April 27, 2015, 7 p.m.
Come What May: Week 24 - ...When Youre Not Strong
T - Words: 4,630 - Last Updated: Apr 27, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 40/? - Created: Nov 02, 2014 - Updated: Nov 02, 2014 221 0 0 0 0
I seem to have this thing where holidays and such match up with real time. It happened for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Its Blaines birthday and mine is Thursday! Haha.
Anyway, I know theres a lot to this chapter, so lets get a few things straight. Different people have talked about how Rachels not angry enough about the whole thing, and I understand where youre coming from. Its kind of why I brought this into this chapter, because it kind of shows that shes still hurting over it all, but shes just trying to hande it decetly, mainly because she has to.
On another note, Im sure Michaels reaction wasnt that surprising, because he hasnt been very accpeting. Ive put Blaine through quite a bit, and youll see how he handles all of his drama as the last chunk of the story unfolds. Theres still a bit coming, so bare with me.
Ill try to have the next chapter up by this weekend! Thanks for reading. Please continue to review! I would appreciate it! Xoxo
Embracing his father, silent tears rolled down Kurts cheeks. "Im going to miss you," he said.
"Youll see me in a couple days, wont you?" Burt asked, picking his duffle bag off the ground. "Did you guys say something about flying back to tell Michael and Pam about your relationship?"
Kurt shrugged, "Were going to head straight to Westerville. Well see how it goes from there. Id like to see you, but I just dont know if thats going to happen or not."
Stepping toward Blaine, Burt held out a hand and said, "Give me a call if you need any help."
"Yes sir," Blaine shook his hand. It wasnt likely that hed make that phone call, but he wasnt going to mention that. "Thank you for being so understanding about all of this."
Burt gave him a pat on the shoulder, before turning to Kurts tear-stained face and said, "All right, give me one more hug." He wrapped his arms around Kurt and patted his back. "Ill miss you, sport."
"You too," Kurt pulled back, wiping his eyes on his sleeve..
"Have a safe flight," Rachel hugged him. "We hope to see you real soon."
"Take care, Rachel," he nodded.
He began strolling down the hall, with one final glance back and a wave.
Kurt placed his arm around Blaines waist and sighed, "Just think, well be back at this airport in a couple days."
"Yeah," Blaine said quietly, dreading their Ohio trip. It had been on his mind constantly. He tried creating the scene with his father over and over again. It didnt make a difference. It all ended in disaster.
A swift kiss on his cheek brought Blaine back to reality. He met Kurts gaze and smiled weakly. "Lets grab something to eat," he said. "I dont want to think about Ohio yet."
When they found a place to eat and were quickly tucked into a corner of the restaurant, Blaine buried himself in his menu. His stomach was in knots.. The more he thought about the trip home, the more nauseous he felt. The airport didnt do anything for him. He could sense Kurt watching him, and did his best to take deep breaths.
"Have you guys thought about a name for the baby?" Kurt asked, trying to take Blaines mind off the trip.
"Ive thought about it," Rachels face lit up. "We havent actually talked about it though." She stole a nervous glance at Blaine, who hardly seemed to notice.
"Savannah insisted we name it Rose," Blaine set the menu down, giving in to the conversation.
"Too simple," Rachel scrunched up her face. "But you know, Barbra isnt so common any more, and she would be named after my middle name. Itd be my first pick."
"Rachel, honey," Blaine reached across the table and placed his hand on top of hers. "I am not, under any circumstances, naming my baby Barbra. Theres no way."
She pouted, "I had a feeling. "Digging into her purse, she pulled out a piece of paper and sprawled it on the table. " so I made a list of all the great Broadway stars, and maybe well come to a decision by the end of the list."
"Rachel," Blaine shook his head. "Get away from that Broadway list, before you get your hopes up." He hadnt thought about the babys name much, but he knew it was an important decision, and Broadway wasnt going to make that decision for him.
Folding up her list, she tucked it back in her purse, and said, "Fine, dad, do you have any better ideas that you didnt get from a seven year old? Something we can agree on?"
"I have no idea," he admitted. "I feel like picking a name is something I could only do after I saw her and I just knew."
"That doesnt give you time to think. This child could be scarred with a bad name for life. She could be bullied for her name, and itd be all our fault," Rachel told him. "Do you want her to resent you for her name?"
"You mean like having Barbra for a name?" Blaine laughed.
She narrowed her eyebrows, "Barbra is an iconic name."
"Its not a great name though," Kurt admitted. "I have to agree with Blaine on this one."
Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Fine, I guess we need to have more discussions about this to find something we agree on, but we are not waiting until shes here.."
"We have time, Rachel, its okay," Blaine insisted.
She sat forward in her seat, resting her arms on the table. "I am now twenty-four weeks pregnant. Shes due in four months, Blaine. If she came early, and we werent prepared, we would have to come up with her name on the spot, and Im sorry, but I dont want to do that."
"Okay, but youre not planning on going into labor tomorrow, are you?" Blaine picked up his menu again. "I know it doesnt seem like a lot of time, but we do have time."
She pressed her lips together and said, "Well, just give it some thought, okay?"
"Okay," Blaine glanced at Kurt, who gave him a weak smile. Blaine was glad he had Kurt to help him deal with Rachel during her pregnancy, so he didnt have to deal with it alone.
"Thank you for coming with me. I told you that these appointments always make me nervous," Rachel said quietly.
"Of course," Blaine squeezed her hand, just as she got set up for her ultrasound. The image of their baby appeared before him once again and Blaine felt his heart skip a beat. Seeing her was still so thrilling for him.
After some time looking, the doctor turned to her and frowned, "Rachel, are you under any stress right now?"
Eyes widening, Rachel turned to Blaine and said, "I guess things havent been perfect for a while now, and its taken a toll on me emotionally. Ive tried to stay reasonable about most things."
"Your blood pressure has been riding on the higher side in your last couple visits, and Im slightly concerned," she scanned Rachels chart without another word.
"Is - is something wrong with the baby?" Blaine asked nervously.
"No," she paused, her eyes still on the chart. Blaine watched her closely, until she set the chart down. "But its something I want to keep an eye on. I dont want to see it get worse We dont want any complications down the road. You have to take it easy for you and the baby."
"Ive just had so much going on," Rachel tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Well, take a break from everything. Its your responsibility to take care of you, and you alone," the doctor smiled sadly. "Shes relying on you, mom."
"I know, thank you," Rachel shook her hand. When the doctor left, Blaine helped Rachel off the table and watched her put her coat back on. "I have tried to stay calm. I think Ive done pretty well considering all the drama thats happened."
"I feel like I shouldnt even leave you," Blaine said, opening the as they made their way back to the streets of New York. "If youre that stressed out, you need all the help you can get."
"Blaine, please dont feel like that. Theres nothing you can do," she turned to look at him. "I just dont want you feeling guilty. Losing Funny Girl was a hard blow, adjusting to being a mom is a huge deal, and losing you broke my heart, but its only natural that Im emotional about it. Im doing the best I can to deal with it."
"Most of that was my fault," Blaine replied, looping his arm through hers as they moved down the sidewalk.
She bit her lip nervously, "I was starting to accept Funny Girl, but that article reopened that wound. I was starting to accept losing you, but Id be lying if I said that I didnt miss you sometimes. Seeing you with Kurt brings this longing for you that I need to push away, because its never going to happen."
"Im sorry," Blaine said quietly.
"I know you are. Its just that, when you spend three intimate years with someone, its hard to let them go, even when they arent around, so sometimes I just... miss you," Tears formed in her eyes and she stopped walking. "Sometimes I just see you and I wish i could kiss you or confide in you completely, but I know that I cant, and it hurts."
"Rachel, being with you meant a lot to me too, and Im sorry this has been so hard for you," he said quietly. "You know I never wanted to hurt you, not intentionally."
"I know, its just not fair, you know? You were a part of me, and youre still here, and youre still so close, but youre so far out of reach, and it tears me apart. Ive tried so hard to keep it together for the baby. I have to, because I dont want to cause problems down the road," she shook her head. "im just sorry that I havent tried hard enough."
"I think youve held yourself together pretty well, and sometimes that makes things worse too. You have to let your emotions go," Blaine pulled her into a hug. "You cant bottle it up forever or youll break."
"Im just so tired of hurting," she cried.
Rubbing her back, he whispered, ‘I know. Im so sorry, Rachel."
When she pulled back, Rachel reached over and took his hand. "But youve been so good to me, despite out ending, and I cant ask any more of you. Im just still trying to heal, but I promise Im going to be okay, and I dont want you feeling guilty.."
"So I should go?" Blaine asked.
"Yes, because I know this is important to you," she placed her hand on her belly. "And I promise Ill try to relax. Maybe Mercedes and I will go out for a girls day."
"Im still going to worry," Blaine placed his hand on top of hers. "Call me every day, okay?"
"If it makes you feel better, I will, but I promise that well be fine," she gave him a weak smile.
Pam Anderson swung her front door open to reveal her son and his current boyfriend, not that she knew it. "Blaine, what are you doing here?" she asked in surprise.
"Hi, mom," Blaine stepped forward and gave her a hug. "I wanted to come see you."
Is everything all right? Hows Rachel and the baby?" she glanced behind him, like she might find Rachel standing there.
"Fine, theyre both just fine, Thats not why Im here, dont worry," Blaine stepped by her and motioned toward his boyfriend, "mom, you remember my friend Kurt?"
"Oh yes, nice to see you again," she shook Kurts hand.
They all stepped in to the living room, where Michael sat with a newspaper in his hand. "Blaine," he gave a stern nod to greet his son. Setting the paper down on the table next to him, he rose from his chair and gave Kurt a nod as well. "Kent," he said.
"Kurt," Blaine corrected.
"Uh-huh," Michael stopped in front of Blaine. He looked his son up and down before he made a low moan shook his head, saying, "This was an unexpected visit."
"I wanted to get out of the city for my birthday," Blaine told him, trying to keep his voice and expression calm. He couldnt give his enrves away. "I thought Id come see you."
"And your friend" Michael asked.
"I didnt want to come alone. Rachels too far along to worry about flying now," he explained.
"How far along is she now?" Pam asked.
"Uh, twenty-four weeks," Blaine bit his lip nervously.
"Its getting close to her due date. Have you thought about getting engaged before the baby comes?" Michael asked. "You two need security."
"We could plan a small ceremony. Your father and I have discussed this, and we hope youve been weighing the options as well," Pam sat down. "Itll be better for the child if youre already married."
"Wait, youre discussing my marriage plans before Ive even had a say in the matter?" Blaine said hotly. He couldnt believe his parents were that set on having a perfect plan for their son.
"Well, its not like youve jumped at the opportunity. Have you and Rachel even discussed marriage?" Michael asked. He was now so close to Blaine that he took a couple steps backward.
"I - what? No!" Blaine blurted out, not thinking about his reaction. "I dont think its your business even if I have. Im going to do whats best for my family in my own time."
"And whats best for your family?" Michael raised his voice. "Youre not ready to take on a commitment like this when youre not married to the girl. Why wait any longer?"
"I cant believe I havent been in the door two minutes and youre already deciding my future," Blaine said hotly, balling his fists into hands. "I actually have my own plans, and I was hoping to discuss it with you rationally."
Pam stepped between the two of them and said, "Why dont we finish the discussion over dinner tomorrow. Ill make you a nice steak dinner for your birthday and we can discuss marriage plans."
"Whatever," Blaine mumbled.
"Fine," Michael dropped back into his chair, picked up his newspaper and began reading again. Blaine stood there staring at his father in disbelief. He couldnt believe his visit had already started out so poorly.
"Come on," Blaine grabbed Kurts arm and dragged him upstairs. "You can stay in Coopers old room. My parents turned it into a guest room after they got fed up with his future plans."
"Isnt that reassuring?" Kurt mumbled.
Blaine hoped his parents had heard him.
The rest of the evening went by slowly. Michael had work to do and hid in his study all night. Pam, Blaine, and Kurt sat in the living room watching the television. Pam hardly spoke two words to them the whole evening, probably afraid of what her husband would think if she started on something about Blaine again. She always followed his lead.
"Blaine?" A soft knock came on his bedroom door after he had been laying in bed for an hour, fuming in his own anger, nervous for his birthday dinner the following day. "Are you awake?"
"Yeah," he whispered back. His body relaxed when he realized it was his boyfriend.
Kurts silhouette entered the room and climbed on to the bed. He wrapped himself around Blaine and said, "Ive gotten too used to sleeping with you. That bed feels empty without you."
Gently pressing his lips to Kurts forehead, he said softly, "I know the feeling, because I was lonely without you. You felt so far away."
"That wall really did put a wedge between us," Kurt smiled.
"Yeah, but it keeps my dad happy for one more night," Blaine said.
"Ill go back in a little while. I just wanted a little time with you. I dont like having to act platonic with you," Kurt said, running his finger along Blaines jawline.
"You could barely act platonic when we were just friends," Blaine replied.
"So you see my dilemma," Kurt chuckled softly.
"Well, dont worry. Tomorrow, all of this will be out in the open," Blaine said bitterly.
"Its going to be okay," Kurt cupped his cheek. "Im going to be right here."
"I know. Youre the only thing thats keeping me sane," Blaine kissed his hand.
Dalton Academy was home. To Blaine, being at Dalton felt more home- like than his parents house. Dalton had been a safe haven for him all through his high school career. Even now, it felt like a safe haven against the tension in their house.
"This would have been a nice school to go to. Sometimes I would regret not transferring here, but I knew we could never really afford it. My dad was just trying to do me a favor," Kurt was fixated on every fine detail of the beautiful hallways.
"I wonder how different things would have been, if you had transferred," Blaine said.
"Do you still think we would have been boyfriends?" Kurt asked.
Opening a set of doors, Blaine said, "You never know. If I had been brave enough to come out, we could have dominated Dalton and moved to New York as a couple. It sure would have taken out some of the drama weve dealt with."
"Well, well, well, if it isnt Blaine Anderson," a voice said from the room before them, causing him to stop in his tracks. He had walked in to the middle of a Warblers meeting.
"You actually know who I am? I graduated a few years ago," Blaine scanned the room full of Dalton blazers.
"Everyone knows who you are," another Warbler said. "Youre a Dalton legend."
"Thank you," Blaine blushed.
"What are you doing here, Blaine Anderson?" the head Warbler behind the desk asked.
"I came to re-visit my old school. I wanted to show my friend Kurt what Daltons all about," Blaine smiled. "Im sorry if I interrupted anything. I didnt realize anyone would be in here."
The latter boy moved swiftly from behind the desk, straightening his tie. He held out a hand for Blaine to shake and said, "Im Josh Bruno, leader of the Warblers. Its an honor to meet you."
"Oh, please, I wasnt that great. I never even got us to Nationals," Blaine said.
"The brotherhood of the Warblers is so much more than a National trophy, and you carried the Warblers to great heights on your own," Josh offered a smile. "Will you do is the honor and sing with us, Blaine Anderson?"
"I dont know," Blaine hesitated.
"Of course he would," Kurt nudged him with his elbow. "Come on, in your current mind set, I think itd be good for you." He leaned in closely and whispered in his ear, "Plus, I think youd look really cute in a blazer."
Josh slid his blazer off and held it out to Blaine, "Be a leader, Warbler."
Taking the jacket, Blaine slid it on. It was large for him, but the smug feeling of a Dalton blazer took him back. He closed his eyes, soaking it in. "Okay, lets do this."
Kurt sat on the nearest couch and smiled at Blaine, giving him a thumbs up.
The boys behind him began forming an easy sound to Blaines favorite Katy Perry tune. Blaines eyes found Kurt and began singing, "You think Im pretty without any makeup on. You think Im funny when I tell the punch line wrong..."
It felt so natural, so right, and Blaine felt himself smile in a way he hadnt in a long time. His eyes never left Kurt, who seemed to be in a similar state as Blaine.
A small smile danced on Kurts lips. His blue eyes were bright with a passion. He seemed so content, so happy. And Blaine couldnt look away from that beautiful face that gave him so much light and happiness. His heart felt light, just thinking of how truly happy he was with Kurt. How Kurt really did feel like a teenage dream.
"Incredible!" Josh cried, taking the blazer back from Blaine when they had finished. "If only you still went here. I cant believe you never went to Nationals with a voice like that."
"Cant stay in high school forever," Blaine turned away, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Well, seriously, Blaine, thank you. You gave us some inspiration for Reguonls. Maybe you still can lead the Warblers to Nationals through your spirit,." Josh smiled.
"Its still up to you," Blaine shook his hand again. "Thank you for letting me drop in on your rehearsal." He took Kurts hand and led him back down the hall.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, when the doors had shut. "You seemed a little emotional in there."
Blaine stopped at the bottom of a curved staircase. He tugged on Kurts hand, already a couple steps above him. Kurt turned to face him and Blaine blurted out, "I love you."
"I love you too," Kurt smiled.
"Look, Kurt, Im terrified of telling my dad about us, and no matter what gets said tonight, I want you to know that nothing is ever going to stop me from loving you," he continued.
"Thats reassuring," Kurt said.
"And I want you to be warned that hes not going to approve of this, " Blaine said.
Taking a step down, Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaines shoulder and said, "I know that. Ive told you before that Ill be by your side and I mean that. I love you."
"Thank you for being here," Blaine said. "I dont know how Id get through this without you."
"We should get going," Kurt pointed to his watch. "Your mom said to be back by five."
Blaine followed him up the stairs and down the hall to the front door, where they made their way back to his parents house, barely making it in time for dinner.
When the four of them were seated around the dining room table, Michael cleared his throat and said, "So before anything gets set, we should know what your plans are, Blaine."
Clearing his throat, Blaine said, "well, Ive recently made some changes."
"I know Rachels father said you moved to a new apartment," Pam said, cutting into her steak."
"Yeah, Rachel, Kurt, and I found this spacious loft. Its a little different of a living arrangement but were making it work," Blaine said calmly. If he kept the flow of conversation this easy, maybe hed be okay.
"Why are you living there?" Michael rounded on Kurt. "Its stressful enough starting a family without extra baggage. I dont think Rachel and Blaine need you crowding their space."
"Kurt isnt baggage. Hes more than welcome there. We agreed it was best," Blaine said. Hie gripped his fork tightly, hating that the conversation changed that quickly.
"So what happens when you and Rachel get married and you have this friend there? Its not ideal in a new relationship," Pam said, finally looking up from her food.
"I dont think we have to worry about that," Blaine said. At their perplexed stares, he added, "Rachel and I wont be getting married. Its already been decided, and its not going to change."
"Is she still pregnant? Did you get rid of the baby?" Michael asked.
Anger shot through him and he felt Kurt squeeze his thigh in reassurance. "Dad, I told you that I would never give my child up," Blaine said in a low growl.
"So why wouldnt you get married?" Pam asked.
Blaine shrugged, "We broke up."
"What do you mean you broke up?" Michael asked, setting his fork and knife down. "Youre in the middle of having a baby with this girl.what man walks away from his pregnant girlfriend?"
Blaine grabbed Kurts hand under the table with his own shaking hand. He took a deep breath and said, "Because Im in love with somebody else. It wasnt working with Rachel anymore."
Both of his parents raised eyebrows at this, and Pam said, "Somebody else?"
"Yes, and I know thats confusing for you, but I had my reasons for leaving Rachel," Blaines voice shook and Kurt ran his thumb across Blaines knuckles. "Its not something Ive proud of, mom."
"I cant think of a single reason why you would leave your pregnant girlfriend for another woman," Michael said sternly. "I dont care if you regret it or not, Im ashamed that you would do such a thing."
"I didnt," Blaine bit his lip.
"Excuse me?" Michael replied, leaning forward.
"I dont know how to tell you this..." Blaine looked up into his fathers eyes and willed himself to just get it over with. "But Ive been keeping a secret for a long time now."
"A secret?" Michael repeated.
"I didnt leave Rachel for another woman, because I..." he paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. He felt Kurts grip tighten and he said, "I left Rachel for Kurt," Blaine felt his heart stop.
"What did you just say?" Michaels eyebrows were now nearly hitting his hairline.
Blaine began rambling out of nerves, "I started seeing Kurt while I was still with Rachel. I cheated, because Kurt made me realize that it wasnt working with Rachel. I had been using Rachel to hide from the fact that Im - "
"Dont say it!" Michael shouted.
"Im gay. Im totally and completely gay, and the last three years with Rachel was a lie. I had hoped I could shake the feeling, but Im in love with Kurt and I cant shake that," Blaine said.
"NO!" Michael roared. "You will not speak of such foolish things in my house!"
"Dad, please," Blaine felt tears form in his eyes. "Please, I need you to support my decision."
Michael slammed a fist on the table, jumping from his seat. He pointed a finger at Blaine and said, "How dare you leave your pregnant girlfriend for a man! How dare you sit here and talk about such shameful things!"
"Its my life were talking about!" Blaine stood up. "Im telling you this because its real, dad. Its happening. Im not marrying Rachel. I love Kurt. I love him and someday I want to marry him."
Michaels face turned red and he gripped the table, His face was red with rage. He looked like he would slap Blaine if he had been close enough. He growled, "Thats bullshit. You do not want to marry this - this abomination."
"I do, dad," Blaine replied. "I know this is hard for you to understand."
"Theres nothing to understand!" He shouted. "I told you that you werent ready to father this child, but youve crossed a line. Youre not even ready to take two steps out that damn door."
"I can still father this child. Rachel and I have an understanding. She wants me to be a part of her life," Blaine said. "And if I have Kurt by my side, I know the four of us can be a family."
Michael banged his fist on the table again and shouted "Forget the stupid girl. This is about your idiotic choice to act in a sinful way. You are not bringing this man into this family."
"Its not a choice, dad!" Blaine shouted. "I cant help the way I feel. I loved Rachel but I was never in love with her. I tried telling myself that it was just a phase, but its not."
"You lied to your mother and to me," Michael scowled.
"With the way youre behaving, cant you see why I lied?" Blaine asked.
"Not only did you ruin the plans to finish medical school before you started a family but now youve ruined that new plan," Michael pulled at his own hair. "Whats your plan now, Blaine? How do you plan on getting yourself out of this one?"
"I dont know!" Blaine shouted, tears pouring down his cheeks. "I dont have a plan! I might not finish medical school. I might not be the perfect father. I might not even be the perfect son. All I know is that I love Kurt and well make this work."
Michael picked up a glass and chucked it at Blaine, who barely had time to duck. It shattered against the wall behind him and he felt himself shake violently, crouched on the floor beside Kurts chair.
"You are no son of mine," Michael said coldly. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.
Pam slowly rose to her feet, keeping her gaze on the ground. She hesitated and Blaine whispered through his tears, "Mom, please." He was desperate for her to understand.
Shaking her head, she said, "You should leave." Pam followed her husband out of the room without looking at her son..
Blaine trembled from his crouched position on the floor. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he felt a gentle hand grasp his arm and pull him to his feet. He was led blindly to the front door. He barely remembered sitting on the porch steps, before he wrapped his arms around Kurt and cried into his shoulder, clinging tightly to his boyfriend.
"Shh, its okay. Im right here," Kurt rubbed his back gently. "Well find a way to fix this."
Shaking his head, Blaine choked out, "No, theres not. Ive seen how Coopers story ended. There is no way to fix this. Its over."