April 27, 2015, 7 p.m.
Come What May: Week 9 - Empire State Of Mind
T - Words: 4,561 - Last Updated: Apr 27, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 40/? - Created: Nov 02, 2014 - Updated: Nov 02, 2014 209 0 0 0 0
I hope this long chapter makes up for the lack of updates Ive had in the last few days. :) Blaine is still digging himself into a hole, by acting on his feelings for Kurt, when hes already got enough on his plate. Where will that leave him?
Ill try to have the next chapter up in the next three days or so. Thanksgiving is Thursday though, so I dont know how much writing Ill get done then. If I dont update before Thursday, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Im certainly thankful for all of you and your continued support for this story. <3
Blaine was a mess.
He couldnt get the image out of his head. He couldnt get the sound out of his head. Seeing his baby and hearing its heart beat for the first time was what put Blaine into perspective. Hearing Rachel tell him that she was pregnant didnt feel all that real. He knew she meant it. He knew it was happening, but getting the proof from a doctor, and having that doctor refer to him as "dad" reduced him to silent tears later that evening.
He hid his emotion well from Rachel. She had either spent her time at the theater or sleeping, because she was so exhausted. She hadnt realized that Blaine was on edge all that week, and he was going to keep it that way. It was hard enough that she still had to find a way to break the news to her director about leaving the show. She didnt need the extra stress.
He had no one to talk to about it. He felt helpless. They had already agreed to tel their parents near the end of the first trimester, just in case something went wrong. Blaine was too afraid to tell them anyway. If they had known he blew the plan, before he finished medical school, they might not take it well.
And then there was Kurt. He had been such a good friend to Blaine. It was so nice having Kurt there to understand his sexuality situation. Kurt was willing to help and thats all Blaine could really ask for. When Blaine had broken down that Friday in the hospital, Kurt thought he was comforting him for the right reasons, and the gesture was enough to make Blaine appreciate his friend that much more.
But it was the fact that Kurt was comforting Blaine for the wrong reason. Blaine wasnt upset because he broke up with Rachel. He was still with Rachel. He always would be, now that they had the baby. And he didnt know how to tell Kurt that. Kurt was so set on Blaine getting out there and finding his own Prince Charming. But how was Blaine supposed to do that when he had a baby to take care of? How was he supposed to tell Kurt he couldnt go through with this new plan?
Blaine knew he couldnt hide from Kurt forever. He had already skipped his mornings in the coffee shop for over a week If he didnt want .Kurt to suspect too much, he would have to start showing up again.
"Hi Bella," he greeted the girl behind the counter that Monday morning. "Ill have my usual."
"Oh, hey, its been a while since Ive seen you," she smiled, preparing his drink.
"Busy week, you know?" he brushed it off.
When he had his drink, he searched the shop, until he found Kurt. With his head in his hands, Kurt stared at the table, barely noticing that Blaine sat across from him.
"Are you okay?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah," Kurt sat up. "I ‘m starting my first day at Vogue.com and Im really nervous." He studied Blaines face and asked, "How are you? You seemed a little... shaken up Friday."
"i just had a rough week, but Im okay. I think the worst of it is over," Blaine stared down at his hands. "The next step will be to tell my parents." And that was true. He wasnt lying about that. He just wasnt admitting that he was talking about the baby, not his sexuality.
"Thatll be tough. I know you said they wont take it well," Kurt gave him a sympathetic look. He reached across the table and gave Blaines arma soft pat. "But Im always here if you need support."
"Thanks, Kurt," Blaine nodded.
Kurt glanced at his phone screen and said, "I should get going... Dont want to be late my first day." He stood up and hesitated, "Can we meet up later? I think we should talk. I want to make sure youre okay."
"Um, yeah... Ill text you later," Blaine nodded. "Good luck, Kurt."
He smiled, "Thanks.
Blaine didnt hear from Kurt until ten oclock that evening.. All Kurt told him was that he had been swamped his first day, and he totally forgot to text Blaine. They would discuss it tomorrow.
Unfortunately, Kurt got to Rachel before he got to Blaine. She greeted Blaine at the door, when he came home from his class that evening and said, "I have good news for you."
"Whats that?"
"Kurt invited us over for dinner," she smiled. "He said that he knew we had been through a lot in the last couple weeks, and he wanted to do something nice for us. I guess hes inviting Mercedes and Sam too."
"Oh," Blaine grunted.
"You didnt tell him about... the baby, did you?" she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Its just that, when he called, he seemed really sympathetic, and I wasnt ready for anyone to know yet."
"Of course not," Blaine shook his head. But that also meant that Rachel couldnt act clingy around Kurt, or hed know that Blaine had lied. "We wont act weird at all. No hints about the baby."
"This is so exciting. Im dying to know who Kurts dating these days," she threw on a large sweater and Blaine stared at her. "What? I know they wouldnt notice, but its just to be safe."
They made their way to Kurt and Dylans apartment. Blaine felt more nervous now than he did before. Would Kurt get suspicious if Blaine arrived with his supposed ex-girlfriend? They were still roommates. Why couldnt they agree to be friends?
"Hey, hot mama," Mercedes greeted Rachel, when they entered the apartment.
"Who? Me?" Rachel said nervously.
"Of course. Were surrounded by a bunch of dudes. You didnt think I was talking to Blaine, did you?" She gave Rachel a hug and turned to Blaine, "but hello, Blaine."
"Good to see you, Mercedes," Blaine smiled. He had known Mercedes and Sam for a couple years now. They were the only people Rachel had stayed in contact with, after she broke ties with Lima, and that was only because they were already living in New York.
"Hey, dude," Sam came over and punched Blaines shoulder. "Come on in the living room. Dylans got a football game on. He figured we could hang while Kurt and the girls gossip in the kitchen.
"Okay," Blaine followed Sam into the living room.
He could hear Mercedes asking Rachel, "so hows Funny Girl coming?" And Rachel stutter to find the right answer. It looked like this was going to be a long night for the both of them. Hiding secrets.
"Blaine," Dylan nodded, when Blaine entered the living room.
"Dylan," he returned the gesture.
Sam led Blaine over to the couch and Blaine sat down, feeling nervous. He could hear voices in the kitchen, but Dylan had the television up so it drowned out what they were saying. It set him on edge, because if Rachel said anything that might hint she was still with Blaine, his whole cover would be blown, and Kurt would be so angry.
He jumped up and said, "Ill go see if they need help in the kitchen."
"Dude, come on, theyve got it," Sam pushed him back in his seat. "Dont worry about it."
"Isnt it Tuesday? Why is there a game even on?" Blaine asked.
"Its on my DVR. Kurt and I had a date Sunday night, so I missed the game," Dylan said proudly. Blaine could sense that Dylan still wasnt comfortable with the idea of Blaine, and he was no trying to make him jealous..
"Oh, well, Im still going to see if they need help in the kitchen," Blaine stood up, hoping that added to Dylans discomfort. He didnt like Dylan. He was too possessive of Kurt, and it drove Blaine crazy.
In the kitchen, Kurt, Rachel, and Mercedes were all laughing about something. They quit the moment Blaine entered and Mercedes asked, "What? Bored with the game already?"
"Yeah," Blaine nodded.
"We were just talking about the time in glee club, when we all slushied our teacher, because he admitted that he had never bee slushied," Rachel smiled. "Ive had my days of slushies, but to get twelve at once."
"It was funny though," Mercedes laughed.
Kurts smile faded and he looked into Blaines eyes. It was like he was trying to read Blaines expression and Blaine quickly looked away, hoping Kurt couldnt guess too much.
"Whats for dinner?" Blaine asked.
"I made a lasagna," Kurt tore his eyes from Blaine. "If you dont mind setting the table, Blaine?" Kurt pointed to the cupboard near the fridge. "Plates are up there."
"Okay," Blaine nodded. He grabbed some plates and a handful of silverware, while Mercedes began talking about the time that they all dressed up like Lady Gaga.
He caught Rachel watching him from her spot in the kitchen, clearly not interested in the conversation anymore. Her face was pale, and her eyes were begging with him. She quickly looked away and muttered, "bathroom," before she swiftly moved down the hall.
Blaine froze, a fork clattering to the table, as he watched Rachel make her way down the hall. He caught Kurt staring after her, before his eyes shifted to Blaine, who tried to act like he didnt notice. But on the inside, he was freaking out. Rachel had been throwing up quite a bit, and no doubt, she had gone into the bathroom to vomit again. He wanted to check on her, and make sure she was okay, but he knew it would look weird to Kurt, if Blaine was that concerned with his ex-girlfriend.
He quickly dodged back into the kitchen and said, "All set." If he at least acted like all Rachel did was go to the bathroom, then there was no reason to make anything look suspicious.
"Lets eat," Kurt said.
Blaine sat between Rachel and Sam., with Kurt across from him, in between Dylan and Mercedes. He could feel his nerves increase, the longer he sat there. Kurt continued to look between Blaine and Rachel every so often, and Blaine just couldnt figure out why.
Conversation during the meal came easy enough. Kurt, Mercedes, and Rachel continued their glee club discussion, and before long, Mercedes asked about Blaine. "You were in the Warblers though, werent you?" she asked.
"Yeah, we were always up against the New Directions for Regionals, but we never could beat you guys."
"Thats because Rachel was our secret weapon," Mercedes glared at her from across the table. "Girl, I resented you for your constant solos, but looking back, it probably was our best option.. I mean, we made it to Nationals twice."
"We could have won Nationals twice, if Rachel and Finn hadnt decided to kiss in the middle of our set," Kurt pointed out, giving her a small smile and she flinched next to Blaine.
Rachel dropped her fork and bit her quivering lip, "Im sorry," she said, taking a napkin ad dabbing the tears in her eyes. "it just feels so long ago, you know? So much has changed since then."
"I know, honey, and youve been through so much since," Kurts eyes shifted from her to Blaine. "But the important thing is that were all here, and were all still friends, and thats all that matters."
"Youre right," she said, reaching over and placing a hand on Blaines arm. He almost pulled back but forced himself not to. He could just be comforting her. Was that really so wrong?
Dinner continued with further discussion of high school and where all that classmates ended up after that. Blaine and Dylan didnt have much to contribute, since neither of them went to McKinley, but it was still a decent evening with a good group of people.
When dinner broke up and Mercedes left with Sam, it left the four of them alone, and Blaine wasnt sure how much longer he could take the awkward tension in the room.
While Kurt cleaned up the table, Rachel cornered Blaine and said, "Im really tired. Im ready to go home, but you can stay if you want to. We need as much time with our friends as we can get right now." She kissed his cheek and said, "Ill see you later, babe."
Blaine moved into the kitchen after that, and Dylan followed. "Well, it was nice of you to come by, Blaine, but uh - " he was cut off by his phone ringing.One glance at the screen and he said, "Im gonna take this outside."
When he stepped out, Kurt dropped the plate in his hand into the sink and grabbed Blaines arm. "Come on," he said wearily. He pulled Blaine to the nearest window and opened it. Once Kurt stepped out on to the fire escape, Blaine followed. "He wont even notice. Hell be on the phone for a while. He always is."
"I hope so," Blaine muttered, knowing Dylan would want to kick his ass for staying longer than necessary.
"I like it out here," Kurt said quietly. "Its peaceful. i mean, theres traffic, and the sounds of the city, but being above it all, gives you a sense of watching the world carry on. Its like you can sit here for hours, and the amount of stuff that happens underneath you can vary. Some days not much happens. Some days, a dog might pee on someones shoe, or someone might give a stranger directions... its endless possibilities."
"You never know what can happen from day to day," Blaine concluded, thinking about Rachel and the baby. He avoided Kurts gaze. Blaine hated lying to him about this, but he was so deep in this hole he dug himself that he didnt know how to come clean.
"Exactly," Kurt nodded. He turned to face Blaine and said, "I still want to talk to you about what happened Friday, Blaine... I thought I was worried about you before, but after you broke down like that, i know youre not okay."
"Kurt - " he started.
But Kurt held up a hand to silence him. "I get that you had a bad week, because I knew breaking up with Rachel would be hard for you. But I cant figure it out. If youre so upset about what happened between you and Rachel, why were you two so comfortable tonight? Its like there was nothing wrong."
Was now the time to tell Kurt the truth? He couldnt tell him about the baby, Rachel didnt want that, and he couldnt go against her wishes. But he didnt want to lie to Kurt completely. Blaine had never been the type to lie, not intentionally.
On the other hand, he had already told Kurt that Rachel knew the truth. How angry would Kurt be if he took that back now? If he just told Rachel the truth, it wouldnt be a lie anymore. Kurt wouldnt have to feel like he couldnt trust Blaine.
But could he tell Rachel the truth? She didnt need more stress, and Blaine didnt want to endanger the baby... Sure, the baby had been a difficult concept for him to grasp, but it was still his child.
"You know, I do have an understanding of where youre coming from," Kurt said quietly.
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked.
"Its not like Ive told Dylan that I kissed you or anything. He still thinks were just friends... I tried telling myself we were just friends, after the first time we kissed, because I thought you were straight and it was an accident..." he shook his head. Kurta gaze followed Dylans shadow, pacing the sidewalk several stories below. "But then I kissed you again, and I realized how much I liked kissing you. I didnt do it just to prove to you that you deserved to enjoy a kiss like that from a guy... I did it because I wanted to kiss you."
"You did?" Blaine asked, surprised.
"I understand, if you didnt tell Rachel. Im at a point where I cant tell what youve done, because I know you were really upset at the hospital the other day, and yet, you and Rachel seem okay... I cant even blame you for doing the wrong thing, because I was wrong to invite you here tonight... I just didnt know what was happening with you, and I wanted to see how you and Rachel were for myself, so I called her to invite you, because I knew shed say yes."
"Kurt, things are just really complicated right now," Blaine said, looking into those blue eyes. Guilt settled in his stomach. He wanted to tell Kurt everything. The more he looked into those eyes, the more he wanted to be honest with them, but he couldnt.
"I dont blame you, because I dont even have the guts to tell Dylan. Im scared to ruin this relationship Ive built for the last two years, because I do love him... And I know youre not straight, but you do still love Rachel anyway. Shes a good person, and I know you cant lose that friendship," Kurt gently placed a hand on his knee.
"So where does that leave us?" Blaine asked, looking at the street below, where Dylans shadow had disappeared. he was, no doubt, on his way back to the apartment.
Kurts eyes were fixed on Blaine for a long time, and when he spoke again, it came out in a whisper. "I dont know, because I still want to kiss you."
"I still want to kiss you too," Blaine replied. He felt his heart drumming against his ribcage, as Kurt moved closer to him. His hand reached up and cupped the side of Kurts face, the moment their lips locked. Blaine felt the warm, familiar sensation of Kurts kiss. It felt so calming, so right. He felt all of his worries wash away, and for the first time in two weeks, Blaine forgot how badly damaged he had felt.
He deepened the kiss, and Kurts hands found his waist. It was like all the horns honking, the sound of voices below had gone mute, and all Blaine could hear was the ragged breathing of the boy in front of him. Kurts gentle touch, his sweet kisses took Blaine right of the reality, and all he could focus on was blue eyes.
When they broke apart, Kurt and Blaine stared into each others eyes. Their breathing slowly became normal and Blaine could feel his senses returning to him. Horns honked, a group of people below laughed, and a loud bang from the apartment inside made Kurt rise to his feet.
"You should go," he said. "If he knows youre out here with me..." he pulled Blaine back through the window
"Im sorry, Kurt," he apologized..
"Dont be," Kurt shook his head. "I dont regret kissing you."
"Can I tell you a secret?" Blaine said, pinning his finished drawing of Elsa on the bulletin board near Savannahs bed. "Youre getting quite the collection of Princesses, you know?"
"Shes beautiful. its my favorite thing in my room," she beamed at the picture. "Whats your secret/? You can tell me anything."
Blaine knelt down next to her and looked into those innocent green eyes. "Im gonna be a daddy," he whispered. The words sounded so foreign to him, and his stomach flipped.
Her eyes lit up, and she smiled, "A boy or a girl?"
"I dont know yet," he shook his head. ‘I wont know for a while."
"I hope its a girl," Savannah said happily. "She could be a princess like Elsa or Cinderella. I hope you name her Rose, because I really like roses, and itd be a good name for her."
"Ill keep that in mind," Blaine chuckled. "Can I tell you another secret?" he leaned in closer to her. Now that he had finally told someone about the baby, he could confide his other secret to her.
"Yes," she nodded.
"Im scared to be a daddy," he continued to stare into those green eyes. they were so young, so innocent. And hed soon have his own pair of innocent eyes to look into.
"Youll be a great daddy," she said warmly. "You can draw the baby pictures or play it a song on the piano. Itll be the happiest baby in the whole world."
"How do you know?" he laughed.
"Because Im the happiest girl in the whole world when you come here and draw pictures with me," she told him.
"Or when I take you down to the lobby and play a song on the piano for you? he asked.
"Yes," she smiled. "Can we go now?"
"Let me ask Penny first," he held up a hand. Quickly heading down the hallway, Blaine found the nurses station, where Savannahs nurse stood looking over a file. "Mind if i take Savannah for a walk?"
"I think shed like that," Penny nodded. "Her mother said shed be back around eleven though, so have her back in half an hour."
"Okay, Blaine nodded. Savannahs parents had given Blaine permission to take her around the hospital at his leisure. They trusted Blaine and liked that he gave her a little freedom.
Blaine went back to Savannah, lifting her into her wheelchair. He wheeled her down to the lobby, where a grand piano sat in the middle of the floor. It was available for anyone to play, and Blaine could easily attract a crowd.
"Will you play Part Of Your World from the Little Mermaid? I love that song," Savannah sat beside Blaine at the piano. She watched him intently, as his fingers began moving across the keys with ease. He had learned almost all of the classic Disney songs for Savannahs sake. When he finished that song, Savannah had him play several more Disney songs, and a few curious people made their way into a circle around the piano.
By the time Blaine was playing When You Wish Upon A Star, his heart felt light at the sight of one person in his audience. He finished the song and rose from the bench. Giving a slight bow, he thanked the audience and beamed at the one person who didnt leave afterward. "I thought you had to work this morning?"
"Turns out, I dont. Isabelle had a family emergency and gave me the day off, so I tho gut Id come see my new favorite little princess," he smiled at Savannah.
"Is that all?" Blaine raised an eyebrow.
"Youve been avoiding me in the coffee shop since we kissed," Kurt mumbled. "Ive been a little curious about that as well." He followed Blaine toward the elevator, to take Savannah back upstairs.
Blaine avoided the subject until they had dropped Savannah off and made their way back out into the busy streets. His mind had been buzzing for days, since the kiss, and he wasnt sure he wanted to talk about it in front of Savannah, especially since she knew about the baby. Kissing Kurt made Blaine realize how much he did care about him, and he couldnt give that ip so easily.
"Have you ever been to the Empire State Building?" Blaine asked, hailing a cab.
"No," Kurt shook his head. "Were not going there now, are we?"
"Yeah, we are," Blaine opened the door for him when the car pulled up and ushered him inside. "I want that feeling we had on your fire escape again... It helps me think."
"Is that all?" Kurt asked.
"Yes, thats all," Blaine shook his head. "You wanted me to be your tour guide, and you wanted to have a serious talk. Im pretty sure Dylan wont be able to interrupt us up there."
"We cant just hang around and talk. Theyll expect you to go up and come right back down," Kurt pointed out.
"We can take a minute," Blaine entered the building with Kurt trailing behind him.
"What if Im afraid of heights?" Kurt asked.
"You better get over it pretty quick," Blaine answered. He led Kurt over to a line and waited. Once they had gotten tickets, they had to wait for the elevator to take them up. it was a forty-five long wait, but they were eventually on their way up.
Blaine led Kurt to the wall of the observation deck. He gestured to the city before him and said, "I think this beats the view from your fire escape. Instead of one dog peeing, theres probably hundreds of dogs down there... Not to mention the amount of people."
Wow," Kurt said, taking in the beautiful view of New York City below him. "Blaine, this is incredible."
I feel like Im alone against a world of people down there. The first time I came up here, it made me realize how small and insignificant I can feel. Like, if I died today,it wouldnt change anything that happened down there, because theres so much happening," he glanced at Kurt.
"Itd change my life," Kurt said quietly. "And for me, that counts more than anything else happening in that city."
"But Dylans down there. Dylan and Rachel... And were up here. Youd never find them standing up here. Its like, you can never pinpoint exactly where theyre standing or what theyre doing... All that matters in this moment is me and you," Blaine reached over and took his hand.
"Blaine, Im not the type of person who cheats," Kurt said, still observing the scene below him. "Yes, Ive kissed you and Ill admit Ive enjoyed kissing you... but Im just not sure I can do that to Dylan."
"You said you didnt regret kissing me," Blaine pointed out.
"I dont... At least not when it comes to you, only you," Kurt moved back toward the wall and looked down. "Its him. I dont know what to do about him. Hes been so good for me. Even though I dont regret kissing you, I do feel guilty about it."
"Then tell me honestly, if we were trapped up here and nothing that happened down below ever mattered to either of us... would kissing me feel different to you?" Blaine stepped closer to him.
"Id feel less guilty about it," Kurt admitted.
"Then can we just forget about the world down there for a minute?" Blaine asked. "Doesnt being up here make you feel like you can do almost anything? Being here with you, it makes me want to forget all the hell thats broken loose down there," Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. "I really care about you, Kurt. I know I shouldnt, because theres too many obstacles in my way."
"Blaine, i really think youre just confused right now," Kurt pulled his hand away.
Of course he was confused. He was confused because he knew that he had feelings for Kurt. He knew that he shouldnt act on those feelings for Kurt because of Rachel and the baby.. But something burning inside him made him long for Kurt in a way that he didnt care. "If we didnt have those obstacles in our way, things would be so different."
"But they are in our way, Blaine. Being up here is like that escape feeling you get when youre with me. It takes you from the world, but only for a little while. Sooner or later, were gonna have to get back on that elevator. I have Dylan and you have Rachel. Unless youve broken up with her, I dont know. But I do know that youre in the middle of trying to figure out who you are."
"You said youd help me," Blaine reminded him.
"As your friend, I will help you," Kurt grabbed his hand and dragged him back toward the elevator. "I want you to remember that Ill always help you, but until you figure things out, we cant keep spinning in circles like this."
"So what does that mean?" Blaine asked.
"It means that you need to come up with a new plan, because yours isnt working anymore," Kurt told him.