Regret was now making Kurt feel sick to his stomach. It was in everything he saw, everything he did. There was no way to escape. How could protecting his heart hurt so much?

Thats really all he was doing. He told himself that over and over again. It was better to have Blaine out of the picture. There was too much drama between them, and Kurt simply couldnt hurt over him anymore. It was hard enough telling him to leave him alone the first time. And then Blaine showed up and told him off for outting him to Rachel. Kurt knew it was wrong, and he knew that Blaine had every right to be angry with him, regardless of what Blaine had already done to him.

Seeing those hazel eyes again had broken Kurt into more pieces than he already thought possible. He was so torn between Dylan and Blaine, and the best thing he could do was push Blaine far away. At least this way, things could go back to normal.

But he hated himself for doing it, and he so desperately wanted to see him again.

Shaking his head, Kurt reminded himself than Blaine had lied to him, and he should keep away from Blaine. It was healthier for him to be away from Blaine.

He stopped outside the coffee shop. It was a little after eight that Monday morning, and Kurt glanced through the window. He wasnt expecting Blaine to be there, and part of him was grateful when he didnt spot that curly hair, but it still made his heart skip a beat.

Blaine was upset, no doubt. Finding out about the baby had been so difficult for Kurt, but he couldnt hate Blaine for it. He was caught between Rachel and Kurt, what else could he do? Kurt still hadnt told Dylan about Blaine. Were their situations really so different? Blaine had been right, Kurt was just as guilty of lying as he was.

And now, seeing that Blaine had disappeared from his regular routine was frustrating. Blaine only did that when he was hurting, and Kurt hated knowing that Blaine was hurt.

Two more days passed and Kurt began to worry. This was definitely something Blaine would only do in a bad situation. Maybe he was just giving Kurt his space, but Kurt couldnt handle this much space. The guilt was tearing him apart. 

"Hi, Kurt," Mercedes answered the door later that evening.

"Hey," he stepped through the door and glanced around the apartment. "Is Blaine home?"

Mercedes glanced at Sam on the couch, before she awkwardly said, "um, no. Blaine went home for Christmas."

"What?" Kurt gaped at her.

"He went back to Westerville for Christmas. He said he decided itd be best to be home," she shrugged. "Im sorry, Kurt. I thought maybe you knew, but then again, you two have been fighting, havent you?"

"Oh... yeah," Kurt simply said.

"His flight left Saturday night," Sam informed him.

"Oh," he said again. He took off after his fight with Kurt. He had left New York all together, and now Kurt had no chance of making things right with him before Christmas.

But it was better that way.

Why make things more complicated? He already had pushed Blaine away. Now he could be with his baby and not worry about Kurt anymore. He was probably happier that he wasnt caught in the middle anymore.

"I can tell him you came by," Mercedes told him.

"Uh, no," he said too quickly. He cleared his throat and added, "Um, thats okay. If I really need to get a hold of him, I can call him. Dont even worry about telling him I came by."

"Honey, are you okay? I know you two have been a little..." she made a sour face.

"No, yeah... Yeah, Im great," Kurt nodded. He backed toward the door and said, "Um, I should go."

Are you sure?" Mercedes asked nervously.

"Yes," Kurt nearly tripped over Sams shoes by the front door. "Ill see you later." He turned on his heel and whipped the door open.

He felt so stupid, so terrible for pushing Blaine away, enough to make him fly home for Christmas. He wasnt just avoiding the coffee shop or anything now, he was avoiding everything.

Maybe thats how Blaine wanted it. Maybe it wasnt that he was upset, maybe he was only avoiding Kurt. It wasnt like there was a chance of fixing things now, and maybe thats how it should have been.

"Hey, Savannah," Kurt entered her room sometime later that afternoon.

"Hi, Kurt," she smiled slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I came by to see you," he said, waving to her mother in the corner. "I was sort of wondering if youd like to take a small walk with me."

"Okay," she said, nervously glancing at her mom.

"Please do," she said.

Once Savannah was settled into her wheelchair, Kurt pushed her down the hall and over to the elevator. They went two floors down and Kurt stopped, sitting on a bench in the hall. "Have you ever been down here?"

"No," she shook her head.

"I wanted to ask you about Blaine," Kurt said truthfully. "Has he mentioned anything to you about Rachel or his... family?"

"Oh yes," she smiled, her eyes lighting up. "He told me hes having a baby."

"He told you that?" Kurt asked, watching her intently.

"Yeah, he says hes scared but I told him hed make a good daddy," Savannah said.

Standing up, Kurt pushed her toward the window in the wall and glanced through. Several rows of small infants lay before him. A couple nurses were tending to them, and Kurt watched for a long time.

"Blaine will make a good daddy, wont he?" He said quietly.

"Yeah," Savannah said.

"Hes good with you, isnt he?" Kurt asked.

"The best," she smiled.

Kurt continued to watch the infants, looking at the small, innocent people before him. It was amazing that something so small, so innocent could come between him and Blaine. Not even an infant like the ones before him, because this one was only seventeen weeks in the womb. So helpless.

How could Kurt even imagine coming between Blaine and the baby? How could he come between Blaine and someone that so desperately needed its father?

He was right to push Blaine in that direction. He had to be. Thats why Kurt had come to the nursery, because he had to convince himself it was best for Blaine. All that week he had tried teling himself that, but he still had doubts.

But this was enough proof.

"Youd make a good daddy too. Are you a daddy? " Savannah asked.

"No," Kurt said quietly, shaking his head. "No, of course not." He turned to face Savannah and smiled. "But I think youre right about Blaine."

He soon took Savannah back to her room and left feeling slightly better about his predicament. 

"Whats that smell?" Dylan asked, coming through the apartment door two days later.

"Cookies," Kurt said, just pulling them out of the oven. "You know, cookies for Santa." He set the pan on the counter and moved toward the one waiting to be put in the oven.

"Why do that. Hes not even -"

"Because its been my familys tradition for years. My mom and I always used to bake cookies on Christmas Eve." He slid the pan into the oven and set the oven mitts down on the counter. Turning to his boyfriend, Kurt added,. "My dad and I kept it up for years... Its not the same without him but its not Christmas Eve without it."

"I see," Dylan nodded.

"You can join me if you want," Kurt said hopefully.

"No way," Dylan said flatly. "I hate baking." He made his way toward Kurt and placed his hands on his hips. "I have a tradition of my own I like to keep though."

Whats that?" Kurt asked.

"We each get to open a present the night before. Its been a tradition in my family for as long as i can remember," Dylan took his hand and said, "Come on, yours is too big to fit in the living room. I want to show it to you."

"Now?" Kurt glanced at the oven door. "My cookies still have like eight minutes." 

Dylan sighed, flipping the oven off. "I cant wait to give it to you any longer." He stopped by the door, while Kurt threw on his shoes and coat, bundling against the cold weather.

They caught a cab down to Rockefeller plaza. It was packed full of people rushing to or from somewhere. Shoppers were hurrying along the streets, for an last minute items they could find at this point. Kurt didnt know why they had stopped here, and he was a little uncertain about where Dylan was going with this.

"We manged to get a spot for the ice rink," Dylan informed him.

"Youre taking me ice skating as my Christmas present," Kurt stated. Disappointment flooded through him. This was so typical for Dylan/ He tried having good intentions, but he wasnt very good at giving the right gift or proving he could give more than he had to.

"Well, yes, and no," Dylan said. "Theres a little more to it," he said, "but for now, yes, I want to take you ice skating." Dylan led him over to get skates and Kurt felt even more disappointed. This was really his idea of a gift. Ice skating. 

"Im terrible on skates," Kurt pointed out.

"Ill be there to catch you when you fall," Dylan said.

"I doubt that," Kurt mumbled, putting his skates on. He slowly made his way out on to the rink and steadied himself. Once he had his balance, he began gliding across the rink. He had only been ice skating a handful of times, and he still couldnt fully get the hang of it.

"Hey, stranger," Dylan came up next to him and placed his hand on Kurts waist, gliding with him. "You look good. Keep going. I promise itll be with it."

"Yeah, right," Kurt laughed. He turned to sharply and slid on the ice, losing his balance. Reaching out to stop himself, Kurts wrist buckled beneath him and he fell on to his side. Rolling over, he stared o=up at Dylan and hissed, "Ah, see? I told you I was bad at this."

"Here, give me your hand," Dylan said. Kurt grabbed his hands ad Dylan pulled him back up. "I told you Id be here."

"Im lost. What kind of gift is this anyway?" Kurt asked, after they made their way around a few times. The more times he went around the circle, the more stupid he felt. He couldnt believe Dylan could be so tacky.

"Well, once were done here, I have somewhere else I want to take you," Dylan replied. "If youre done skating, we can move from this portion of your gift to the next part."

"Please," Kurt said flatly, rubbing his cold hands together. He was fuming by now, baffled that Dylan would do this to him. Why couldnt he put a little more thought into gifts? Was it because he had been so angry with Kurt lately?

They took their skates off again and Dylan took Kurts hand. He guided him through the crowds until they reached the base of the large tree in the square. "This one is always my favorite," he said, glancing up at the tree.

"Its nice," Kurt nodded.

"Its nice to know that Ill see it every year. Its something I look forward to. I know it will always be there, just like you knew that id be there to pull you back to your feet when you fell," Dylan nudged him and smiled.

"And you had to take me ice skating, so I could fall on my ass to prove youd be here for me, the way this tree is here for the city every year? Kurt raised a eyebrow at this.

"No," Dylan shook his head. "I was just really nervous about this portion of your gift, and I needed a little time to clear my head, before I brought you here.  But I did want to bring you to this tree, because this tree resembles Christmas as much as you resemble me."

"Okay," Kurt said, glaring at him nervously. Where was he going with this?

"I want you to know that Im always going to be here. Im always going to pick you up when you fall. Im always going to show up when you expect me to, and even when you dont... I saw the disappointment when your eyes landed on the ice rink, and I want you to know that if you ever feel like I wont hold my end of things, I will do my best to turn it around, because I never want to disappoint you."

"I know you do what you can," Kurt said, feeling his chest tighten. He was a little afraid of where this speech was going.

"I love you, Kurt," Dylan said calmly. 

"I love you too," Kurt replied.

"And I want to be here for every Christmas to bring you light and joy, like this tree, " Dylan stepped closer, taking his hand. "I dont want to be a part from you."

"Dylan - " Kurt choked out

Getting down on one knee, Dylan pulled out a box from his coat pocket and Kurt felt his heart stop.. "I want to be here for every Christmas, every birthday, every struggle, and every happy moment. I dont want to miss anything in your life... I want to be with you in everything, and I want to take your hand in marriage... Kurt, Hummel, will you marry me?" he glanced up at him with a bright glow in his eyes.

Kurt couldnt breathe.

The ring in the box. The amount of people that stopped to witness this scene. Dylans loving eyes. He was put in the spotlight and he didnt know what to do.

Thoughts flooded his mind.

Why was Dylan doing this? Why now? Things had been so rocky between them. Especially because of Blaine. Was Dylan doing this to spite Blaine? Was he doing this to claim his territory? How long had he been planning to do this? Was this a last minute decision because of Blaine? Was it something he had been thinking of for a long time? Was this the right step in the direction during their current situation?

And what about Blaine? Was this Kurts chance to push him out of the picture completely/? Its what he told Blaine he wanted. But could he really do that? It didnt matter what he saw at the nursery now, because he had a bigger issue on his hands: Could he really act like he didnt have feelings for Blaine, when he knew that he still did? He knew that the thought of those hazel eyes, those warm, gentle lips seemed so clear in his mind, it seemed so familiar and something he missed, no matter how angry he was with Blaine.

He hadnt even told Dylan about Blaine, and it was all in Dylans head that anything was even happening with Blaine. Maybe he was doing this because he simply loved Kurt more than anything, like he didnt need to claim his territory. Maybe Dylan just wanted Kurt.

But was Kurt wrong to say yes when he had cheated? Did cheating mean he didnt love Dylan fully, the way Dylan loved him? Hadnt his heart fluttered when Blaine said he loved him? How much did Kurt care for Blaine? How much did he honestly care for Dylan when he was still lying to him? How fair was this to Dylan? How fair was it to Blaine?

What was the right choice?

Feeling dizzy, Kurt cleared his throat and stared around at the hopeful faces around him.

Part of him wanted to say yes, because he loved Dylan and he knew that he could comfortably live with Dylan for the rest of his life. Dylan had been the best part of the two years they had been together, and Kurt couldnt imagine life without Dylan.

The other part of him wasnt sure he should say yes, because even if he could push Blaine out of the picture, he hadnt been honest with Dylan, and he didnt know what would happen if he did commit to Dylan. Commitments didnt mean anything when one person awns;t being honest. Thats what had happened to Blaine and Rachel.

But Blaine did have the baby, and that was more than a commitment in a relationship. He couldnt walk away, and Kurt wasnt sure he could ever fully be with Blaine anyway. Why shouldnt be be able to commit to Dylan?

His eyes found Dylan again and for a moment, he thought he might faint. Too many choices, too many feelings, too much uncertainty.He swayed on the spot and Dylan rose to his feet.

Taking his hand, Dylan looked at him with concerned eyes, "Kurt? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, Im fine," Kurt shook his head, clearing his mind.

"Will you marry me?" Dylan asked again.

Kurt glanced into those brown eyes he had so desperately clung to since this mess with Blaine had started, and thats when the answer came to him. He knew what he had to do.

"Kurt?" Dylan whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Kurt gave his answer.