CHAPTER 10

He's not sure how it happens, but he suddenly finds himself pressed against a sticky wall in a dark corner, his heart beating to the rhythm of the thumping bass of the club they've chosen to celebrate getting a Broadway theater after nearly two months of reworking the script, staging and songs.

Blaine is trailing kisses down his neck, his hands digging into Kurt's hips above the waistband of his tight black jeans, specifically picked because of how amazing his ass looks in them. Not that he'd planned for this to happen. In fact, it's on the top of his list of things not supposed to happen. Ever. Because Blaine had made it quite clear that he isn't interested in dating a man with a child.

So why isn't Kurt pushing him away? Why is he leaning into the touch, running his fingers through Blaine's mop of curly hair? Why does something so wrong have to feel so right?

Blaine nips on his bottom lip, his tongue immediately soothing the sting before licking into Kurt's mouth. Kurt blames it on the tequila shots they had earlier that he sucks on it eagerly, kissing Blaine with the passion of a man who hasn't kissed anyone in months; like Blaine is a drop of water in the desert.

It's Santana's shout of ‘get some, Hummel!' that jump starts his brain, makes the blood rush north again, before he does something much worse like drag Blaine to the nearest bathroom to finish what they started.

“We can't,” he pants, cursing his own morals and his feelings for Blaine, which sadly didn't go away after Blaine rejected him. “I like you too much to have a meaningless one night stand with you.”

“It wouldn't be meaningless,” Blaine whines, before sucking on Kurt's earlobe and making him question for a second why he wants to stop this.

“I'm sorry, Blaine, but I told you what I need from you. I can't do this without commitment, without knowing that you're still gonna be there when things get serious.”

Blaine hangs his head.

“God, you're amazing, Kurt, but I'm not ready to be a father. I'm twenty-three.”

They've had this talk before when Blaine had confessed to eavesdropping on Kurt and James conversation in Boston.

“I know,” Kurt sighs. “But if I can't have all of you, I can't have you all. I would hurt too much.”

Blaine presses a chaste kiss to Kurt's lips.

“I really am sorry, Kurt. I like you a lot and Lexy is such a sweet girl, and maybe if I were older things would be different. But right now, all I can offer you is having fun and seeing how it goes without strings attached.”

Kurt looks away. “I think I should go home,” he says thickly, even though he has no reason to rush home, because Lexy is spending the night with James.

“Don't,” Blaine begs. “This celebration is for both of us and it wouldn't feel right if you left early. I'll behave, I promise.”

“Okay,” Kurt concedes. “But only if you get me another drink.”

“Deal,” Blaine smiles and Kurt watches as he makes his way to the bar, having to push through the throng of people gyrating on the dance floor.

“What are you still doing here?” Santana yells when Kurt returns to their table. “I thought you and Anderson left already after that little display.”

Fortunately, the rest of the table is incredibly drunk already and not paying Santana any attention. Still, Kurt glares at her.

“You know why I can't,” he hisses after making sure that Blaine is still stuck at the bar, trying to flag down a bartender.

“Because he doesn't want to play house with you. But I say fuck it, or better, fuck him. For once, live a little. You're not even divorced yet, so stop planning your next wedding. You think he's hot, he thinks you're hot, so just go for it and see what happens. Maybe he'll get so addicted to your dick he won't mind the little one anymore.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and accepts his drink from Blaine who hopefully didn't listen to Kurt's conversation again.

“Don't think we're done talking,” Santana threatens, but Kurt choses to ignore her and downs his drink in one go. If he wants to survive this night with his heart intact, he needs to get shit faced.

***

He regrets his decision when he wakes up the next morning next to an equally hungover Blaine who has his hands pressed against his head. To make matters worse, it's already after eleven, an hour after he was supposed to get Lexy from James, and judging from the décor in the room, he's at Blaine's apartment, at least half an hour away from James' new place.

“What happened?” Kurt groans before nausea overtakes him and he stumbles out of bed to a door hopefully leading to the bathroom and not to Blaine's walk-in closet.

After heaving a sigh of relief, he empties the contents of his stomach into the toilet before taking stock of himself. He's still wearing his dark grey Calvin Klein boxer briefs paired with a washed out Dalton Academy T-shirt. So, unless he's had the presence of mind to get redressed after having sex, it's looking good that all he did was crash at Blaine's.

Back in Blaine's bedroom, Blaine hands him a glass of water and two aspirin.

“You got really drunk last night, so Santana put you into a cab with me,” Blaine explains as Kurt swallows down the pills and tries to locate his cell phone. “You, uh, got kinda clingy in the cab, so I offered to let you sleep here because you didn't want to go home. And, uh, you didn't want me to take the couch and insisted we share the bed. But I promise nothing happened. I was a perfect gentleman,” Blaine winks. “And you passed out as soon as you had changed.”

Kurt groans, completely mortified. First, he rejected Blaine and then he basically invited himself over. But at least nothing happened, because otherwise he isn't sure if could still see Blaine every day without falling to pieces.

“Have you seen my phone? I was supposed to pick up Lexy an hour ago,” he swiftly changes the subject.

Blaine winces and Kurt fears the worst. Had he ended up drunk dialing people?

“It started ringing around ten and you pretty much threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't make the noise stop. But it was James so I thought it best to answer the call.”

“Great,” Kurt moans. “After I told him there's nothing going on between us.”

“Well, it's none of his business, right?”

“Let's just say that he's more interested in Lexy's wellbeing now that we've split up and by extension the people I let into her life.”

“What a jerk,” Blaine mumbles, but Kurt lets it go, because James and Blaine didn't like each other from the start; long before Kurt could have accused either of them of jealousy.

“But, oh, before I forget, he's bringing her here at noon because of some appointment he can't get out of,” Blaine adds.

“What?” Kurt screeches. “Is he crazy? He can't just bring her here; it's only going to confuse her.”

“Kurt, she's not even two. I'm sure she won't think anything of it.”

If Blaine were his boyfriend he'd probably argue with him about not knowing Lexy well enough to make this kind of statement, which is basically the reason Blaine isn't his boyfriend. Because Blaine doesn't want to know Lexy well enough to make correct assumptions about her.

“Whatever,” he dismisses Blaine. “She can't see me like this. Can I use your shower?”

His head is still pounding, he didn't brush his teeth after throwing up and his party clothes are not the right attire to be around his daughter.

Kurt gratefully accepts a fresh towel and after some digging, Blaine manages to unearth a brand new toothbrush in one of his cupboards.

“I can lend you some clothes as well,” he offers when he catches Kurt eying his tight jeans and revealing top in distain.

Kurt's brief anger with Blaine disappears immediately because Blaine's being such a good friend even after Kurt allowed them to make out before rejecting Blaine.

“Thanks,” he mumbles softly before closing the door behind him.

The hot shower helps a bit and he feels more human by the time James rings the bell; dressed in loose fitting blue jeans and an oversized Dalton Academy hoodie. Blaine disappears into his music room to let Kurt deal with his ex, which is very much appreciated.

“Daddy,” Lexy squeals and throws herself at Kurt when he opens the front door and he picks her up and presses his faces into her soft blond hair.

“Did you have fun with daddy James?” he asks her and Lexy nods.

“Daddy, Paul, park,” she babbles.

Kurt raises his eyebrows in question.

“Paul?”

“Oh, don't start Kurt. I just had to drop her off at you lover's apartment because you couldn't get out of bed on time. All I did was take her to the park with Paul because I didn't want to cancel my date last minute. If you'd asked me earlier, I wouldn't have had to bring my kid to a second date.”

“Lexy,” Kurt puts his daughter down. “Why don't you go say hello to Blaine.”

He points to the door leading to Blaine's music room and watches her take off. Once Blaine has closed the door behind her, he turns to James.

“First of all, Blaine's not my lover. I just had too much to drink last night and Blaine let me crash on his couch because as I said I was fucking wasted,” he hisses. “And secondly, even if he were my lover, it would be none of your business. You're dating yourself after all.”

“Yeah, but I'm not dating a child, who's just going to lose interest in you and Alexandra the moment things get serious,” James shoots back.

“Well, it's good then that we aren't dating for that exact reason. So you have nothing to worry about.” After a beat. “You know what, James? If you'd been this interested in Lexy's wellbeing when we were still together, I may have never asked you for a divorce.”

“And if you hadn't insisted on having her in the first place, we could now just go our separate ways without having to see each other anymore. So, I guess we're both stuck now.”

It's the most vicious they've ever been and Kurt is suddenly glad that all they have to do is sign the divorce papers still in his mail box before their lawyers submit them to court.

“You should leave before we both say something we won't be able to take back,” Kurt tells James, the calm of his voice betraying how he really feels. “We've managed to stay friends this far and I would hate to lose your friendship over something as silly as who we're both dating. I don't expect you to stay single and I don't want you to criticize whoever I decide to let into my life. Because rest assured, Lexy always comes first. I would be much happier if I could allow myself to be selfish, but I have her happiness to think of as well and no matter how much it hurts, I'll do my best to always put her first.”

James visibly deflates in front of him.

“I'm sorry he doesn't love you back.”

“The problem isn't that he doesn't like me back, just that he doesn't like me enough to take me with all the baggage I come with,” Kurt confesses, because for the last three years he's told James everything and sometimes, old habits are hard to shake.

“If he can't see how great you are, he's not worth it.”

Kurt understands then why James doesn't like Blaine. Not because Blaine may like Kurt, but because he doesn't love Kurt enough. Kurt's feelings for Blaine were part of the reason their marriage fell apart, but for James it was a risk that didn't pay off for Kurt, because Blaine ended up not returning his feelings.

“It was still the right thing to do,” Kurt reassures James. “We both know we wouldn't have been happy in the long run, so regardless of whether Blaine likes me back or not we made the right decision.”

“I know. Call me if you need me to watch Alexandra again this week. And I try not to take her on any more dates with me.”

“I trust your judgment,” Kurt concedes, because while he's not happy about James taking their daughter on a date with him, he believes that James would never put her in harms way. “And for what it's worth, I think it's good that you're being upfront about having a kid. Less chance of getting dumped because of it later.”

“That happen with the two of you?” James nods in the direction of Blaine's closed door. Kurt shakes his head.

“No. He heard us talking in Boston and decided to tell me that while he likes me, he can't see himself dating a guy with a kid.”

James pats his shoulder before he calls loudly, “Goodbye Alexandra. Daddy has to leave.”

Blaine opens the door slowly and pushes Lexy through. Kurt watches her kiss James on the cheek before she tells Blaine that she wants to be picked up.

“You two okay?” Blaine asks after the door has closed behind James.

“Yeah, I think we'll be all right. And I expect he'll be much nicer to you in the future.”

Because regardless of what will or won't happen, he can't imagine a future without Blaine in it.