Kurt hasn’t left Blaine’s bedside. He was unconscious and asleep for an hour or so. The wound in his leg was less severe than Kurt thought, and thanks to a medical book he found lying around the wound was taken good care of.

Even though deep asleep and far away from this world, Blaine was everything but calm. He wouldn’t stop twitching and kept mumbling things Kurt didn’t understand. Sweat was dripping from his forehead.

Kurt just sat by his bedside, patting his sweat off with a wet towel. Even with everything that happened to him lately, Kurt’s mind was clear. His only priority was to keep Blaine safe.

All that Blaine went through, all that he’s done for Kurt, he deserves so much more than he is given. Blaine has nothing, but there still is a chance for him. Kurt has lost everything, there is nothing left for him. Not his family, not his friends, just nothing.

Slowly Blaine’s eyes start to open. Still not fully conscious, he turns his head towards Kurt.

“Guess it didn’t go as planned.” He said with a small groggy smile.

“No.” Kurt answered, smiling, not from Blaine’s attempt for a joke, but for the fact that Blaine is okay.

It stayed quiet for a few seconds. They just smiled to each other.

“You got knocked out. I dragged you here. It’s nothing severe, you got shot in your leg, might have a small concussion and you have a little wound on your head. I took the bullet out and bandaged your wounds.”

“You found the medical book?”  Blaine asked, smiling. Kurt just nodded.

“And the shooter?”

“I shot him.” Kurt said. The smile on Blaine’s face faded.

“I’m so sorry. It’s terrible your first shot. it can damage you forever.” Blaine said, while he grabbed Kurt’s hand to comfort him.

“I did what had to be done.”

It was quiet after that. But Kurt had to ask something. Something that had been gnawing on him.

“When you were asleep, you kept mumbling something. It sounded like a name, Sebastian. “ Only saying the name made Blaine twitch a little.

“You’ve told me a lot about your life, but I know there is more.” Kurt said, eyes stuck on Blaine and ready for some answers.

Blaine looked him in the eyes and took a deep breath.

“I told you I went undercover to spy on Rivali. I didn’t go alone. Sebastian was a part of the group to kill Rivali. He was young, just finished his training and was confident to start. Too bad that made him arrogant. They thought putting him with me would help him, to mentor him. Together we went undercover to get close to Rivali.

It went well, until one night. Sebastian wanted to go to this club and I agreed. He had drank way too much and was a danger to the operation. Almost had he told on us and brought the entire operation in danger, but I was able to stop him. Before he could say anything, I kissed him. It was necessary to protect the mission.

For the first time in a long time, I felt happy again. Sebastian didn’t treat me like the heartless murderer I am, he cared for me. He was always there to cheer me up with a sarcastic comment. I fell in love. The most dangerous thing to do, get emotionally involved. We agreed to keep it secret and separate our romantic feelings with our work.

That one part of my life, the part Sebastian gave me, made me happier than I had ever been. And I destroyed it all. It was all my fault.” Somehow, Blaine was able to keep a emotionless face.

“What happened?” Kurt asked.

“I shot him. The one good thing in my life I shot. A few seconds in the Rivali-attack, we knew they knew about our mission. We were betrayed. Everyone got shot, but Sebastian and I were able to get deeper in the building. We stood in a small room, it was a place where we’d be safe for a few minutes. In my earpiece, I heard the tech-guy scream that he’d done research on Sebastian and that he was the traitor. Without a doubt, I aimed at him. He kept screaming that he didn’t do it and he loved me. I didn’t believe him. I thought he lied, to play on me, so I shot him. Watched him die.

When I got out of there alive, it got to me. I shot the man I loved. Without thinking. It seemed wrong, so I did some research. Sebastian was innocent. It was the tech-guy. The man that told me Sebastian was a traitor, was a traitor of himself. I trusted his word more than the word of a lover.”

Blaine wanted to let go of Kurt’s hands, but Kurt was gripping his hands tight.

“Without emotion. I lost everything I had left there. I’m not even human. My humanity, or what was left of it, and my emotions were lost when I pulled that trigger.”

“You are human, Blaine. You feel guilt and anger, emotions that make you human. But you’re not all that. You are so much more. You’ve lost a lot, but not your humanity. You loved, you cared, you hated.

Sebastian would have died, by your hand or not.” Tears started to fall from Blaine’s eyes.

Slowly and gently Blaine’s hand detaches itself from the firm hold Kurt has on it. It moves up to Kurt’s cheek and wipes away some tears.

“You look so much like him. And yet, you are so different.” Blaine said, more to himself than to Kurt.

Blaine moves himself in a more upright position and starts moving in closer to Kurt. Kurt feels the warm breath of Blaine on his lips and just before they touch, Kurt moves his hand to Blaine’s cheek and pulls him closer.

Their kiss is fast, yet very passionate.

“No, no, no, I can’t.” Blaine said, pushing Kurt away from him.

“I can’t do this to you. I’m a monster, you deserve so much more.”

“Give me one day, one night. We might be dead tomorrow, for all we know. Please, I’m begging you, let me make you feel alive.”

Blaine looked in Kurt’s eyes. He was so willing to help him, make him feel happy again, maybe for the last time. What was there to lose?

A small nod came from him and before he knew it, Kurt kissed him again, this time not planning on letting go. Still having his lips on Blaine, Kurt stood up from his chair next to Blaine’s bed and climbed on the bed. He put either leg on each side of Blaine, sitting right on top of the spy.

They unclothed each other, lips pressed together as frequently as they could. So finally, Blaine could be human again.