April 27, 2015, 7 p.m.
Come What May: Week 29 - Considerations
T - Words: 4,161 - Last Updated: Apr 27, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 40/? - Created: Nov 02, 2014 - Updated: Nov 02, 2014 222 0 0 0 0
Hi! Sooo sorry for the delay! Busy week! But Im also super excited for this week because of Fridays episode of Glee! Ahhh! Anyway, sorry theres not too much to the chapter. The last couple chapters have been a setup and Im so excited for you to see what happens! Im seriously going to do my best to wrap up this story in the next few weeks, so Id like to try to get two updates in a week but you know me... Well see how that goes. ;)
Blaines heart had dropped to his stomach. Tears formed in his eyes and his hands started shaking. "Carole, whats wrong with her?" he choked out.
"My baby," Leroy rushed forward and Burt grabbed his arm, holding him back.
"Rachel?" Carole whispered as she brushed hair off her forehead. She seized Rachels wrist, feeling for a pulse. "She has a rapid heart beat," she said after a moment.
"Hello?" Noah Puckermans voice filled the silence that followed. "Um my friend just fainted and I think she might need some help." Blaine didnt know if he should thank Puckerman or resent him. No one said it was serious enough for a 911 call but his heart was in the right place.
"Carole, whats wrong?" Kurts comforting voice said from beside Blaine. He slipped his hand into Blaines and stared at the two of them on the couch.
Running her hand up to Rachels neck, Carole said, "Im working on that Kurt." She then touched Rachels stomach and Blaine felt himself shiver, worry for his daughter consuming his thoughts.
Letting go of Kurts hand, Blaine knelt down beside Rachel and placed his own hand on her belly. He bent over and kissed it gently. "Im right here, my love," he whispered to his daughter.
A soft moan escapes Rachels mouth and Blaine stared at her intently. The whole room appeared to be holding its breath. "Rachel, can you hear me?" Blaine asked, tears forming in his eyes.
A gentle grip on his shoulder told him that Kurt was behind him. "Sweetie," he said quietly.
Eyes fluttering open, Rachel took one look at Blaine and began crying softly. "S-sorry," she choked out.
"Hey, shh," Blaine stroked her cheek softly. "Dont speak. Its okay."
"Rachel, honey, take a deep breath. Relax. We have help on the way," Carole told her from beside him. She coached Rachel through several deep breaths, holding her hand tightly.
Letting out a shaky breath, Rachel closed her eyes. She placed her hand on her belly and whispered, "Im sorry."
Tears rolled down Blaines cheeks, and the only thing keeping him calm was the gentle motion of Kurts hand rubbing his shoulder. He stood up when the paramedics finally arrived and backed into Kurt, who tightly wrapped him in his warm embrace. Blaine rested his head on Kurts chest and watched the paramedics work. He tried to concentrate on the comforting sound of Kurts heart beat.
When Rachels body was lifted on to a stretcher, Blaine heard Sam say, "What do you want to do about everyone else? We cant all go to the hospital and Blaine cant stay here."
"Can you hold down the party for a while? I need to be with him," Kurt said quietly. "Dont make people feel like they have to rush out but were going to head over to the hospital now."
"Yeah, man. Mercedes and I will take care of everything," Sam said.
"Should someone go with her?" Leroy asked, drowning out Kurts quiet thanks to Sam.
"Carole," Blaine said through his tears. She turned to face him and he quietly pleaded. "Please. You know whats happening more than anyone else. Be with her. Keep her safe."
"Are you sure? You dont want to go?" Carole placed a hand on his arm.
Shaking his head, Blaine whispered, "Please." He couldnt do it. He couldnt handle the strain that came with the worry he felt. Blaines small body trembled in Kurts arms and he knew he would break if he was separated from his boyfriend now.
"Well be right behind you," Kurt reassured her, stroking Blaines hair softly.
Kissing Blaines tear-stained cheek, Carole said, "okay. Dont worry, sweetie. Everythings going to be fine." She rushed out the door after Rachel and Blaine sighed heavily, feeling exhausted. He buried his face in Kurts chest and let tears continue to roll down his cheeks.
"Come on, babe," Kurt said softly. "Lets go."
Blaine paced the waiting room at the hospital, hoping for some answers. The couple hours they had been there felt like an eternity, and Blaine was feeling like he was losing his mind... or his patience... or both.
How did this happen? One minute they were all enjoying a celebration with friends and family and the next moment they were here. Where did things go wrong?
Rachel had seemed okay. Yes, Blaine had noticed how pale and uneasy she seemed, but her sudden collapse had been a complete surprise. What had changed? She was enjoying their gifts and it was the engagement announcement that seemed to cause panic.
Her dads, Burt, Kurt, and Blaine made their way to the hospital. Carole had been true to her word and stuck with Rachel. They hadnt seen Carole once since they had gotten there..
After what felt like hours, Carole appeared in the waiting room and went straight to Blaine. She ushered Blaine over to a seat and sat beside him. Taking his hand, she sighed, "You can go see her now. The doctor is talking to her dads but shes asking for you."
"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" Blaine said urgently. He couldnt read the sorrowful glow in Caroles eyes and he was so desperate for answers.
Carole smiled sadly and said, "Honey, theyre both going to be just fine."
"So what happened?" Kurt asked, moving across the room to sit beside Blaine. Kurt grabbed his hand and Blaine felt like he could breathe a little easier.
"Its probably no surprise to you that Rachels been under a lot of pressure," Carole replied. When Blaine only nodded, she said, "It looks like she had some sort of anxiety attack. I dont know much more than that. Im not family. I couldnt get direct news from the doctor."
"But why?" Blaine asked, guilt settling it. "Was it our fault?"
"I guess the pressure got the best of her," Carole shrugged. "You have to understand that Rachels been through a lot. These things just happen, honey."
"So what about the baby?" Blaine asked. "How do you know shes okay?"
"They ran an ultrasound and she appears to be fine. No harm done," Carole stood up. "When youre ready to go back and see her, shes waiting."
"Carole," Blaine said, jumping from his seat.
"Yes?"
"Thank you. I dont know what we would have done without you today," Blaine said, giving her a weak smile. "That was really scary."
Caroles expression softened and she pulled him into a hug. "Its going to be okay, I promise," she whispered.
He pulled back and gave her a smile. "Thank you," he said weakly.
"And Blaine?" she said.
"Yeah?"
If youre going to marry my son, you need to stop calling me Carole and start calling me mom," Carole beamed. "We didnt get a chance to congratulate you but Im looking forward to welcoming you into our family."
"Thank you," Blaine smiled. A wave of gratitude toward Carole consumed him and Blaine hugged her again. "Thank you for everything."
Kissing his cheek, Carole said, "Go see her. Youll feel better."
Blaine nodded. He turned to Kurt, who gently kissed his lips. "Do you want to come with me?" he asked hopefully. "I cant do this without you."
"Of course," Kurt nodded, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway. He was grateful he had Kurt to guide him. The bustle of nurses seemed like a blur against Blaines hazy thoughts.
The moment they entered Rachels room, Blaine could hear the steady, rhythmic beat of her heart monitor. It relieved him to know she was no longer in a frantic state.
"Hey," Kurt said soothingly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," she croaked. "Mostly I just feel stupid. I had been losing my mind all week. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened. I should have taken better care of myself."
"You should have talked to us," Kurt placed his hand on top of hers. "I had no idea you were feeling like this."
"I should have done a lot of things. I couldve really caused harm to my daughter. I should have known better," Rachel said, rubbing her belly. "And I feel terrible."
"Youve been under so much stress, we understand," Kurt reassured her.
Rachel shook her head, "Thats not an excuse. I should have tried harder to tame my stress level." Tears formed in her eyes and she said, "This is so much more than just dealing with my own emotions. Its taking care of the baby and you guys."
"Were okay," Kurt said. "Dont worry about us. Right babe?" He turned to look at Blaine, who had remained near the door this whole time.
Biting his lip, Blaine slowly nodded. He met Kurts eyes and quickly turned away, fighting back tears. He stared at a spot on the wall. This was too much to take in.
"Sweetie?" Kurt stood up nervously. His concerned eyes were a blue-ish grey color. He watched Blaine closely. "Whats wrong?" Kurt asked after a moment.
"I was so scared," Blaine choked out, no longer able to hold back his tears. "I was so scared of losing you or the baby, and this is all my fault."
"Blaine Devon Anderson, this is not your fault in any way," Rachel said firmly. She patted the bed next to her. "Come here. We need to talk about this."
Slowly moving toward her, Blaine sat down on the bed and placed his hand on her stomach. "I never should have put you through so much hell. You never should have been put through that," he whispered.
"It wasnt just you. It was all this deal with Funny Girl and feeling like Im not ready to be a mom. Yes, Ive been heart broken over you but this is not your fault," Rachel said as she reached up and wiped a tear off his cheek. "Please dont feel guilty about this."
"How am I not supposed to feel guilty when this happened after I told you that Kurt and I are engaged?" Blaine asked, unable to stop his tears. "If I had just taken that stupid ring off for the shower..."
"And keep more lies from me?" Rachel asked. "Blaine, I would have been more upset that you lied to me when I did find out," Rachel told him. "Its not Kurt that Im even upset about, because I love him and Im happy that hes happy."
"Then what is it?" He asked.
"Its you," she said quietly. "No matter how hard I try to let go, I miss you. I really loved you, Blaine. Youre a lot to lose." Rachel took a deep breath and said, "The idea of you getting married just proves that there really is nothing left to fill that space in my heart."
"You know, I really care about you," Blaine said, brushing her hair behind her ear. "And I feel like this is my fault for breaking your heart."
"I know," Rachel nodded. "Thats the worst part. Most people get to break up with their boyfriends, never see him again and move on. But youre here and you care about me. Im having your baby and somehow Im supposed to get over you."
"Doesnt that make this my fault?" Blaine asked.
Rachel shook her head, "No because I was the one that begged you to stay for the baby, but I dont even regret that. I want you here, because I cant go through this without you. I need you too much to let you go."
"So you want me around but it hurts to have me around," he concluded. "I dont even know where that leaves us."
Letting out a soft giggle, Rachel said, "I never said it made any sense. Its just how I feel, but that doesnt make it your fault. The only reason anything is your fault is that you were such a perfect boyfriend that youre hard to stop dreaming about."
"Thanks," Blaine sniffed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.
"But it makes me really happy that Kurt has you, because he deserves the best, and I know from personal experience that he has the best," Rachel smiled. The look in her eyes softening.
"I really love him, Rachel," Blaine said honestly. He bent over and kissed her forehead. "And I love you. I dont want to lose either one of you."
"I love you too,It means so much to me that youre here," she said, repositioning in her bed. "Dont worry, the three of us will work something out."
"How long are they going to keep you?" Blaine asked, changing the subject. Rachel didnt need to worry about anything right now.
She sighed, "I think just a couple days. They want to keep an eye on me for a little bit, but I guess they also have this therapist they want to introduce me too."
"Wait. Are you serious?" Blaine asked, his stomach doing a flip. How was he not supposed to feel guilty when she needed therapy?
"Its for the best," Rachel nodded. "Lets face it, Im a train wreck. Itll be better for me and for the baby. Were at a critical point in my pregnancy, and we cant avoid something like this again."
"Yeah," Blaine nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I guess youre right. I definitely dont want you to be in this predicament again. If it will help you, thats what matters."
"Were going to be okay, Blaine," Rachel smiled, squeezing his hand . "I promise."
Blaine closed his eyes against the gentle touch of Kurts fingertips along his forehead. Kurt stroked his skin and hummed softly next to him. It was calming and Blaine wished he could stay like that forever.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked quietly, after some time, his hand pausing on his forehead. "You seemed pretty shaken up earlier."
"Mhm," Blaine replied, keeping his eyes shut. Now that Kurt had asked if he was okay, Blaine could feel his emotions resurfacing. He had to fight back more tears.
"At least it wasnt something more serious," Kurt began stroking his forehead again and Blaine let out a shaky breath. "Shell only get better from here."
"Hopefully," Blaine mumbled.
"I know its a scary situation," Kurt replied.
At this, Blaine rolled on to his side to face his boyfriend. "Its definitely scary. I mean, its like Im relying on Rachel to protect my daughter and shes not emotionally stable enough to do that. She has weeks to go and if shes still that unstable..." he trailed off.
"But thats what therapy is for," Kurt told him. He leaned forward and kissed Blaine gently. "I know you feel helpless, because theres nothing you can do."
"Im just too attached now and the idea of anything happening to her is terrifying," Blaine admitted. "I hate that I cant protect my baby, you know?"
"Its all going to work out," Kurt said, wrapping his arm around Blaines waist and pulling him close. "And if things get complicated, Im going to be right here with you."
"Promise?" Blaine asked.
"Have i left you in a complicated situation yet?" Kurt smiled. "Ill always be here for you. Im too involved. You cant get rid of me."
"No but I cant imagine why youre still around to deal with all the baby drama," Blaine said, feeling reassured. "Youve put up with so much already. I was starting to worry that youd get fed up and leave."
Kurt frowned, "look, Ill admit, sometimes its hard. I mean, I heard what she told you in the hospital. Shes happy for me but its clear that Rachel is upset about our engagement. I dont even know how to feel about that. Im so happy with you and its stressing my best friend out."
"Kurt," Blaine said quietly. "Im not changing my mind over this. Its going to work out. Ive fought for you too hard to give you up now."
"Only because we practically forced Rachel into therapy," Kurt mumbled. "Things would be different if this hadnt happened."
"Do you want me to talk to her about this?" Blaine asked.
"Theres nothing to talk about. I dont want to upset her anymore," Kurt said quietly. His eyes full of concern.
"Yes, there is," Blaine replied. Kurt tried to hide that this actually bothered him but Blaine could tell. "I feel like Im caught between you and Rachel. I can have you and hurt her, or i can get really involved with the baby and leave you feeling left out."
"I dont feel left out," Kurt said shortly.
Hesitating, Blaine said, "I still think we need to find some common ground. You two cant fight over me forever. Ill talk to Rachel."
Burt and Carole sat across from Kurt and Blaine in a small restaurant not far from the apartment. The four of them decided to have a final meal before Kurts parents went back to Ohio.
"So you two are really getting married?" Burt asked, drumming his fingers on the table. "I mean, this isnt a joke, right?"
"No," Kurt shook his head. He placed his hand on Blaines thigh and smiled, "I really love Blaine and I want to spend my life with him."
"So... What about this business with Rachel? What are you doing about that?" Burt continued to question.
Giving a soft chuckle, Kurt said, "Dad, we just announced our engagement. We havent worked out every detail yet."
"Right," Burt nodded, rounding on Blaine. "But there is something else you need to figure out. Im guessing, since you just made the announcement, that you havent told your parents yet."
"No," Blaine said shortly. "and I dont think Im going to tell them."
"Im sorry?" Kurt set his glass of water on the table harder than he meant to, causing some of it to spill. He turned to face Blaine. "When did you decide that?"
Blaine shrugged, "why should I tell them? They hate that Im even with you. Theres no way my dad would come to the wedding."
"What about Pam? Im sure your mom would want to see her son get married. Its not something you want to miss when youre a mom," Carole said quietly. "Being that I never got to see Finn get married, I am beyond thrilled to see Kurt get married."
"Aww," Kurt beamed at his step-mother.
"My mom follows my dad around like a lost puppy. When he calls, shes there. If he tells her to stay the hell away from me, she will. Im not inviting them," Blaine said firmly.
"Honey, I think you should at least invite your parents," Carole said, reaching out to touch his arm. "They might decline but theyll also be hurt if they dont even get invited."
"So Im supposed to face rejection because I cant hurt their feelings," Blaine slumped back in his seat. It wasnt fair. His parents had already hurt him so much.
"You dont have to though," Burt replied.
Carole nudged his arm, "its just a kind gesture. If you reach out to them, it might improve your relationship with them. At least consider it, okay?"
"Yeah," Blaine said quietly. It wasnt likely, and he still wasnt going to try, but agreeing would get Carole off his back.
Kurt squeezed his thigh and said, "oh, Carole, I wanted to ask you about wedding plans. Would you do me the honor of helping me? I used to dream of planning my wedding with my mom when I was a kid and this is my best opportunity."
Tears formed in Caroles eyes and she said, "Yes, sweetie. Of course I will."
They began to discuss the wedding, leaving Blaines parents out of the conversation. Bylaine felt grateful that Kurt stepped in for him. He always knew how to make Blaine feel better.
Rounding the corner into Rachels room, Blaine saw a woman standing at the end of her bed with a clipboard in his hand. "Hello?" Blaine said awkwardly.
"Hi!" Rachel smiled sweetly. She already seemed to be forcing herself into a better mood, and Blaine didnt know if it was for the doctors or for herself. "Blaine, this is Doctor Peterson. This is my ex-boyfriend, the one I was telling you about."
"The babys father," Doctor Peterson held out a firm hand for Blaine to shake. "I came in to get acquainted with Rachel and discuss our future therapy sessions."
"Oh," Blaine said, slightly surprised. The idea has been mentioned but knowing Rachel was really doing this brought that unsettled guilt back into his stomach.
"I think weve covered everything," Doctor Peterson glanced over her clipboard one more time. She gave Rachel a handshake and a gentle smile as she said, "I will see you on Friday Rachel. Take it easy, okay?"
"Thank you," Rachel said quietly. When the doctor was out of sight, she sighed heavily and said, "I hate this. I dont want to spend every Tuesday and Friday morning talking to a stranger about you and Funny Girl and all this hell thats consumed my life."
"Itll help," Blaine offered, thinking about what Kurt told him the night before.
"I know," she frowned. "And I definitely cant go through this again."
"It was scary," he admitted.
"I know," Rachel said, as Blaine took a seat on the bed. She grabbed his hand and said, "it really hurts me to see how upset you were yesterday, and Im really sorry, Blaine. This is your daughter too and I can imagine how you feel."
"But its not just her, Im worried about you too. I didnt know you were under this much stress. I thought you were doing okay," Blaine said truthfully. "If I had just given you more attention, I would have known what was going on in your mind."
"I had to be okay, because otherwise I would have been here sooner. I tried to act like I was fine," she shook her head. "Ive held a lot of emotion back because I knew I had to."
"I knew the engagement would be too much," Blaine mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Thats what set you over the edge."
"No, its fine," Rachel said quietly.
"So this doesnt bother you at all?" He raised an eyebrow. "I expected it to bother you somewhat."
Hesitating, Rachel said, "I had a lot of resentment for what happened between us, Blaine. And its taken a lot for me to get used to the idea of you being with Kurt. Im happy that you have each other but Im also bitter, because lets face it, Im selfish." Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Rachel continued, "I felt betrayed. I never expected my best friend to steal my boyfriend and it hurts. And yes, Ill admit, the engagement set off a new round of emotions. It just made me realize how unreal our love was. I would have said yes the moment you proposed. Sometimes I hoped for it and it never happened... But you two were so quick to jump into marriage." She bowed her head. "It hurt, you know? It made me realize how one-sided we were."
"I loved you, Rachel," Blaine said calmly. He took his hand and placed it under her chin, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "Im so sorry."
"Its over. Its done," Rachel shrugged. "Im just doing my best to pick up the broken pieces."
"You held yourself together so well," he told her. "But Im glad youre getting help."
"I had to," Rachel said, tears forming in her eyes. "I knew that pushing you and Kurt away completely would have broken me in half, and I knew Id be better off just having you around."
"So how do I know rubbing this engagement in your face isnt going to cause more damage? Youre already here," Blaine pointed out.
"Thats what these therapy sessions are for and..." Rachel hesitated. She bit her lip nervously and said, "I dont want to stand in your way. If marrying Kurt is the right thing for you than I want you to marry Kurt."
"I need you to mean that, Rachel, because I have to protect him. I know that hes worried that youre upset and its bothering him. I hate that hes upset, and I hate that theres this wedge between you too," Blaine said, grabbing her hand. "Im that wedge between you too and I dont know what to do."
"Are you sure Im not the wedge between you and Kurt?" Rachel said, scrunching her fact to fight tears. "Or is Kurt the wedge between you and the baby? Its like, somewhere in our circle, theres something in the way, and its a different problem for all of us."
"Im really at a loss, Rachel. I dont know what to do, because it seems like, no matter what I do, someone is going to get hurt," Blaine replied. "Weve hit a brick wall."
Sighing, Rachel said, "Ive been thinking about that a lot lately, especially over the last couple days. Im stuck somewhere between wanting Kurt to be a part of our family and feeling like I might be in the way."
"Youre not in the way. Shes your baby," Blaine said. "Its just that I want both of you to be a part of this family, and I dont know if thats going to work."
"No one should feel left out. I dont want Kurt to feel like hes on the outside when it comes to parenting. I mean, he will be your husband." Taking a deep breath, Rachel said, "I think I have a solution."
"What are you talking about?" Blaine raised an eyebrow.
"I have an idea but I need to talk to Kurt," Rachel replied.