin leaders for all of the cabins. So, Im the leader of this cabin. We are the blue cabin. Know that, own it, say it with pride. While you were showering, I just filled the guys in on the activities for this week. Do I need to go over them again or can you just look over your itinerary?"�

���Im so dumbfounded that I nearly miss his question. "I have an itinerary, my dad printed out three copies for me." I stutter out.

���Blaine scrunches his nose and grins. "Your dad is a smart man." I mentally kick myself for stating that. "Basically, Wes wants us to tell you to sign up for at least one activity a day. Its a good chance to meet people and theyre fun and you can learn new skills. Theyre pretty cool. Also, tomorrow morning will be an early wake up because we are going on a nature walk. Just a heads up." His tone sounds very unenthused about the prospect of a nature walk. "Oh, and I need your phone." His hand extends down, from his top bunk, holding a shoe box containing the phones of my cabin mates. I move to retrieve it from my bag, while Blaine continues debriefing me. "You can send a quick text or two to let your people back home know that youll be kickin it old school for the next few weeks. Then, just drop it in the box. I promise this also helps with meeting new people." I send a text to my dad, before powering off my phone and relinquishing it to Blaine. "Thank you. I now have to go deliver these to Wes." He climbs down his little, wooden ladder. "I will be back."

���Once hes gone, I slip into my bed right below his. Before I give in to sleep, I retrieve one of my itineraries from my bag. Tomorrow offers a class in finger painting and a game of flag football. Not promising. I skim the week, my interest barely peaking at the option of a ceramics course. But, I remember that Im not very good with clay.

���As promised, Blaine is back. I watch his silhouette enter the darkened cabin and mount the ladder. When he reaches the top, I roll onto my back and watch the dips in the mattress as his weight is laid on it.

���"Goodnight, team blue!" He shouts into the darkness.

���I hear a groan from Jeff, "Blaine, shush."

���"Sorry."

���Its nice to have some quiet. I havent had it since I got on that bus. But, alone in the darkness, sleep is hard to come by. Its familiar, but the bed isnt. The sounds of Jeff breathing and someone snoring and the bed frame creaking every time Blaine shifts is completely foreign. Im forced to address the fact that Sebastian, silence and darkness are all I have to take with me into this new part of my life. On that note, I cry myself to sleep.