July 3, 2013, 5:30 p.m.
To Be Yours
You Trip Me Up: Chapter 16
E - Words: 3,240 - Last Updated: Jul 03, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Apr 05, 2013 - Updated: Jul 03, 2013 179 0 0 0 1
Waking up the Saturday morning of the party and engagement, Kurt climbs out of bed and takes a long shower, going over what he needs to do before he leaves.
After his conversation with John, he thought it best if he just left the place where there's basically nothing for him anymore. He considers the places he might go; places he's never been. He knows this time when he leaves he's not coming back.
But before he leaves, he is going to talk to Blaine and make him realize he is doing the wrong thing by going through this whole engagement thing with Kennedy.
Walking back into his room all fresh and clean, he dresses and starts to throw everything he has with him into his bag.
"I wish you would stay," Tilly says behind him.
"I know, but...I have to go." Kurt zips up his bag, patting the pocket of his jeans to make sure he has his lighter. "Once I settle somewhere you can come and visit." He turns around and slightly jumps at Tilly suddenly pulling him into a tight embrace.
"I'll visit as often as I can," she whispers, her voice wavering as she tries not to cry. "But you know with them I don't get much time off."
Pulling back, Kurt just smiles at Tilly. "You should quit. They don't deserve you."
"Yeah, I'll quit and come live with you wherever you are," Tilly jokes, letting out a small laugh. "I love you, Kurt. Just as if you were mine."
Eyes filling with tears, Kurt throws himself back into Tilly's embrace and holds her for as long as possible; never wanting to let her go. "I love you, too, Till. You were more of a mother to me than she was," he says, not having to say who he's talking about.
"Come on," Tilly tries to say in a firm voice. "No tears. Let's be happy."
Taking a step away from her, wiping away his tears, Kurt smiles and pretends to be happy even though he still hurts over Blaine.
"When are you leaving?"
"After I talk to him one last time," Kurt replies.
"Come find me and we'll say goodbye then," Tilly says, forcing a smile.
"Okay." He watches her start to walk away, thinking about how he is breaking her heart a little by leaving, like always. "Hey, Till?" Kurt says before she leaves.
"Yes?"
"What would you do if you won the lottery?"
"I'd probably travel and see the world. Why?"
"Oh...Nothing. Just one of those random questions I had." Kurt shrugs his shoulders. "You should go," he tells her. "Don't want Sarah mad at you for being late."
Waiting until he hears her drive away, making sure she is gone, he grabs his stuff and heads to his car. Throwing the bag in the trunk, he goes back inside and sits down at the table in the kitchen.
Pulling out a picture he's been working on, he goes about finishing it. Passing the time as he sits there and draws, Kurt knows deep down he is stalling. He knows he's afraid of going to try and get Blaine only to leave alone. But he is gonna try no matter what.
Finishing the picture, setting the salt shaker on it so it doesn't fly away, Kurt knows Tilly is going to love it.
Standing up and walking out of the house, locking the door and placing the key under the flower pot, he gets one last good look at the home before heading to his car. Sitting behind the wheel, he takes a deep breath and gets ready to do this.
~
Plopping down on his old bed, Kurt writes out a quick text to Blaine and waits for him to come up and meet him.
Standing up when the door opens, Blaine stepping in and softly closing it behind him, Kurt feels his heart stop at the mere sight of him. He looks so handsome in a two piece, dark gray suit with a black tie that has Kurt admiring him, and realizing how much he wants this to turn out how he hopes.
"Kurt, what are you doing here?" Blaine asks as he takes a few steps into the room.
"I'm leaving," Kurt starts off. Stepping close to Blaine, he takes his hand in his and links their fingers together, always surprised by how easily they fit together. "I wanted you to know. Because...Because I want you to come with me."
"What?" Blaine says with shock as he stares at Kurt.
"I'm asking you to come with me. I'm asking you to not pretend anymore with Kennedy and come with me and be who you are." Kurt smiles at Blaine.
"Go with you where?" Blaine asks.
"Wherever you want," Kurt answers, feeling a twinge of hope at Blaine's question. "So, will you come with me?"
Gazing into Blaine's eyes filled with a mixture of warmth and worry, Kurt feels his heart hammering in his chest as he waits on the edge for Blaine's reply.
"Kurt," Blaine says, cupping the side of his face. "I can't."
Taking a step back from Blaine at his words, Kurt feels his throat close and tears quickly spring to his eyes. Fighting back that urge to cry, Kurt regains his composure before speaking. "You won't come with me?" he asks with a slightly wavering voice. "Why?"
"I'm supposed to ask Kennedy to marry me," Blaine quietly admits; Kurt notices how he looks so much like a boy forced into doing something he doesn't want to.
"I know you, Blaine. You don't want to do this. Don't be like your dad, Blaine. Don't hide." Kurt clamps his mouth shut and covers it with his hand, not meaning to say that.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's not my secret to tell."
"Either you tell me here or I go outside and confront him in front of all those people." Blaine gives him a look that says he'll do it.
Kurt takes a deep breath and decides to tell him. "You were right about Avery. You were just wrong in thinking it was a woman."
"No, that's not true. You're lying." For some reason that hurts more than it should for Kurt. Having Blaine think he would lie about something as big as this, but he sees the confusion and the uncertainty written all over his face. He sees Blaine trying to fight the truth he was just told, because the truth changes everything for him. "Are you lying to me?" he says with a quiet and broken voice.
"No," Kurt replies, tentatively taking a step forward. "I met him when I went to talk to your dad at the apartment a few days ago."
"Why...why would he lie?"
"He thought he was protecting himself. He thought it would be easier to hide. He thinks he's doing the right thing by making you be with Kennedy." Kurt closes the space between them and wraps his arms around Blaine, practically melting into his touch when he holds him back. "So, you see, don't hide from who you are. Be with me, Blaine," Kurt pleads. "Come away and be with me."
"It's not that easy, Kurt."
"Yes it is."
"No." Blaine shakes his head and takes a step back. "I can't let all those people down. I can't hurt them. I'm sorry."
Kurt watches Blaine begin to walk away and knows he won't have another chance. Right then is when he needs Blaine to know the truth.
"I'm in love with you." He sees Blaine stop in his tracks. "I've known I've been in love with you since I was seventeen and you held me that day when I was crying about my parents. I've fallen more in love with you with each passing day since then. Even when you were breaking my heart, I loved you. I'll always love you. I shouldn't have waited four years to tell you. But...I'm telling you now. I love you with every fiber of my being." Kurt feels his heart soar when Blaine turns around, seeing a single tear roll down his cheek.
"You...you love me?" he asks through a shaky voice.
"Yes." Kurt grins and nods his head. "I'm hoping and praying you'll feel the same."
"I..." Right when Kurt thinks everything is going to be fine, that Blaine will say he loves him too when he looks at him, he's mistaken. "I'm sorry, Kurt." With that, he watches Blaine easily walk out of the room and away from him...again.
The wind gets knocked right out of him, and with the soft click of his door, he falls to his knees. It's hard for him to breathe and a pain in his chest is the worst thing he's ever felt. It feels as if a piece of who he is has just broken off and left him ruined.
Taking in gulping breaths of air, he holds a hand to his chest as he feels his heart breaking. Tears freely slide down his face as he stays there on the floor with the knowledge that Blaine didn't love him.
He feels stupid for thinking he ever did. He was wishing when he looked into Blaine's eyes and saw what he thought was love in them as he gazed at him. To think it was never for Blaine what it was for him is the worst feeling; makes him sob for giving his heart to someone who never saw him as nothing more than a friend.
Composing himself as best he can, Kurt wipes the tears from his face and stands up. Doing what he can to hold back his tears, Kurt walks out of his room and slowly heads downstairs.
Throwing his arms around Tilly when he sees her at the bottom of the staircase, he buries his face in the side of her neck and quietly sobs. He takes a bit of comfort when she holds him and tries to calm him down. "He just walked away, Till. I told him I loved him and he walked away," he quietly sobs into the side of her neck.
"Then he's an idiot."
Kurt lets a small smile appear on his lips at Tilly's words. Pulling back, he wipes away his tears and looks at Tilly. "I don't understand. How could he walk away after I said that?"
"I don't know, Kurt. But it's best if you just go," Tilly tells him in a comforting voice.
"Yeah, I guess I should go, then."
"Okay." Tilly nods her head. "I guess this is goodbye."
"Yeah," Kurt whispers. Hugging Tilly tight, again, he holds her for as long as possible. "Bye, Till. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," Tilly replies. "Bye, honey."
Giving Tilly a kiss on the cheek, noticing her eyes fill with tears, Kurt puts on a smile, knowing Tilly doesn't need to see him crying anymore. "Bye, Till," he quietly says one last time.
Letting her go, he turns and walks for the front door, finally letting the tears fall again.
~
Blaine stands there still in a state of shock. People around him are enjoying the party unaware of the thoughts in his head.
As he stands there, all he can think about is Kurt saying he loved him.
He feels like a fucking idiot for not knowing, and realizing, sooner. That first night they were together and how gently and lovingly he kissed him is when he had hoped that's how Kurt felt. He should have truly known then that Kurt was in love with him, but he was terrified of hoping and wishing and finding out it was just easy for Kurt to fake it.
God, Kurt fucking loves him, something he's wanted for years, and he fucking walks away from that. He realizes he's being the biggest fucking dumbass by continuing to stand there and not going after Kurt. Yeah, he doesn't want to hurt the people around him; let them down. His dad might hate his choice, his mom might disagree with who he loves, but this isn't about them. This is about him and what he wants.
He thinks about himself and how this is his happiness he should be thinking about. It's his life and he should live how, and with whom, he rightfully chooses. Because in the end, him being happy will always coincide with him being with Kurt. Kurt whose heart he surely just broke...again.
Wanting him, and only him, he decides to be himself and make the choice to go after him. To show Kurt that he's been in love with him, too. Looking around, seeing his parents and a few other recognizable faces, he breathes and gets ready to go.
"Are you going after him?" Kennedy suddenly says under her breath when she comes up and stands next to him, stopping him before he even has a chance to leave.
"What?!" he says shocked, not believing what he just heard.
"I heard the two of you just now. I went looking for you and I heard everything." He looks to Kennedy and sees the forced smile she wears and the sadness filling her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Kennedy," Blaine apologizes, wiping away the tear that rolls down her cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just..."
"I've always known, Blaine," Kennedy whispers so those around them don't hear. "I knew you were in love with someone else for as long as we've been together. But I always overlooked it because I hoped one day it would be me that you felt that way towards. It would be me that you could fall in love with."
"Kenn-"
"I think in the back of my mind I knew it was him. How you looked completely and utterly happy when you talked about him or when I saw you with him." Kennedy fixes his tie and buttons his jacket. "I wished that one day you would have looked at me like you look at him. Blaine," she smiles, "you looked at him as if the world was created just so you could be with him. I can't compete with that; not by a long shot."
"I do love you, Kennedy," Blaine tells her.
"But not how I love you."
"I'm sorry, no."
Kennedy's smile wavers and she lets another tear fall. "Go after him, then. Because I can't be with someone if it's a lie." Blaine notices her eyes dart to his mom across the way standing next to his dad. "Do you think she knows?"
"I'm not sure."
"Even if she did, she chose to stay. I can't." Kennedy smiles at him. "Now, if you don't leave and get the man you love I will hit you," she teases, letting out a small laugh.
Blaine leans forward and gives her one final kiss.
It's an apology and a goodbye and thank you. It's the only he can give her in way of everything happening; the only thing he can give her. Because in the end everything else about him belongs to Kurt. So, he kisses her until she breaks away with a choked off sob and tear-filled eyes.
"Go after him now." It's the last thing she says before she walks away.
With those words, he runs. Runs past the crowd of people who give him strange looks, past his parents who are confused, and past everything and everyone that was holding him back. He runs across the huge backyard to find the one person he's wanted more than anything in the world.
Running up the stairs of the porch and inside.
"Blaine!" He hears his father call when he reaches the small library. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"I'm going after Kurt."
"No, you're not! You are going back outside and proposing to that girl!" His dad demands. He grabs Blaine's arm and yanks him towards him.
"No!" Blaine yells, yanking his arm free and taking a few steps back. "I'm not going to be you, dad." He notices the shock cross his father's face. "I love him and I'm going to do something about it. I'm not going hide anymore; not going be you for the rest of my life pretending to be someone I'm not."
"People will hate you, Blaine." His father looks at him as if he's trying to make him understand that; that it won't be as easy as it once was.
"But he'll still love me. That's all I care about." Taking a few more steps back, Blaine turns around and runs.
Running down the hallway, stopping when he sees Tilly, he opens his mouth to ask if she's seen him when she beats him to the punch.
"You just missed him," she says with a huge smile and tilt of her head behind her.
"Thank you!" He runs past her and outside. Looking around, tons of cars in front of him, he finally spots Kurt standing in front of his car. "Kurt!"
~
Wiping away the tears that won't stop falling, Kurt unlocks his car and doesn't understand why he can't move. It's almost as if he's rooted to the spot, and knowing that once he leaves it's for good. No more being anchored to this place because of Blaine; this place that long ago, and just now, stopped being home for him. Blaine was the home he realized he always had.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he drops his head in his hands and cries, hoping a broken heart isn't too deadly.
But it's through his tears that he thinks he hears him. Lifting his head, he feels his heart stop when Blaine calls his name again. Turning around, he watches Blaine run up to him. The second he's in front of him, he's instantly being kissed like there's no tomorrow. Draping his arms over Blaine's shoulders, Kurt gets lost in a kiss that feels like the start of forever.
"Of course I love you," Blaine breathlessly says when he pulls back, smiling at him. "I think I've been in love with you since I was eight years old and didn't fully understand what I was feeling. I'm going to stop hiding who I am. I want to be with you forever. If you'll have me."
"Of course I want you." Kurt smiles wide, pressing close to Blaine's body.
"I love you," Blaine tells him.
Kurt feels his eyes get watery and in the next moment he's being kissed again. "I love you," he says between kisses.
"I love you, too," Blaine replies, making his heart soar.
"Say it again." Kurt wants to hear the sound of it on Blaine's tongue as he tells him over and over and over again.
"I love you."
"Say it again."
Kurt smiles when Blaine holds him tight and lifts him up, and yelling at the top of his lungs for everybody close by to hear, "I love you!"
Throwing his head back and smiling, Kurt decides to declare his love as loud as possible, as well. "I love you!" he yells, looking back to Blaine and capturing his lips in a passionate kiss.
"It's about damn time!" Kurt hears Tilly yell from where she's standing on the steps leading up to the house.
Kurt laughs, looking over to her and seeing guests spilling out of the house trying to figure out what Blaine is doing, and what is going on at the moment.
"Want to get out of here?" he asks when Blaine sets him down and looks behind him and sees his parents join the group.
"Yes!" Blaine excitedly says when he looks to him.
Opening his door, seeing Blaine run around to the passenger side and climb in, he immediately starts the car and drives away from everything that was holding Blaine and him back.
"Where do you want to go?" Kurt asks even though he's referring to more than just right now.
"Anywhere! Everywhere! I don't care as long as I'm with you."
Kurt grins at knowing that, now, anywhere and everywhere will be amazing because Blaine will be by his side.