As If We Never Said Goodbye

Chapter 01

Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast

Case File #: 981234. Name: Blaine Anderson- fifteen years of age. History: Sexually and physically abused, he was forced to give...Oh my god...and then was physically beaten after the act was done. It all started at the age of thirteen, his mother's boyfriend and his son moved in and then shortly after they got married and moved them out west. The abusers were his step brother and his friends. Psych Evaluation revealed: Self-harm in the form of Cutting, Depression, Anxiety, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Selective Mutism. Some other issues we found are: social and family withdrawal, loneliness, self-imposed social isolation, chronic low self-esteem, strong feeling of shame, problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate and friendship), and wearing baggy clothing to hide his body. He has difficulty maintaining eye contact, difficulty expressing feelings, excessive shyness, and sleeping problems. Although he seems to be shut off to everyone around him we also learned that he is above-average intelligence and perception and is inquisitive. He is very creative and loves art, writing and music. He seems very empathic and sensitive to others' thoughts and feelings.

Why do all these kids have to be referred to with numbers, they are people not numbers! Alexander Warren took a deep breath as he closed the folder that held the information of his newest and he wasn't sure yet but possibly most difficult student. Not the most difficult as in going to cause trouble, he feared that he was going to be the hardest to get through too. Alex was in charge of Vision Creek School for Troubled Teens, a place that teens could come to get away from all their troubles and get better, but he always hated reading cases like Blaine Anderson's. He had had a few cases similar to his and made very little progress with those students he hoped he had better luck with Blaine. Alex jumped when he heard a knock on the door to his office. "Hey Kel, how'd it go?"

Dr. Kelvin Nye sighed and took a seat beside Alex's desk. "Well he refused to let me even touch him and he was very reluctant to let Joyce touch him either." He rubbed a hand on the side of his neck and up into his black hair, letting out another sigh. "I have never had one act so scared of physical contact before." Kel shook his head, he has seen a lot of students come through his office and he had only a few that had ever freaked out on him. He knew not to take it personally though; all the kids that came to Vision Creek had problems. Just these ones hit him harder than others did. "I read in his file that he was the same way when he was examined at the hospital."

"Yeah I read that too!" Alex opened the folder in front of him. He browsed through it quickly again and then closed it with a sigh.

"The good news is that we didn't find any new cuts anywhere." Kel added relief evident in his voice.

"Well that is a plus." Alex gave a small smile at the realization that the damaged boy was at least not hurting himself anymore after being removed from his terrible home-life. "Cases like this just bother me to no end..." Alex got up from his chair and started pacing the room. "He's been through too much, and it all happened when he was too young, and I'm sure this is all happening too fast with all the changes, I just hope we don't make him climb further into that shell that he has built for himself." Alex pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead.

"I agree, but all we can do is trying our best, right?" Kel got up and put a hand on Alex's shoulder. "Maybe this one will be different, yeah?"

"I really hope so." Alex let out a sigh and then ran a hand through his light brown hair. "Did he get some food?" he asked walking towards the office door.

"Yes, He was eating when Joyce left him. He seems to really like chocolate chip cookies." Kel smiled at Alex.

"Well we'll keep that in mind." Alex chuckled. "I think that he will fit in the best with the boys in cabin A, but I have my worries with a few of the boys in there." He told Kel hoping he shared his thoughts.

Kel nodded showing his agreement. "Well the boys all really look up to Will and respect him so I think if we have him talk to the boys and tell them to give Blaine his space they will listen to him."

Alex agreed with Kel and they made their way out to the infirmary where Blaine was waiting. Alex smiled at the curly, black-haired teenage boy sitting cross-legged in the large arm chair, munching on a chocolate chip cookie. Alex slowly approached Blaine, not sure of how he would react. "Hey there..." Alex sat down in the chair that was across from Blaine.

Blaine Anderson looked up from his hands, which were slightly still trembling. He knew that no one here would hurt him but he really hated people touching him, he really hoped that the touching was over. Blaine hoped that this Alex guy didn't really expect him to talk because he only opened his mouth when he needed too. He started chewing on his bottom lip as he watched Alex.

Alex gave Blaine what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "It's okay I know you don't talk much, but just so you know you can talk to us here, we are here for you." Alex watched Blaine's honey brown eyes which had swirls of green, hoping that he would be able to tell what was going on inside his head. "Well if you are ready I will show you around the grounds and take you to get settled into your cabin. Your cabin mates aren't here right now they are out on one of the weekly hikes." Alex stood up and motioned for Blaine to follow him. "Your things will be brought to the cabin after they have been searched through..." Alex added when he noticed Blaine looking around the room.

Blaine sighed, he really didn't like the fact that they were going through his things but he knew that they were only checking to make sure he didn't have anything that he could hurt himself with. Blaine stood up and tucked his hands into the sleeves of his blue hooded sweat-shirt and then he slid them into the front pocket. He nodded at Alex to let him know that he was going to follow him. Blaine watched as the doctor that had tried to examine him gave him a small wave. Blaine suddenly felt bad about how he reacted to the doctor trying to touch him, but he couldn't help his reaction, he didn't like being touched. Blaine let out a deep sigh as he followed Alex out into the fresh air of early September, Saturday the fourth to be exact, two-thousand and ten.

The morning air was really warm and there was a slight breeze. Blaine had to admit that it was rather beautiful scenery here. He had never been to Montana before but he liked what he was seeing, even if he was forced to stay at this school. He started to wonder how much freedom the kids had here. Blaine thought he should ask but couldn't bring himself to say anything. He listened as Alex pointed out where different things were as they made their way to Blaine's cabin.

"Like I said you will be alone for awhile today because the rest of your cabin is out on the hike." Alex said as he climbed the steps the led onto a large red wraparound porch and then he opened the red door in front of him and motioned for Blaine to go inside.  

The room was elongated. It was a lot bigger than Blaine had expected it to be. The front of the room, where Blaine was currently standing held a large sofa and plush looking arm chairs, similar to the one he had been sitting in, in the infirmary, a large round wooden table with four wooden chairs that matched took up one corner. On one side of the wall were bookshelves and desks and the other wall was covered in windows. The cabin was bright and warm. There was a short half-wall that separated the part of the room they were standing with the sleeping quarters, which was filled with ten fairly good sized beds. Each one of the beds had trunks at the end of them to keep their belongings in. It was a little more open than Blaine liked, he didn't really have any privacy. That would take some getting used to.

"Okay so you will be in bed number seven..." Alex led the way to Blaine's bed and looked down at him. He didn't seem very impressed with the sleeping situation. "Look Blaine I know it's a little out in the open but you will be safe here no one will touch you. Not unless you give them permission too." Alex hoped Blaine would believe his words, but after what he had gone through he wasn't so sure.

Blaine nodded at Alex, he seemed nice enough and like he was telling Blaine the truth but Blaine didn't believe things that easily. Blaine sighed and sat down on the bed that Alex had taken him too. It was rather comfortable. The duvet cover was light blue with darker blue pillow cases. He started picking at a loose string in the bed cover.

"So I'll tell you a little about it here and go over some of the rules..." Alex smiled at Blaine when he looked up at him. "So there are four cabins for both girls and boys, you usually get paired up with the same letter cabin as yours for all of the activities that are done. Like the hike that your cabin mates are on right now are with girls cabin A." Alex paused to notice Blaine had stopped fiddling with the loose string and was watching him. He had a very expressive face. Alex smiled again and then continued. "Right now we are currently housing eighty students. We have basketball courts, climbing walls, lots of hiking trails, activities that we do in the lake, but you are not allowed to go without an adult with you. We have a library that contains a computer lab which is in the main school building, which is where you will also find the movie room, art room and a music room. There are a lot of things to do around here to keep you busy." Alex smiled at Blaine again. "You will be required to spend most of your time in your cabin when not in classes, for the first week that you are here. You will attend counseling sessions with Dr. Emma Pillsbury-Schuester at least two times a week, but you can go see her whenever you need to."

Blaine sighed he really hoped they didn't grade him on how willing he was to share things because he really didn't want to talk to any of these people. Not unless he really had too. He was perfectly fine with keeping his mouth shut. Blaine watched Alex as he walked farther into the room towards the back where there were only two beds and wondered how many times he had given this same speech to other lost causes.

"So, in here you will find towels, wash clothes, etc. Your shower time is limited to fifteen minutes. Classes are Monday through Wednesday, nine till two." Alex was surprised that Blaine hadn't made any protest about the school part usually he heard sighs or grumbles. "Do you like school?"

Blaine looked up from his hands and nodded. He did like school it was one thing he was good at. Blaine watched as Alex opened the folder he had been carrying with him since they left the infirmary. He didn't know what was inside it but he was sure he was going to find out soon.

"Your classes will be English/Reading, Science, Math, History, your basic classes for your grade level. And you will have the option of taking Art and Music if those appeal to you..." Alex paused and browsed through the paper work. "And from what it says in your file you love music and art, would you be interested in taking those classes to?"

Blaine nodded he thought the more school work he signed up to do the better he would be because he would have something to focus on then.

"So I will put down that you are interested in both..." Alex scribbled on the paper and then looked up at Blaine who nodded at him. "You're going to be talking to Emma today. We need to see if your psych evaluation is still the same. Monday after classes, is when you will start with your regular therapy sessions." Alex told Blaine who gave him a look that he didn't know what to make of.

Blaine actually felt like laughing. He didn't want to talk and they couldn't really make him.

"I know that you never really talk but it will help us a lot if you would consider talking to at least Emma. But no one here is going to make you do anything you don't feel comfortable doing Blaine."

Blaine just shrugged and wrapped his arms around his body. It seemed like the people here cared about him but he had been wrong in the past with thinking that so he wasn't going to make his decision on these people just yet.

"If you want we can head to see her now." Alex came back over so he was standing beside Blaine. Blaine just shrugged at him again. Alex motioned for Blaine to follow him and smiled when he saw the boy stand up falling into stride beside him.

Blaine wasn't sure where the offices were in this place but he figured it was probably near the building he had first been brought too, near the infirmary. He was right Alex was leading him back to one of the largest building the one he had spent a good portion of time in already. The building seemed less threatening to him now than it had when he had been dropped off here. Alex led the way up the long wooden stairs and towards the back of the building and in through a large wooden door that was painted with a mural of the school. Blaine followed Alex down the long hallway until they reached another painted door, this one was a wilderness scene with all kinds of animals and it had a shinning plaque that read Dr. Emma Pillsbury-Schuester. Alex knocked quickly on the door and smiled at Blaine. He waited for a response and then he opened the door to let Blaine go inside.

The office wasn't that big but it was comfortable looking. The walls were painted a bright yellow in color, giving it a warm feeling, there was a desk tucked into one corner, it had a pink orchid sitting in the corner and it was very neatly kept, this is where Blaine noticed a woman sitting with a big smile on her face. He ignored her for the time being and gazed around the rest of the room. There were shelving on the back wall filled with books, mementos and pamphlets and a chair and a couch that faced each other with small tables that had more flowers on them. Blaine turned his attention back to the woman Emma, was a very petite woman, with red, almost orange, hair. Her large eyes looked excited and a little nervous at the same time. "Hi, Blaine... welcome to Vision Creek." The smile never left her face. "You can have a seat and I'll be with you in just a minute..." Blaine stepped all the way into the room and over to the couch and sat down. He ran a finger over the orchid that sat on the table at the end of the couch. This one was really purple, Blaine liked orchids. He watched as Emma got up and walked towards the door where Alex was still standing the folder in his hand.

Alex gave Emma a warm smile and opened the folder. "Blaine Anderson, Fifteen years old...I want a new psych evaluation on him to make sure nothing was missed or added that shouldn't be in there." Alex closed the folder and handed it to Emma.

"Thanks, Alex..." Emma smiled at him and waited to speak again until he was out of sight. "Well, I'm glad you are here so we can help you move past everything that has happened to you." Emma sat in the chair facing Blaine's position on the couch. "So...I know you don't talk very much and I had an idea that you could use this..." Emma grabbed a blue notebook from the table beside her chair and a blue ink pen. "To communicate with us, until you feel comfortable enough to talk to us." She outstretched her arm towards Blaine to hand him the notebook and pen.

Blaine hesitated for a few minutes and then took it from her. He opened it to the first page and started writing. So you aren't going to try to force me to ‘talk'? He finished writing and showed her the notebook.

"No Blaine I am not going to force you to do anything." Emma smiled at him again.

Blaine lifted an eyebrow, looking up to study the tiny woman for a moment. She seemed sincere but Blaine wasn't used to people not forcing him to do stuff that he didn't want to do and knew it would take him awhile to realize they were telling him the truth. Blaine just nodded, letting the words she said sink in.

"Blaine, why was that the first thing you wanted to ask me?"

Blaine shrugged.

"There has to be a reason, Blaine..."

Blaine shrugged again, he knew she was trying to get him to talk about what happened he had gone through it with the police and doctors at the hospital. Because I've been forced to do things for a long time and I don't like being forced... Blaine showed her the notebook. She gave him a warm smile so Blaine decided to write again. This is all in my file isn't it? So why are you even bothering to ask me anything? Blaine showed her the notebook again.

"Because we want to know how you are doing and if things were missed or in your report that shouldn't be, like Alex said." Emma continued to smile at him.

The rest of the meeting, which lasted more than two hours, thanks to some of the questions Emma asked him, went by fairly quickly, filled with the scribbling sound of both their pens against the paper until Emma was finally satisfied that she'd gotten a complete picture of what was going on inside Blaine's head. He hadn't told her everything, he wasn't ready for that, but it was in his file so he didn't think he really had too, but he did let her know that he didn't feel the urge to cut himself lately and she seemed really pleased with that.

 Blaine glanced at the woman, who smiled and shook his head before he wrote one last question that he wanted to know if she could answer. Am I going to be okay? He wasn't sure if she could answer him truthfully about this or not.

"That is our goal, Blaine, to make you okay. You will never forget all the stuff that happened to you but we are here to help you learn to deal with them so you don't feel the need to hurt yourself." When Emma was done talking she watched him. 

Blaine just nodded and became aware that his hands were shaking again, this happened when he thought about the stuff that had happened to him.

"Now, it's time for lunch so go down the stairs after you leave here and Alex's office in on the main floor, he will take you to the cafeteria. And Blaine if you need to come see me for anything my office is always open." Emma stood up and led him to the door.

When Blaine headed down the stairs he could see Alex standing near the bottom talking to the doctor he had seen earlier. When he noticed Blaine they both smiled at him. Blaine clenched the notebook to his chest and stopped in front of them. Alex said a few more things to the doctor and then turned his attention to Blaine. Blaine followed Alex across the grounds and into a large single story building. Once they were inside Alex handed him a tray and took one for his own food.

"I figured that I would eat with you since your cabin mates aren't quiet back yet they are running a little late." Alex started getting his food but kept an eye on the boy.

Blaine sighed and followed him through the line. The food smelled good and his stomach was growling he hadn't eaten a very big meal at breakfast. And the apple and chocolate chip cookie they had given in attempts to calm him down didn't really fill him up. He grabbed a chicken salad sandwich wrap, a small dish of carrot and celery sticks with ranch dressing, an apple and a chocolate chip cookie. He grabbed a bottle of water and a carton of milk to drink. He adverted his eyes from Alex he knew that he was watching him. He followed Alex to a table and sat down and started eating he was hungry...