Chapter 24

It happened in November. It was a cold Saturday, the winter already trying to claim its place. It was the first Saturday since the middle of October that Blaine actually had free, not even having an event to attend for once. Because the occurrence alone called for a celebration, Blaine was the one cooking.

Blaine was, as Kurt loved to tease him about, incapable of cooking. The kind of person who just lived on take-out. However, there was one recipe that he executed with excellence, and that was his grandmother’s lasagna. Kurt knew that well, as he had tried it once, back in late July on their six month anniversary. An anniversary that had involved just them, lasagna and the signature purple roses. Even though, back then, staying at Blaine’s had been kind of their only option, Kurt had loved the simple, homey feeling of their date.

Kurt sat on a stool in Blaine’s kitchen as he watched him go around. He had offered help but Blaine had dismissed it. Blaine chopped this and stirred that and kept a conversation with Kurt.

It was because of how active Blaine looked, that it took Kurt a while to realise that something was off with Blaine. He couldn’t place it, he couldn’t see what it was, but something was going on. Kurt considered asking but decided not to, he had been trying to be more communicative lately but Blaine’s instinct was to keep to himself. He needed his time and Kurt had learned just how often it was Blaine just getting there, when he was actually closing up from him. He would wait as the evening progressed for Blaine to say it himself, he knew Blaine was more likely to take his time to figure out how to say something. He told himself that, if by the time they were going to bed Blaine hadn’t said anything, he was going to ask.

They had a lovely dinner and later moved to the couch to put a movie on. Blaine had been growing more and more quiet as the night went on.

Kurt sat across the couch, inviting Blaine to lay in his arms with a nod of his head and a soft smile. Blaine smiled back and laid pressed against Kurt’s chest, letting his boyfriend hug him by the waist. They watched the movie for a while, even thought Kurt’s mind kept drifting off to what was going on with Blaine.

Over half of the movie had passed when Blaine, without speaking, leaned forward to the coffee table, took the remote and paused it. In a different situation, Kurt would have complained, but his mind wasn’t in the film either. Blaine took a deep breath. It worried Kurt but, before he could voice that, Blaine shifted and turned to face him.

Their eyes met, Blaine looked into Kurt’s eyes as if they were pools he could drown in if he tried hard enough. There was something intense in the air, even though none of them was talking yet.

“I talked to Wes and Allyson today,” Blaine eventually started to narrate, his voice small. “I told them I’m doing it.” He explained, keeping his eyes on Kurt, trying to convey his reaction.

Kurt was speechless, after so many months he now found himself out of words. He grabbed Blaine’s face and pulled him into a closed-mouthed but passionate kiss, holding their faces impossibly close. He revealed in the physical contact as his mind tried to react in a more eloquent way.

Blaine took it as a cue to explain himself further. “I knew Wes was going to be by my side as soon as he was sure it was what I really wanted. Allyson... she took a bit longer. That’s why I needed to put it by her before I told you. I was still scared it could take a while and I didn’t want to keep giving you empty promises.” Blaine looked down at his own fingers, which had been playing with the collar of Kurt’s shirt in between them, seemingly inadvertently. “I know she’s just trying to take care of me but I need to stop lying even if she doesn’t think it’s the best idea. She eventually said that she’s going to support me no matter what. I...” He struggled to continue. He looked back up, into Kurt eyes. “I realise we don’t really know what I’m getting myself into but I’m okay with it. I mean, we don’t know how big this could get, but I don’t care. As long as I don’t lose you, I don’t care about what I may lose. I want to be truthful to myself for once.”

Kurt’s body, again, reacted before his throat did, and he wrapped Blaine tighter in his arms, still holding his face inches away from his own. “I’m here, no matter what happens, I’m always here. For everything, I’m here through all of this.” He finally said, touched by the vulnerable look in Blaine’s eyes, though he couldn’t suppress the fear of Blaine distancing himself if things went wrong.

“I wouldn’t be able to do it any other way. You’re the reason I feel like I can do this, Kurt.” Said Blaine, regaining confidence.

“You are sure, right? You are not doing this for me? You can’t do this for me, it has to be for you. Only if you truly want it.” Kurt had to ask, he needed to. As much as he wanted it, this couldn’t be about him.

“It is about me. I need to feel free to take you with me anywhere I want, I want to stop having to be so careful every time I talk in public. I don’t want to live in a lie anymore, I need to be me and for people to stick around if they actually like the whole deal, not just the part it’s fine for me to show.

“I wouldn’t have had the guts to think like this for myself if it wasn’t for you and I want to stop asking you to hide for me because it’s not fair to you. But I’m going to come out because I want to be out, not for anyone else.”

“That’s all I want for you. It’s going to be just fine.” Kurt said before kissing Blaine’s lips purposefully. “We’re going to be fine.”

“I know” Blaine managed a tiny smile as he leaned to kiss Kurt again.

They held each other close for a while until Kurt asked, “How... Do you know how you’re going to do it?”

“Yeah, we talked a bit about that. I don’t want to make a fuss of it but, at the same time, I want people to hear it from me. I can’t avoid being misquoted or misunderstood, but if my words are in a larger platform I get more people to read what I actually said. Definitely written press, I know I’ll talk on TV eventually but...” He trailed off. “We’re thinking like... People?” He added, he looked into Kurt’s eyes, as asking for aproval.

Kurt smiled. “I didn’t think you were so cliché.” He joked.

Blaine’s head lowered, a shy smile on his lips as a giggle almost escaped from them. He buried his head into Kurt’s chest in embarrasment.

Kurt’s heart fluttered. This adorable amazing guy actually loved him and was going to say it for the world to hear. He kissed the top of Blaine’s head. “I think it’s a good idea.” He started to talk when the boy, instead of looking back at him, just snuggled more into his chest. “I know you don’t want to make a thing of it and I certaintly wish it wasn’t necessary, but this way you may educate someone.”

Blaine just hummed in agreement. Kurt’s fingers made their way to his hair and they just cuddled. Kurt’s mind was running fast. A certain thought scared him and he called Blaine’s name.

Blaine, again, just hummed.

“Blaine” Kurt said again, in a more serious voice.

Blaine moved a bit and looked up, not levely facing Kurt but finally looking at him. He frowned as he took in the severity in Kurt’s expression.

“We need to talk through this, don’t leave me out, okay? You can’t close up while this is going on.” Kurt said and he knew, even though he tried to hide it, that a form of fear was present in his tone.

Blaine moved to face him. He brushed his thumb over Kurt’s forehead, nodding a little. “Okay, but it’s a two way deal.” He said, his voice sweet but meaningful.

Kurt suddenly realised that Blaine had been reading him better than he had thought. “Sounds fair.” He said and he meant it.

They held each other’s gaze.

That night they talked. About what Blaine was going to say and what not, about who they had to tell what was going to happen. About Blaine’s fears, about Kurt’s fears and about those they shared. About consequences, about potentialities and a bit about the past. They talked until dawn in a way they had never dared to talk before. They shared and became closer than before. Their relationship strengthened and it made them more ready to face what was about to come.