Sept. 12, 2015, 7 p.m.
That's How You Know: Chapter 8
T - Words: 6,134 - Last Updated: Sep 12, 2015 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Oct 10, 2014 - Updated: Oct 10, 2014 220 0 0 1 0
You know how I said I had a very specific plan for this fic? Well, the boys decided to completely ignore that plan. (Luckily in a good way. ;D)
He said it. He cant believe he actually said it.
Kurt lies awake most of the night, staring at the ceiling and only catching a few hours of restless sleep, waking up with a start every time. Even when he does sleep, he dreams about being awake and going over the words he said to Blaine in his head, over and over again.
They werent planned, but Blaines voice had been so lost and full of longing that Kurt just had to say something, had to blurt out something that sounded even remotely hopeful, and those words were the first thing that popped into his head.
Except--
To be completely honest, the words have been running around in his head for days already, always waiting at the back of his mouth, whispering against his tongue when Blaines face twists into that distant look of sadness. It always happens when Blaine looks at Tina and Mike for a moment too long, or even when he looks at random couples he happens to notice when theyre out walking, and he looks so resigned at those times that Kurt just wants to shout out his own feelings, to tell Blaine everything.
He wants to lean over and wipe that look away from Blaines face permanently with a well-placed kiss, wants to make him see that its not too late, that hes not doomed to fail. That he still has a chance.
Thats why those words came out of his mouth last night. Kurt can read between the lines; years and years of feeling like the odd one out in Kingleysia, both because of his position as a prince and because of his sexuality, have taught him to watch and learn, to observe people and make the right interpretations. Its not even very difficult to realize that the attitude towards love that Blaine shows to everyone is just a front to protect him from getting hurt again, to keep his heart safe. Kurt has noticed all the allusions and hints, has noticed the way Blaine unconsciously clenches his jaw whenever someone mentions the name Connor - and god, just the thought of someone hurting Blaine so badly, so horribly that he would give up on love altogether, makes Kurts heart ache, makes him want to find this Connor or whoever and let him have a piece of his mind.
But more than that he wants to show Blaine that its still okay. Its okay to have faith and hope for the best and believe in love again. Its okay to love and be loved.
Because this, this, is finally what the stories Kurt has read all through his life have told him about. This is what he has seen his friends and family find, this is what kept him hoping and wishing when he realized that he was different, something a prince should never be, something the majority of Kingleysia would never understand. This is his heart beating faster, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, his hands going sweaty whenever he looks at Blaine for a moment too long. This is giddy smiles and nervous hands and the desperate need to tell everyone how he feels, the urge to pull Blaines body against his own and never let him go.
It felt so right to be so close to Blaine at the club, to have his hands on Blaines waist and feel the warm puffs of his breath on his face. Everything about Blaine just feels right, as if hes the missing puzzle piece Kurt has been looking for his whole life, the face he hasnt managed to find in the crowd in Kingleysia. He doesnt even care that theyre from two different worlds, he doesnt care that he should be worrying about getting back instead of feeling like home in this world, he doesnt care about the differences he and Blaine might have or that Blaine isnt ready yet, still too scarred and terrified of love.
He doesnt care about any of those things. Hes finally in love, after years and years of desperately waiting for it; why should he care about anything else?
The door to Blaines bedroom stays closed all night, the shadows shifting against the walls and the ceiling as Kurt lies awake, both dreading and waiting for the morning. He wonders if Blaine even heard the words, if he interpreted them the right way or just thought that Kurt was drunk on that half a drink he drank at the club. He dozes off right before the sunrise with the same thoughts still running through his head, and when he wakes up a while later the bedroom door is suddenly open, the room dark behind it. He can hear the quiet sounds of Blaine washing the dishes in the kitchen, and that familiar, domestic noise must have been what woke him up.
Kurt pushes the covers away with a small smile, blinking his eyes against the sunshine. His brooch is next to his pillow on the mattress, looking the same as ever, and Kurt moves it to the sofa table as he gets up, absent-mindedly noting that the golden bird is still cold against his hand.
"Blaine?" he calls out hesitantly.
"In the kitchen," Blaine calls back. His voice sounds careful, measured. Nervous. He really did hear the words last night, then.
Kurt gets up and pads into the kitchen. Blaine is standing at the sink, his back to Kurt, slowly rinsing the dishes they couldnt be bothered to wash last night. His shoulders are tense, and a part of Kurt regrets dumping some of his feelings on Blaine like that, especially when Blaine was obviously distraught about something last night when they left the club. But a bigger part, the part that wants to dance and sing with joy and shout his feelings from the rooftops, knows that he needs to let Blaine know at some point anyway. Keeping all these feelings inside is pointless -- they will spill over soon no matter what.
When Kurt was younger, he used to think love would happen instantly, just like it happens in the stories he read. He spent so many nights imagining that he would bump into someone, look into their eyes and just know -- and perhaps he already knew something that first night when he fell on top of Blaine and saw the warmth in his eyes. It just took him some time to realize that Blaine really is the warmth he has been looking for. Blaine is sleepy smiles over cups of coffee in the mornings, enthusiastic singing during music therapy sessions, and embraces that make Kurt feel connected and safe and loved. He is frowns and tears that Kurt wants to erase completely, the curve of his shoulders and the shift of his muscles, long fingers strumming the strings of his guitar and soft eyes looking at Kurt with so many emotions that it would take a whole lifetime to recognize them all.
Blaine is the New York version of true love. Perfectly imperfect.
"I thought you might sleep longer," Blaine says, still staring intently at the dishes, "so I dont have any coffee or breakfast ready, or--"
"Its fine," Kurt interrupts softly. He takes a careful step closer. "Did you sleep well?"
Blaine pauses and finally turns to look at Kurt. He has dark bags underneath his eyes, and his curls are an even bigger mess than Kurt has ever seen them before, as if he has been running his hands through them all night, making them stick up in every direction. He looks so conflicted, shoulders tense and hunched as if hes waiting for the other shoe to drop, that Kurt just wants to close to distance between them and hold him.
Then again, he always wants to hold Blaine. Thats nothing new.
"I didnt really sleep that much," Blaine admits, holding the dripping serving platter in his hands, rubbing his thumb over a spot of tomato sauce.
Kurt swallows. "Me neither," he offers. Blaines mouth twitches with a sympathetic smile, and Kurt takes a deep breath, readying himself. "Look, Blaine, about last night--"
A loud ringing noise interrupts him, making both of them startle. Blaine almost drops the plate hes holding, and Kurt glances around the kitchen until he notices Blaines phone on the counter, buzzing against the surface to the rhythm of the ringing. Blaine moves towards the phone, water from the plate dripping down in rivulets and hitting his bare feet.
"Thats-- thats my moms ringtone," Blaine says over the noise. He looks at his wet, soapy hands, then back at the phone, and then at Kurt, his expression helpless. "Could you--"
"Oh, yeah, sure," Kurt splutters, stepping towards the counter. "Do I just..."
"Just swipe your finger over the screen," Blaine explains, "and then tap on the- there should be a square that has the word ‘speaker on it--"
Kurt does as he says, and the ringing cuts off.
"Blaine? Hello, dear!"
Kurt steps back. So thats what Blaines mom sounds like, at least over the phone. Kurt tries to hear some resemblance to Blaine in her voice, but its hard to tell anything with how the phone seems to distort voices and how his own heart is still beating loudly in his ears from the surprise.
"Hi, mom," Blaine replies awkwardly, scratching the last bit of sauce from the plate with his thumb as he takes a deep breath. "I was just washing dishes, so youre on speaker."
"Oh, Im sorry, honey, I didnt mean to interrupt," the soft female voice comes from the phone.
Blaine glances at Kurt, obviously hesitating. "You didnt, mom. Whats up?"
Kurt points towards the living room with his thumb and backs away from the kitchen. Blaine nods at him, his mother already chatting about what she and Blaines father have been up to, something about business being busy and hiring a few new interns. Blaines apartment is small, so theres really no way for Kurt to not hear what theyre talking about, even if he moves to the other room. He tries to focus on putting the bed away and going through his clothes to figure out what hell wear today, but he still hears snippets of the conversation, hears Blaines mom teasing Blaine and Blaine chuckling in reaction, his voice less guarded than it was earlier. Kurt can imagine the way he must be rolling his eyes, fond and amused.
Kurt smiles down at his clothes, running his hand over their fabric. Moments like these make him miss his own mom a little bit more than he usually does.
"Wait, mom, hold on-- youre coming here?"
Blaines voice, suddenly louder and sharper, breaks Kurt out of his thoughts. He lifts his head and looks towards the kitchen. Blaines hands are in the sink, submerged in the water, but hes staring at the phone in alarm.
"Well, your father has a business meeting, and you know what hes like, Blaine -- I cant let that man travel by himself, he would lose his luggage and go to the wrong hotel," Blaines mother is saying. "Probably to some hotel in New Jersey, actually... Anyway, I havent seen you since Christmas, so its about time I saw how youre doing with my own eyes."
"Mom," Blaine starts, glancing towards Kurt and obviously noticing him watching the conversation. He pulls his hands out of the water, trying to shake them dry. "Mom, Im really busy at work at the moment, you know. Its not really a good time for you to come visit," he tries, his voice pleading.
Kurt swallows. Blaine is an awful liar, even if he is good at hiding his feelings -- if Kurt can hear that hes lying about his work, then his mother must hear it as well. He unconsciously takes a few careful steps towards the kitchen, knowing that because hes staying with Blaine (and is in love with him, though Blaine doesnt probably know that yet, not fully at least) theyre going to have to figure something out if Blaines parents are coming to visit him.
"Oh, dont be like that, Blaine," Blaines mother says, clucking her tongue. "Well be staying at the hotel, and well only be there for a few days."
"Mom--"
"Youll just have to have dinner with us one day, thats all," she goes on, ignoring Blaines interruption. "And-- oh! Oh, Blaine, honey, you should introduce us to your boyfriend! Its high time we met him!"
Kurt freezes. Blaine is standing completely still, his hands the only part of him thats moving, small nervous twitches at his sides, as if he doesnt know whether to reach for the phone and disconnect the call with his wet hands or just keep going and hope for the best.
"Youve been together for months already, havent you?" Blaines mother continues, probably not even noticing the abrupt silence on Blaines side. "What was his name again... It began with an M, right? No, with an N...?"
"Mom," Blaine says, his voice small. Kurt instinctively takes another step closer to him.
"You didnt even bring him with you when you came home for Christmas," she adds. "I was so looking forward to meeting him back then, so this would be the perfect time -- just a relaxed dinner with us, nothing too much, nothing stressful or formal, and--"
"Mom, look," Blaine tries again, quickly wiping his hands on his sweatpants, leaving dark wet splotches on the gray fabric. His expression is turning frantic and worried, mouth tight and eyebrows flattening down from their triangular shape. "We arent-- I mean, hes not..."
"What was his name, gosh, its right at the tip of my tongue..."
"Mom, please--" Blaine is wringing his hands, his voice getting higher, more desperate, and Kurt moves even closer, already reaching out to still Blaines hands.
"Blaine, honey, can you tell me his name, I cant for the life of me--"
"His name is Kurt!" Blaine blurts out all of a sudden, loud and echoing.
Kurt stops mid-movement, staring at Blaine. Blaine claps a hand over his mouth in panic, his eyes wide with surprise and something else, something that looks a lot like fear, and when he slowly turns to look at Kurt, he looks like hes ready to bolt out of the window. Kurt tries to ignore the way his own heart is suddenly beating faster, hammering against his ribcage and making him feel out of breath.
"Kurt?" Blaines mom repeats, even though Blaine doesnt seem to be paying any attention to her anymore, his eyes frantically searching Kurts face for... something, some kind of a reaction. Kurt really hopes his face is showing something good. "I couldve sworn his name was something else..." Blaines mom muses.
"Mom?" Blaine says. He lowers the hand from his face, his other hand reaching for the phone even though hes still staring at Kurt. "I have to go now, Ill call you back later."
"Oh, I can e-mail you the flight details and everything else--"
"Bye, mom," Blaine rushes out, his fingers finding the phone and tapping its screen, cutting her off before she gets the chance to finish her sentence.
The apartment goes eerily quiet, and Kurt stays still, waiting and hoping. Blaine is still staring at him, his hands trembling and his eyes darting this way and that, from Kurts eyes to his arms to his forehead to his mouth. Kurt swallows roughly against the dryness of his throat and then slowly takes a step closer to Blaine in the tiny kitchen, half-expecting Blaine to freeze or dart away.
Blaine only blinks a few times, seemingly coming out of his thoughts. He looks down at the floor and then crosses his arms over his chest, still trembling, looking so small, so different from the beaming man who makes a whole room full of nervous kids laugh and shine with happiness. Its obvious that hes waiting for Kurt to say something, for Kurt to make the first move.
"Blaine?" Kurt tries. "You said-- you told your mom that--"
Blaine licks his lips. "I know."
Kurt tilts his head and tries to meet Blaines eyes, tries to make sense of this sudden, unexpected situation. "Why?" he asks, keeping his voice careful, but even he himself can hear the worried strain in his voice. Love is always reciprocal, always mutual, never one-sided, thats what Kurt has been taught his whole life -- because why else would people even fall in love, if their feelings couldnt be answered, if they would be forced to suffer through them all alone? -- but this is not Kingleysia, this is New York, the rules and conventions are different here, and as sure as he was when he woke up, he suddenly needs to know that Blaine saying his name meant something.
Something more than Blaine just panicking and blurting out the name of the first person he saw.
"I--" Blaine starts, his arms tightening around his body. "I dont know, Kurt, I... My mom can be so--" He makes a vague gesture with his hand, a quick movement before his arm moves back to his chest, as if hes trying to keep himself together. "And I didnt know what to tell her, about what happened with Nathan, and I just... I panicked."
Kurt can feel a cold weight drop in the bottom of his stomach, like lead. "Oh," he says, quiet and trying his hardest to keep the crushing pain out of his voice.
Blaine looks up, meeting Kurts eyes. He looks terrified, eyes blinking too fast and mouth opening and closing, and Kurt is just about to pick up the pieces of his heart off the floor and say something reassuring, something witty to hide away how hes really feeling -- just like he has done for years in Kingleysia when people have patted him on the shoulder and told him that he will find it one day, just you wait, one day youll meet a pretty girl wholl take your breath away -- when Blaine suddenly manages to keep his mouth open and get his words out.
"I panicked because I... I like you, Kurt," he says, sudden determination shining through his fear. "I really do."
Kurts mouth drops open.
"I mean..." Blaines mouth twitches with a small, nervous smile, and he suddenly looks a lot younger. "I like you like you."
The cold weight in Kurts stomach starts to warm up, melting and spreading over his whole body. "Blaine, what are you--"
"I just had so much fun last night at the club with you," Blaine says, a bit desperately, the words suddenly tumbling out of his mouth as if he has been keeping them inside all night, too scared to answer Kurts unasked question, "and I know I was really weird and emotional when we left, but I just... I had so much fun and I felt so... safe, more than I have in god knows how long, and I like you, Kurt, I like you so much, and I stayed up all night turning those words you said over and over in my head, and--"
Kurt stares at him. He was ready to wait, to wait for as long as it takes for Blaine to be ready; and then he was scared that he would have to wait forever because Blaine would never look at him that way, would never want to be more than this -- but now Blaine is looking at him, still terrified and so, so nervous but still tentatively putting his heart out there, holding it in his hands and asking if Kurt wants to carry it with him.
"Are you saying what I think youre saying?" Kurt manages to breathe out.
Blaine looks down, his hands twitching. "I... I am?" It comes out more like a question than an answer, Blaines voice going quiet. "Ive been having these feelings about you, for weeks already, and last night-- Last night I realized what they were all about, and I panicked, but then you said that and-- Did you mean it? Were you talking about yourself, when you said that thing about waiting for someone from another world?"
He looks up again, eyes shining and wobbling, nervous and unsure, ready to pull back.
"I did," Kurt says. "I was. I mean, I am."
Blaines smile widens, radiant and happy, and oh, this is what his father and his friends were always talking about in Kingleysia, about seeing hearts in each others eyes. Kurt can suddenly see the hearts and warmth and -- dare he say it -- love in Blaines eyes, like theyve been there all along and he just hasnt allowed himself to see them before, scared about what it would mean.
Blaine lets out a soft laugh, something wet shining in his eyes. "I know Im a mess and Im... My track-record with things like this hasnt exactly been that great." He lifts one hand to rub at his eyes. "Im still scared and nervous, Kurt. You have to know that."
Kurt fidgets, suddenly noticing that he has been nervously running his fingertips over the back of his other hand for a while already. "Of me?"
Blaine lowers his hand slowly, looking at Kurt. "No. No, never of you, Kurt." He hesitates and then moves away from the kitchen counter, taking a step towards Kurt. Kurts breath catches in his throat. "Im not afraid of you, but Im afraid of... this." He gestures between them. "Afraid of being like that again, letting go and letting myself fall. Ive already been there when it all fell apart, quite spectacularly, I might add," he rolls his eyes before sobering again, the touch of bitterness in his voice vanishing, "and Im scared that Ill just make the same mistakes again."
Hes standing so close, biting his lip and staring at Kurt, and Kurt just has to reach out with his hands, carefully resting them over Blaines trembling ones. The touch sends a shiver up Kurts arms, a warm thrill of knowing that this really means something more than just the casual touch between friends, and Blaines hands still under his own, gripping back tightly.
"Blaine," he chokes out, blinking his eyes, "this is all very new to me as well, trust me. Ive never really been anyones boyfriend. Ive never even had the chance or the possibility to feel like this." He squeezes Blaines hands, and Blaine squeezes back, letting out another breathless laugh. "And maybe..." Kurt hesitates. "And maybe one day youll be ready to tell me what happened to make you so nervous. What happened with Connor."
Blaines eyes flicker, but he swallows and keeps his gaze on Kurt.
"So its okay," Kurt goes on, shrugging. "Its okay to be nervous and scared. I am too. We can take this slowly. We can take our time. Right?"
Its Blaines time to hesitate, and he looks away, the worried look back in his eyes. "What about Kingleysia?" he asks quietly.
Kurt frowns. "What about it?"
"Arent you going back there soon?"
"Oh." Kurt blinks. He had completely forgotten about that. Thats odd. People dont usually forget their homes, do they? "The brooch has been cold ever since that first day," he says, "so I havent really heard anything new from my dad or Rachel." He leans forward, gently nudging Blaines shoulder with his own. "Im still here, Blaine. Im not going anywhere anytime soon. We can cross that bridge once my dad contacts me. You know, talk about whats going on with us by then and so on."
Blaine takes a deep breath and lifts his head. He still looks worried, but the determination is there as well, the one that Kurt hasnt really seen before this day. "Okay. Thats sounds... Okay."
Kurt bites his lip. "I really want to hug you right now. Would that be too much?"
Blaine laughs and immediately shakes his head, already pulling Kurt closer. Kurt lets go of his hands and wraps his arms around his shoulders instead, tugging Blaine close to his body. Blaine holds him back so carefully, so tenderly, as if hes afraid to have this, but Kurt lets himself cling to Blaine, smiling into his morning-soft hair and running his hands slowly up and down the planes of his back.
Hes in love. Hes in love, and even if Blaine isnt quite there yet, hes getting there. Kurt could sing or dance from joy -- if he was in Kingleysia, he would already be running down the streets, laughing and shaking the hands of strangers, coming up with odes to describe the color of Blaines eyes -- but this. This is more than enough as well. For someone who feared he would never have this, would have to dream about finding it for his whole life, this is better than anything he could have imagined.
Blaine trails one of his fingers down Kurts back, and the touch makes Kurt shiver in the most delicious way. Blaine is warm in his arms, solid and real, and for some reason he smells like... Like home.
"I cant believe I told my mom before I told you," Blaine murmurs against his shoulder.
Kurt giggles in surprise. "So you were going to tell me before she called?"
"I was." Blaine shifts a little, leaning back until he can look into Kurts eyes but still keeping his arms around him. "Or at least I was going to tell you something. I had to, after everything that happened last night."
Kurt lifts his hand to brush a few curls away from Blaines forehead, realizing too late that the intimate touch could be too much, too forward. But Blaines eyes flutter closed at the touch, his lips turning into a soft smile, and god, Kurt is starting to understand why exactly Blaine is so scared. If hes this much in, this open and willing to be touched even when theyre taking things slow... Blaine feels things so strongly, even when hes trying not to, and Kurt knows how strongly people like that can feel pain and sadness as well.
"What changed your mind?" he asks quietly.
Blaine blinks his eyes open, the morning sunlight catching on his eyelashes. "You." Hes still smiling.
Kurt smiles back, feeling it crinkling the corners of his eyes. "Honestly, Blaine. That was cheesy even in my standards."
"No, I mean, what you said." Blaine looks up and squints his eyes, considering his words. "I think I always felt like you being from another world was somehow an obstacle. I used it as a reason why I couldnt feel anything for you, why the whole idea was just not plausible. Why nothing could ever happen."
Kurt tilts his head. "But...?"
"But then you said those words last night, after that whole rollercoaster of a night," Blaine goes on, his thumb moving back and forth over Kurts hip, almost absent-mindedly, as if hes not even aware of doing it, "and I spent the whole night thinking about them, and I realized that youd-- You had never seen it as an obstacle. You saw it as a possibility."
Kurt feels a pressure behind his eyes, a sudden tender ache that always comes before tears.
"And I thought that maybe I should try to see it like that as well," Blaine says. He meets Kurts eyes, mouth curving in a smile. "Give it a chance. Because I cant spend my whole life just waiting."
Kurt lets out a laugh, letting go of Blaine with one of his hands so he can scrub it over his eyes. He knows what it feels like, to be so scared and to be always waiting. "God, who are you and what have you done to Blaine Anderson?" he chokes out.
Blaine laughs as well, resting his forehead against Kurts shoulder. "More like what have you done to me, Mr. True Love Conquers All."
Kurt clings to Blaines shoulders, still laughing. God, hes so happy. He doesnt think he has ever been this happy.
"So since were taking this slowly," he says after a while, changing the subject, "do you want to call your mom back and tell her the truth?"
Blaine freezes, and then he groans, pulling away from Kurt and running his hands through his hair. "Oh my god. My mom. This is such a mess." He drags his hands down to cover his eyes and peeks through his fingers at Kurt. "You dont know my mom, Kurt. She and my dad have this perfect marriage, the kind you must have tons of in Kingleysia -- they were high school sweethearts and are still completely in love, and I used to look up to them when I was a kid, hoping that I would have something like that as well, and..." He trails off, biting his lip.
"So?" Kurt asks after a moment when its obvious that Blaines not going to continue without some prompting and will just keep pacing the small kitchen area instead. "How does that have anything to do with this?"
"It does, because they also..." Blaine pauses in his pacing, lifting his hands behind his head, and Kurt tries his best not to get distracted by his arms. "Because they also really want their kids to find happiness like that as well. And since my brother is what he is, with basically no interest in relationships whatsoever, they have sort of... put all of their hopes and wishes on me."
"Still not understanding," Kurt says slowly, frowning. Thats what almost all parents are like in Kingleysia, and it doesnt really affect anything in any negative way. Mostly it just means that theyre incredibly supportive of their childrens love lives and will throw a big party for the wedding.
"They used to be so over-invested in my relationships," Blaine explains, "and they... They expected me and Connor to be the real thing, you know, and after that fell apart and I didnt date anyone for a long time, they were really worried about me, as if having a relationship is the only thing that can make me truly happy, and--"
"--and if you told them that you and Nathan broke up and youre actually taking things slowly with a guy whos staying at your apartment, someone theyve never even heard of--" Kurt continues, starting to connect the dots, remembering everything he knows about the New York kind of love. He also just really likes saying that he and Blaine are taking things slowly. It makes everything sound so much more official, like a label he can be proud of. Like a relationship, at last.
"-- I would never hear the end of it," Blaine finishes for him. He pulls his hands away from his hair and puffs out his cheeks. "You think Tina can be exhausting? Wait till you meet my parents."
Kurt grins sheepishly, his mind suddenly assaulted with images of what Blaines parents might look like. He tries to imagine a woman with Blaines eyes and Blaines curls, the same softness on her face that Blaine has -- but he cant. Its impossible. He cant imagine anyone else with Blaines features, especially not a woman, not when Blaine is the first one who has ever made him feel like this, made him feel glad about blushing his way through all those books he could find about sex and attraction in the castles library.
All the things about Blaine that he finds physically attractive are masculine things: the muscles in his arms and the lines of his upper body, the small stubble he has on his chin in the mornings and the flatness of his chest, his strong thighs and the coarse hairs on his skin, even the smell of his body -- and oh, thats a pleasant memory of their previous hug -- theyre all things Kurt associates with men, and hes... Hes gay, okay. And hes finally in a place where he is allowed to act on it, where he is allowed to look at men this way. Hes in love with a gorgeous man of his dreams, and honestly, they just basically confessed their feelings to one another, what else is supposed to be going through his mind right now?
Blaine looks at Kurt with a sudden seriousness in his eyes, seemingly understanding the silence as something else than not-so-innocent daydreams.
"Im not ashamed of you, you know," Blaine says slowly, moving closer again. Kurt blinks his eyes and ignores his daydreams in favor of the actual real-life Blaine in front of him. "Its not about you, or us taking things slow, or--" Blaine sighs. "I just think it would be easier to tell everything to my parents face to face, instead of having them fuss over me on the phone," he finishes, the expression on his face looking like hes expecting Kurt to tell him hes being stupid.
"That sounds like a good idea," Kurt manages to squeak out. He had no idea his voice could get that much higher, but apparently Blaine Anderson being so painstakingly earnest can do that. "And I wasnt worried about you being ashamed of me or anything, trust me. Youve made it very clear that youre... What was that line in that thing we watched on the television the other night?"
Blaine scrunches his nose. Kurt thinks he looks adorable. "Um... You mean ‘out and proud and gay?"
"Yes!" Kurt points at him, and Blaines face melts into a grin. "So yes, not worried. Just thinking about something else and... distracted by it."
Blaine furrows his brows in confusion. "Okay?"
"Something that... would not constitute as taking things slowly," Kurt adds, feeling the blush on his cheeks. He glances at Blaines arms and chest meaningfully.
"Oh." Blaines eyes widen in realization. "Oh! Youre-- Thats... Okay. Wow."
Kurt cringes. "Sorry. Its just... I couldnt really talk about things like this to anyone at Kingleysia. Sometimes it felt like I couldnt even think about them, and--"
"Im not uncomfortable," Blaine interrupts him, his face laughing. "I mean, Im not ready for anything like that, its definitely not taking things slowly or anything, but its... Its okay." He reaches out and squeezes Kurts hand. "Its flattering, Kurt. And its not like Im blind either."
Kurt does a double-take. "Me? You think about me like... Like that?"
Blaine smiles, sweeping his thumb over Kurts knuckles. "Kurt. Of course I do. Youre gorgeous, both on the inside and on the outside."
Kurt can feel his blush getting deeper. "Oh. Thank... Thank you."
Blaine just keeps smiling at him, and Kurt doesnt think he has ever seen Blaine smile like this before, like hes looking at the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.
"I should go say hi to the birds," he says eventually, gesturing towards the fire escape with his free hand. He needs a moment, a few minutes away from the intensity of his feelings and the way his heart starts doing cartwheels when he looks at Blaine. The fresh air would probably make this all seem even more real than it does right now, less like a dream he doesnt want to wake up from.
"Sure. I can make some coffee." Blaine squeezes his hand one last time, still smiling easily. He seems to consider something for a second, and then he suddenly leans forward, brushing his lips over Kurts cheek before stepping back and letting go of his hand. "Say hi to the birds from me?" he says, looking both shy and proud of himself at the same time.
Kurt touches his cheek in wonder, imagining he can still feel the warmth of Blaines lips on it. It was just a fleeting touch, something most people would probably call casual, but to him it means so much more.
"O-okay," he breathes out, overwhelmed.
There are no birds on the fire escape when he climbs through the window, but he can notice some flying over the sky in the distance when he sits down on the steps. The morning air is chilly against his heated cheeks, and his whole body feels tingly, as if he could burst any second, could jump in the air and grow wings, soar up into the sky with happiness. He cant stop touching his cheek, the smile on his face widening with each brush of his fingers over the skin that Blaine kissed.
He sits there for a long while, just grinning like an idiot and listening to Blaine humming in the kitchen. He whistles out a short tune himself as well, trying to get the birds to come closer. They dont seem interested in his company today -- one of the nearby pigeons does fly towards him but then turns around, probably noticing something more interesting in the other direction.
Thats fine. Kurt is so distracted that he would have probably lost the whistling competition with a smile on his face anyway. He closes his eyes against the sunshine, letting the city wash over him and letting himself just bask in this happiness.
"Kurt? The coffees ready," Blaines voice calls from the apartment.
Kurt blinks his eyes open and smiles, feeling light and warm despite the chill in the air. He looks around the city one last time, taking in the tall buildings and the sounds of life, breathing in the air that has started to smell familiar to him.
"Coming," he calls back and pushes himself up from the stairs.