It was only two days until they were going to leave for New York and for the past week or so she had been calling him at all times of day (and night) to 'go over the details,' as she called it. Mostly, she had been reminding him at what time they were going to meet at the airport, or that he should remember to pack a toothbrush into his carry-on in case the airline lost their luggage, and just an hour ago she had actually called to ask his advice on what shoes to wear during the flight. And even though he had just hung up on her without even saying anything, she seemed far from discouraged, considering that she was actually calling again.

He shoved the phone under his pillow to muffle the sound, deciding to just ignore her. Didn't she ever go to sleep? How was she even human? How was he actually going to live with her? He liked to sleep at night. It wasn't unusual. Unless you were Rachel, apparently.

Well, at some point she'd hopefully just pass out and leave him alone.

The ringing did stop eventually, just to start again about half a minute later.

Okay, so he should probably just get this over with now instead of having to deal with her anger at being ignored the next day and maybe then he could have a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep.

“What?” he barked into the phone, not even trying to conceal his annoyance.

“Oh, good, you're still awake.”

“I am now,” he yawned, rolling over onto his back,considering to just hang up again anyway. Seriously, this was becoming ridiculous. “What is it this time? Don't you ever sleep?”

“Oh my god.” Rachel sounded shocked. “We are leaving in two days. Two days, Kurt! I haven't slept in a week. There is so much to do!”

Kurt sighed audibly, rubbing his face with his free hand. His bed was so warm, his pillows so soft, his eyelids so heavy... “I need my sleep. Sleep is good. Please tell me you have a good reason for calling me at this time of night.”

“They were all good reasons. Honestly, Kurt, I thought you'd be taking all of this a little more seriously...”

“I do take moving to New York very seriously, Rachel, but everything's already taken care of. Some of us are actually organized enough to get everything done in time, you know. We're leaving in two days. How are you not finished by now? How do you even manage to get dressed before leaving the house?” Dammit, he was tired. “Your organizational skills do leave something to be desired. And I swear to you, if you're calling me again to ask for packing advice, I'm going to – whatever,” he surrendered. “Just tell me what you want.” He'd finished his packing list three months ago, and even though in truth he did spend his days worrying and planning and re-planning and being freaked out about actually moving to New York – in a good way – it wasn't like he wasn't set to leave right this minute if he had to.

He heard Rachel humming into the phone and was sure he heard her typing something.

“Would you kindly stop ignoring me if you insist on keeping me awake all night?” Kurt snapped.

“Sorry, just needed to check something. Where was I.” She paused for a second, the clicking of the keys on her computer keyboard in the background. “Oh, yes – you'll never believe it, but did I tell you about this guy I met at that Six Flags audition last summer break? I just talked to him and –”

“Oh my god, Rachel.” Kurt cut her off. “First of all – how many people are you depriving of their beauty sleep tonight? I heard Finn talking to you on the phone not even an hour ago. Thanks for making him yell at you, by the way, the walls in this house are really thin and I absolutely wanted to be woken up by my stepbrother yelling into the phone in the middle of the night. Second – no, I don't remember what guy you met at some audition over a year ago, sorry. I don't keep track of your weird love life.”

“Oh, no, it wasn't anything like that,” Rachel continued, not in the least discouraged by Kurt's obvious lack of enthusiasm. “Like I said, we met at this audition and I have to say, he's a really talented singer as well as very nice to look at. Okay, so we did have a brief affair. We sang a few duets together – it was breathtaking, you should have been there – but then he turned out to be gay. I wrote a song about it. It's very good, I should sing it to you sometime. Anyway, we still stayed in touch after that because of our incredible musical compatibility and he had mentioned that he was considering moving to New York after high school a few times, so I decided to call him tonight and he confirmed that he's indeed still going, and – believe it or not – we're actually on the same flight.” Even Rachel with her amazing lung capacity had to pause for breath after that and Kurt decided to use the opportunity to get a word in himself.

“Why is this so important that it couldn't wait until tomorrow? I'm sorry, I'm sure this is all very interesting, but it doesn't really qualify as an emergency. So, is there a point to this story or can I just hang up on you now and try to forget that I'm going to be living with a crazy person in two days?” Because. Seriously. Sleep. It was really high on his list of priorities right now. Definitely higher than listening to Rachel go on about song-inspiring failed romances.

“Technically, it already is tomorrow,” Rachel informed him, launching right into the second part of her speech. “So, if you have no objections, we're going to meet him at the airport the day after tomorrow and we'll all travel to New York together. He's a really nice guy, I'm sure you two will get along great. It will be nice for you to know someone else beside me. You know, friends are so important. And I would have introduced you to him sooner or later anyway. Even if our brief romance was doomed from the start as I'm not exactly his type, I do think we'll continue our friendship once we're in New York. It would be really great if the two of you would become friends as well and I think this would be wonderful chance for you to – ”

“Oh no. Are you planning to set me up with someone? Really Rachel, I don't – ”

“Of course not!” Rachel at least managed to sound offended, but he didn't really buy it. After three years of knowing her, he could read her pretty well. “So, okay, he's cute, and he's gay – but no, I'm not telling you to date him. Absolutely not. I mean, if the two of you do decide that you want to give it a shot, who am I to interfere. But that is not why I want you to meet him, I promise. He's a good friend of mine and such a sweet guy and I'm just hoping the two of you will become friends. Like you and I are friends. Or like you and Mercedes are friends, or like – ”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Kurt just really wanted to get Rachel off the phone and get back to sleep. “Sounds great. Can't wait to meet him. Just please don't call me again. Like, ever,” he added, thinking this restriction might help reduce the calls to a reasonable number. No more than ten or twelve a day. He hoped.

“Fantastic. That's settled, then. I already sent him your picture and gave him your number and he's probably gonna call you sometime today, so...”

“You WHAT?” Kurt sat up straight, almost dropping his phone. “Why would you do that? How is that not trying to set me up with someone? What should it matter to him what I look like?”

Rachel did have the decency to be silent for a few seconds while trying to come up with an answer to that. “It's just in case you're both at the airport before me. How will you recognize each other?”

“Seriously, Rachel?”

“I'll let you get back to sleep now. So much to do! Bye, Kurt, see you in two days,” Rachel practically sang into the phone before simply hanging up on him.

Kurt let out a frustrated groan before slumping back into the pillows. He didn't really feel all that tired anymore, all of a sudden. Damn Rachel and her compulsion to stick her nose where it didn't belong. Not for the first time, he asked himself why he was friends with her again. Sure, she always meant well, but giving his picture to some random guy she met at some random audition over a year ago? Really? He did not need Rachel Berry, of all people, to find him a boyfriend. How pathetic was that? Whatever Rachel's intentions might have been for handing out his picture to random gay guys she'd once made out with, he'd have liked to grab her by the shoulders shake her right now. Waking him up for something like this? Giving his picture to a guy he had never even heard of? A guy who would most definitely not be interested in him? No one ever was. No one from Ohio.

Finally switching off his phone – he'd definitely had his fill of Rachel being crazy for one night – he rolled over onto his side, trying to distract himself with going over his packing list in his head until he had calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

It didn't work.

Why would Rachel think he wanted to be set up with someone? Why would Rachel think he wanted to be set up with someone the day he finally moved to New York? A year ago, maybe. A year ago, he might have appreciated the thought. But Rachel knew what he'd been through. How hard it had been for him, always being alone, always being rejected.

She had witnessed it all, she had been his friend through some of it, she knew. She knew how he had struggled to accept who he was. She knew how it had hurt him to see all of his friends being able to act on their feelings, while he was damned to a life of loneliness.

He had tried, he really had. But after his crush on Finn, after his mistake about Sam, after all the teasing and bullying at McKinley, he had kind of lost faith. It was so hard to believe that he could have what everyone else was having one day, when the world he was living in insisted on reminding him, again and again, that he couldn't be loved, couldn't be wanted. What was the use of falling for someone when it was only going to break his heart? He was sick of the heartbreak, the hurt, the feeling of rejection.

If he was lucky enough, New York would be different. But right now, he just wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to take that step. Be brave enough to hope. It wasn't that he didn't want to... he just couldn't. Because it was going to end badly and he didn't think he could handle it. One day, the scars Lima had left would heal. One day. He definitely didn't want to be alone for the rest of his life. He also didn't want to get his hopes up just to be let down yet again. The start of his New York adventure would not involve any of this. It would be wonderful, amazing, everything he had ever imagined it to be. And doing it all on his own wasn't anything he wasn't used to. 'Lonely' was his default setting by now – maybe always had been – and while he wasn't fine with that, exactly, it was something he had learned to live with. It was better than being disappointed, rejected, heartbroken.

He didn't really feel tired anymore after talking to Rachel. Which was too bad, because he'd just had an amazing dream about singing in the Gershwin Theater again before the phone woke him up, only this time without having to break in and with an actual audience that was loving him, cheering for him. He'd like nothing more than to slip back into that dream. Instead, he was lying awake considering to leave his phone off for at least the next two days, in case Rachel's gay ex-boyfriend actually did try to call him. Or maybe he should be changing his flight so he wouldn't have to share a plane with either of them.

Oh god, the Mystery Guy probably was like a gay version of Jesse St. James – self-involved and as much in love with himself and his talent as Rachel was. Could he just maybe pretend to get sick and have to miss the flight? He really, really didn't want to meet a gay Jesse. Oh, and Rachel had actually given the guy his phone number, hadn't she? Well, he'd definitely need a new number now.

He checked the alarm clock on his nightstand. 2:53. Perfect. If Rachel was already keeping him awake while they were still in Lima, how much sleep would he be able to get once they were actually living together in New York?

He drew the covers up over his head and wished he'd decided to go to Los Angeles instead, or to Cleveland, or somewhere in Europe, or to the Moon, just anywhere that wasn't wherever Rachel Berry was going to live.